by Pamela Clare
“It’s Ellie, isn’t it?” She’d come into his life, and everything had changed.
“What do you think?”
“I hate it when you do that.” He took a breath, tried not to get pissed off. “I think I’m in love with her, and it scares the shit out of me. So how could I be feeling safe?”
This made Esri smile. “You’re talking about two different things. For you to love her, I would think you trust her.”
“Okay. Sure.”
“Trust can make a person feel safe, especially if they come from a background of abuse, like you do. As for love—that can come with feelings of vulnerability. We’re suddenly in a place where we can be hurt by another person.”
But that’s not what scared Jesse. “I’m not afraid for myself. I don’t want to hurt her—or the kids.”
Esri nodded. “Have you ever hit or shoved or threatened a woman?”
“No.”
“How about a child or an animal?”
“God, no.” He saw where she was going with this. “Some part of me is afraid that I’ll be like my dad, that he’s hiding inside me somewhere, that I’ll settle down with someone I love—and then destroy everything.”
“The fact that you haven’t demonstrated abusive behavior is a good indicator that you won’t head down that path in the future. We can talk about that more at our next session.”
He glanced at the clock, surprised to see that fifty minutes had gone by already.
“Jesse, I’m going to suggest something. Why don’t we schedule a regular, weekly appointment rather than doing this ad hoc crisis-management thing? That way, you’ll know you’re going to see me, and we can focus on treating your PTSD.”
“Okay.”
“Read through these when you get a chance.” She gave him a couple of flyers about PTSD, then made an appointment with him for Wednesday morning.
“I can’t believe you’re still not charging me.”
“Karma.” She turned out her office light. “You save people, remember?”
The next two weeks passed quickly, Ellie busy with the twins, work, and the final details for the first-aid tent. One of her volunteers—a firefighter—came down with mono, so she’d had to replace her. She’d also tracked down phone numbers—the names and numbers of the staff members in charge of delivering the supplies, as well as the contact information for the person with the Town of Scarlet who oversaw hooking up the tent with electricity. She didn’t want to get stuck at seven in the morning in the freezing cold with a problem she couldn’t solve and no idea whom to contact.
But although her days were busy, she couldn’t stop worrying about Jesse. He seemed to be okay. He wasn’t drinking as far as she could tell—and she had a pretty good nose for that sort of thing. He came over almost every evening, sometimes early enough to play with the kids before bedtime. One night, he’d brought his lasagna, which had been every bit as delicious as he’d said it would be.
Their sex life had gotten even better—if such a thing were possible. He knew how to make her scream, how to make her come fast and hard, or how to draw it out until she thought the pleasure would kill her. But he never slept with her. When it was over, he would hold her for a while, then kiss her goodbye, and leave her to sleep alone. There was a barrier between them now, and Ellie couldn’t seem to breach it.
I don’t think we should make this relationship out to be more than it is.
He’d said it that terrible night when he’d had the flashback. For whatever reason, he still seemed to believe that keeping his distance was better for her. She hadn’t brought it up—not yet. She wanted to give him time, give him a chance to sort through all of this himself. He was seeing Esri, which was good.
Still, she couldn’t let this go on forever. She loved him. Somehow, she’d fallen in love with Jesse Moretti, and there was nothing he could do about that.
The Friday morning of SnowFest, Ellie got up at five just like she would on any regular work day. She showered and dressed in layers—polypro long underwear and turtleneck under her blue scrub pants and snowflake scrub shirt. Then she bundled the kids up and dropped them off at her parents’ house and drove the short distance to the SnowFest grounds.
The sun hadn’t yet risen, but Ellie could see that Scarlet Springs had been transformed. First and Second streets were lined with booths and stalls. Merchants, artists, and restaurateurs from Scarlet Springs, Boulder, and the surrounding mountain towns bustled about, getting ready to sell their wares to the thousands of people who flocked to Scarlet for the festival. Stalls and tents adorned with white fairy lights stretched all the way to the reservoir, electric lanterns that looked like old-fashioned miners’ lights hanging above the walkways. Crews had plowed the snow away and laid wooden walkways to keep people dry and minimize the mud. Trucks stood on the periphery of the event like circled wagons, people pushing dollies up and down their ramps, working in the darkness and frigid cold to be ready for the public by eight.
Ellie parked and walked through the cold in search of the first-aid tent. Thank goodness she’d dressed warmly because it was freaking cold. She found the tent standing close to the reservoir where the polar bear plunge would take place. That made sense, given that some of her first patients would inevitably come from that event. The fire department had already cut a hole in the ice, marking it with tape and orange cones so that no one would fall in.
Larger than the other tents, the first-aid tent was made of heavy, insulated green fabric, a white cross on both sides, a banner running across the top that said “FIRST AID” in big white letters. Ellie opened the flap to find the tent cold and dark. A row of light bulbs hung from the ceiling. She reached up and tugged on a pull chain, and light filled the space. She might not have heat yet, but at least she could see.
There were two rooms—the larger front room and a smaller back room that would serve as the warm-up room. The supplies that Megs and the other Team members had helped her inventory sat on their pallets still wrapped in plastic. The oxygen equipment, blankets, and AEDs were there, too, along with cots, two folding tables, and an aluminum shelving unit.
She was supposed to have all of this set up in an hour and a half.
The only way to get it done was to start, so Ellie got busy and was soon joined by Lolly, who had brought her a latte. “Oh, God, you are an angel.”
Lolly fluttered her lashes. “I know.”
Gus, one of the hospital’s pharmacists, showed up ten minutes later. “Sorry. I slept through my alarm.”
They worked together in the cold to set up tables and the shelving unit, where most of the supplies would go. Then they set up two cots, covering the canvas with cotton sheets and placing folded blankets at the bottom. The back room—the warm-up room—was smaller. They managed to fit the oxygen equipment, IV poles and two cots back there, too, as well as the blanket warmer. They were unpacking supplies when a woman walked in wearing a hard hat, a tool belt around her waist.
“I’m with the Town of Scarlet. I’m here to make sure all your equipment is hooked up to electricity and running.”
Ellie, Lolly, and Gus waited outside while the woman went to work, taping electrical cords out of the way and running them beneath the wood floor out the back. In ten minutes everything was operational, from the infrared space heaters that sat in the corners to the blanket warmer in the back.
Ellie bent over one of the space heaters to warm her hands. “Ahhh.”
Now it was just a matter of getting all the supplies on the pallets opened and set out in a functional way. They were almost done when they got their first patient.
“You got a minute?” A man in a hardhat stood near the entrance holding his hand in a blood-soaked handkerchief. “I ran a drill bit through my own damned hand.”
Chapter 21
Jesse got off early to take his volunteer shift at the first-aid tent. He dropped by his cabin and grabbed a quick bite to eat then drove into town. Scarlet Springs had doubled in population, SUVs
and pickup trucks parked every which way along the roads, every parking lot downtown full.
He ditched his vehicle and made his way toward the first-aid tent in the center, the wooden walkways crowded with people who shopped and ate and listened to music despite the cold temperatures. He knew from the schedule that Ellie had worked seven to three-thirty p.m. today. He wished their shifts had overlapped. Even though they’d be working, it would have been nice to spend some time with her. Maybe he could stop by her place tonight and …
She stood just outside the tent, bundled in a parka and scarf and sipping something hot from a paper cup, steam rising into the air from between her hands. She smiled and waved when she saw him, then walked back inside.
He stepped into the tent and was surprised by how warm it was—and how complete and well organized. “Wow. It’s like a mini-ER.”
She sat on a metal counter stool, still sipping her drink. “It’s warm enough to take off your parka—most of the time. When we get a lot of traffic, the heat escapes. They’ve got coffee and hot cocoa across the way if you need something warm.”
“Thanks. How about water?” He’d had enough caffeine today to kill an elephant.
She pointed to the bottom shelf. “There.”
He grabbed a bottle, ripped off the cap, and drank. “How has the day gone?”
He knew she was troubled by the fact that he wouldn’t stay with her at night, but how could he explain it? He needed to know that he was right in the head, that he was worthy of her, that he wouldn’t hurt her or the kids, before he let this relationship get any more serious. Not that it wasn’t already serious…
The horses are out of the barn on that one.
“It started bright and early with one of the workmen running a drill bit through the pad of his thumb. We’ve had four cases of hypothermia—three from the polar bear plunge. A woman tripped over one of the wooden walkways and twisted her ankle. We transported a man who was having shortness of breath. All in all, a pretty quiet day.”
Jesse found another stool and sat. “I thought you were off at three thirty.”
“I knew you were on this evening, so I traded shifts with someone else. I took a break in the middle of the day, spent some time with my mom and the kids. That’s the kind of thing you get to do when you’re in charge.”
So, she had wanted to see him. “I like the way you think.”
Her gaze narrowed. “Are you growing a beard?”
So, she’d noticed. Damn.
He lied. “I just haven’t had time to shave.”
Bear stepped into the tent, and Jesse could see he was unwell. “Jesse Moretti of the Team. Ellie Rouse Meeks.”
How he knew their names, Jesse didn’t know, but Hawke had told him once that Bear remembered the name of every person he’d ever met or heard about.
“Hey, big guy. Why don’t you come over here and sit down?”
Wearing his bearskin coat, Bear walked to one of the cots and sat. He took a furry mitten off his left hand to reveal large gash that was badly infected. When he finally spoke, his words and manner of speaking were like that of a child. “I hit myself with my ax. Stupid, stupid, stupid.”
Jesse patted him on the shoulder. “Accidents happen. Let’s see what we can do to help you feel better. How long ago did this happen?”
“Seven days,” Bear answered. “Stupid.”
Jesse met Ellie’s gaze, both of them thinking the same thing. It was too late for a tetanus shot.
With Ellie’s help, Jesse coaxed him out of his coat and the buckskin beneath it so they could take his vitals.
“You’ve got a fever, Bear,” Ellie told him. “That means your body is fighting hard to stop this infection. We need to clean your wound and stitch it. I think you’re going to need intravenous antibiotics, too. Do you know what that means?”
Bear shook his head.
Jesse got out an IV kit and showed him, explaining what everything was for. “We can’t give you the stitches or the antibiotics you need here, but we can get the IV going and get you to the hospital.”
Bear’s eyes went wide with fear. “The hospital?”
Ellie rested a hand on his shoulder. “We care for everyone there. That is our job. ‘For I will restore health to you, and your wounds I will heal, declares the Lord.’”
This seemed to make the big guy relax.
Jesse called for the ambulance, leaving the IV to Ellie, who had more experience than he did and would probably cause Bear less pain. But when the two EMTs walked in with the gurney, the fear returned to Bear’s face.
Ellie took his hand. “Do you know Lolly?”
“Lolly Cortez,” Bear answered.
“Yes. She’s there at the hospital. I called her to tell her what has happened, and she’s going to take good care of you.”
Bear got up onto the gurney, hugging his big bearskin coat against him, clearly going on faith that this trip into the unknown wasn’t going to harm him. “Thank you.”
“You’ll be feeling much better soon. I promise.”
Jesse waited until Bear had gone. “Damn, you’re good. I didn’t know you were religious.”
“I’m not, but Bear is.”
A man with blisters and an ice climber with hypothermia rounded out the next hour. And then it was time for Ellie’s shift to end, one of the fire department’s paramedics taking over for her.
“Are you coming over tonight?”
He wanted to draw her against him, to answer the question with a kiss, but they had an audience. “I’ll see you around nine.”
And he was bringing trouble.
Ellie heard the back door open and finished shimmying into the lavender silk chemise she’d bought to surprise him. She walked out of her bedroom, excited to see his response, and froze.
He stood in the living room in a pair of heavy black work boots, faded, tattered jeans, and a black leather jacket, his chest bare, his jaw dark with stubble. His gaze moved over her, his expression inscrutable.
Oh, God.
He was acting out one of her fantasies.
She was wet in a heartbeat.
He took a slow step toward her—and she ran.
Back down the hall toward her bedroom she ran, his heavy footfalls right behind her, adding excitement to his pursuit. She tried to shut the door, but the toe of his boot stopped her.
“Oh, no, you don’t. You’re not getting away from me.” He shoved the door open, then shut it behind him—and locked it. “There’s nowhere left to run, babe.”
A shiver ran down her spine.
She backed away from him, no idea what he had planned, but so turned on by this little game that she would have said yes to almost anything. “Don’t hurt me.”
He reached out, caught her wrist. “Don’t fight me.”
He dragged her against him, caught her jaw with one big hand, and bent his mouth to hers, claiming her with a brutal, crushing, delicious kiss.
She struggled to get away—but not really. Her lips yielded to his onslaught, her mouth opening readily, her body turning to liquid, especially between her thighs. But she couldn’t give in so easily. She wriggled, twisted, tried to pull away.
He broke the kiss, crushed her tighter against him then forced a hand between her thighs, delving into her wetness. “Oh, yeah. No reason to waste time, not when your pussy is ready for me.”
Her heart gave a hard knock, lust making her inner muscles clench around his finger, betraying her desire.
His lips curved in a dark grin, and he slid a hand into her hair, fisting it just enough to take control. “Unzip my fly. I want you to see what you’re getting.”
“No! I won’t help you.” She had to fight not to laugh.
He grasped one of her hands, pressed it against his jeans on top of his erection. “I’m going to bury every inch of my cock inside you and fuck you until you scream. Now, unzip my fly—unless you want my seed inside you.”
Her knees almost gave out.
She did
what he’d told her to do. Meanwhile, he reached into his pocket, pulled out a condom, then tore the packet open with his teeth and handed it to her.
“Stroke me first. Yeah, just like that. Now with your mouth.” Fist still in her hair, he forced her to her knees, a hiss of breath escaping him as she gave him what he wanted. “Look at me.”
She looked up the length of his muscular torso to the fierce expression on his face, her tongue circling the head of his cock, her heart almost bursting with desire for him.
“Now put the condom on.”
When she had finished, he drew her to her feet, released her hair, and grasped both buttocks, lifting her off her feet and wrapping her legs around him. Then he turned her against the wall, his gaze meeting hers as he buried himself inside her.
They moaned in unison.
His cock felt so freaking good inside her, the hard length of him filling her, stretching her, driving deep. Her arms went around him, all pretext gone, her fingers digging into the leather of his jacket, her legs tightening around his waist. She wanted him. God, she wanted him just … like … this.
His hips were a piston, driving his cock in and out of her now, each thrust making her cry out, bringing her closer to the edge.
“Come, babe. Now.”
Climax washed through, a scorching wave of bliss. He prolonged her pleasure with deep thrusts and then joined her, burying his face against her throat, moaning her name as he came.
Breathless, her eyes closed, she held onto him, blown away by what he’d just done for her. When she opened her eyes, he was watching her, the gentleness in his gaze making her heart melt. Still inside her, he carried her to the bed, where he held her as if she were the most precious thing in his world.
Jesse got off work early again and headed down to SnowFest for his two-hour shift. Ellie had changed her shift again and was there when he arrived. She was in the warm-up room starting an IV on a white-haired older woman, the soothing tone of her voice carrying through the tent.
