“But I have never loved anything in the world as much as I love you and your sister, and without being married to her you wouldn’t exist. You don’t know how much I wish I could go back in time and cut off my hands so I could never hurt you. Every day of my life. I know I took your voice away and I made that anger you have. I made you hate me and you have every reason to. I want you to forgive me but I don’t deserve it.” He looks into his coffee cup.
“Why me? Why not Persephone? You treated her like she was a fucking gift from God.”
“Because you look like me,” he says softly, “and I hated me.”
I look at him and I know it’s truth and I feel so thankful for his honesty. I look at Marc. “Why did you let her be the way she was? Knowing he would take it out on me?”
“I didn’t. As soon as I understood what was going on I told her to leave with me but she was afraid. She was young herself and couldn’t think about life without her parents. I was fifteen when she got pregnant. So I left, thinking if I was gone everything would be okay. But it killed me.”
“Why would you let her cheat on her husband with you?” I ask Marc, frowning. Cheating is the worst thing I can think of.
“I knew it wasn’t right, but like your dad, it made me feel better and I only felt guilty afterwards, never before.” He twists his mouth in thought. “And more than anything in the world I wanted you and I stopped at nothing to get you. It mattered only a little when I saw you the first time you came from that guy. It broke my heart but I came back for you.”
I take a deep breath. “I have been so angry.” My hands grip my shirt where my heart is. “I have been so mad at you. All those years that I was with you, you were a horrible person. I hated you. You were mean. You hurt my mom. You hurt me. And as soon as I was gone you changed your ways and made yourself a better person. I have seen how people look at you, like you’re a leader. They love you. And I am so mad that I can never look at you like that. And I can’t even have Marc because he was there. Because I have this shame that he knows that my own father hurt me. Do you see?”
Tears stand in his eyes. “Yes. I see.”
“But if I keep holding onto this anger, then I will keep missing out on the person that everyone else gets to have. And I’ll keep missing out on letting Marc be a part of my life. We’ve all missed out on a lot letting this whole thing fuck with our heads.”
He nods in agreement. He rubs his eyes and his face and sits forward with his elbows on his knees.
“So I forgive you.” I look at his face and take a deep breath, a weight off my chest.
He nods and rubs his face again. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I’m thankful for it.”
I remember the babies like a jolt. I squeeze the coffee cup in my hands.
“You have something else on your mind,” Wesley says, watching me.
I nod. “I do.”
“Do you have a ring?” Marc asks.
“I do. But I’ve already taken her as my wife. When I was home last time.” I breathe deeply, lightheaded and giddy from everything. They’re looking at me and I get another wave of panic. I’m a father. “Dad, you and Marc are grandfathers.”
Wes sits forward at attention. “That’s not possible. Look at me. I’m young and hot.” He scowls, incredulous.
Oh my God.
I tell them the whole story and sit and wait for a response.
“That pretty girl who’s always hangin’ around?” Wesley asks Marc who nods.
“You better stop thinking she’s pretty.” I glare at him.
He shrugs. “Don’t worry. I don’t want anything you’ve been in. Trust me. I have my own tail.” He grins. He sits back, looking at me. “You seem calm. When I found out I was having twins I felt like my brain melted.”
“I don’t think it’s sunk in yet. I get this feeling every once in a while like I’m going to hyperventilate, or like I’m going down the first hill of a roller coaster.” I tell him.
“How did this happen?” he asks.
“I guess the normal way. Human error?” I shrug my shoulders.
“I saw her a few days ago. I still don’t get it.” Marc is shaking his head. “She was wearing warm clothes, but I’ve seen her in her go-go clothes too.”
Wes smirks. “Me too. But she did get hippy.” He moves his hands in a wave to signify her curvy body.
“Shut your mouth.” I glare at him.
He puts his hands up in surrender.
I look between them. “She’s been dancing the whole time. I didn’t know.” I take a breath. “I was with her a couple months ago. Without her go-go clothes. But the babies are only about three pounds each.”
Wes sits, rubbing his face.
“How is she doing? Is she okay?” Marc asks.
“Yeah. She’s good. She’s been feeding them. It’s like over the last twelve hours everything has changed and it’s beautiful. I never knew milk could be so sexy but it is. She’s exhausted, worried about the babies and what everyone will think about the whole thing.”
“You need to take care of her,” Marc warns me.
“I know.” I put my hands over my face, elbows on knees. I’m not as scared as I thought I would be because I have a good plan. I just wish the waves of giddiness would go away.
“Your mother is going to have a cow.”
“That’s what I was thinking. She’s going to flip.” Wesley is looking at us, shaking his head.
They must think I’m dumb. “I know.”
“Shouldn’t you be there with her?” Wes frowns at me.
“Yeah, but I don’t know what I need to do with the tribe. I never even thought about it.” I’m overwhelmed with all the things I don’t know.
He nods. “It’s okay. We can help you. I’m sure we can figure it out between us and your grandparents and the council, even if we have to do ceremonies at the hospital. But you should be with them.”
I nod, grateful. “As soon as you guys are ready we can go and pick up Dexter. I know Nikki will want him to be there. You can see them through a little window. And tell Nikki she’s okay and you love her. Not you,” I point to Wes. “You don’t need to touch her or say anything.”
He grins like a wolf.
“I had to get this straight so I can be a good dad. I don’t want to be like you,” I tell him. “Sometimes I’m such an asshole it scares the hell out of me I’m going to wake up and be you.”
He looks at me with sincerity. “You won’t. You had a much better father than I had. You may look like me but you’re you, completely you. Your parents raised you right. You’re going to be a wonderful father and a great husband.”
Marc nods. “You’re a good kid, Ares. And she’s a good girl.”
“I know. I love her. I was going to ask her to marry me but now I don’t want everyone to think it’s because she had my babies.” I look at my phone. “I missed a feeding time.”
“Look at this guy. Did you ever think you’d hear him talking about feeding times?” Wesley shakes his head, standing.
“No. I didn’t think I’d ever hear him say anything.”
“How did Persephone take the news?” Wesley asks as we all walk out to his big ass truck, not the little one he let Persephone drive.
I get in the backseat. “She’s the one who told me to get on the next flight out.” I tell them the whole story as I was told.
“I didn’t ask questions because she had that look on her face. She said she was staying at your girl’s house,” Wes says, driving fast.
Marc turns to Wes. “How’s she doing, by the way? It’s too quiet without her.”
“She had a rough time in the beginning but I let her recoup and get better.”
“And she’s been good?”
“Yeah. I let her do whatever she wants and she keeps coming back. She’s usually in by ten and she’s up by eight. I have a friend who owns a bakery so I’m trying to get her interested in getting a job there so I can get free cupcakes and an excuse to ha
ng around.”
“You’re going to get fat getting with a baker.” Marc smiles.
“Totally worth it. Her ass is amazing.”
“What happened to the other one? What was her name? Christine or something?”
“She wanted kids and I have had enough kids for a lifetime.” He gestures towards Ares.
“We are way too young for this.” Marc shakes his head.
“Wait until you see them. You’ll fall in love with them.” I tuck myself into the corner, closing my eyes.
I can’t wait until the goodnight feeding and tucking her in to bed and making sure she sleeps well. No bad dreams.
Chapter Sixty-five
Ares
“Eetsa, Nikki’s in the hospital. She’s okay and I’m taking you to see her.”
She looks between me and Marc, totally confused. “What’s going on? You guys are freaking me out. When did the talking start?”
“I want you to know I’m in love with her and she’s the person I’ve been seeing for the last ten months.” I’m staying out of slapping distance. “I’ve been with Nikki.”
She stares at me. She glares daggers at me. “You’ve been sleeping with Nikki? You were the DNA?”
Oh my God. I’m going to die. “Yes.”
She looks at me like she wants to hit me. “You did this the wrong way. You should have come to us and told us. I would have liked to talk to you and warn you about things. She’s been through so much. She’s been raped, Ares.” She shakes her head, frowning hard. “When did this start?”
“The end of summer.”
“When she fainted? Because we were talking about the girl you were with and it was her? At the hospital when her mother died and you hugged her like a man and she took your tears?”
I close my eyes, quickly reliving the moment. “Yes.”
“You should have made it a celebration not some secret badness. You’ve missed out on many blessings and the counsel of your elders. What kind of arrogant asshole are you to think you’re above counsel?”
“I don’t know, eetsa. I wanted her to myself.” I can’t think of a better explanation.
“Are you going to marry her?” She glares at me.
“Yes, if she’ll have me. I love her,” I assure her. “Don’t be mad I’m in love with her.”
She shakes her head, disappointed. “I’m not mad you’re in love with her. I’m mad at how you’ve handled the situation, both of you. I have loved her like a potential daughter-in-law from the beginning. Ares, you’re the reason I couldn’t just keep her like Dexter! I have had to love her a certain way knowing you love her. I couldn’t have you and her together at fifteen messing around and making mistakes and ruining your lives! Then you trick me into thinking you’re in love with someone else and I had to be heartbroken? I have loved her like my child and you’ve taken advantage of my house?”
I never realized she ever thought about the potential of me and Nikki. It would have helped to know. “I have taken advantage. She’s been very respectful. She thought you would hate her.”
“She’s a grown woman. If she had thought of the way I would react before you had a secret affair then maybe she wouldn’t have to be worried about my reaction now.” She gives a look daring me to say otherwise.
I nod. “Before you go in there and see her I want to know you’re not going to be mean.”
She takes a breath and closes her eyes. She breathes it out. She opens her eyes and looks at Marc and now at me. “I’m the only mother she has. You’ve been so selfish. All this time she’s probably felt like shit. She wasn’t raised like you. You have no excuse. I could have been protecting her!” She looks at me, angry. “I’ll say things to you. I’m disappointed in you. You’ve put her in a bad position.”
“I know. But it’s over now,” I assure her, giddy with all this information, knowing in a few minutes she might take it all back and or tell me all the other mistakes I’ve made.
“She wasn’t feeling well before my trip. Is she okay?”
“Just let me take you to see her.” I take her hand. At first she resists, now comes grudgingly and I lead her inside.
I take them up to the room and knock before walking in, closing the door behind us.
She’s curled in the recliner. She sits straighter but doesn’t stand right away. She unfolds herself slowly.
I put the food down and help her to the bed.
When I left earlier she was sore and worried because the baby girl was off the ventilator for a while but the other baby wasn’t.
He’s going to be okay though. He’s fierce. And so is Nikki.
“I told you to go to the doctor,” my mom says, coming over.
“I know.” She lies down, watching her.
She pulls a chair over. “So what’s the matter with you?” She pushes Nikki’s hair back and fixes it, waiting for her answer.
She looks at me, wondering why I didn’t just tell her.
I wanted to be here.
She looks a little panicked. “I had a baby,” she says, quiet and tired and terrified of my mother, “twice.”
I watch her face. Her eyebrows go up. “Now?”
She nods. “Thursday,” she whispers, worried.
Now she frowns, trying to grasp it. “Twice?”
She nods. “Yes. A girl and a boy.”
“Where are they? Are they okay?” she whispers, petting her hair again.
“They were nine weeks early. They’re in the NICU.” She rubs her face. “Sorry I’m so tired. They gave me Ibuprofen and it made me sleepy.”
She looks at me in disbelief. “You did this?”
I nod.
My heart swells with pride.
I did do this.
She starts blubbering into her hands. “You guys are killing me.”
Nikki leans over and hugs her. “I’m sorry. I know you’re upset and I don’t want you to hate me but I understand if you do,” she holds her tight. “I wanted to have my cake and eat it too.”
She recovers, brushing tears away. “I wanted you to be older and married but I love you. I don’t hate you.” She pulls her in and gives her a real hug. “I wish you would have told me, Nikki. I would have taken care of you. Are they okay?”
“I don’t know.” She looks so sad.
My mom holds her and she weeps.
Chapter Sixty-six
Nikki
“They’re beautiful. What are you naming them?” Natalie is looking at the babies through the window with us, delighted. Ares’ dad came back with Dexter too.
“Persephone named her Songbird. Both Ares and Persephone called her a songbird when she cried.”
She nods, tears sparkling in her pretty eyes. “I used to call them songbirds when they cried.”
“Ares wants to name his little boy after his fathers.” I smile, feeling more relieved and disencumbered than I’ve ever felt. Ares has such a proud face. It’s gorgeous. He turns from the babies to me, eyes fierce, telling me all the things I need to hear.
“You can’t name him after living people, Ares. You can name him Joseph, though. Ares’ middle name is Joseph.” She smiles at her son. “And so is Wesley’s. And Marc’s.” She smirks at them and turns back to the babies while Ares and Marc and Wes share a look. “You guys need everything, don’t you? Maybe I’ll get Persephone to go shopping with me,” she says, resigned and hopeful. “I’m glad she’s been here with you and the babies.”
“Yeah. She’s been a good friend,” I agree.
“I can’t wait until we can all hold them.” Dexter chimes in, standing on his tippy toes to see.
The idea of everyone touching them makes me sick with dread. I can’t wait until they’re okay and look like real babies. “I’m getting released on Saturday but I’ll be coming back for feedings.”
“When are they being released?”
“They need to breathe without oxygen, eat without the feeding tube, and maintain their own temperature, which I guess is when they’re o
ver four pounds. And they have to outgrow apnea and brachycardia. They said they probably wouldn’t be able to breastfeed until at least thirty six weeks and most likely thirty seven, so probably six to eight weeks.”
“Be careful you don’t get pregnant again. You’ll be back feeling okay before they get home,” she warns.
I blush. I already want to do it again. I want the whole experience.
“Eetsa!” Ares scowls at her and looks into my eyes and I know he feels the same.
“I’m just saying. Obviously nothing has stopped you from making babies before.” She looks back at them happily. “Would you like to move back home so I can help?”
“Mom!”
“Then I’ll have to come over all the time.” She smiles. “Do you have everything taken care of, Ares? With Linda and school? The tribe?”
“Yes. I have nothing scheduled until next week. I might have to go back for my showing but I hope not. My fathers are helping me with the tribal stuff.”
“They’ll be taken care of if you do.” She stands and hugs and kisses us both. “And you’ll be starting spring classes immediately?”
“Aa-hee, eetsa.”
“Then I’ll be over to help. I’m glad you’re breastfeeding.” She breaks her gaze from the babies to look at us with her mom look. “I don’t like what you did but I love what you made. They’re gorgeous. We should go and let you rest. I love you.” She hugs and kisses me. Now Ares. “Goodnight.”
I squeeze and kiss my little brother and he squeezes me back briefly, more interested in Ares’ dad than anything else.
✽✽✽
“I’m buying land and I’m going to build you a house,” he tells me. He’s looking at my fingers as he holds them. “I’ll make you anything you want.”
I smile because I can’t stop. “Like a swing set and a room where I can sew and the babies can play? And we can put together dance routines?”
He grins. “Yeah. And I’ll make you a nice big closet where you can hide when you’re worried and have babies in if you want.”
Chasing Stars Page 29
