“Why’d you stand up for me?” she asked squarely looking him in the eyes. “If you hadn’t you would have been able to walk away yesterday with no repercussions.”
Cole was good at beating around the bush when a pointed question was thrust at him, even better when it came to something he felt embarrassed or shy about. Still, he paused and took a steadying breath, “Because, you’re not a whore. That asshole has no idea how lucky he is and he doesn’t even try.” He said punching into the sand. “You don’t deserve to be treated that way.” With that thought, he did the hardest thing he could do. He looked her in the eyes and forced himself to hold her gaze.
Laila was utterly perplexed by how easily he seemed to believe in what he said made apparent by the absence of doubt in his eyes and his unwavering voice. Her mood lightened and a smile played momentarily across her features, “You really are a good guy. Do you know that?” she asked gauging his response.
Cole had heard those words from his family members and some adults here and there yet coming from her he actually wanted to believe them. He pulled himself up to stand in front of her and she followed him with her eyes as he did.
“Do you?” she asked a little more intently standing up so that they were no more than a few inches apart.
He glanced down nervously, looking up only when her hand reached his chin urging him to look her in the eyes. He knew that he had tried to follow what he believed was right however, he didn’t feel that alone could readily justify him as a good person. For a moment longer her gaze held him and she smiled genuinely.
“I think you are.” She confessed before taking his hand. She led him across the playground where they stopped to play a quick game of tetherball before moving on.
Laila and Cole spent the greater part of the afternoon together. After playing a few rounds of tetherball, Laila seemed to be acting more like her usual self and Cole was grateful that she was no longer in the awkward slump she had been in when he first met up with her down by the swing set. When they made their way out of the schoolyard a group of younger kids rode by on their bikes teasing them as they walked hand in hand.
“Ooooh is that your girlfriend?” they mocked keeping a fair distance from the two while doing so. Cole believed Laila would feel embarrassed so he loosened his grip on her hand but was pleasantly surprised when she tightened hers and smiled thoughtfully.
“And what if I am his girlfriend?” She hollered back blushing at the profound statement but making no inclination to deny it.
Cole tensed but he said nothing. He was ecstatic that she hadn’t immediately dropped his hand and looked at him like he had forced the scenario. He appreciated how comfortably she accepted the jeers. They walked passed his house and through the greater part of the town, which was less than two miles across, towards Saint Mark’s Church. Saint Mark’s backed up to the Alamo Pintado Creek and the property was surrounded with a neatly trimmed lawn and green vegetation giving it a secret garden appeal disrupted only by the huge brown building that served as the church’s congregation hall. A few smaller buildings lined the perimeter and Cole knew them to be storage areas and small office spaces. He still remembered being a part of the church when he was a little kid. He could even recite the Lord’s Prayer, Psalms, and even had a decent recollection of all the stories he learned but, it wasn’t the same anymore. Not since his parent’s divorce and maybe never again. He told Laila how they would give the children of the church wine as well as the adults and, that he himself, had once been part of the Episcopal services when he was a child. She confided that she hadn’t been to her family’s church since she was eight and although she didn’t say it outright, alluded to the fact that maybe it was better that way. The two walked hand in hand until they reached the high banks of the now mostly dry creek where they had to separate as to not lose their footing while they made their way into the shadowed area below. Oaks, Eucalyptus, and other trees grew prominently along the river year round, soaking up the ever running water. Although they did tend to lose their leaves during the winter months, during spring and summer, their boughs cloaked the area in a surreal glow. Not far upstream, the two stopped in a fairly large clearing with the water running along the opposite side of the creek bed. Both sat in silence listening to the sounds within the enclosed creek echo gently off the high walls and canopy. Birds chirped nervously all about as if signaling to others that a couple of trespassers were in their midst, trees rustled against each other creating soft scraping sounds, and the sound of water was a light trickle echoing all around them in soft cadence. Laila again was the first to break the silence.
“Do you remember when we were in second grade?” she asked leaning her head to rest on his shoulder. At first, he wasn’t sure if he had heard her right because she had spoken so quietly but he nodded lightly.
“A little bit,” he replied tensing up when he felt her weight rest gently against him. He made no move to put his arm around her and although he knew he was letting the not so subtle hint pass, he was solid in his trepidation. He was even more unnerved when she pulled away taking his hand in hers and ushering his arm over her shoulder. Although she wasn’t heavy by any stretch of the imagination, her gentle nudge with her head on his chest took them both from sitting to laying face up towards the canopy overhead. She lay with her cheek pressed against his chest and closed her eyes. He held stiff for a moment longer before bringing his hand to her shoulder holding her close to him.
“I can hear your heartbeat,” she whispered just loud enough that only the two of them could hear and she listened for a moment longer before asking him again. “So, do you remember back in second grade?” she persisted.
“Not a lot of it.” He replied calmly although he felt incredibly tense.
She didn’t move and continued on, “Do you remember me inviting you to my birthday party?” she asked.
He did remember he had brought her a present like everyone else. However, they had been friends for a few years and he liked her. Who wouldn’t? He had wanted her to know how he felt so, he had also brought a beautiful rose that day. That Damned Rose. He remembered that he had secretly cut the rose from his grandmother’s rose garden to avoid his family’s scrutiny. He also remembered being laughed out of the party so fast that he hadn’t turned back while the other kids poked and prodded at him for his obvious shortcomings. How could a fat assed kid like him think that anyone would want him like that? How awful he felt that day. “Yeah, I remember.” He offered nonchalantly not wanting to call attention to how badly that day had affected him. Luckily for him, she had held her birthday party at her grandmother’s house only a few blocks away. He had walked back by himself only allowing the tears to come after he was sure he had gotten out of sight. “Boys don’t cry!” his father had scolded him so he buried his feelings deep in a dark cavity that he wouldn’t allow to overflow in front of anyone again.
“Thank you for the rose.” She offered, at last, noticing his body tense briefly. “I still have it you know? I had my grandmother help me dry it out and put it in my photo album.” She sighed heavily, shaking lightly as she did. “It was special.”
He held onto her even more tightly. He was almost unaware that he hadn’t taken a breath since she had offered her thanks for the rose and had to force himself to inhale before responding. “I didn’t mean to embarrass you.” He admitted feeling doubt wash over him.
“You didn’t. You’re the only guy that’s ever given me a rose do you know that.” She admitted. She felt ashamed knowing that she had let Cole leave without telling him it was ok. She could have run after him and told him that she loved the rose but, she hadn’t. “I’m sorry Cole.” She said at last feeling both joy and sadness from the memory.
“Still, I hope it didn’t cause you any trouble.” He replied shakily.
“I was so mad at everyone for how they treated you, I had my mom take me home after you left. My grandmother took care of the party until it was over.” she turned her head so she could
look up at him; her demeanor soft and genuine. “You didn’t talk to me again after that except when we were part of school projects. Why?” she asked finally.
Until now he hadn’t had to deal with facing up to the truth that he had felt for so long and he wished she hadn’t brought it up but, he wasn’t about ready to brush her question off. He didn’t know how much he should actually tell her of what happened after the party for fear that she would look at him as a pathetic guy who couldn’t accept that not everything in life went right.
She nudged him gently still looking up at him refusing to let her question be dismissed.
“Because I was afraid that I embarrassed you at your birthday party. I felt terrible for it.” He offered at last before closing his eyes. He knew at this particular moment that he didn’t want to face her.
“Look at me.” She said softly and he slowly opened his eyes again to see that she had a single tear running down her cheek. “That rose was my favorite gift of all.” She smiled warmly and he brought the hand that wasn’t holding onto her shoulder to gently wipe the tear away. “I haven’t stopped feeling terrible for what happened to you that day.” She admitted.
He couldn’t find the words to tell her that everything was alright, that it wasn’t her fault and that he never blamed her for it. Instead, he wrapped his arms protectively around her and held her close.
“I thought you would never look at me the way you did as a little boy in love again,” she said at last still not moving from his chest, seemingly content being where she was. “From what I read the other day I’m glad I was wrong.” Cole held her even more tightly as a result of her statement.
“You read my journal?” he asked already knowing the possibility existed but wanting to hear exactly what she thought.
“It was in plain sight.” She stated pulling herself up to a sitting position. “I didn’t mean to be nosy I was just curious that’s all,” she admitted, looking away in embarrassment.
Cole pulled himself up right beside her with their shoulders touching. He could tell by her demeanor that she expected him to be upset, maybe even irate and she was expecting the worst. “Laila, I’m glad you read it.” He said uncharacteristically putting his arm over her shoulder.
She exhaled deeply, sheepishly bringing herself to look at him again. “I’m still sorry.” She offered putting her arm around his waist. She leaned in.
‘Do it,’ he thought to himself knowing this was his invitation. It was now or never. He brought his lips to hers and the two locked in place for what seemed like forever but passed in the blink of an eye.
When at last they pulled apart she smiled warmly. “Was that the first time you kissed a girl?” she asked playfully touching her lips as she spoke.
“Well,” he responded more easily than he thought he would to the blatant question, “as a matter of fact, no.”
“Ok. Who else?” she asked bringing her face to within inches of his again.
“Last night was the first time I kissed a girl.” He smiled shyly trying not to look away but, he found that he couldn’t stop himself as the words crossed his lips. She laughed, this time a sense of playful mockery was evident but she quickly seemed to grow serious when she asked, “What’d you think of it?”
“What’d I think of it?” he replied knowing that she knew the answer to her own question but, he played along anyway.
“Yeah, what’d you think of it?” she repeated softly.
“Best kiss I’ve ever had.” He retorted so confidently that he was almost unsure that he had actually spoken.
She pressed forward the last inch that separated their faces and pecked him on the lips one final time. “Me too,” she said smiling and she backed away to rest herself on her elbows. He adjusted to sit beside her and she looked at the river contemplatively. “You know,” she began seeming to search for the words she wanted to say before continuing on, “as a kid I liked you too. We may have been young then but you were always the sweetest guy I’d ever known. I’m glad we’re getting a chance to start over.”
Neither of them said anything as time ticked by, both of them content with just listening to the sounds of the world together. The relative silence was quickly disrupted when Laila’s phone began to ring. She pulled it from her jean pocket in a frustrated huff.
“What’s up?” Cole asked.
Frustration evident, she looked at him apologetically when she finished. “It’s from my mom.” She said pulling herself to her feet extending a hand to help him up. He took it graciously but used his own strength to pull himself to his feet with a puzzled expression apparent on his features.
“Ok?” he said with the unspoken question evident in his voice.
“She wants me home before my father gets off work,” she replied looking distracted. “Can I walk you home?” He offered extending his hand.
She nodded noncommittally adding, “I’m sorry. I want to spend more time with you but my dad can get pretty moody if I’m not home for dinner.”
“Don’t be sorry,” Cole said trying to sound as understanding as possible. “Parents can be like that.” He finished.
“Yeah but sometimes my parents act like they don’t even know I exist and other times they become stricter than any other parents in town.” She shifted uncomfortably as she spoke and Cole did the best he could to not make a big deal about her apparent frustration.
“So is that a yes on walking you home?” Cole asked again, this time trying to lighten the dark mood Laila seemed to be falling into.
“I’d appreciate it.” She said after a short pause. They exited the same way they had entered the creek bed with few words spoken between them as they moved along. Whenever a car would pass them on the way to Laila’s house she looked around nervously as if expecting some unseen assailant to attack them at any moment.
At first, Cole didn’t pay much attention to her interest in the motorists passing by but when they reached the final stretch of road that lead down to her house he was nearly pulled over when she stopped abruptly still holding tight to his hand. “What is it?” Cole asked genuinely concerned by her apparent distress.
“I have to walk the rest of the way by myself.” She said sharply letting go of his hand so quickly that it seemed she had been unaware that she had been holding onto it in the first place.
“Why?” He asked perplexed but the look she gave him said immediately that he had crossed a boundary he didn’t know had been established.
“Look, I can walk the rest of the way by myself.” She said curtly but soon lost her bluster when she realized just how confused he seemed. Her demeanor softened as she tried to explain, “My dad, well….” she began pointing towards the Ford Explorer truck sitting in the driveway up the road, “he’s just been in a bad mood lately and I think it’s better if he doesn’t see you. For the time being, I think it would be better if he didn’t see us together. Not yet at least.” She lingered for a moment waiting for any response.
“Umm, ok,” Cole said trailing off. He didn’t know what to say. What could he say? He stood dumbfounded by the sudden change in her demeanor and waited for her to continue.
“Cole,” she began softly, “I need you to do this for me.” She leaned in quickly giving him a light peck on his cheek then stepped back to about arms reach. “I’ll call you tomorrow.” She offered before turning to walk down her road alone.
“I’ll talk to you tomorrow then,” Cole called after her and she waved back to him dismissively as she hurriedly made her way down the street.
* * * * *
Laila glanced at John Hardcastle out of the corner of her eye when she walked in the door shutting it softly behind her. She thought it strange that his tell-tale bottle of whiskey wasn’t evident beside the recliner he commonly referred to as his ‘throne.’ He still wore his dirty white work T-shirt and his work jeans. ‘He must’ve just gotten home.’ She thought. He was, as far as she could tell, still sober this evening. Even still, she was cautious. She knew any
thing that she said now, that her father did not approve of, could mean dire consequences later. Carefully, she picked her way into the living room. “Hi, Dad. I’m home.” She said as cheerily as she could. Looking closer, her father looked horrible. His left arm was bandaged from hand to elbow and he simply looked distraught. “Are you ok?” She dared to ask pointing at his bandaged arm.
John smiled at his beautiful daughter. She looks so much like her mother did, he thought. “I’m fine sweetheart, it’s nothing to worry about. I’m just gonna sit and watch the news for a bit.” He said unmuting the television.
“Ok, Dad.” Laila conceded turning for the stairs. “If you need anything, let me know?”
“I love you. I’m glad you’re my daughter.” John said before Laila made her way past the open banister.
That simple phrase was something Laila hadn’t heard from her father in as long as she could remember. As far as she could tell, he believed that telling someone you loved them was a sign of weakness and he would rarely succumb to such degradation. “I love you too Dad,” Laila called back as she stepped off the stairs. Her thoughts wandered when at last she secluded herself in her room and she wondered if she was doing the right thing taking new steps towards a relationship with Cole. For all intents and purposes she hadn’t even broken up with Stephen yet but, he hadn’t called her nor was their last encounter one she cared to revisit. Inwardly she knew that the choice was hers to make and hers alone, however, Cole had been wonderful to her in the past and the two days that they had spent together recently had been incredibly pleasant compared to what she was used to. Everything was new and Cole appreciated the simplest kiss where Stephen regarded her as a tease because she wouldn’t let him in her pants. She knew this and thought about what her next move should be.
* * * * *
Prelude To Insanity Page 5
