by Jill Shalvis
Somehow that admission touched her unbearably, because she thought maybe he was saying if things were only different, he would have wanted a meaningful relationship with her.
She liked knowing that.
In fact, once he was gone, it would be all she had.
“Maybe making time is something I haven’t done either,” she said, wanting to be honest. “I always thought it was because I was too busy, but I think maybe I did that on purpose. Used the demands on my time as an excuse not to let anyone close.”
“Life can get awfully lonely that way.”
“I kept myself busy, so busy I never really noticed. I had Alexi and Tara. And the lodge.”
“So what changed?”
“You. It was you. Everything changed that night you came back. I decided to go for it. To, for once, let someone in. Only it got out of control so fast.” She shook her head, her throat tight. “I couldn’t stop the feelings, the emotions, and even when I told myself over and over again it was all temporary, I still couldn’t stop them.”
“Me, either.” The moonlight glinted in his hair as he brought one of their joined hands up to his mouth, brushing his lips over her skin, softening her heart all the more. “I’m learning sometimes that’s okay. You have to trust yourself.”
“I...trust you.”
“That’s good.” He leaned close to stare deep into her eyes. “Because I trust you back.”
“But I don’t want a long-distance relationship.”
A half smile curved his lips as he drew her close against his wonderfully warm body. “Well, at least you’re admitting you want one.”
Oh yes, she wanted one. She hadn’t even realized it, not until he’d come back into her life and shown her what she was missing, but she wanted that with all her heart.
And now she couldn’t have it. “Zach...”
As if reading her thoughts, he kissed her; a soft, soul-searching kiss that touched her very soul. Her body took over, made its wants known. She was already pressed against him; it took little effort to slide her arms around his neck, even less to tip her face up.
“We have right now,” he murmured. “We don’t have to figure it all out this minute, it can be a problem for tomorrow.”
True.
They did still have tomorrow. But didn’t they deserve more than just one more day?
“You’re cold.” He ran his hands down her back. “We need to get back.”
“I’m not cold.” And she wasn’t, those faint shivers he’d felt were something else entirely. “Kiss me.” And because she couldn’t wait, she tugged his head to hers and claimed his mouth.
“Keep that up,” he muttered when they came up for air, “and I’m going to kiss every inch of you. Right here.”
To ensure that was exactly what happened, Hannah nipped his jaw, then his ear. With a low groan, Zach roughly took her mouth. Thrusting her fingers into his thick hair, she opened her lips beneath his onslaught and sank into the heat of the passion that never failed to flare between them at the slightest touch.
“Here?” she murmured.
“Here.” And he took them both down to the sand.
They were completely alone with the waves, the wind, the night sky. And with Hannah in his arms, Zach found he had everything he wanted.
Her mouth was slow and hot and demanding, making him forget about their uncertain and troubled future. They had now, right now, and he wasn’t going to waste one precious second of it.
The pounding of the waves was in sync with the drum of pleasure beating through his veins, to the excitement he knew pounded through Hannah as well. Pressed so tightly to her, he could feel the erratic leap of her heart, could hear the dark, needy sounds she made as he ran his hands over her.
She spread his jacket over the sand, then looked at him as they faced each other on their knees. For a long moment, neither of them moved.
Then his palm covered her breast, possessing her, claiming her, and she arched her back, accepting, seeking more.
His thumb slid over just the very tip of her breast, teasing, but it wasn’t enough for him, and if he believed the heat in her gaze, it wasn’t enough for her, either. He pulled off her sweater, trailing his fingers lightly over the edges of her bra until he came to the front hook, which easily fell open under his touch.
Her gaze flew up to his, wide and glossy, and when his callused fingers rasped over her bare breasts she moaned and let her head fall back on her shoulders. He slid the silk completely off her, exposing her to the night sky and his own hungry gaze. Her nipples were hard and thrust up, two tight, begging peaks. He bent his head and curled his tongue over first one, then the other, while she quivered and whispered his name over and over again in a hoarse, needy voice. She clung to him, and pulled him down onto the jacket, so that she bore all his weight.
Cupping her face, he looked down at her, certain she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. Her lips were open and swollen from his kisses, her bare skin creamy and lush in the moonlight. Her breasts, still wet from his mouth, glistened enticingly, and his feelings for her nearly overwhelmed him. “Hannah—”
“I know.” Her eyes reflected all he felt and mirrored her own feelings back.
He kissed her mouth, her neck, then shifted, moving down to her bare, quivering belly. His hands slid over her thighs, her calves, then back up, beneath her skirt now, bringing the material up as he went, exposing her inch by inch to his hungry gaze. He put his hands on her thighs and opened them, settling himself between so he could see her panties, which were tiny, just another scrap of silk, easily moved aside.
“Zach?”
“Shh,” he whispered, soothing her with his hands, running them up and down her legs. “I’m going to keep my promise. Every single inch, Hannah.”
“I don’t think—”
“No thinking allowed,” he murmured huskily, bending to his task. He blew a hot breath at the juncture of her thighs and heard the breath back up in her throat. “I’m going to kiss you until you lose it. I want to watch.”
“You—”
His mouth touched her then, and whatever she’d planned to say came out as a sigh of surrender.
She tasted like heaven, and she moved like it, too. Shifting wildly, panting, she went as crazy as he already was. He nibbled and stroked, getting hotter by the second, but it wasn’t until he drew her into his mouth and sucked that she arched like a bow, shuddering, shuddering, shuddering as her release rushed through her.
Slowly he softened the touch of his mouth, swirling his tongue over her as she came back to her senses. Lifting his head, holding her gaze, he adjusted her panties and slowly, regretfully, straightened her skirt. Before he could change his mind and take her again without protection—and the consequences be damned—he pulled her up and reached for her bra to close it.
“What—wait,” she protested, trembling and damp. “I want you...”
The tension in his body was so tight that he thought his jaw might shatter. “We can’t.”
Her hands slid over him anyway, cupping him right through his jeans. He was hard and ready. “No protection,” he managed through his teeth, trying to take her hands off him, but she wouldn’t allow it.
Instead, his stubborn Hannah pressed him down on the jacket where she’d just laid, open and vulnerable and in surrender.
She sent him a wicked smile.
“Hannah.” He licked his dry lips and tasted her on them, which only made his condition all the more impossible to bear. “We can’t,” he said hoarsely.
“Maybe not in the way you think.” She slid her hands beneath his T-shirt, over his ribs and nipples, which caused him to jerk.
“Hannah—”
“Good?” she murmured, leaning over him and watching him carefully. Her skin was still flushed, her eyes hot and hungry. And also just a touch nervous, he realized as tenderness and a good amount of possessiveness swamped her.
“Does this feel good?” she asked, her fingerti
ps just barely scraping over his skin, making the muscles in his stomach dance. His erection strained against the buttons of his jeans.
“Good isn’t quite the word I’d use,” he managed.
“No?” She bit her lower lip as she sat back on her heels, staring at the buttons on his jeans. Then her fingers were there, fumbling a bit as she opened them one by one.
Pop. Pop. Pop.
“What word would you use then?” she wondered.
“I’d say—” His words broke off on a helpless moan as she slid her hands into his opened jeans, wrapping her fingers around him to gently squeeze.
“You’d say...what?” Now she used those fingers to give him a long, slow, tortuous stroke. Heat pooled in his loins, surging, burning heat, and he figured he had about five seconds of control left.
Maybe.
Then she kneeled between his legs, just as he had hers only moments before, smiled innocently at him—he was beginning to mistrust that innocent smile—and licked the very tip of him.
He nearly came off the jacket. “Hannah!”
She lifted her head. “Is that Hannah, yes, or Hannah, I really hate that? Because quite honestly, Zach, I’m making all this up as I go along.”
He might have been able to answer her, but that was before she once again bent her head. This time her tongue darted out, licking a scorching path upward, upward, and then she hovered over him, her breath hot and teasing as she hesitated.
Helplessly, he strained toward her. “Please,” was torn from his throat, though he had no idea what he was begging for. He hadn’t expected her to do this, and with his last bit of energy, he slid his fingers into her hair, meaning to lift her away.
But then she took him into her wet, hot mouth, and he was gone, lost, completely out of himself. She simply continued, wrapping her arms around him as he convulsed with a harsh groan, and as the powerful shudders of completion shook him, she held him all the tighter, showing him with actions what she hadn’t been able to do with words.
* * *
SOMEHOW THEY MADE IT back to the lodge, and to Hannah’s room. Once there, they stumbled into bed, found the box of condoms, and turned to each other again.
Then again.
And finally, near dawn, they slept.
Until the phone rang.
“Sorry,” came Alexi’s voice in Hannah’s ear. “Honey, I’m sorry to call so early, but Zach has a call.”
Hannah’s brain was slow to respond, and it wasn’t just from being tired. Being held by Zach, close to his heart, impeded her thought process as well.
“He’s with you?” Alexi asked.
Oh, yeah. His arms were curled protectively about her. He nuzzled sleepily at her ear.
“He’s here,” she said with a smile.
“It’s his captain, Hannah. Thought I should warn you.”
His captain. His work. Oh God. “Oh.”
“Yeah, oh.” Alexi managed to convey her sorrow, her regret and her own anger all in that one word. “Tell him line one.”
Hannah handed Zach the phone.
He frowned down at the receiver as if it were a poisonous snake. “For me?”
“It’s your work.”
His gaze searched hers, deep and unrelentingly intense. But he took the phone.
And in that moment she knew. Her little interlude was over.
Zach was really leaving.
CHAPTER 14
SHE HAD TO give him credit, Hannah thought, two terminally long days later.
He’d said goodbye.
If their positions had been reversed, she might have been tempted to escape those last painful few moments.
And they had been painful.
But she’d watched Zach pack, his eyes solemn and sorrowful. She’d listened to him explain that there was some big raid planned for the next night and that the department was short-handed, that they wouldn’t have called him back two days early unless they desperately needed him.
Hannah had watched him drive away, pretending her heart hadn’t all but stopped in her chest, pretending she didn’t love him.
Oh yeah, she loved him. With everything she had, and yet she hadn’t told him. Maybe he loved her back, but because she hadn’t been brave enough to share her feelings, she might never know.
He’d called each day, and each day she’d managed to miss that call, maybe on purpose. Hearing his voice would have broken through her almost pleasant numbness.
On the third day, a pot of daisies arrived.
“Talk to them for me,” the note said. “Love, Zach.”
Love.
Just like that, the blessed numbness deserted her.
She managed to make it to her room before completely falling apart. And since she’d been holding on to it so long, it took forever to let it all out.
How did one fall in love so fast? More to the point, how was she supposed to get over it?
A gentle knock sounded at her door, but she ignored it. After her self-pity jag she didn’t have the energy to talk.
The knock came again, firmer this time, and then both Tara and Alexi crowded into the room.
“That was locked,” she muttered.
“Love conquers all.” Tara plopped to the bed. “Even locked doors.”
Alexi held up a set of keys and jingled them before sitting down on the bed as well. “These helped. Oh Hannah, don’t shut us out.” Tears filled her eyes. “We miss him, too.”
Which started a mutual tissue-fest, but finally, with a sniff, Hannah knew what she had to do.
Maybe she’d known all along. “I love you guys,” she said softly. “You’re my two best friends in the entire world, and you’re my family.”
“But you’re leaving.” Tara squeezed her hands as a new set of tears filled her eyes. “Aren’t you?”
“I have to,” Hannah whispered. She looked at Alexi, feeling a little nervous, but oddly calm at the same time. “I love him. I have to tell him.”
“He loves you, too.”
“I don’t know that for sure.” But she never would unless she did this. “But if he does, and if he wants me to, I’m going to stay there. I have to.”
“We’ve never been separated, not in all these years,” Alexi said shakily, hugging Hannah hard. “But I do understand, because I love him, too. Go be happy. We’ll be here for you.”
“Take your time,” Tara added. “We’ve got the toilets covered. We’ll deal with the business stuff however we need to.”
Hannah’s heart was racing now that she’d made the decision. “So...how do I tell him?”
Alexi laughed. “That’s the easy part! Go find him and...and just blurt it out.”
Just tell him. Why hadn’t she already done it? Why hadn’t he?
He wouldn’t, she thought she understood that now. He would never ask her to give up a part of herself for him. “It was much easier when I was only trying to seduce him.”
“Well, you could start with that,” Alexi suggested. “Wrap yourself up in red ribbon and have yourself delivered to his doorstep.”
“Or sneak into his bed and wait there,” Tara said.
“Or pop out of a cake at his station.”
Hannah had to laugh. “I think I’ll come up with something on my own. But thanks.”
* * *
ZACH LASTED approximately one day. The bust went down without a hitch.
But then, as he knew he would, he got a new assignment, even deeper undercover than the last time, and something inside him said no.
He just couldn’t do it.
Instead he researched getting a transfer; anywhere near or in Avila. The jobs available were sorely limited, but with his connections and referrals, he discovered an opening for deputy sheriff.
No undercover, no days at a time being gone from home.
Sounded perfect.
So did the change of pace. Yes, there’d been a time when he’d needed all that adventure and risk, but his needs had changed.
Avila’s slower
pace would allow him a personal life. A love life. A family life. He couldn’t wait. He leased his condo to a new officer. Giving up his place was a risky move, but he knew his heart.
He should have known it sooner. His only excuse was that he’d been living on automatic, just working, working, working, not realizing it until he’d been shot and unable to do his job.
He’d called Norfolk Inn several times, missing Hannah each time, which was really just as well. He hadn’t wanted to do this over the phone. He’d needed to see her face when he told her what he’d done.
When he told her that he loved her.
It was possible he was more scared now than he’d ever been in his life, and he’d been in plenty of terrifying positions before.
But only three days after he’d left Avila, he drove back up the coast to face his future.
* * *
HANNAH STARED at the young man who’d opened the condo door. She was startled because...well, because he wasn’t Zach.
Plus he’d just given her a shocking announcement.
“What do you mean he doesn’t live here anymore?” She couldn’t have heard right. She had Zach’s address in her hand, written in Alexi’s own handwriting.
The man lifted a shoulder, looking apologetic. “He left this morning. He’s gone.”
Gone.
Okay, maybe he meant gone as in grocery shopping, not gone as in gone. “Do you know where he went?”
“Well...” The young man wrinkled his forehead as he strained to remember. “He said he was going back to paradise.”
“Paradise? But he lives here in L.A.”
“Not anymore, he leased the place to me.”
“Oh, I see,” she said, but she didn’t.
He seemed to take pity on her confusion. “Norfolk Inn? Yes, that’s it. Norfolk Inn. He said the place was home.”
Blood roared in her head now, so that she practically stuttered her thanks.
Only one question remained now—had Zach gone back to Avila because it was home, or had he gone back because of her?
* * *
FATE WAS NOT on Hannah’s side. The freeways in Los Angeles were at a complete standstill. Then she got a flat tire outside of Santa Barbara and had to call for roadside service.
