‘He likes you.’ I didn’t realise Ryan was watching the exchange until he speaks.
I think he suspects I’m his “undercover man”, but I can’t say that aloud. ‘I wouldn’t read too much into it.’
‘Wouldn’t you?’ He raises an eyebrow and I have a horrible, sinking feeling. Ryan is never like this.
‘What’s that supposed to mean? Ry, you’ve been off with me all morning – what’s wrong?’
‘Nothing.’ He turns and stalks off up the path, and I start to follow, but before he gets halfway up, he turns back around. ‘Actually, Fee, there is something. Where do you work?’
His voice wavers, but his face is stony and I instantly know he knows.
I swallow hard. ‘Why?’
My voice comes out unsteady even though I’m trying to sound non-committal and vague, like I can somehow still wriggle my way out of this. There’s no telling for sure that that’s what he’s talking about.
‘Riscaldar,’ Tonya answers for me. Ryan’s voice has risen enough to attract the attention of the remaining residents and I hadn’t even noticed them shuffling closer.
‘No,’ Ryan says, slowly, like he’s turning it over in his own head. ‘No, I don’t think you do.’
He knows. A wave of nausea crashes through me. It’s not like I didn’t know this day was coming, but I didn’t want him to find out from someone else. I’ve tried to tell him so many times, but being with him, tentatively dating him, stealing kisses when no one’s looking, and the whirling emotions of wanting to stay here and not go back to London, to maybe make a real go of things with Ryan … It’s made me take leave of my senses, and I was so scared of doing something to mess that up that I’ve bitten my tongue every time I’ve gone to blurt it out.
There’s no not facing it now though. ‘Can we talk in private?’ I nod towards the tree and go to start walking towards it, but he shakes his head.
‘No. I think everyone deserves to hear this … Or is it just me you’ve been lying to and everyone else knows the truth?’
The group of residents are curious. They’re gathering closer, intrigued by what’s going on. Despite the numerous hearing aids that are regularly on the blink, none of them have misheard this, and I see them exchanging looks, intrigued by the anger on Ryan’s face and the tone in his voice.
‘I’ve tried to tell you. I meant to tell you. I know it looks bad, but it’s not what you’re thinking.’
The noise he makes was probably meant to be a laugh but it definitely doesn’t sound like one.
‘What do you know?’ I ask.
‘Why? So you can carefully gauge how much of your story has been exposed and what lies you need to feed us next to maintain the illusion?’ Ryan’s voice is spiky, hard, cold. I’ve never heard such venom in it.
‘I didn’t mean that.’ I glance at the residents, who all look away. ‘I meant how. Who told you?’
‘I took a phone call this morning from Landoperty Developments, once again trying to bribe me to call off the protest. A guy named Harrison this time, offering me vast amounts of money for the expansion of my business into holiday chalets and luxury glamping tents, if I would back off and let Steffan sell up …’
‘What did he say? He could be angry, throwing around lies …’ Even as the words come out of my mouth, I’m exasperated at myself for not admitting it straight out. Ryan’s always hated being lied to. Even at Sullivan’s Seeds when trainees would turn up late and be full of outlandish excuses – he’d tell them to just admit they’d overslept and be done with it.
‘Funnily enough, he didn’t say anything. He didn’t need to. I worked it out for myself.’
‘How?’ I’m confused. I was certain that it must be Harrison dropping me in it out of spite. He saw the pictures in the paper. He knew there was something between me and Ryan. He’d be petty enough to want to throw a spanner in the works, and not one of Alys’s puns this time.
‘Because I trusted you. When I told you I wanted to expand into holiday lets … That was the first time I’d ever said it out loud. Because I didn’t think I could do it, but with you here, believing in me, it gave me the courage to think, “You know what, maybe I can.” You are the only person I’ve ever told. For him to know that, there’s only one way he could’ve found out.’
‘I might’ve mentioned it to someone el—’
‘For God’s sake, Felicity.’ His use of my full name cuts through like a knife. Ryan hasn’t called me that since the day we met. ‘You’ve been here for weeks now – no one gets that amount of time off work. And there is no way that someone who was as bad in the kitchen as you were could possibly change enough to be working in a five-star celeb-filled restaurant. I knew it was unlikely, but I trusted you. I thought I knew you. Wrong again.’
‘Ryan …’ I can barely get any words out, and my chest is so tight with panic that I feel like I’m going to choke.
‘Go on then.’ Ryan crosses his arms, uncrosses them again, and then recrosses them in the opposite direction. ‘Explain this to me, because as far as I can see, there’s only one explanation.’
‘It’s not what you think.’
‘No?’ The group of residents is growing, and he looks at them and then back at me. ‘Because what I think is that you work for Landoperty Developments and when I said I was expecting some chap in a business suit to turn up and offer me wads of money, they were smarter than me. They knew I’d be expecting that, and that it’d be easy to refuse. What they actually did was send the one person I’d never suspect. I think they sent you as an inside man – to infiltrate the protest and get the inside scoop on our plans, and specifically what you could bribe us with in exchange for abandoning the protest. I can’t see any other reason for you being here. Am I wrong?’
The quake in his voice makes my heart break. He’s not just asking – he’s begging me to tell him he’s wrong. If there was ever a time for complete honesty, this is it.
‘That’s how it started, but it changed the moment I saw you. I had no idea you’d be here.’
‘And if it was someone other than me, that makes it okay, does it?’
‘I didn’t mean it like that,’ I say, all too aware that I’m digging myself in deeper. ‘I meant that meeting you again changed everything. I didn’t agree with what I was sent here to do, but I had no choice. I couldn’t afford to lose my job. As soon as I got here and realised what was happening, I couldn’t go through with it. I tried to get taken off the project because of you and my history here, but Harrison was having none of it. All the time I’ve been here, I’ve done the opposite of what I was supposed to be doing. You know that. It’s my boss I’ve been lying to, not you.’
‘Oh, apart from that thing where you told us all you worked in a restaurant.’ He waves a nonchalant hand around. ‘You even went so far as to point out which restaurant—’
‘I was put on the spot! I didn’t mean for anyone to look it up.’ I glance at Tonya, who’s gone so pale that even her pink hair seems to have faded in the last five minutes. ‘I thought I’d be walking into a bunch of strangers who wouldn’t know me or care why I was ther—’
‘A bunch of helpless old biddies ripe for taking advantage of, you mean?’
‘No!’ I sigh because it’s been a long time since anyone thought quite this badly of me, and it somehow hurts more because it’s Ryan – the one person I’ve always thought the world of. ‘I know what this looks like, but you have to realise that I’ve been helping. I’ve been doing everything I can to save this place, just like you have. I love this place, Ry. I’d forgotten how much until I set foot here again. From that moment on, I couldn’t do the job I was sent here to do. For weeks, I’ve been trying to hide from Harrison because I was supporting the protest and not trying to stop it like he wanted. I’ve been searching for excuses to stay here because I don’t want to go.’
He scoffs and turns away, shoving a hand through his hair so angrily that I’m surprised he doesn’t yank a few handfuls out.<
br />
‘We’ve done this between us, all of us. I’ve been just as committed as everyone else.’ I gesture to the group of residents. Even Godfrey has come back from seeing off Henrietta, and instead of going to his usual bench, he comes down the garden to see what all the fuss is about.
‘Fliss has done so much …’ Tonya ventures, and I give her a smile because the last thing I expected was for any of them to stick up for me.
‘And she’s very good at “Guess the Gadget”,’ Alys adds. If this wasn’t a serious situation, I’d laugh. Of all things to be proud of, I’m not sure I’ll be adding “Guess the Gadget” to my CV anytime soon.
Ryan’s been fidgeting on his feet where he stands, but he stops and looks me directly in the eyes for the first time in this conversation. ‘None of that changes the fact that you came here to destroy the strawberry patch – to assist in culling this tree.’
‘I didn’t know it was here, Ry.’
‘I find that difficult to believe.’
‘No, I really am that inept. I stumbled into a meeting and didn’t know what it was about until I overheard mention of Lemmon Cove and blurted out that I was from here. Harrison had no idea if it was on the old strawberry patch or if there was a tree or not because he doesn’t care about things like that. I assumed it was somewhere different because I couldn’t even entertain the prospect of them killing the seaside sycamore. I didn’t know until Cheryl picked me up from the train station.’
‘Okay, if that’s true – why didn’t you tell me?’
It’s a simple question that deserves a simple answer, and there should be a simple answer but whenever I try to vocalise it, it sounds worse.
‘When it’s just been me and you,’ he continues. ‘When I’ve asked you direct questions about your job. When we’ve talked about what we’ve been up to over the years. When I’ve asked you for recipes, wondered about how you got into the restaurant business … If you really had a change of heart, why didn’t you tell me the truth?’
‘Because of this! Because I was so scared of you reacting like this. Because I know what it sounds like and I didn’t want to lose you.’
‘Or could it have been because you were biding your time and getting to know us all, getting under our skin so you could underhandedly work out the best way to bribe us? I know how heartless, soulless companies like yours work.’
‘Then why would I have tried so hard? Why would I have done anything I’ve done?’
‘So we fell for it? So we didn’t suspect you? The point is, I don’t know. Because I don’t know you at all, do I? My mistake was thinking you’re the same person I was in love with fifteen years ago, and you’re not.’
‘Neither are you,’ I snap at him. ‘You own a campsite across the path – are you seriously trying to say that this wasn’t business-motivated for you? That a luxury hotel popping up here wouldn’t have had a detrimental effect on your business?’
‘Do you really think that?’ he asks.
‘Well, it’s okay for you to stand there and hurl insults at me, but it’s not okay for me to question your motivations? You want to expand and you’ve got the perfect piece of land to do it. You told me you’d made an offer on this place for your chalets and it got rejected.’
A gasp goes through the group of residents.
Ryan does such a scornful laugh that it should be studied for new and previously unknown types of sarcasm. ‘I never told you that because it’s not true. I made an offer on this patch because I thought it was the only way to save it. If it had been accepted, I wouldn’t have been able to afford to expand as well – I would’ve used the money earmarked for my expansion to save it. But just so you know, when and if I expand into glamping and holiday lets, it’ll be in that space over there.’ He points across the coastal path to a patch of greenery way out behind the campsite. ‘I’m currently in negotiations with the owner about the price. He’s sticking his boot in and trying to get more money because there are no other options for land nearby so he’s got me over a barrel.’
‘Oh, right.’ I swallow hard. ‘I didn’t know that, did I?’
‘No, you assumed I’m as corrupt as you are.’
It hits me like a brick has just dropped onto my toes. Is he right? Do I think the worst of people because I am the worst type of person? I’m just as bad as Harrison and his cronies.
I don’t realise I’m crying until Godfrey nudges a handkerchief into my hand.
‘Why don’t we all have a nice cup of tea?’ Alys suggests.
‘No, thank you.’ Ryan gestures towards me. ‘I’ve met enough people like Felicity in my lifetime, the kind who will step on anyone to get to where they want to go.’ He does that laugh again. ‘The funny part is that when things have been bad for me, when I’ve been hurt and taken advantage of, you are the one person I’ve always thought of to remind myself there’s good in the world.’
Ryan never loses his temper. He never did. Nothing ever riled him. We never argued because we always saw eye to eye and agreed on the important things. I know I’ve hurt him, but I’ve never been on the receiving end of his anger before, and it hurts more than any physical injury ever has before.
‘This is exactly why I didn’t tell you. I knew you’d react like this.’
‘I’m not reacting to the job – I’m reacting to the fact you lied about it. I’ve spent the last few weeks thinking you live a completely different life to the one you do. There’s this huge pretence between us … And I can’t get over that.’
‘So, that’s it? Fifteen years of being in love with you, and you with me, and it all ends here because you won’t give me the benefit of the doubt?’ It’ll be a miracle if he can translate what I’ve said through the tears.
‘Do you know when I’d have given you the benefit of the doubt? At any point in the last four weeks. If you’d have told me yourself rather than feeding my secrets back to your boss.’
‘I don’t even remember telling him. It must’ve slipped out. He caught me off-guard the other day, the patch was busy, and I was trying to tell him what a good person you were. The opposite of him.’
‘And the opposite of anyone who works for him.’
We stare at each other. Ryan is closed off and angry, and I get the feeling I could defend myself until the sycamore is in leaf bud next spring and it wouldn’t make any difference. He will never trust me again and who can blame him?
‘Now, I live here, and you don’t. So why don’t you swan off back to your fancy London life and all your corrupt friends and leave us alone?’
‘Ryan …’ Godfrey says warningly.
He shrugs and goes to walk away. ‘Okay, I’ll go.’
‘No, you’re right.’ I look at the residents gratefully. I want to go and hug them, but I’m not sure hugs from me would be the most welcome thing at the moment. They must hate me as much as Ryan does. ‘This is your place, not mine. I only wanted to stay because of you. Without you, there’s no point.’
I turn to the residents. A few of them have got sneers on their faces, Ffion has walked away, Morys looks like he’s contemplating how much damage a walking stick can really do, and Tonya’s hovering, looking unsure of how to help. ‘Thank you for everything. Thank you for making the world a better place. Whether you believe me or not, my time here has changed my lif—’ I can’t finish the sentence without sobbing, which is quite fitting really, considering how much this place has brought me to tears in the past few weeks.
I turn and walk away on stiff legs, clutching Godfrey’s handkerchief to my face.
I should’ve known it was too good to last and I wouldn’t be able to get out of it without hurting both of us.
Chapter 18
I can’t leave it there. That’s the one thing I know above all else. When I walked away yesterday, I was intending to pack and go straight back to London, but it felt so wrong that I never even pulled my bag out from under Cheryl’s bed. My biggest regret is leaving Lemmon Cove before with things left unsaid, and I
can’t let history repeat itself.
Ryan was right – I should have told them straight away. I should have been honest from the very start. I didn’t deserve the trust I had from the residents, who let me in and embraced me as one of their own from the first moment.
So I’ve been up half the night, teaching myself to make cakes, and then I was up for the other half of the night anyway, tossing and turning and going over and over in my mind how I can possibly make this right.
It doesn’t change the sense of trepidation as I walk towards the strawberry patch the next morning, wondering if I’ll be barred at the gate and threatened with grievous bodily harm by Zimmer frame, and if there’ll be gnomes made in my likeness with voodoo pins stuck in them.
I know they aren’t going to want to see me, but I have baked goods and I’m not afraid to use them. I didn’t even ask for my dad’s assistance because this is my mess and I have to be the one to dig myself out of it. And it only took three batches to get right. I will never be above bribery when it comes to baked goods.
I hesitate at the gate to the coastal path and briefly rethink my tactics. They must hate my guts. Walking in with a basket full of cakes is an insult, isn’t it? A few cupcakes don’t make up for the weeks of deceit. I can hear the residents chattering from behind the hedgerow and force myself to go in. I have enough regrets without adding this to them as well.
From the joy of Henrietta’s visit in the morning to the devastation of my lies being revealed in the afternoon, yesterday was one of the worst days of my life, beaten only by the day I kissed Ryan so many years ago, and I can’t just walk away and let them think I didn’t care, or that Ryan was in any way right about what he said yesterday.
The chatter stops instantly when I appear in the open gateway. The board game men are back at the chess on a flowerbed wall and one stops and slowly lifts the other one’s knight in my direction, and in slow motion, each head turns towards me.
The Wishing Tree Beside the Shore: The perfect feel good romance to escape with this summer! Page 27
