by Rachel Lee
She liked the idea. Part of her had somehow developed a deep craving for this man, and it wasn’t just that she found him so sexually attractive. When she heard his voice in the hallway outside her office, she always looked up hopefully. Sometimes he poked his head in to say hello and she felt he’d made her day...which surely was over-the-top.
No question but she liked him. His question, however, seemed to be was there something more in this for both of them, and he was suggesting a way to find out. Slowly. Carefully. Taking their time. Having fun together.
Her gaze trailed to Daph, sound asleep in her playpen, and she had to agree that in a way Blaine was right. They’d come together quickly and strongly over her child, but there was so much more that was needed if they were to be more than a flash in the pan. It seemed he wanted a whole lot more than that.
He spoke again, tightening his hold on her hand just a bit. “I’m in the way of believing in love at first sight.”
She drew a sharp breath and fixed her gaze to his face.
“But believing it, which I do, and trusting in it are two different things. I’d like to think that given time we’d build a future, not just the present.”
“Wow,” she whispered. In his words she heard a hope that almost felt like it could swamp her. On the other hand, she wanted it. She hoped this could grow, because the taste of it she’d had so far had made her remarkably happy.
“Anyway,” he said, “just think about it. If it doesn’t appeal to you, that’s fine. Your choice.”
Her choice? All of sudden she was frightened. So much had changed in her life so quickly—how could she possibly make a decision of any kind? She’d barely gotten used to being a mother, and she was still feeling her way into her job. She’d only fallen into all this with Blaine because he’d been helpful.
So much as it troubled her, she said quietly, “I need time, Blaine. I’m not ready to date. Too much has been changing too rapidly.”
His smile shadowed a bit but didn’t disappear. “I understand.” He leaned back against the couch, still holding her hand. “I’d have fixed that heater for you later this morning,” he said, changing the subject. “But it’d be better to have someone with a license do it. I think I said that. I’d hate to make some kind of mistake.”
The silence in the room seemed to grow, consuming what had been a beautiful night.
It was all her fault. Tiny fingers of panic squirmed into her heart. Had she just made the biggest mistake of her life?
Then, making her feel even worse, he carried on as if nothing at all had happened. He made breakfast for them as the sun started rising and suggested they take that drive while the light was best.
“With any luck,” he added, “we’ll get back and find out you have heat and can move home again.”
Yup, she thought miserably, she’d blown it.
Chapter Ten
A month later, Daphne was sitting up on her own and creeping around the playpen and floor like a pro. The baby laughed a lot and seemed quite happy with life.
Diane felt less so. She had friends now, women she could gather with on a Saturday afternoon, babies everywhere. She especially liked Ashley McLaren, Marisa Tremaine and Julie Archer, but the gals she’d met her first day, from the clerk’s office, were also a lot of fun.
Little by little she was getting the information she needed from the members of the planning board, and by way of them from the city and county officials.
Talk about grandiose ideas. She wasn’t sure most of the residents around here would be thrilled with the kind of growth these people envisioned, but that was the point of inviting those who would have an interest to a public meeting. Lots of ideas were bound to get shot down.
She was busy, Daphne was healthy and she should be thrilled with the way things were going.
Except for Blaine. He was still friendly, still popped in to talk to her at least once a day, and every weekend he stopped in to lavish love on his “little daffodil.” During those times, they talked quite a bit.
But she could feel a barrier between them, something that had slipped into place quietly when she had said she didn’t want to date.
That lay entirely at her door, and in one sense she didn’t regret her decision. Her life had been jam-packed with changes, and she didn’t want to make him a crutch, which she could have easily done, as helpful as he’d been. No, she’d been in no position then to even consider something as important as whether they should date.
While it was true that dating was a far cry from marriage, it carried certain obligations with it. And if it didn’t work out, someone was bound to get hurt. So she guessed she’d been the one who’d raised the barrier, but he was definitely observing it.
What she hadn’t expected was that with passing time, it didn’t get easier. Far from it. She was beginning to hurt. But in no way did she get the sense from him that he felt the same. Except for his attention to Daphne, he appeared to have moved on and to be satisfied with friendship.
Well, why not? As he’d pointed out, they really hadn’t had time to get to know one another. Not then. He’d proposed dating as a way to do that, and she’d shut him down. Worse, she’d probably made him feel the way Ailis or Alice had years ago. He’d reached out and been slapped away because of her stupid concern that she was in no position to make a decision yet.
But she hadn’t needed to decide anything. All she had needed to do was date him, see how things went. He’d been frank about that.
He’d also been right that they’d started everything backward. Even now his description of putting the cart before the horse could amuse her.
Time had passed, however, and the feeling that she’d made an awful mistake kept growing. She began to lie awake at night, wondering if it was too late to change her mind.
It hardly seemed possible that autumn was nearly over. The leaves had lost their color, and most had fallen from the trees. In town, diligent people raked them into leaf bags or blew them away to somewhere.
She enjoyed some amusement when she was out walking Daph in her new stroller, to think of the chain link of leaf blowers sending the crackling debris on a steady trip out of town.
Daphne apparently hadn’t reached an age yet where she was ready to be terrified by anything new, because she seemed to enjoy even the noisy leaf blowers or the occasional roar of a passing vehicle that needed a muffler job. Everything tickled her. She waved her hands and made happy sounds that came pretty close to giggles.
Diane wondered if she’d been this happy as a baby. Once she started growing up, she sure hadn’t been. But she was determined that Daphne would be loved and appreciated in all the ways she herself hadn’t been. One way to learn parenting was to learn all the things not to do, she thought wryly.
It was Sunday afternoon, and Blaine had called last night to ask if he could come over. That was making her uncomfortable, too, that he felt he needed permission to pop in. None of her other new friends seemed to feel that way.
He was sitting on a plastic chair on the porch, one of those molded things that were cheap and she’d figured would do for now. He stood up when he saw them coming and waved, smiling.
Damn, he looked good enough to eat. Feeling the pull toward him as strong as ever, maybe stronger, was like a wake-up call to her stubborn brain. She hadn’t stopped wanting him, and her reasons had all been a sham. She was afraid she would fail, ruin any kind of relationship with Blaine. She didn’t think she could stand that failure.
He came down the two steps and picked up the stroller, lifting it easily onto the porch, all the while talking to Daph in something approaching baby talk, which she had to admit sounded a wee bit strange emerging from a man whose voice rose from the bottom of his chest.
“I brought you a surprise, Daffodil,” he was saying as he unbuckled her from her stroller. “I used to have one when I was little like
you, but they’re hard to find these days.”
Diane couldn’t help but smile as she watched the big man lift her daughter and watched Daphne smile and chortle in response to his voice. There was a bond there now, no two ways about it.
Inside, she offered him tea as he shed his jacket and began to remove Daphne’s warm sack and knit cap from her. “She’ll need mittens almost before you know it. Yes, I’d fancy that tea, if you don’t mind. Everything still sailing smoothly for you?”
“Have you heard anything to the contrary?”
Blaine didn’t immediately answer then said, “Is that sarcasm or a real question?”
“Probably both,” she admitted as she grinned at him. In the kitchen she put the kettle on, and he sat at the table with Daphne on his thigh. “I’ve been digging into things. I’m not exactly sure of all I’ve found. Some of it feels a bit...archaeological.”
That drew a crack of laughter from him. “That I can believe. No, I haven’t heard a word against you, at all. You seemed to have buttered them up well.”
“I hope so. We aren’t going to get a damn thing done if they’re mad at me. And you haven’t really mentioned culverts, for all the times you’ve dropped by.”
“We’re fixing the ones that most need it. Take it from me, it’s going to be a mess come spring. A lot of places don’t have much life in them.” He paused, then added, “I hope that one of these days soon you’ll be able to do that historic district lookover with me. We really need to get that sorted.”
She flushed faintly because she realized she’d been avoiding that—he’d asked her when she first got here. Yes, there were things she needed to settled with the city government, but she also needed some idea of what she needed to push for. “Soon,” she heard herself promise.
“Good. Now the pressy for Miss Daffodil here.” He reached into a deep pocket on his work shirt. In fact, the shirt had all kinds of pockets, looking more suited to a photographer of old, but most of the pockets appeared to contain something.
Out of one he pulled a small sheaf of cloths. Suddenly curious, Diane leaned closer. “Is that a cloth book? I don’t think I’ve seen one in forever.”
“It is, and I had to be ordering it online. Seemed strange to me. They were common enough when I was helping raise up the youngsters. Anyway, while you make us that tea, I’m going to read her first book to her.”
Diane listened, charmed, as he read the very simple story to her, which included lifting flaps to reveal new objects. Daphne probably didn’t understand a bit of it, but she enjoyed the colors, the changing scenery and...might as well face it, Blaine’s attentions.
“I wouldn’t leave her alone with it till she’s older,” he said when he finished and folded the book up, holding it so Daphne could explore it with her hands. “It’s supposed to be safe, but I wouldn’t be trusting that just yet.”
“I agree,” she answered and didn’t resent the suggestion in the least. He seemed as much a part of Daph’s life now as she did, and Diane felt not the least bit of possessiveness. Well, Blaine had been here almost from the very start.
She glanced toward the window and saw the early evening was beginning to shade the world. “I was going to make a small roast for dinner. Join us?” It was the first time she had asked him to stay for dinner since she’d dropped the hammer on him. Not even the next day when he’d assembled Daph’s crib for her.
“I’d like that,” he said, granting her a smile before returning his attention to the baby.
She stared glumly for a few moments, then started making the tea. He only came around for Daphne. He’d lost all interest in her, and she couldn’t blame him for that.
When she’d set the mugs on the table, along with a saucer for the tea bags, she sat across from him and watched him tease Daphne by waggling his index finger around until she reached up and caught it. Then she didn’t want to let go.
Oh, she had a way with him, she thought. A way with her, too. And now she wondered if she could even force the words past her dry mouth. But...she wanted him with an ache that was still growing rather than diminishing, and it was hard to accept the responsibility for having broken any chance they might have had. Fear, she thought. Fear of failing once again. Was that to hobble her entire life? It had certainly made a mess of this.
She rose and pulled the roast out of the refrigerator. A beef roast was an extravagance she seldom indulged, but every so often the serious carnivore in her emerged. She’d even bought an extra baking potato, too, so she had enough.
But it wasn’t time to start cooking yet, she realized. She was just going to have to live with any awkwardness.
“That land you were wondering about?” she said as she sat at the table again.
“Which?”
“Alongside the road that the board suddenly wants paved with oil and gravel.”
“A bad thing to be doing before late spring, and so I told them. They didn’t like it, but they didn’t want the problems I described, either. Did you learn something?”
“Yes. I went after it because of the new comprehensive plan. It’s been subdivided. One of the county commissioners is part of an investment group that wants to build a strip mall there.”
“There?” Disbelief edged his voice. She couldn’t blame him. “Have they lost their bloody minds? The middle of nowhere?”
She had to smile, and in smiling let go of the tension that had tightened every nerve ending in her body. There were worse things than only being friends with this man, such as not being friends with him at all. “You said it joined two major roads, correct?”
“Ya. But it exists only so ranchers can move stock and supplies around. The master plan was totally vague on any other use.”
“Well, it’s not vague anymore.” She sighed and leaned her elbows on the table. Boy, did Daph look happy on Blaine’s lap, surrounded by one of his powerful arms. She made little noises and the waving of her arms had become more purposeful. She wanted that book.
“Meaning?” he asked.
“Apparently there aren’t a whole lot of services on the northern road, and the southern road, well, you have to take some twists and turns to get to town. Somebody must think that a gas station, convenience store and small restaurant could make some money there as long as they have signs on the main roads giving directions. But of course they can’t get the financing until they have a road in good enough condition to handle construction traffic. After it’s all built, there’s some hinting around that it could be paved into a two-lane.”
He drummed the fingers of his free hand on the tabletop. The sound made Daphne giggle. “I’m quite certain that isn’t in the current master plan.”
“Nope,” she answered. “But the pressure to get it into the one I’m working on is how I learned about it.”
He frowned. “Did you just write it in?”
“Of course not, Blaine! I’m not the ruler of this county, and despite the pressure I started to feel, I pointed out that we needed to have a charette with all the affected property owners.”
“Charette?”
“Public meeting. Everyone who’d be affected—we call them stakeholders—gets the opportunity to see the proposal and comment on it. That slowed down the push, I can tell you. But I didn’t get the whole story until this past week. I’ve been edging around it, but I wasn’t getting anywhere until I finally said I could see no point in turning that road into some kind of artery. Not enough traffic. Didn’t your friends at the road department tell you we’d been taking a traffic count?”
He nodded. “But I didn’t think much about it when I heard. I’d had my victory. No paving before spring. A strip mall? Where the devil did they find investors willing to go for that out there?”
“That I don’t know. Their construction plans are my business only to a point. You know that. Providing a comprehensive plan gives me some input,
but we won’t be looking for grant money for something like this, so...” She shrugged. “I need to get everyone who’ll be affected by this together before we write it into the plan. I think I ticked off at least one board member, but there’s a lot in the scale now. They hired me because their plan was so outdated they couldn’t get grants. Heck, it was in violation of more regulations than I can count. So they can’t just sweep this under the rug. They might be able to push through their strip mall before the new plan is ready for a vote, but it won’t help in the long run, because I suspect there’ll be a lot of environmental concerns that will have to be addressed regardless.”
He nodded slowly. “You mean that the environmental requirements can’t be ignored simply because they’re not in the old plan.”
“Exactly. It’s not like the regulations come into being only when they’re written into the plan.” She sighed. “I’ve spent the better part of a week trying to get that across.”
“And you survived?” He looked faintly amused.
“You bet. I told them they’d better get an impact statement before anything is touched, signed or paid for.”
“This whole thing still feels weird.” Daphne had drooled on his forearm, and he took a napkin from the basket on the table to dab it away, then dab at her mouth. She gurgled and reached again for the book. “Maybe I should put this away for another time.”
But he didn’t move, and neither did she.
“I’m sorry,” Diane said after a few moments. “Here it is the weekend and I’m talking about work.”
“I don’t mind, actually. I’ve been so busy running around putting out fires that I haven’t been able to keep up. I’m glad you filled me in. But I still don’t get this whole strip mall idea.”
“Me neither. Would you have any idea why Sagebrush Ranch would want to sell off that parcel?”
“Money. Ranching is a tough business these days.”
