by Becca Steele
“What is it?” Her voice was flat.
“I’m sorry.” I kept my eyes on her.
“Sorry for what? You’ll have to be more specific than that. There’s a lot you have to be sorry for, Carter.”
“I know.” I brushed her hair away from her face, and she shivered, then frowned as if she was annoyed with her body’s reaction to me. “I’m sorry for the way I’ve treated you since the beginning of the year. I know I already apologised for that, but I want to make sure you know that I mean it. But most of all, I’m sorry for earlier today.”
“Oh.” She stared at me, the crease still there between her brows. I reached out and smoothed it out.
“Don’t ruin that beautiful face with a frown.”
“You think I’m beautiful? You have a funny way of showing it.”
“You know I do. I told you that when I was in your bed.” My cock stirred as images of fucking her flashed through my brain. Her cheeks flushed, and I knew she was thinking the same thoughts as me.
“What was today all about, then? The way you treated me—there’s no excuse for that. I’ve still got the bruises from where you marked me. A reminder of something that was special to me. You took my virginity, Carter, and today you humiliated me and acted like it meant nothing to you.” The devastation in her eyes was unmistakable, and I stepped closer, leaning down slightly and kissing her soft lips. I couldn’t help it any longer. It was like a compulsion. She put her hand to my chest, and I thought she was going to push me away, but instead, she pulled me closer. “Why are you so sexy when you’re all hot and sweaty from football training?” she mumbled to herself. “It shouldn’t be allowed.”
I didn’t reply, just kissed her harder, wrapping my arms around her body.
The sound of a door slamming somewhere outside the room had her pulling back suddenly and shoving at my chest. “No. This isn’t happening. You can’t distract me with your kisses.” Her mouth set in a flat line, and she leaned backwards, further away from me, her eyes turning hard. “You didn’t answer my question. What was today all about? In the cafeteria?”
“Rai…” I stepped back, running a hand through my hair, and decided on full honesty. “We can’t be together. Not in public. Not yet. Maybe not even at all. I can’t allow you to get caught up in these rumours.” And I wasn’t sure I could handle my parents’ reaction to us being together. I didn’t voice that part aloud, though. My jaw clenched, and then I made a tentative suggestion. “Maybe we could see each other in private, for now? No one has to know.”
“Are you actually serious?” She gaped at me. “First of all, you were the one who started everything. If it hadn’t been for you spreading the rumour in the first place, none of this would have happened. And second, I’m not going to be your dirty little secret. Either you’re with me, properly, like a boyfriend, or you’re not with me at all.”
“That’s—” I started, but she held up her hand.
“I’m not finished. This is long overdue. Do you know how you dismissing me earlier made me feel? How you hurt me every time you pretend like you don’t have feelings for me in front of your friends? For so long, I felt unworthy. Less. But you know what?” Her voice grew louder as she jabbed her finger into my chest. “I’m. Not. Less. I’m just as fucking worthy as you. And I’m done placing my hopes on a boy who cares more about untrue rumours and reputations than the girl who’s falling in—” She cut herself off, absolute fury and pain darkening her face, and she shoved me backwards with all her strength, jumping off the table and flying from the room, slamming the door behind her.
I was fucking stunned. Her words burned through me, shocking me to my core.
“You can be a real dick, sometimes.” The soft voice came from the open doorway. I hadn’t even noticed the door opening.
“You heard that?” I looked at Imogen’s disapproving face, and she nodded. “I heard enough.” She stepped closer. “Why would you care what people think?”
“It’s not that,” I insisted, shaking my head. “She’s got it wrong. I’m trying to protect her.” And my head is so fucked up… I shook my head again, trying to dislodge my thoughts.
She raised a brow, leaning against the wall with her arms folded. “Do you like her?”
I shrugged, and she glanced over at the open door, then moved away from me and pulled the door closed. “Do you want her?”
I shrugged again.
“How would you feel if she was with someone else?”
Jealousy lashed through me, and I gritted my teeth, my fists clenched.
“It’s clear to me, and probably everyone else that saw you two kiss, that there’s something more between you. You’re Carter Blackthorne. King of the school. If you want her, then there’s no one to stop you.”
“What if I make everything worse or completely fuck things up? What if she becomes even more of a target? What if I lose everything?” The words spilled out of me before I could censor them.
“Forget those what-ifs for a minute. What if you gain something worth losing everything else for?” Her voice softened, and she reached out to touch my arm. “Is Raine worth the risk? Only you can decide that.”
Raine had disappeared by the time I got outside. I guess it shouldn’t have been surprising. I bet she’d got a lift home from that drama club kid. The thought filled me with unreasonable jealousy, and I gritted my teeth as I made my way to my truck.
When I was home, I reclined on my bed, staring at the ceiling, trying to make sense of my thoughts, before I gave up and reached for my phone.
Me: Talk to me. PLEASE.
The indicator to say she’d read my message popped up almost straight away, but after ten minutes with no reply, I sent her another text.
Me: I’m sorry
Raine: You say you’re sorry, but nothing changes. I’ve had enough. As far as I’m concerned, whatever this was between us is over. DONE.
Me: Can we talk about this?
She never replied. And later that evening, when I couldn’t stand it any longer and sneaked over to her house to climb through her window, it was locked, and despite my knocks to the glass, her bedroom remained dark.
29
The shame that burned through me every time I thought of how Carter had completely humiliated me in front of everyone in the cafeteria eventually began to lessen, replaced by anger at the way I’d been treated, and finally settled into a kind of numbness. Every day, it became a little easier to breathe as the gossip died away and Carter avoided me. The Christmas break had given me some clarity and some space to step back and reflect. When I looked back on everything, it had been naive of me to expect that just because I’d given him my virginity and we’d spent the night talking about anything and everything, things would change. I wouldn’t give him the chance to hurt me again. Now, I was staying as far away from Carter Blackthorne as I could. I couldn’t fool my heart into believing that he didn’t mean anything to me, though. That was impossible.
Walking into school on the first day back after the Christmas break, my eyes went straight to Carter. He was at the top of the steps, flanked by Kian and Xavier, scanning the school grounds with an air of superiority. His eyes met mine, sadness flickering in them before he masked his expression, and I took a deep breath, dragging my gaze away from his. Holding my head high, I walked past as if he wasn’t even there. He didn’t say a word to me, and why would he? The one boy I wanted, and he didn’t think I was good enough for him.
Lena squeezed my arm reassuringly as we headed inside. “I’m proud of you. You’re doing great.”
I returned her smile. I was doing great because I’d managed to perfect my mask and hide how broken I was inside. She’d told me to fake it until it became real, but I was starting to wonder if that would ever happen while I was a student at AHS. I just had to get through the rest of the school year, and then I could get out of here. Out of Alstone and make a fresh start in a new place where no one knew me or had any preconceived ideas about me.
/> At lunchtime, I went to find Dylan, holding the envelope I’d been carrying around all morning. Eventually I found him in the computer lab, headphones on, engrossed in whatever he was doing on the keyboard. I debated whether to disturb him, but as I drew closer, his head shot up and a smile crossed his face.
Tugging off his headphones, he indicated towards the free seat next to him, and I sank into it, handing him the envelope.
“What’s this?” He eyed it curiously, sliding his finger under the seal to open it. “Money?”
I nodded, smiling. “All four hundred and twenty pounds. I told you I’d pay you back.”
“You didn’t do anything illegal to get this, did you?”
We both laughed, and I explained. “It was actually Lena who came up with the idea. I designed and created an outfit for her cousin to wear at a winter ball, and she paid me for it. I couldn’t believe it.” She’d actually paid me four hundred and seventy-five pounds, and once I’d managed to get over the shock that someone was willing to pay that much for something I’d made, I felt a real sense of pride. That someone actually thought that an outfit I’d created was worth something. It had opened up new possibilities that I’d never dared to hope for before. I’d been a little out of pocket once I’d set aside the money for Dylan and factored in the cost of materials, but the promise of more dress design opportunities coming my way had more than made up for that.
“I’m not surprised. You’re talented, Raine.” Dylan grinned. “Now, since we’re celebrating…” He trailed off and paused, swallowing hard. “Are-are you free after school? Or another day?”
“Why?” I asked warily, noting the nervous, hopeful look on his face.
“I thought we could maybe go bowling. At the pier. Or something else, if you don’t like that?”
I noted the way he was chewing his lip. “Do you mean like a date?” He nodded, and my mouth twisted. I hesitated for a moment. Why couldn’t I be attracted to someone like him? Uncomplicated, sweet, and unassuming, and even better, not part of the popular crowd. But I couldn’t lead him on like that. It wasn’t fair to him. “Uh…I like you, Dylan. As a friend,” I emphasised.
“The words that no guy wants to hear when he asks a girl out. Is this to do with Carter?” He couldn’t disguise the mixture of disappointment and bitterness in his tone.
I sighed. “No, it’s nothing to do with Carter.” That was a lie. It was, partly. But there was also the fact that I wasn’t attracted to Dylan, not even a tiny bit. “It’s just me. I…” I threw up my hands awkwardly. How was I supposed to let him down gently? I’d never been in this situation before.
His face dropped, and he turned back to his computer screen. “Say no more. I get it.”
“I’m really sorry. Please don’t be mad at me.”
“I’m not mad. I’m…disappointed, I guess.” Turning to meet my eyes, his voice softened. “It’s not your fault. I’m not mad at you, I promise.”
“Good.” My body relaxed as the tension drained from me. “You’re going to make an amazing boyfriend for some lucky girl, one day.”
He gave me a wry smile. “I know. Maybe you’ll stop being immune to my charms one day, too.” We both laughed, although I couldn’t tell if he was joking or not. I knew I’d hurt him by turning him down, no matter how unintentionally.
“Well…uh…I haven’t eaten yet, so I’m going to go.” I slipped out of the seat. “We’re still okay, right?” I needed to make sure.
“We’re still okay. And I’m still giving you a lift home after drama club.” He tapped at his keyboard, and I took that as my cue to leave, after a whispered, “thanks” that he didn’t acknowledge.
If only we could choose who we fell for. Life would be so much easier.
After school I’d ridden my bike down to the pier. There was a restlessness within me that I couldn’t escape, no matter how hard I tried. I was hoping that the peacefulness of the beach would sort me out. Stretching out on one of the large flat rocks, my back against the sea wall, I watched the gulls circling overhead. Snapping a quick photo of the birds silhouetted against the darkening sky, I uploaded it to my social media account before sitting back again, breathing in the salty, fresh tang of the sea air. My eyes closed.
“Hi!” The loud croak had my eyes flying open, to see a large bird with shiny black feathers regarding me with one beady eye.
“Did-did you just talk?”
The bird hopped closer. “Hi!” This time there was no mistaking it. A smile spread across my face as I studied the raven. At least, I thought it was a raven. My bird knowledge was pretty much non-existent.
“You can talk. That’s amazing,” I breathed. Why am I talking to a bird?
A clicking noise came from close to me, and I spun my head to see a woman in a long black coat picking her way across the mixture of sand and pebbles towards me. Her dark curls tumbled wildly around her face, and she eyed me with a serene expression, as if she’d expected to find me right here on this quiet stretch of beach in the middle of winter. She clicked her tongue again, and the raven flew from the rock, landing on her shoulder where it cocked its head, still looking at me.
“It’s you.” My words came out softly, and the fortune teller nodded as she lowered herself to sit on the rock next to mine. “Aunt Marie? Marie?”
She nodded again. “Either.”
Suddenly, I wanted to know all the answers. “That riddle…was that real? Or was it just a made-up thing?”
Her stare…it was like she could see right through me again. She remained silent, and the words just kept coming out. “I messed up.” I sighed, kicking at a pebble. “Well, it wasn’t just me. Everything went wrong.”
“The gain will not come without a cost. Can you hold on when hope is lost?” She repeated part of the original riddle that she’d given me back on Fright Night.
“What is that supposed to mean? Help me out, here. Please.”
The raven croaked. “Help!”
I glared at it, and it raised its head in a way that managed to be both disdainful and judgy at the same time.
Marie’s eyes glazed over, and she touched a hand to my arm. “Both light and darkness lie ahead. Your path is shrouded with hidden dread. The question that you need to ask… What is hidden beneath his mask?”
She broke out of her trance, adding with a whisper, “Find out…before it is too late.”
A shiver ran through me as the sun dropped below the horizon.
With her words echoing in my ears, she rose to her feet and disappeared into the distance, leaving me trembling, and not from the cold.
I rubbed my hand across my face, bringing my knees up and hugging them to my chest. Had that actually happened? The entire thing had felt like a dream. A creepy dream, if I thought about it.
Anyone who lives by the coast, or in the UK for that matter, knows just how quickly the weather can change. Lost in my own thoughts, I didn’t notice the storm clouds rolling in. One minute I was surrounded by clear dark skies, the next, angry clouds were growling at me, and then the heavens opened.
Heavy drops hit my face as I struggled to do up my raincoat and get the hood over my head. My hands and nose were already turning numb as I made a run for my bike and unlocked it. I was resigned to getting soaked, but at least I could have a bath and hot chocolate when I was home.
Peddling as quickly as I could, I wobbled slightly on the bike, my lights weak in the driving rain, as I turned onto the large road that would lead towards the area I lived in. The one bonus was that the streets were quiet, since it was a weeknight.
I’d just swerved around a puddle when I heard the sound of a car coming up fast behind me, and I instinctively wrenched my handlebars towards the side of the road, hugging the grass verge. The car flew past me in a spray of dirty water, soaking me from head to toe.
I gasped at the shock as the first spray of water hit me, sending rainwater into my mouth. Wobbling off the road, I came to a stop on the grass verge, spitting the liquid out
and recoiling at the taste on my tongue.
As I was about to start pedalling again, I heard the sound of another car coming from the opposite direction and steeled myself for another shock of icy water, hunching my body over instinctively. How much bad luck could I have this evening?
The car slowed, and headlights swung across my body, illuminating me in all my dripping glory.
“Are you okay?” a voice called over the driving rain.
My streak of bad luck wasn’t over, then. Was I about to be kidnapped and taken away? Various scenarios ran through my mind, each sending me more and more hysterical. My imagination was running wild at this point, no thanks to Aunt Marie’s mysterious riddle, and being out here, soaked through and helpless, had me almost paralysed with fear.
“Hey!” the voice called again, and I slowly turned, wiping the rain from my eyes. Something even worse than kidnappers or killer clowns faced me.
Xavier Wright and Carter Blackthorne.
Kill me now.
“Raine?” Xavier’s voice was shocked. “Shit, didn’t realise it was you we sprayed water all over.”
I couldn’t find my voice.
“Raine. Get in the car.” Carter’s low, commanding tone easily reached my ears.
“No.” I shook my head, sending raindrops flying everywhere.
“We can’t leave her. She’s soaked and shivering.” Carter was speaking to Xavier.
“I know, mate, but what do you want me to do? Force her to get inside?”
While they were debating, I decided to get out of there. It wasn’t like I could get any more soaked, and I couldn’t bring myself to be near Carter. Not now. Not when my head was spinning still from Aunt Marie’s riddle. And of course, there was my whole plan to avoid him. With that thought in mind, I steered my bike back onto the road and pedalled as hard as I could.
