He stands too and leads the way, head ducked and hands in leather jacket pockets. He stops in front of his motorcycle and looks at me with an eyebrow cocked.
I laugh. “Oh my God, no fucking way! Nevermind.” I shake my head and laugh, nervous.
I cover my cheeks with my hands.
I am wearing the shortest skirt I own and only fishnets underneath. I’m wearing knee-high boots and I’ll have to wrap my body around him.
Plus it’s scary.
I want to though.
Oh God he kissed me.
He hands me his spare helmet, trying to hide his gorgeous smile. “I won’t kill you.”
Oh, if only he knew that was only the second thing on the list of reasons why not. “No.”
He has confidence and trouble in his eyes. “It’ll be fun. The best you’ve ever had.” He cocks an eyebrow again. “You’ll like it.”
I groan. “Ah, fuck,” I whine and take the helmet.
I fix my hair and put it on. This is the worst.
He fixes my chin strap. He takes his leather jacket off and helps me into it, zipping it for me.
He looks me over, satisfied.
I give him a dirty look and put the cigarette out on the side of my boot, putting it in my pocket for later.
He helps me on and gets on himself, putting my feet in the right places. He looks at me over his shoulder, putting his helmet on. “Ready?”
“Oh God.” Oh God.
He laughs and pulls my arms around him. “When I move you move, okay?”
“I know. I’ve done this before but I was nine and much smaller and a lot more bouncy.”
He laughs again and kick-starts. The last time I was on a motorcycle was with my dad. I was terrified then too but I was with my daddy and I knew nothing bad would happen.
He stops at a light and gives my arms a reassuring touch, sending lightning bolts through me.
His hand finds its way to my thigh. He’s never touched me like this before.
My thighs tighten on his hips until the light turns green and he has to take his hand away.
I don’t want this night to end.
And I don’t want it to end in front of the house I hate and wish would die.
At the stoplight I tap him to get his attention. He turns his head to me, his eyes dark pools of possibility. “Let’s go someplace else!” I yell over the road noise. “I don’t want to go home!”
“Where do you want to go?”
“Away!” I yell.
He gives me the most charming smile before looking back at the road. “Okay.”
I can’t believe he kissed me! And the way he asked me. What a dork! He put his hand on my thigh. Oh my God. I’m so giddy, I’m grinning. I close my eyes and let my body move with his and the wind, pushing and pulling.
Oh why, oh why does my best friend have to have such a gorgeous twin brother? Why couldn’t he be a girl? Then this would never happen because I like boys. A lot.
We get food and coffee and come to the woods next to and behind his house. We used to play in the woods all the time when we were younger. I follow him out here to bug him and watch him skip rocks in the creek. This is where all my fantasies starring him take place.
It’s pretty black out here. The stream is babbling a distance away but I can’t see a thing.
He turns his headlight back on and starts gathering firewood and kindling. He comes back with an armful and starts building a mini teepee of wood. He puts the kindling and balls of paper bag underneath. He looks at me standing like an idiot. “Can I borrow your lighter, Smoky Joe?”
I nod, stupid, and sit on the ground. I put the coffee and food down to dig through my purse for my lighter. I pull out everything from a tennis ball to tampons to a sewing kit.
I don’t even know the last time I used tampons. I’m on the shot so I hardly ever need them.
I toss him the lighter and watch him light the kindling and nurture the fire until it begins eating the teepee. He goes and brings back two more armfuls of already chopped wood.
“Need help?” I ask.
“Sure.”
I follow him to a huge bin of firewood and load up. I dispense food while he builds the fire.
He sits beside me, taking his coffee. “Tennis ball?”
What is happening? Oh my God. “You never know.”
We sit and eat, watching the fire. It warms my cheeks pink. I sigh, holding my coffee between my fingers. “I can’t believe it’s already going to be fall. Dexter’s in fifth grade. I can’t believe it.”
He’s known Dexter since he was a baby too.
Oh my God. Ares kissed me. I am so happy my insides are coated in glitter and confetti. But I’m also on the edge of tears because it doesn’t change anything. I can’t have him. He’s not mine. “Persephone’s been so obsessed with Jimmy. Maybe I’m jealous. She’s so happy in her oblivion and I am not.” I hate that I’m unloading on him. I hate how it makes me look. I hate that I admitted I was jealous. “Thanks for not taking me home.”
“I come out here all the time. That’s why I have all that wood cut.” He takes another drink of his coffee.
We watch the fire. It sucks I’ll have to leave this beautiful night to go home. “How late can we stay out here?”
He looks into my eyes. “We don’t ever have to leave.”
“Thank you. Is it safe?”
“I have a tent and a sleeping bag hidden in the woods?” he offers.
Of course he does. “Really?”
“You never know, right?”
I laugh at him. “You’re amazing.” I turn towards him. I touch his chest. His heart races under my fingertips.
Instead of playing—flirting a little, teasing him—I grip his t-shirt and pull him close. All I want is for him to be mine. Even if it’s just for right now, just for tonight. I kiss his lips while his warm hands find and hold mine. I fight away from his seeking mouth to kiss his chin and his jaw, pressing my lips to his hot pulse. I close my eyes tight.
His breath is quick like mine.
This is happening.
I move my lips back to his, pulling him to me.
“Wait…” he breathes, holding my face now. “Wait…” He’s looking at me like he doesn’t know why he’s saying it but he has to.
The hurt of rejection rises in me. I bite my lip to keep it together but the tears come anyway.
He brushes them away and lays me down, his hands finding their way over my body. He frowns and searches my eyes. “I didn’t say stop,” he whispers and moves to lie over me, letting his weight sink into me, his whole body trembling. He kisses me, deep and deliberate.
I run my hands up his long, lean-muscled back to his shoulders as his hips press me. His body is tight and sweaty under my hands. I rest my thigh against him. He’s just another boy and I open myself to him, burning with want. He moves his mouth to my throat and my toes curl in my boots. My fingers tangle through our clothes on their way to the waistband of his skinny black jeans. His stomach pulls in, reacting to my touch and I want to throw up from all the deep, dark longing.
He’s not just another boy.
“What’s going to happen?” I ask.
He smiles at me out of the side of his mouth. He moves a strand of my hair off my face, looking at it for a second, and now back to me. “I don’t know. But I know what I want to happen.”
I know what I want to happen too.
He presses his lips to my forehead and now my lips.
I guess he gets it.
His fingers are electricity as they move up and down my body under my black shirt. He’s shaking and there’s urgency in his touch and my heart swells. I’ve seen him a lot of ways but never so sweet and tender.
His lips move to my throat again and I can orgasm from it. He pushes my shirt up and pulls away, taking in my lacy black bra and my heaving chest. He makes a noise like a quiet moan before he mouths the fleshy tops of my breasts.
I’m dying of want, vibrating wit
h it.
He pulls at the lace and mms as his lips run over my nipples. I pull at his soft hair. “Oh God, Ares, take off your shirt.” I’ve never had to tell anyone to hurry. It hurts to want it so bad. “Take off your pants!” I cry.
He gets on his knees and pulls his shirt off lightning fast. He goes back to my flesh with his mouth, sucking and licking and flicking like he doesn’t ever want to stop.
“Ares! You’re going to make me pee myself!”
He breaks away and gets on his knees again. He doesn’t know what to do with himself, so I kiss him and push him back so I can take off my boots and wiggle out of my fishnets. He’s on pause, watching me. I pull my bra off from under my shirt and push him onto the soft, moist earth. I undo his pants and jerk them off.
Oh my God. This is Ares.
He puts his hands on my face and pulls me, sitting up to reach me. “Nikki, I want you too.” He pulls my hips and nuzzles me.
I want it but not like this. “That’s enough.” I push him back and settle over him, guiding him inside of me. I close my eyes, letting my body get used to him.
“Nikki,” he groans.
I want this to continue being the best sex of my life but when I open my eyes to look at him I see he’s barely holding on. “Hang on, sweetface.” I hold one of his hands to my breast and start making myself feel good. His hands run over my breasts, touching me in circles. I’m there already. I let my head fall back as he takes my body in his arms and grabs at me--which would normally mess me up and I’d be pissed, but it doesn’t. It gets better. He pushes into me hard and I come and cry out into the wide open nature. He lets himself go and growls as he digs in and holds me tight when he’s done.
I’m so exhausted and it was so good, I’m falling asleep before I even catch my breath.
✽✽✽
I open my eyes, not knowing I fell asleep. He’s rubbing my cold arm and I’m snuggled against his naked body. I smile and stretch, and now curl, sleepy and cold. “Hey.”
“Tent and sleeping bag time?” he asks. His voice is deep and sleepy.
“Yes. I’m freezing.” My teeth chatter.
He rubs me some more and pulls away.
I roll over to my bag and pull my phone out to look at the time while he pulls his undies and pants on to walk away into the woods.
It’s two.
Persephone texted to tell me she was with Jimmy but told her mom she was with me and again to make sure I wouldn’t rat her out.
Sigh.
I put it back and hug my knees as he comes back and I watch him put the little tent up. He opens the flap and beckons.
I smile and shake my head. “I have to pee.”
He laughs. “You should go.”
I stand and straighten my clothes and go into the woods.
Peeing in the woods sucks.
I clean as best I can and walk back. “Hey, if I jump in the river, will you warm me up after?” I ask him.
“Yes. All night.” He looks up at me.
I take my clothes off and wade into the stream. It’s freezing cold and my skin burns from it. I wash my makeup off, and everything else, and run out shaking.
I stand by the fire, shivering. Skirt or tights? I am not prepared for a night in the woods.
“Would you like my undies?” He looks at me, amused.
“God yes.” I shiver, hugging myself. “Gimme those panties.”
He strips and gives them to me while I look him up and down, biting my lip. He covers himself with his hand and turns away to put his pants and shirt on.
He looks a little iffy.
“Are you okay?” I frown at him, putting his boxers on and my shirt as he turns back around and comes over. He takes my hand, turning my palm to kiss. I grin at him. “Are you going to warm me up now or what?” My teeth are chattering so hard.
He pulls me into the tent and into the sleeping bag, zipping it all the way around us, pulling me close.
Chapter Twelve
Ares
I stretch out and pop all over.
I’m alone.
I jump up and burst out of the tent, terrified it was a dream or she left me.
The sun hasn’t risen yet and the sky is a dark ice blue. She’s sitting by the bank of the stream, dressed and looking a million miles away. I let out a breath and sit next to her. I pick out some flat skipping rocks.
Why is she sitting out here by herself, unsmiling and looking out at nothing? Is she having regrets? Does she hate me now? God, I hope not because I want it again. Right now, tomorrow, forever. I want to touch her but she has herself all closed off. Images of her great legs and thighs and her perfect, soft belly are running through my head. Her hands on me, and her mouth. What if she never wants it again?
I skip some rocks.
She’s throwing me comfy vibes.
I can deal with content but not regretful. Content is good. At least it’s not bad or weird.
She grabs her bag and pulls out a mirror. She cleans makeup smudges from under her eyes.
I frown at her. “What are you doing?”
She looks at me, caught. “Trying to make myself presentable?”
“Really? We’re in the woods. There’s no one around.”
“You’re around.”
What does that mean? Is that good or bad?
She smiles at me. “Why don’t you smile more?”
I toss a pebble. “It opens the line of communication and people try to talk to me. And during the whole divorce/remarriage thing, Persephone was always mad and screaming, and my mom was always sad and crying, so I got used to it.” I turn to face her and we look at each other.
“Oh God.” She covers her face with her hands. “Shit.”
“I’m sorry. I thought it was good.” I plunk more rocks, my soul sinking in despair at her reaction.
“It was good. So good.” She sighs. “Too good cuz I want more. But now what? You’re Persephone’s brother. You’re your mother’s son and I’m me.” She shakes her head.
All truth. “What are you afraid of?”
“Waking up in the morning and realizing I’ll have to see you again. Wanting to see you again, but having sick anxiety never knowing what you’re thinking. I don’t know if this is just a thing or something else. And there’s no way it could work because your sister and mother would scratch my face off if they knew this happened.” She looks at me, tortured. “Do you understand?”
I do understand. “Yes.”
“Do you know how long I’ve been fantasizing about this very thing happening?”
“Sex in the woods? With me?” That’s awesome.
“Yes. No. Maybe somewhere with indoor plumbing.”
I am in the happiest cloud right now. Wow. “You think about me?”
“Well, don’t get a big head.” She rolls her eyes and looks away.
“No, I just never knew. I thought I … I never knew you thought of me like that. I thought you liked to mess with me. I’ve been trying to fight being in love with you since the day I met you. When you used to wear those ugly pink boots every single day.” I shake my head. “You drive me crazy.”
She laughs.
We look at each other again.
She shakes her head. “This will never work. I know as soon as you become real you’ll make me want to puke.”
“Don’t you think it’s too late now anyway?”
She looks a million miles away again. “You’re right.”
“Do you feel like puking?”
“No. I feel a lot of things and puking is not one of them. Not right now anyway.”
I pull her close and kiss her deeply. Her mouth is amazing. My hand roams over her body while she kisses me back. I touch the tip of her breast through her shirt, rolling it between my fingers.
“Let’s go back to the tent,” she whispers.
“That’s what that button does?” I grin and pull her with me.
“Shut up.” She grins back and lets me push her into the tent.
✽✽✽
My phone is ringing. I reach for it with my eyes closed. “Hello?”
“Hey, son, where are you?”
My mother.
I sit and pull my discarded t-shirt into my lap. Nikki is naked and lying on her stomach, her head lying on her arms, looking at me with the most beautiful smile. She’s art right now. “Working on a piece.” I reach for my backpack and pull out my sketchbook and pencil, starting the sketch.
“Okay. Marc and I are running errands. Be back for dinner.”
“Yeah. I’ll be back by then.”
“Okay. Love you.”
“Okay, I gotta go. Bye.” I drop my phone from my shoulder and end the call. I smile at Nikki. “Hi.”
She smiles back, crossing her ankles. “Hi.”
“You should never wear clothes,” I tell her, sketching her curvy lines.
“You too.” She closes her eyes, content smile on her juicy lips.
I make a quick sketch. “Can we do it again?” I put my stuff down and lie beside her, holding my head in my hand so I can look at her and her body. I slide my hand up her thigh and over the slope of her butt. I love lying next to her like this. I don’t want to stop because we’re scared of where or when it will end.
“What if we get in over our heads with lies and it starts to hurt? We both know Persephone is going to hate this. I don’t want to have to choose between sex and friendship.”
“We both know you would choose friendship over sex. But if it was more than sex you would never have to choose.” I’ve been thinking about this.
She doesn’t look so sure. “So you’re saying we should keep it clean and quiet, be together when we want and see where it goes? And if it gets too hot we get out?”
“Yes, unless the heat is where we both want to be.” I smile. “I’ve applied for an artists’ grant and I’m in a pool of prospects. I should be hearing from them soon. If I get it I’m leaving for New York in January.”
Sadness seeps back into her eyes as she mulls it over. “For good?”
“I don’t know yet. It’s an opportunity of a lifetime.”
“Crazy.”
“Yeah. I know. So if I’m leaving we’ll have to keep it light and see where it goes anyway.”
Chasing Stars Page 5
