A HUGE LIST OF TRUE SELF-CARE IDEAS FOR THE INTROVERTED MOM
If the aim of self-care is to restore rather than improve, what should that look like? The answer varies—because although we are all introverts, we are far from the same. So I’ve put together a massive list of meaningful ideas, taken from my own experience as well as those of other introverted moms who’ve shared their thoughts with me on social media. Select those that resonate with you, or just pick one to try when you have time alone.
And because we’re never guaranteed that our breaks will last long, I’ve organized these by length of time, so you can find an option that works even if you only have a handful of minutes. Give yourself permission to put the kids in front of a well-chosen video or in their rooms for a playtime, whatever it takes to give yourself the care you need. You’ll find checkboxes by each selection so you can mark off the ones you’ve tried. That way, if you need fresh inspiration, just look for an empty space. And if you find an idea that really works for you, star or highlight it so you know it’s a “go to” you can count on.
If you have fifteen minutes or less:
•Step outside and mindfully inhale a few deep breaths of fresh air.
•Share a six-second (or longer) hug with someone you love. Studies show that a hug of this length releases soothing, happiness-boosting oxytocin and serotonin!
•Read a favorite psalm aloud to yourself, paying attention to each word as you speak it. Put your own name in the verses if that helps you relate to God’s promises in a more personal way. Try Psalm 23; 91; or 112.
•Light a scented candle and watch the flame flicker.
•Try to begin your day with a small moment of intention. In just two minutes, you can read a few verses of Scripture or a page from a favorite devotional.
•Enter the present moment without analyzing it. Imagine how different your life will be in five years’ time and consider what you’ll miss most from today.
•Wash your face or brush your teeth. Even a small, practical act of self-care can offer a restart after a busy morning or frantic afternoon.
•Spend a few minutes gazing at the sky. Relish your smallness, reminding yourself that if God cares for the sparrows, he will care for you and yours as well.
•Set a timer or download a chimes app to go off every thirty minutes or every hour. Use the bell as your reminder to bring God into whatever you’re doing in that moment.
•Listen to a favorite song that makes you happy. I have a “happy” playlist for this purpose!
•Take one or two squares of dark chocolate to your room and eat them slowly.
•Decide to make this one day as complaint-free as possible. See how it changes your mood to speak positive words.
•Rub a favorite essential oil blend on your pulse points (wrist, throat, behind your ears), or put a few drops in a diffuser.
•Spend time with a pet you love.
•Text a dear friend, asking for or offering prayer.
•Look at your calendar over the next few months and block off a day just for self-care. Discuss it with the family and then reserve the date.
•Write down one cute thing each of your kids did when they were younger, a favorite memory you never want to forget.
•Prepare a snack and eat it one bite at a time, sitting down!
•Do a ten-minute brain dump. Jot down everything that’s on your mind and free up much-needed mental space.
•Set a timer for fifteen minutes and enjoy reading an inspiring blog.
•Brew a cup of your favorite tea or coffee—and drink it without multitasking.
•Lie in a dark room with your favorite blanket and close your eyes. It’s okay if you don’t fall asleep; just rest!
•Take a long shower.
•Look in the mirror and pray over yourself the way you’d want someone to pray over you. Speak out the truth that God made you the right mother for your kids and affirm that he is faithfully working in your children’s hearts.
•Choose to unplug from social media until tomorrow. Savor the extra quiet.
•Take a walk, even if only a lap or two around the house.
•If you need to mentally check out for a few minutes, set a timer and enjoy an app guilt-free on your phone.
•Go into your garden or yard and notice its details: touch a tree, smell a flower, feel the grass, watch an insect or bird.
•Write a list of every good thing, no matter how small, each of your family members has done today.
•Light a candle and read a poem aloud to yourself. Look for a poetry anthology to keep at your bedside. I recommend the Poetry Teatime Companion by Julie Bogart.
•Download a meditation app for a calming ritual when you need it.
•Write a love note from God to you or from you to God.
•Sit by a fireplace, staring at the flames and listening to the crackling logs.
•Write a list of all you’ve done for your family today, a tangible reminder that no one else can take your place.
•If you can’t get away completely, go sit in your car where you can keep an eye on the house but still have a few minutes of calm.
•Let your mind wander without judging your thoughts or trying to control them. Just notice what you’re thinking and then release it.
•Set a timer for fifteen minutes and watch a few funny videos online without worrying about productivity whatsoever!
•Say a prayer out loud, then answer yourself with what you think God might say back to you.
•Take a few moments to look at family photographs from five or more years ago.
•Help something grow: plant a seed, water the garden, or just marvel at things that blossom in the wild.
•Look at your to-do list and cross off the least important item without doing it. Ask yourself: Which of these tasks will have mattered least in ten years’ time? Practice letting go—of both tasks and perfectionism.
•Grab your favorite children’s picture book and read it to yourself!
•Declutter a surface or area that’s been bothering you lately. After fifteen minutes, stop, even if you aren’t completely done.
•Humble yourself and ask someone (family member, friend, or child) for help—either practical assistance or emotional support.
•Create a gratitude list—one full of all the things we often take for granted.
•Go through your essential to-dos and beside each task, write approximately how long it will take you to do it. Add fifteen minutes to your estimate, a gift of margin to yourself.
If you have thirty minutes:
•Read a chapter or two of your current book. (If you don’t have a current title, use this time to find one. When I need soul care, I use The Literary Medicine Cabinet by Haley Stewart1 to help me choose.)
•Make time for a favorite hobby: a musical instrument, a craft, a puzzle, whatever you enjoy!
•Take a quiet walk alone—without any noise, music, or pod-casts.
•“Window shop” in nature. Bring home one object that inspires you.
•Get in the car and drive, even if you don’t have a destination. Listen to your favorite music or just savor the silence.
•Take a thirty-minute nap and change everything. It’s not long enough to fall into a deep sleep, but just right for an afternoon reset.
•Much of a mother’s work becomes undone quickly. Create something that won’t unravel: some handwork (like knitting or sewing), a piece of art, a poem or journal entry, a digital photo album—anything that sounds fun and stays done!
•Pay one of your children to massage your feet or rub your back.
•Take a few extra minutes to dress up in an outfit that makes you feel beautiful.
•Multi-task in a way that actually works for self-care: download an audiobook and take it along with you on a walk, in the car, or while you’re cooking.
•Get out the crayons or colored pencils and enjoy a coloring page. Buy an adult coloring book so you’ll have it
ready.
•Hire one of your kids to complete a project that’s been lingering on your own to-do list.
•Imagine what you would say to an introverted mom friend if she told you about her hard day. Now go take that advice yourself.
•Do a task on your list to a “good enough” standard and stop there. Don’t allow perfectionism to get in your way.
•Write down a list of key adjectives that you want to describe your family. When you see this in black and white, you can stop chasing things that aren’t your family’s priorities. You can run the race God has for you and be free.
If you have an hour:
•Exercise in a way that feels luxurious: dancing, swimming, an exercise class, the gym, a hike—whatever you love.
•Binge-read your current book—such a luxury!
•Watch an episode or two of a favorite show. Or take the time to look for a new one you might enjoy.
•Take a hot bath with Epsom salts.
•Buy and savor your favorite flavor of ice cream.
•Call a close friend or family member who “gets” you and will let you share your heart without judgment.
•Pick or buy yourself a small bouquet of flowers and arrange them in the spot at home that will bring you the most joy.
•Take time for physical self-care: paint your nails, get your hair cut—something you often neglect but that feels good after it’s completed.
•Buy yourself a small gift: a new book, a decadent pastry, a new tea to try—anything that fits your budget and makes you feel special.
•Stay in bed late one morning. (Or if you’re a morning person, go to bed early one night.)
•Create a space that’s just for you: a favorite chair, corner, or nook.
•One evening when the kids are in bed and you’re alone, watch some old family videos.
•Try to think of God at least once each minute for an hour. Look up “The Game with Minutes” by Frank Laubach for more details and inspiration.
•When you’re about to leave this earth, what will have mattered most to you in each area of your life? Write this down; it will help you not be swayed by external or internal whims or expectations.
If you have a few hours or more:
•Go to a bookstore or library, browse the shelves, and get something new for yourself.
•If you enjoy it, get out the crafting or decorating supplies and make progress on a project without interruptions.
•Sit in a cafe reading fiction or writing in a journal.
•Go to one of your happy places: the ocean, the woods, the mountains, any spot that speaks to your spirit.
•Rewatch your favorite laugh-out-loud movie.
•Meet up with a kindred spirit friend.
•Head to bed as early as you can. If you’re not tired, relish the extra downtime.
•Go through a drive-thru and order something delicious for yourself.
•Get a second happiness boost by paying for the person’s treat behind you as well!
•Set up a date night with your spouse or make plans for a date night at home.
•Go somewhere in your town that looks enticing—some place you’ve never taken time to explore.
•Head to a restaurant and order a beautiful meal that someone else has made! Eat it mindfully, enjoying every bite prepared for you.
•Buy a new fluffy blanket and keep it in a “Mom only” area.
•Give yourself permission to binge-watch a few episodes of a favorite show.
•Stay completely offline for an entire day, letting those unplugged hours refresh your heart, mind, and spirit.
•Take the time to cook a healthy meal for yourself.
•Make plans to get away alone for one night each year if possible. This doesn’t have to be a lavish or expensive vacation—just a night at a nearby hotel can be incredibly renewing.
Benjamin Franklin once wrote, “When the well is dry, we know the worth of water.” All introverted mothers have experienced what happens when our wells reach empty, and it isn’t pretty. I hope a few of the ideas above help keep yours full to the brim and even overflowing more often.
REFLECTIONS FOR INTROVERTED MOMS
The Freedom of Discovering What’s Yours
“How can you be so productive?” she asks.
I turn around to see if there’s someone behind me she’s speaking to.
“Me?” I answer with a nervous laugh.
“Yes, you homeschool three kids and you’re a writer! How do you get so much done?”
* * *
Oh, sweet, delusional mama. I have the undone scattered across my brain.
I rarely feel as though I’m keeping all the balls in the air—a juggler who spends more time gathering on the ground than glancing toward the sky.
It’s true that I have three children, I homeschool, and I write blog posts and books.
If that sounds productive, then let me pass on my secret:
I only do what’s mine to do.
But that isn’t as easy as it sounds, is it? When I was a new mother, I didn’t know what was mine to do! I looked at all the blogs, read all the books, went to all the playgroups. I attempted to knit, make granola, and use glitter with my kids at the dining table. (Stop laughing.) And in case you’re wondering, the knitting was a disaster, the granola a success, and I found glitter in cracks and crevices for months!
It takes a while to figure out who you are as an introverted mother, who you are as a person now that the lifelong job of raising children has forever altered your identity.
We find ourselves mostly through trial and error. The errors don’t mean you’re doing something wrong; they mean you’re one step closer to knowing yourself.
Our society has made an idol of getting things done, making that our top cultural priority. But instead of wondering, “Am I checking off all the boxes?” why not ask, “Am I doing what’s mine to do?”
Here’s what’s mine at the moment: Love my children and husband, homeschool, read, write, cook, clean (delegating those last two whenever possible now that the kids are older!).
It’s a short list, but a full life. And it’s enough for me. For now.
Knowing what’s mine lets me focus without being pulled in all the directions all the time.
Busy mom who works all day and feels like you have nothing to show for it, don’t compare your season of planting seeds with another mom’s season of harvesting them.
Run your own race—this minute, this second. Be you unapologetically. Only do what’s yours to do, and watch how you, your family, and even the world are changed because of it.
Reflections from Introverted Moms
HOW DID YOUR LIFE AND YOUR FAMILY’S LIFE CHANGE FOR THE BETTER ONCE YOU UNDERSTOOD AND ACCEPTED YOURSELF AS AN INTROVERT?
My family no longer feels that an outing in a crowd is something I have to do (with them). I am enjoying my time, and they can enjoy their time, and we all feel that we had a good day. I do occasionally get into the mix, as long as I know it won’t be too long or invade my personal space too much. Win / win!
LISA, UNITED KINGDOM
Life got easier and less stressful . . . I stopped putting so much pressure on myself to be what society expected and just liked being me. My family is happier because I am happier!
MARIE, AUSTRALIA
It released me from the pressure to fit in. And the more I fed my inner desire to be myself, the more I realized there is a huge part of me that’s more like an extrovert.
NITIKA, MASSACHUSETTS
When I realized that making necessary phone calls, visits, or even playdates required more energy than folding ten loads of laundry or cleaning the house, I started planning accordingly. If I have to do a lot of people-y things, I plan to have some downtime later that day or the next day.
SANDRA, CANADA
There was an in-between period when I knew I was truly an introvert, and I was starting to make accommodations for that, but I would do so with g
uilt. I felt like I just wasn’t trying hard enough, or I was giving in to my nature too much. That was rough for my family. But once I truly accepted and embraced the reality, my entire family became happier.
KIM, WASHINGTON STATE
PART 2
governing it well
A little kingdom I possess, where thoughts and feelings dwell;
And very hard the task I find of governing it well.
LOUISA MAY ALCOTT,
“A LITTLE KINGDOM I POSSESS”
CHAPTER 4
no great loss
ON NAVIGATING HEARTACHE AND DISAPPOINTMENT
There’s no great loss without some small gain.
LAURA INGALLS WILDER,
LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE
You’re not going to recover from this. It’s going to kill you.”
Everyone remembers 2001 because of September 11’s devastating tragedy, but my own world began crumbling far earlier than the Twin Towers.
The doctor’s bluntness felt like a curse pronounced over my fifty-five-year-old dad and our whole family as we sat in the harshly lit, sterile room. The diagnosis? Fast-spreading pancreatic cancer. The prognosis? Three to six months. Doctor No-Bedside-Manner went on to explain the test results. A normal CA 19–9 level in a healthy person’s blood is less than 37. Dad’s level? An outrageous 23,000. Even in the face of such dire news, Dad’s humor lightened the mood in a way I still remember: “Well, do I at least get a trophy or something?” he asked. We laughed, then drove home and cried.
In the following months, I started making frequent trips to North Carolina from Washington DC, where Steve and I had moved as a young married couple. I wanted to spend as much time with Dad as I could. Little did we know our pain was just beginning. On April 11 I got a call at work, letting me know that my mom’s dad, the tenderhearted grandfather we called Sugie, had passed away. Steve and I climbed back in the car, the six-hour drive having become a regular, loss-etched feature of our routine. Honoring and grieving Sugie’s seventy-nine years of life did not come easily, though, because the heaviness of my dad’s lingering disease still crushed our shoulders as though we were Atlas, burdened with the weight of the world. Too sick to attend his own father-in-law’s funeral, Dad asked us to video it for him.
Introverted Mom Page 5
