by Vikki Vaught
Why is life so unfair?
Henry was too young to die. She tried to let go of her grief, but it was too hard. Melody would never forget her husband. Placing her hand on her belly, she felt a soft flutter as gentle as butterfly wings. Her babe had moved. Although it was an amazing feeling, she was too sad today to appreciate the miracle. She lowered her head into her hands and softly wept for all she had lost. Once evening fell, she finally stood and slowly went back into the house.
She spent much of her time with her parents and told them about her time with Henry. She found it calming to talk of him. Thank goodness her mother listened to her whenever she wanted to talk, and she was so grateful she had decided to come home.
The nights were the hardest times for her. That was when she missed him the most. Just thinking about never being in his arms again, never feeling his touch, ripped her heart in a thousand pieces.
While Melody missed Henry’s brother and sisters, she had made the right decision in coming home. Nelson had written telling her that Mary Harrison had accepted his proposal and they were getting married. They were planning a Christmas wedding, and he wanted her to come. She wrote back and told him she could not travel because she was still not feeling her best and could not face the long journey.
Christmas proved to be particularly difficult. It brought all the memories of last Christmas and how much fun she’d had with Henry and his sisters. She wondered if that horrible Uncle Theodore had come for the holidays. If he did, she hoped Kathryn would let Nelson know if he bothered her.
By the first part of January, Melody’s lying in drew near. She went into labor on the fifth. The labor was hard but fast, and her babe arrived after only six hours. Albeit, it had seemed a hellishly long time to her, the midwife assured her it was short for a first child.
While overjoyed over the birth of her daughter, her heart ached when she first laid eyes on her. She was so tiny, and she had Henry’s red gold curls and his blue eyes. Tears fell when she gazed at her child. After all the support her mother had given her during this troubled time, she named her daughter Mary Elizabeth, after her. Every day brought a new change. She found motherhood healing, and the pain of losing Henry began to lessen.
Melody continued to spend time with Brandon. He was good with Mary Elizabeth, and she was grateful for his friendship. He still talked about looking for a position somewhere else. She hoped he would change his mind. Having him there to talk to helped so much.
Winter passed, and spring arrived. An influenza epidemic came to Little Smythington, and many people were dying from it. Melody grew gravely concerned when both her parents came down with it. Although it pained her greatly, she kept Mary Elizabeth away from them. It tore at her heart, but she left the nursing of her parents to their maid, for fear of giving it to her daughter.
Each day, her parents grew weaker, and their fevers climbed higher. A week after they fell ill, her father passed away. Her mother was so ill, she did not even realize her husband had died. She prayed constantly for her mother, and her fever did finally break, but she failed to improve. The doctor told her he did not expect her mother to make it because the illness had damaged her heart. Three weeks after her father died, her mother quietly passed away in her sleep.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Lincolnshire
Spring 1816
She buried both of her parents in the parish cemetery side by side. After her mother’s funeral, the parishioners came to Melody and let her know they would have to find a new vicar. She could stay in her home until they found one, but then she would need to leave. Shock reverberated through her, for not only had she lost her parents, she was also losing her home. Grief crippled her, sending her to her knees.
She met with her parents’ solicitor, and he read their will. They left her all they had, However, it consisted of their personal belongings, some furniture, and three hundred pounds. She did not know what to do. They could not live on that money for long. She should contact Nelson, but she did not want to go back to Sanderford Park. He was newly married and had been ill from what Susan had written. The last thing he needed was to be burdened with her problems. Besides, she still greatly feared the duke and his machinations, even though she’d had a girl. No, it was best to keep quiet. They never needed to know.
A letter arrived from Aunt Miriam, and she offered to let Melody come live with her, but the thought of living in London terrified her. There was no way she could hide Mary Elizabeth if she were in town. Aunt Miriam sent her fifty pounds, but that was all she could spare. Her aunt only had a small widow’s jointure from her late husband. Since she refused to return to Sanderford Park or go to Aunt Miriam, she needed to find somewhere else to live. The new vicar would be arriving in two weeks.
She found a cottage on the outskirts of the village, and they were willing to rent it to her for fifty pounds per annum. Brandon offered to move the furniture to her new home.
As she prepared to leave the vicarage for the last time she went to the arbor. All the memories of the day her husband had proposed came flooding back. Thoughts of their wedding also flashed before her eyes. Henry down on one knee asking her to marry him, Henry standing at the altar of the village church with so much love in his eyes. She crumpled beside the bench and sobbed. Grief tore through her soul. Rage encompassed her.
“God, why? How could You be so cruel to not only take my husband, but my parents as well? It’s not fair!”
As she pounded her fists on the bench, she cried until she grew weak and no more tears would come. Exhausted, she laid her head down. Then her faith took over, and she felt God giving her strength. He had not taken all from her. He had given her Mary Elizabeth.
Reaching in the basket beside her, she drew her daughter to her. She must go on. She refused to allow grief to weaken her faith. “My precious one, I wish your papa could have seen you. He would have loved you dearly. I will tell you of him, make sure you understand what a truly remarkable man he was. We shall cherish his memory forever. Now, my sweet one, let us go to our new lives.”
Laying Mary Elizabeth in her basket, she picked it up, turned and left her home for the last time, yet stronger than before her outburst. God would be at her side. She did not need to fear the future as long as she kept her faith.
After wiping the tears away, Melody joined Brandon out front. He left her alone while they made the trip to her new home, since she told him she did not want to talk. Once they had everything moved in, Brandon told her he would check on her in a couple of days.
His concern touched her. “I appreciate all you’ve done for me and for Mary Elizabeth, but you have your own life to live.”
“It’s not a problem. Spending time with you helps me deal with losing Lily, and you know I’ve grown extraordinarily fond of Mary Elizabeth. She’s like a daughter to me. Since I don’t plan to marry again, I can shower her with my love and attention. Well, I shall let you get settled in.” As he turned to leave, he squeezed her hand affectionately and kissed her cheek. “I’ll see you on Wednesday.”
After Brandon departed, Melody looked around and realized this was the first time she had ever lived alone. It frightened her to death, but she had to stay strong for her daughter. Her life…must go on. After that day, Brandon came around twice a week, and she shared her meal with him.
Her daughter grew more beautiful every day. Her hair looked so much like Henry’s, and her eyes were as brilliantly blue as his. She definitely favored her father. She thanked God for giving her Mary Elizabeth.
She stopped answering Helen and Kathryn’s letters. It had become too difficult to keep the knowledge of her daughter from them. She feared she would accidentally say something to give it away. Eventually, their letters stopped arriving.
On the anniversary of Henry’s death, she spent the day cuddling her daughter, telling her of their time in the little house in Canterbury. Those were the happy memories, the ones she cherished most. Although she physically ached to feel her husband’s
arms around her, her daughter helped fill the void. She did not go outside because the village had a celebration in honor of all the brave men who fought and died at Waterloo.
Once her daughter fell asleep, she laid her in her basket and allowed the tears to fall. She did not know how long she cried, but the room began to grow darker. She went to the kitchen and splashed water on her face, then dried her tears. As painful as it was to live without her husband, she had to stay strong.
By the end of the summer, she grew concerned over expenses. She needed to find some work to help make ends meet. She was good with a needle. Perhaps she could take in sewing.
When Brandon arrived that day, she greeted him, and as he sat on the floor playing with her daughter, she set out their meal. As they ate the chicken and vegetable stew she had prepared, she asked, “Do you know of anyone who might want some needlework done? I need to find a way to earn some extra money.”
He looked up from his plate and met her gaze. “Possibly. I have a better idea.”
“Oh, what is that?”
“I’ve been offered a teaching position in Doncaster and have decided to accept. It comes with a cottage and a much better salary. I want you to come with me.”
What could he be thinking? Of course, she could not go. Determined to hide her distress, she pulled on her inner strength. “That would not be possible. I’m going to miss you terribly. This is a wonderful opportunity for you.”
“It is.” He paused. “Melody.” He hesitated again. What was making him so nervous? At last, he spoke. “We get along well and have grown much closer over the past year. Would you not agree?”
Not sure where he was going with this, she said, “Certainly. I greatly value our friendship.”
He cleared his throat. “Those are not small things.” He met her gaze. His earnest gray eyes filled with warmth and something more. “I think we should wed.”
Shocked, she started to say, “Brandon, I can’t—”
He interrupted, “Wait, I know what you’re thinking. You are wrong. Henry and Lily would want us to get on with our lives. You need to think of what is best for Mary Elizabeth.”
She tried to speak again, but he raised his hand. “Let me finish. I can offer you both a safe, comfortable place to live. I realize this is sudden, but I think this would be good for both of us. Please think about it for a few days, before you give me your answer.”
This turn of events was not something she had ever expected. “I don’t know, Brandon. You know I care for you. I could never love you, though. My heart will always belong to Henry.”
“I realize that. I’ll always love Lily as well,” he replied. “Many marriages begin with much less than what we have. Consider what this will mean for you and your daughter.”
“I do know a marriage between us is probably what would be best for Mary Elizabeth, but I’m sure you would want to have children.” Unable to meet his eyes, she looked down at her trembling hands. “I’m not sure I could ever be a true wife to you.”
He stepped close and raised her chin so she had to look at him. “I would never make any demands of that nature, unless you gave me reason to believe you wanted more.”
The determination and sincerity in his voice gave her pause. She had to at least consider his offer. After all, he had obviously thought this through. “I need to think on this for a few days. May I give you my answer on Wednesday?”
“Of course, I will await your decision.” He gently kissed her cheek and squeezed her hand. “It’s getting late, so I shall take my leave. All I ask is that you look at how this will benefit you and Mary Elizabeth.” Then he turned and went through the door, leaving her alone.
After he departed, she dropped to the sofa and stared off into space, shocked and terribly confused by his proposal. There were so many questions running through her mind.
What should I do?
Her daughter’s welfare was the most important thing. She needed to give serious consideration to what Bandon offered, and it was important to decide what Henry would want for his daughter. He would definitely want his child to be happy and safe. She hoped he would have understood why she did not want to go back to Sanderford Park.
I will have financial security if I wed Brandon.
And do I want to live the rest of my life alone?
Nothing would bring Henry back, no matter how much she might wish it were possible. The logical thing to do would be to marry her best friend. There was no way she could support both of them on the money her parents left. It would be gone in a couple of years at most, no matter how careful she was. She had three choices, either marry Brandon, go back to Sanderford Park, or go to London and live with Aunt Miriam. She was unwilling to do either of the last two.
Melody fell to her knees and prayed. “Dear Lord, I need Your guidance. I still love Henry, and I don’t want to marry another, even if it’s my best friend. I do want to make the best decision for my daughter. Please help me. Show me what You want for us. I ask this in Your son’s precious name. Amen.”
After she finished praying, she still felt terribly conflicted. After pondering Brandon’s proposal for several hours, she went to bed. Surely after some rest, she would know what God wanted for her and her daughter. He would show her the right path she needed to take.
She awoke the next day with the conviction that she needed to marry her friend. That would be the best situation for her daughter, and she felt at peace with her decision. Marrying Brandon would be good for both of them. When he came over on Wednesday, she would tell him yes. Although it would be difficult, he deserved to have a wife in all ways, so she would have to reconcile herself to that aspect of marriage…she would need to be a true wife to him.
Brandon arrived on Wednesday, and he greeted her with his usual enthusiasm. “How are you feeling today?”
“I’m well,” she nervously said. “Come, let us eat before the food gets cold.”
After he finished his meal, Brandon looked over at her. He hesitated, which had her pulse quickening. “Have you come to a decision? If you marry me, I promise we’ll take it slow. We do not have to be intimate until you’re ready, if ever. I only want to take care of you and Mary Elizabeth. I promise I’ll be a good father to her, if you will let me.”
She looked at Brandon and believed she was making the right decision. “I would be honored and proud to be your wife. I already care for you a great deal, and I can think of no one, now that Henry’s gone, that I would rather spend my life with, so yes…I will marry you.”
He took her hand, raised it to his lips and kissed it. “Thank you. I promise to be a good husband. I know you can never love me as you did Henry, and I shall always love Lily, but I believe there is enough room in our hearts to begin to love again.”
She smiled. “I’m sure you’re right. Time will heal my grief, and I know this is what is right for Mary Elizabeth. Now, what are your plans?”
Standing, Brandon began to pace the room. “We’ll need to do this quickly. I wish I could give you more time to adjust to the idea of our marriage, but I need to be in Doncaster by the middle of next month. I’ll see the vicar and have the banns read over the next three weeks. I’m going to Doncaster and prepare everything for us. It will take me at least two weeks, and then I shall return. This will give you enough time to pack and bid farewell to your friends. Is that agreeable?”
She inhaled and exhaled slowly, trying to calm her rioting pulse. God had shown her this was what she needed to do. “That will be fine, Brandon. I would like to take my parents’ furniture with me. Is that possible?”
“I shall make arrangements to have everything moved. If I’m going to get all of this set in place, I need to leave. I’ll return in two weeks.” He gently kissed her temple and rushed out the door.
Melody and Millie packed her belongings and readied the furniture for the move. She visited her friends and told them she was marrying Brandon. It seemed to surprise them, since they knew she still grieved for Henry,
yet they wished her well.
Brandon returned, and they were married on the tenth. It was a simple ceremony, just the two of them, with Susan and her mother as their witnesses. Since she could not abide the thought of getting married in the parish church where she had married Henry, Susan’s mother offered the use of her home. After the ceremony, Mrs. Wilton served a light repast before they left for Doncaster.
Susan gave her a hug and whispered in her ear, “This is the right thing for you. I know how much you loved Henry, but you do need to get on with your life. You and Brandon will deal well with each other. Sometimes, being friends is as rewarding as a love match. Please, write me and let me know how you’re faring, and I shall write you in return.”
“I will.” Melody hugged her dearest friend as she took her leave. “I’m at peace with this. It will be best for Mary Elizabeth. Brandon’s an honorable, kind man, and he’ll take good care of us.”
“I know he will,” she assured her.
Unable to resist, she said, “Please keep me informed regarding Henry’s brother and his sisters. I appreciate you not telling them about Mary Elizabeth. I’m sure it’s difficult, since you’re such good friends with Helen and Mary. Well, it’s time to leave. Take care of yourself, and I hope everything works out for you with your beau.”
Brandon helped her into the carriage and handed her Mary Elizabeth, then climbed in. As they drove away from all she had ever known, she prayed she could be a good wife to her new husband. While she would never forget or stop loving Henry, she must start a new chapter, one that would give her daughter a father to love and financial security. Marriage to Brandon could be fulfilling. She would at least find contentment. After all, she had known him all her life.
They arrived at Doncaster late in the day. Melody gazed at the pretty cottage with its small garden behind the house and believed she could be content there. Brandon had done an astonishing job when he moved in the furniture, and much of it reminded her of her parents’ home. He introduced her to the housekeeper, Mrs. Worth, and she told them supper would be ready shortly.
