“What were you thinking about?” She asked as we swung slowly in the wooden swing that sat in the yard just off the right side of her patio.
“I wasn’t thinking, I was listening to you,” I lied.
Without bothering to look her way I sighed heavily before admitting that I actually wasn’t paying attention to her. I knew she didn’t believe my previous lie, so the truth might as well be told.
“I wasn’t thinking about much, really. Just enjoying the view.” Well, part of the truth would be told.
A few silent beats and Adalynn let out her own heavy sigh. “Tegan, why do I feel like I have been telling you not to close me out a lot here lately?”
Because you have. “The overprotectiveness coming out in you?” I nudged her shoulder in a joking manner. She didn’t think it was very funny though.
“Be serious, Tegan. You always crack jokes when you’re trying to avoid serious conversation.” She knew me all too well.
“Sorry,” I dropped my head against her shoulder.
“Don’t be sorry, just keep me in the loop. If you feel like shit’s getting crazy for you, let me know. I don’t want you to feel like you’re going through all of this alone. Because you’re not.”
Easier said than done.
“Coming back to the studio and trying to push on with my life has been a lot to take in. I’m just trying to find a way—my way—to adjust to everything without causing a catastrophic disaster.”
The honesty I had just allowed to spill from my mouth took me by surprise. I kept most of my emotions tucked away so I was the only person dealing with them. Pulling the people around me into it wasn’t something I wanted to do. Was it a healthy way to go about trying to heal? No. Did I need to figure out how to balance the two? Yes.
“Oh, Tegan.” Adalynn placed a hand on the side of my head that wasn’t touching her shoulder. “You’re not going to cause a catastrophic disaster.” She sighed sadly. “I hate that you still feel like this.” Her voice became thick, like she was trying to will back tears as she continued to speak. “I wish I could take away all of your pain. Every single bit of it that came from that night. I would honestly even trade places with you.”
I sat up quickly and turned to face her. “Don’t you ever say that!” I jumped a little from the intensity of my own voice. My heart was racing and my hands were beginning to shake from the thought of what I went through that night. I jumped up from the swing and walked a couple feet away from it before facing Adalynn again. Her eyes were wide as she watched me from the now still swing.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
I shook my head ‘no’ as tears began to pool in my eyes, making it hard to see her clearly.
Dammit!
“Don’t apologize,” I choked out. “I wouldn’t want what happened to me to happen to the lowest of persons. So don’t you ever say you would take my place if you could.” A lone tear raced half way down my cheek before I hastily swiped it away.
I took a deep breath and let it out as I turned my back towards Adalynn. She hadn’t spoken a word since her apology. Probably because she knew she had hit a major nerve with what she had said. I didn’t mean to come across as intense as I had, but it rocked me in a way I wasn’t comfortable with.
“I’m going to head home,” I said loud enough for Adalynn to hear me as I watched that damn red bird in the bird bath again.
“Okay.” Her fragile voice had me turning around to take her in. She had been silently crying herself. I wanted to walk over and hug her tightly; let her know I was truly appreciative for everything she had done and continued to do for me but I just couldn’t. I felt dirty from the memory of that night. I needed to be alone. To get in the hottest water my shower could produce and wash the remnants of those thoughts away.
I walked towards the patio and stopped directly beside the swing Adalynn was sitting in. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”
Without looking at me she wiped a tear away, “Yeah. I’ll be at the studio bright and early to close out the books for the month.”
“Thanks.”
She nodded.
“I love you, Adalynn. I just need to go be alone,” I admitted before walking into her house to gather my things so I could leave.
As I reached my car I flung my purse in on the passenger’s side and slid into the driver’s seat, but before I could shut my door a very angry-looking Adalynn came running down the driveway. I knew better than to shut the door and pull out with her coming at me like she was, so I got back out of my car and leaned against the door as she reached where I was parked.
“I refuse to be sorry for saying I would switch you places, because I would in a heartbeat! You’re my best friend, Tegan! Don’t you understand that I would go through hell and high water to make sure you are okay? I know the past year has been a whirlwind of bullshit and fucked-up situations, but you will not make me feel bad for saying what I said because I meant every word of it. You hear me?! Every. Single. Word.” She frantically ran her hands through her hair. “So stop trying to shield me from the pain you are feeling and let me help you through it. I’m exhausted from trying to get through to you when all you want to do is push me farther away.” Adalynn’s chest was heaving from her heavy breaths and anger towards me. If anyone could feel like a giant bitch, it was me for making her feel the way she was feeling. I needed Adalynn close to me; she was my rock when no one else had been around. Why did I continue to push her away when all she was trying to do was help me? I hated feeling helpless, and I hated people seeing me struggling to keep myself together.
I stepped around the driver’s side door and hugged Adalynn tightly. I didn’t need to respond to what she’d said because that hug spoke volumes. She squeezed me, “And I love you too, Tegan. Don’t you ever think differently.”
Running the fluffy white towel across my angry red skin I reached for the bottle of lotion on the vanity when my cell phone started going off in the kitchen. The ringtone usually told me who was calling, but the song that was playing was the default one for people who weren’t in my contacts. Hearing that tone was never a good sign.
Securing the towel around my body I padded into the kitchen just as my phone stopped ringing. “Never fails,” I huffed. Every time my phone would ring in another room it always stopped as soon as I reached it, like it was playing a game with me that I never won. It was annoying as hell. I pushed the missed call icon on the screen and read the number that had called. It wasn’t one I knew right off, but it was local. While I contemplated calling it back my phone sprang to life, showing that the same number was calling again.
“Hello?” I answered nervously.
“Tegan!” The sound of Zoey’s sing-song voice had me instantly smiling.
“Zoey?”
“Duh! Who else would it be?” Her response made me giggle.
“Silly girl, whose phone are you calling me from?”
“Mine.”
“You don’t have a phone.”
“Yes I do!”
“Since when?”
“Since Talon gave me one.”
Just hearing Talon’s name made my heart skip a beat. Damn traitor.
“Aren’t you a little young to have a cell phone?”
“Talon doesn’t think so.” I could almost hear her shrug her shoulders.
“Obviously,” I laughed. “So what are you doing, Zoey?”
“Nothing. I’m bored.” She drug out the O in the word bored. “Why can’t we have dance class every day?”
“Everyone needs a break every now and then. If we had dance class every day you would get tired of it.”
“Would not.” I could hear her pouting through the phone.
“Well, some of the students might.”
“Probably.”
A few silent beats passed before she spoke again.
“Can I come spend the night?”
Her question caught me off guard. “Tonight?!”
“Yeah.”
“Umm…Have you asked Talon?”
“No, but he really likes you so he won’t care.”
The blood was rushing to my ears after hearing her say he really liked me. I couldn’t control the way my body reacted to him and it scared me.
“Zoey, who are you talking to?” I could hear Talon’s voice in the background.
“Tegan.”
“Why are you bugging her?”
“Can I go stay the night with her tonight?” A few seconds passed before she started to beg. “Please!!!!”
I felt like an intruder listening to their conversation, but they both knew I was on the other end of the phone.
“Give me the phone,” Talon asked Zoey.
“Tegan?” The smoothness of his voice had me holding my breath for a split second before I realized I needed to reply.
Hoping my voice wouldn’t betray me I let out a silent slow breath, “Yeah?”
“I’m sorry Zoey’s bothering you.”
“She’s not bothering me.”
“You don’t have to always be nice to Zoey, I know how annoying she can get.”
“I hope she can’t hear you talking.”
“She’s in the other room.”
“I really don’t mind if she comes over for the night.”
“Really?” The fact that he was surprised by my answer made me wonder why he would think she would be annoying me, and that I wouldn’t want her around. Zoey was one of the most full of life little girls I had ever met. I needed someone like her in my life to brighten up all of the darkness.
“Yes, really. I love Zoey to death. She can stay with me anytime.”
After a few moments of silence I began to wonder if I had said something wrong, but he spoke up before I could ask if I had indeed done just that.
“I’m glad she has you in her life, Tegan. I really am.”
I felt my cheeks redden.
“I’m glad you both came into my life.”
Being a little brave, aren’t you Tegan?
“Me too.” His voice dropped a couple octaves causing me to close my eyes at the sound of it. “If you really don’t mind if she stays the night, I’ll pack her a bag and head on over.”
“Sounds good.” I was praying he couldn’t hear the shakiness in my voice.
“See you soon, Tegan.”
“See you soon.”
As soon as I hung up I fell back against the couch cushions and realized I was still dressed in nothing but a fluffy white towel. I jumped up from the couch and made a bee line for my bedroom so I could find something remotely pleasant to put on before Talon and Zoey arrived. I didn’t want to look overdressed. I was supposed to be chilling, not looking like I was about to go out for the night. Rummaging through one of my dresser drawers, I settled on a pair of pale blue cotton pajama pants and a white tank top. My hair was mostly dry so I styled it in a messy bun perched atop my head and smoothed my face over with light powder foundation. The clock read almost a quarter ‘til seven so I knew they had to be arriving soon, so instead of walking a hole in my floor from pacing I plopped myself down on the couch.
I had no idea how this sleep over was going to go. I’d never had a child stay the night before and I sure as heck didn’t have any movies that would be child-worthy, so I hoped Netflix would be jam-packed with good options.
At the sound of three swift knocks on my door I jumped up from the couch and quickly made my way over to it. I stopped myself before jerking it open because it would seem like I was waiting by the door for them, so I slowly counted to fifteen first.
All breath left my lungs at the sight of Talon. His tousled dark hair curled slightly above his ears, and those onyx eyes had a sparkle to them when he said hello to me. Tegan never sounded as good as it did rolling off of his tongue. I stood there smiling at them when Zoey stepped forward and pushed past the two of us in the doorway.
“So what’s the plan for tonight?” She carried her zebra print sequined duffle bag and a fluffy pale pink pillow shaped like a ballet slipper into the living room, dropping the bag beside the couch before curling up into what looked like an uncomfortable position with that pillow. She definitely felt at home wherever she went.
“What do you want to do?” I stepped back from the doorway to allow Talon to come inside. He was watching me with the biggest grin spread across his delicious lips. I couldn’t help but want those lips pressed against mine again.
Tone it down, Tegan!
Zoey was tapping her foot against the armrest of the couch while she loudly tried to decide on what to do. “Umm…” She continued to hold the word out until Talon told her to stop.
“Are you sure about this?” He eyed me as I took a seat at the island bar in the adjoining kitchen.
“It’ll be fine.” I smiled as I watched Zoey fumble through the kids section of Netflix. Apparently she had decided that a movie would start things off.
“If you need anything just give me a call, I don’t want to intrude.” He took a step back towards the door when Zoey sat up and gave him the evil eye.
“You can’t leave yet! We have a movie to watch!” She stuck her bottom lip out and turned on the puppy dog eyes.
I heard Talon sigh as he turned towards Zoey on the couch. “Zoey, this isn’t a sleep over for me, it’s for the two of you.”
“I know…but…”
“But, nothing.” He cut her off. I felt like I needed to step in and say something but I didn’t want to step on any toes.
“Sorry.” He turned his attention back to me and smiled.
“It’s really no big deal if you want to stay for the movie. Zoey really wants you to.” I nudged my head towards her balled-up form on the couch. She was clutching that ballet slipper pillow tightly as she fixated her eyes on the television screen that was waiting for someone to hit play on the movie she had selected.
“See, Talon. Tegan doesn’t mind if you stay.” Zoey peeked over at us as she continued to pout.
I looked up at Talon and found him looking at me instead of Zoey. He leaned down just enough to place his lips close to my ear, “Do you want me to stay?” The vibration of his voice sent chills racing across every inch of my skin. If he hadn’t realize before that he affected me, he did after that.
“Yes.” My response was breathy and quiet. At first I wondered if he even heard me, but as soon as he stood up to his normal height the right side of his mouth tipped up into a grin before he turned and walked over to the couch where Zoey was sprawled out.
“You, get the recliner.” He tapped her foot and pointed to it. When Zoey moved he took a seat on the couch where she had been sitting and looked over at me still standing in the same spot in the kitchen.
“Umm…Do you all want something to drink? Or popcorn?” I rambled off so he didn’t notice the true reason I hadn’t moved an inch. My body hadn’t caught up with my brain since he whispered into my ear. I needed time to get my bearings back in order.
“Popcorn!” Zoey yelled out with enthusiasm. I’m sure the look on my face was priceless because Talon laughed and shook his head.
“She loves popcorn. When I say loves, I mean she could eat it for every meal.”
“It’s the beeeeessssst!!!!” Zoey praised the buttery goodness.
I couldn’t help but to laugh at Zoey’s enthusiasm over popcorn. The girl kept getting more adorable with every little thing I found out about her. I placed a bag in the microwave and it began to pop as I collected drinks for the three of us. Soda was forbidden when it came to Zoey so she had to settle on apple juice while Talon and I got to have a soda. Needless to say, she wasn’t a happy camper regarding the matter, but as soon as I handed her a solo bowl of popcorn she was fine.
Talon had told me to stretch out, that he was fine sitting up like he was leaning against the armrest of the couch. So I did just that. My head was rested against one of the throw pillows that normally decorated my couch, while my legs were curled up merely inches away from his thigh. As the movie progressed my le
gs became restless so I hung them off the front of the couch to try and stretch them out some.
“You can put them in my lap, you know.”
“I didn’t know I was being so obvious.” I bit down on my bottom lip from the embarrassment of my discomfort.
He chuckled under his breath and pulled my legs into his lap. My pants had ridden up just enough to expose my ankle, the only bare skin close to him. I felt my breath hitch as he placed his arm on my leg so his hand rested against my foot. Zoey was enchanted in the movie she had picked. Squirrels were running around trying to raid a nut store, but I couldn't seem to concentrate on it due to Talon's hand moving gently across my ankle. He was drawing some kind of pattern. His fingertip felt like fire burning into my skin, leaving a tingling sensation in its wake. My chest was rising and falling rapidly with each moment that passed. I braved looking over at him to see if he was watching me, but he wasn’t. There was no indication that he even realized what he was doing so I turned my eyes towards the television and closed them. I couldn’t concentrate on the damn movie when Talon was touching me, even if it was just my ankle. He was still touching me!
When Talon’s hand stopped tracing patterns on my ankle I began to drift off to sleep. I had no idea what time it was because his head was perfectly blocking my view of the only clock in the room and I didn’t feel like sitting up to check the time. Zoey’s laugh woke me up from the groggy spiral I was being pulled down. I hadn’t realized just how tired I was until that moment. I smiled at the sound of Zoey’s continuous giggling caused by the squirrel movie; just hearing that sound could make anyone’s day better, and found myself falling back into my drowsy abyss.
“Hey…” My body moved gently forward.
Who’s touching me?
My heart rapidly thumped in my chest as I felt like the room was set on fire. I was sweating at the thought of someone trying to wake me. No one should be in my house. Oh, god! Someone was in my house. I kept my eyes shut tightly when the man’s voice echoed through my ears.
“The movie’s over, Tegan, you fell asleep.”
Talon?
Opening my eyes I found Talon kneeling down on the floor in front of where I was resting on the couch. I looked past him and saw Zoey out cold in the recliner, snuggled up against her ballet slipper pillow. Refocusing on Talon’s face, mere inches from my own; I remembered they had come over. Zoey was staying the night while he was leaving after the movie, which I had fallen asleep during. My heart rate began to slow when I realized I was safe, no one was in my house that shouldn’t be. I hated that fear that would take control of me out of nowhere, wrapping itself around me and holding me motionless. That night had scarred me deeper than anyone actually knew.
Graceful Scars Page 4
