When nothing works, when I screw up, feel drained by our schedule or emotionally exhausted from constant noise, I’ll let grace cover all. I’ll allow imperfection in my home, my family, and myself. I’ll go to bed as soon as I can, get up, and try again. Because what my children need most from their introverted mom today and tomorrow is just for me to be here.
And that I promise, with love, to do.
EPILOGUE
dear fellow introverted moms
Dear fellow introverted moms,
You are my people, and I’m so glad we found each other! If I could, I would wave a magic wand over your life right now, before you close the back cover of this book. It would grant you sleep each night, quiet each afternoon, patience each morning, and the ability to skip small talk forever.
But we both know what will happen tomorrow. The issues and interruptions you dealt with before you read this book? They’ll still be there. Whatever situation is pushing you beyond your limits? Still there. The character flaws you struggle with? Yep. There. (Sorry, my magic doesn’t reach very far!)
My hope and prayer, though, is that one small thing is different: Now you know you’re not the only one.
Please take that tiny comfort with you, wrapping it around your shoulders like a cozy fleece. Keep it tucked in your mind when you’re surrounded by extroverts who appear to do more, when you crawl onto the couch for a midday reset, when that internal voice tries to “not enough” you again.
And if you’d like to journey with other like-minded women, check out our growing Introverted Moms community at IntrovertedMoms.com, where we can continue the chat and support each other in our real life here and now. You’re one of us.
Written with love, cinnamon tea, and a dark chocolate peanut butter cup in hand,
Jamie
acknowledgments
I have to start by sending out thanks to the fellow introverted mothers who have read my work over the past ten years. I had no idea that what I was sharing would make sense to anyone else, but suddenly I felt less alone. I hope that’s how you feel now. Thank you for helping me believe this book was needed. I also want to thank all the introverted moms who shared their thoughts and experiences on social media and allowed me to put their words here. These pages are stronger because of you.
Thank you, Jenni Burke of D.C. Jacobson, for becoming giddy over this idea with me, yet never pushing me to move too fast on it. I’m blessed to have you as both agent and friend. I’m also grateful to have had two experienced editors I trust stewarding this project through its many phases: Sandy Vander Zicht and Carolyn McCready. And thanks to Alicia Kasen, Harmony Harkema, Robin Barnett, and the rest of the hardworking team at Zondervan for guiding me along this journey.
On SimpleHomeschool.net, I’m fortunate to share virtual space with an amazing team of writers. Thank you Kara Anderson, Kris Bales, Purva Brown, Cait Fitzpatrick Curley, Kara Fleck, Kari Patterson, Melissa Camara Wilkins, and Shawna Wingert. You kept the site going with your inspired words even as I tried to write these inspired words. You’re some of the most incredible ladies I’ve ever known, plus you’re all introverts, which gets you bonus points!
Shawna, Kari, and Jill: Thank you for being Introverted Mom’s very first readers. The time you invested and your comments scribbled in the margins warmed my heart and kept me going when I could no longer think straight. I am holding on to them to go back to when discouragement strikes.
Maud, Laura, Louisa, and Jane: Thank you for the decades of inspiration. I will be president of your (introverted) fan clubs forever.
Thank you to our families in both England and North Carolina! It’s so good to have people you belong with and who are stuck with you forever. Love you all.
Even introverts need friends, and God has given me some of the best. Thank you Kelly Gawitt, Jill Turner, Melissa Massett, Carrie DePasquale, Rachel DePasquale, and Mirjam Picard—for inviting my family and me into your hearts and homes. You are such a gift.
Thank you, Caroline Starr Rose, for telling me when my writing is not its best, helping me make it better, and listening to me whine, cry, and laugh via Voxer, the best app ever invented for introverted friends. Thank you, Jenniffer, for being a mentor and friend to our kids. This book would not exist if it weren’t for all your hard work, which gave me the hours needed to do this hard work. I’m so glad God sent you to sit in front of us at church three years ago.
Steve, twenty years later, I can say without a doubt that I’d still choose you. Thank you for loving me so well for so long. I will listen to you verbally process for all my days. Trishna, thank you for wanting to hear each chapter of this book as soon as it was completed. Jonathan, thank you for bringing me a cup of tea and a hug every morning while I wrote. Elijah, thank you for singing “I love you, Mommy, oh yes I do.” I’ll love you all forever; I’ll like you for always. And remember: Magic always comes with a price!
God, thank you for books, chocolate, tea, family, Jesus, love. In other words, for everything.
notes
Introduction
1.For more specific information about your unique personality type, I recommend taking an online test. Find free ones at truity.com and 16personalities.com.
Chapter 1: The Distance Is Nothing
1.John Piper, Don’t Waste Your Life (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2003), 33.
2.Susan Cain, Quiet Power (New York: Dial Books, 2016), 27.
3.Susan Storm, “How Each Myers-Briggs Type Reacts to Stress (and How to Help!),” Psychology Junkie, August 2, 2015, https://www.psychologyjunkie.com/2015/08/02/how-each-mbti-type-reacts-to-stress-and-how-to-help/.
Chapter 2: Learning How to Sail
1.Susan Cain, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking (New York: Random House, 2012), 11.
2.Ednah Cheney, Louisa May Alcott: Her Life, Letters, and Journals (Carlisle, MA: Applewood, 2010), 29. Other journal quotes found here as well.
3.Description found at https://www.16personalities.com/personality-types.
4.Louisa May Alcott, Little Women, Reprint edition (New York: Puffin, 2014), 721.
Chapter 3: A New Day
1.This is an ebook that can be found at https://www.carrotsformichaelmas.com/good-reads/.
Chapter 4: No Great Loss
1.Kathryn Van Auken, “Grieving When You’re an Introvert,” Huffington Post, April 13, 2016, https://www.huffingtonpost.com/kathryn-van-auken/grieving-when-youre-an-introvert_b_9627664.html.
2.Description found at https://www.16personalities.com/personality-types.
3.Quotes from Maud’s journals found in The Selected Journals of L M. Montgomery, Volumes One and Two, edited by Mary Rubio and Elizabeth Waterston (Ontario: Oxford University Press, 1985 and 1987).
Chapter 5: Tenderness of Heart
1.Shawna Wingert, “To the Single Mom at Christmas,” Not the Former Things (blog), December 14, 2015, https://nottheformerthings.com/to-the-single-mom-on-christmas.
2.Also check out this video clip on YouTube to share with your spouse: “Introvert VS. Extrovert // Which are you?” Holderness Family Vlogs, Jan. 31, 2018, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z2R2KGW69m0.
3.Susan Cain, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking (New York: Random House, 2012), 264.
Chapter 6: Pruned Down and Branched Out
1.Hannah Whitall Smith, The Christian’s Secret of a Happy Life, Reprint edition (Peabody, MA: Hendrickson, 2004), 89.
2.Greg McKeown, Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less (New York: Crown Business, 2014), 103.
3.Gretchen Rubin, The Happiness Project (New York: HarperCollins, 2009), 11.
4.Megan M. Fritz and Sonja Lyubomirsky, “How and Why Positive Activities Can Make You Happier,” Behavioral Scientist, March 20, 2018, http://behavioralscientist.org/how-and-why-positive-activities-can-make-you-happier/.
5.Elaine N. Aron, “The Highly Sensitive Person” The Highly Sensitive Person, 1999, http://www.hsperson.com/pages/hsp.htm.
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br /> 6.Elaine N. Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You (New York: Broadway Books), 19–20.
7.Anne Bogel, “Self-care for the Highly Sensitive Parent,” Simple Homeschool, October 29, 2014, https://simplehomeschool.net/highly-sensitive-parent/.
8.The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey. Directed by Peter Jackson, performances by Martin Freeman and Ian McKellen, New Line Cinema, 2012.
Chapter 7: Always Good Company
1.Sarah Mackenzie, The Read Aloud Family (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2018), 38.
2.Claire Tomalin, Jane Austen: A Life (New York: Vintage Books, 1999), 136–137.
3.“INTJ Personality: The Architect,” 16 Personalities, https://www.16personalities.com/intj-personality.
4.Andrew Piper, “Why Are Jane Austen’s Novels So Popular? Her Characters Are Introverts,” .txtLAB, April 29, 2016, https://txtlab.org/2016/04/why-are-jane-austens-novels-so-popular-her-characters-are-introverts/.
5.Quoted by Jodie Halford in “Why Is Jane Austen Trending 200 Years after Her Death?” BBC News, July 18, 2017, http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-40644085.
Chapter 8: Feel a Prayer
1.Jen Hatmaker, Of Mess and Moxie (Nashville: Nelson Books, 2017), 79.
2.Adam S. McHugh, Introverts in the Church (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2017), 25.
3.Ibid., 198.
4.Phillis Wheatley, “Thoughts on the Works of Providence,” The Poems of Phillis Wheatley: With Letters and a Memoir (Mineola, NY: Dover Publications, 2010), 19–22. Find the entire poem online at bartleby.com/150/12.html.
5.John C. Shields, “Phillis Wheatley’s Use of Classicism,” American Literature 52, no. 1 (1980), 100.
6.Phillis Wheatley, “On Being Brought from Africa to America,” The Poems of Phillis Wheatley: With Letters and a Memoir (Mineola, NY: Dover Publications, 2010), 3. Find entire poem online at bartleby.com/150/5.html.
7.For kids ages ten and up, check out The Poems of Phillis Wheatley: With Letters and a Memoir (Mineola, NY: Dover Publications, 2010). For further adult study consult Phillis Wheatley, Complete Writings (New York: Penguin, 2001).
Chapter 10: In Quiet Places
1.Jean Granneman, “Introverts’ and Extroverts’ Brains Really Are Different, According to Science,” Introvert, Dear (blog), March 4, 2015, https://introvertdear.com/news/introverts-and-extroverts-brains-really-are-different-according-to-science/.
2.Description of INFP found at https://www.16personalities.com/personality-types.
3.Quoted by Pamela Smith Hill, Laura Ingalls Wilder: A Writer’s Life (Pierre: South Dakota State Historical Society Press, 2007), 1.
4.For further information, watch author Grace Lin’s video on PBS.org, What to do when you realize classic books from your childhood are racist: https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/realize-classic-books-childhood-racist.
5.Find my instructions on how to make candles with kids at https://simplehomeschool.net/candle-making-with-kids/.
6.“If I ever go looking for my heart’s desire again, I won’t look any further than my own back yard. Because if it isn’t there, I never really lost it to begin with.” L. Frank Baum, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.
Chapter 11: Your Own Happiness
1.Eleanor Roosevelt, You Learn by Living (New York: Harper, 1960), 95.
2.Transcription of the Declaration of Independence, National Archives, https://www.archives.gov/founding-docs/declaration-transcript.
3.Dacher Keltner and Emiliana Simon-Thomas, The Science of Happiness: Week 1, Edx.org, 2018, https://courses.edx.org/courses/coursev1:BerkeleyX+GG101x+1T2018/course/.
4.L. I Catalino, S. B. Algoe, and B. L. Fredrickson (2014). “Prioritizing Positivity: An Effective Approach to Pursuing Happiness?” Emotion, 14 (2014): 1155–61, http://www.unc.edu/peplab/publications/Catalino%20Algoe%20Fredrickson%202014.pdf.
5.Keltner and Simon-Thomas, The Science of Happiness: Week 1, Edx. org, 2018, https://courses.edx.org/courses/coursev1:BerkeleyX +GG101x+1T2018/course/.
6.Sophia Dembling, “Nine Signs That You Might Be an Introvert,” Huffington Post, December 7, 2012, https://www.huffingtonpost.com/sophia-dembling/nine-signs-that-you-might_b_2251932.html.
Chapter 12: A Beautiful Success
1.Shauna Niequist and Tsh Oxenreider, The Simple Show podcast, Episode 38, August 27, 2016, https://theartofsimple.net/podcast/38/.
2.Dictionary.com, https://www.dictionary.com/browse/success?s=t.
3.Donna Ball, At Home on Ladybug Farm (New York: Berkley, 2009), 255.
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