by Abbi Glines
Her cheeks flushed, and she ducked her head. “I’ll wait.”
I was able to laugh then. Not a deep laugh because my heart was hurting so damn much right now that laughing seemed unnatural. But I did laugh. “I’ll be right back. Take off that other shoe.”
I didn’t wait for her to argue again. I went upstairs to get her some things that would ease her pain and make her more comfortable. I’d take all that expensive shit that Portia had upstairs she’d shipped in from France. Beulah could have as many baths as she wanted.
Beulah
THE SMELL THAT FILLED THE room was heavenly. I knew this was Portia’s bath supplies just like I knew the large white luxurious towel was one from her master bath. I had been sitting on the bed with bare feet when Jasper came back downstairs carrying a basket full of bath items, a pair of soft plush socks, bandages, and ointment. He’d handed it to me and said, “Please use all of this.” That had been it. He didn’t say anything else before he left.
I was worried about Monique and Jerry handling the crowd upstairs, but Jasper had been very clear he didn’t want me going back up there. I didn’t know how he found out about the shoes for sure, but my guess was Monique told him. She was very unhappy about the situation when I explained. It wasn’t Jasper’s fault. I was the one who didn’t buy new shoes that fit.
Slowly, I eased into the water wincing when the warm water covered my feet. I sank down into the bubbles and leaned back against the porcelain. I always took showers. I’d never soaked in a bath here. I had when I lived at home. Mom had a bathtub in her bathroom and every once in a while, I’d go put some shampoo in the running water to make bubbles and enjoy a bath. This reminded me of those times.
Nothing about those baths compared to this. I hadn’t met Jasper then. My mom was still alive and I was safe. I wasn’t alone. Although tonight, for a moment, I hadn’t felt alone. Jasper had cared. He was upset, but he had cared. He didn’t want to see me in pain. I closed my eyes and listened for the music and footsteps upstairs. I felt guilty about not helping Monique. I hoped Jasper got her some help.
I couldn’t hear the music though. It was quiet up here. The footsteps had slowed to almost nothing. I wondered if they had taken the food outside for the last time and started to pack up. The night was still early. I didn’t think they’d stop serving food so soon.
Because of my stubbornness about the shoes, I’d let Jasper down tonight. He’d helped me so much and I had to sit down because of those stupid shoes. Tomorrow I’d buy new ones. I had sent the ones Monique gave me back upstairs with Jasper. He didn’t want me leaving this room tonight or walking around.
Within the hour that I soaked in the bathtub, the entire upstairs had become silent. The water had cooled, so I stepped out of the tub and wrapped myself in the towel that he’d brought me. Every time I washed and folded these towels I had wondered how they must feel to use after a bath. They were the softest, fluffiest towels I’d ever seen. Now I knew how luxurious they were. They were very close to being magical. I ran the tip of my nose over the delicate cotton and inhaled.
This was really nice. I didn’t need to get used to it, but right now I would enjoy it. Putting on my pajamas didn’t seem as appealing as it normally did. So, I sat down on the bed still wrapped in the towel and took a few more minutes indulging because when I took this towel off, I was washing it and never using one of these again. This wasn’t my life. I was a cheap thin towel kind of girl. Towels were to get dry and nothing more. Wanting and desiring this kind of pampering was a waste of my time. But for just a few more seconds, I pretended like it was okay.
The moments ticked by, and I finally stood up and took the towel off. I went over to the suitcase that held my belongings at the foot of the bed and pulled out clean panties and the faded pink pajamas I’d had since Momma had given them to me for Christmas when I was sixteen. Heidi had a matching pair. I had a picture of us in front of the tree wearing these pajamas. Heidi loved it when Momma had given us matching pajamas for Christmas. She did it every few years when she could afford it. Because these were the last we had gotten, I cherished them. Sleeping in them made her feel close to me.
I packed all the bath items back in the basket and put the towel in the washing machine. Then I sat down and bandaged my feet. The ointment soothed them, and the bath had helped immensely.
After that was all taken care of, I looked toward the stairs and thought about going up to check on things. Then I looked at my feet and slipped the socks on. Jasper had asked me not to walk around on them. So I didn’t.
The footsteps on the stairs surprised me and I sat back up from having just laid down.
“You dressed?” Jasper asked.
I hadn’t expected him again.
“Yes,” I replied refusing to be embarrassed by my pajamas. I loved them. I didn’t care if they were worn and faded. I didn’t care what Jasper thought. At least, I didn’t want to care. That counted for something.
He came around the corner carrying a cup of tea and a plate of food. “Thought you might be hungry.”
“Thank you, but you’ve got company. A lot of it. You don’t have to keep leaving them to come check on me.”
“Everyone is gone. I ended the party early and cleared the place out. We have a large portion of leftovers so there is no need for you to cook the next couple of days. The caterer left instructions on how to heat things up.”
Now I felt even worse. “I am so sorry, Jasper. I should have gotten shoes before now. I ruined your party.”
He sat the plate down on the table beside my bed. “I didn’t want to have that party. It was pointless and annoying. I forced myself to have the party. I wanted to convince myself it was what I wanted. It used to be what I wanted. But things have changed.”
He didn’t look happy about that change. “Work? Is it more than you wanted?” I asked.
The corner of his mouth tilted up as he looked at me. “Yeah. It is.”
I nodded my head in understanding. “What would make you happy then if not a party?” I wanted him to be happy. It was odd how that had become important to me. I just didn’t know what to do to make him happy.
“Something I don’t deserve.”
That wasn’t really an answer. I waited, thinking he’d say more but he didn’t.
“Eat that. Get full. Rest. And don’t come upstairs early. Sleep in. You’ll have new tennis shoes when you get up. I’m sending for them in the morning. And some socks. Good thick socks. The kind that feel so damn good you don’t want to take them off.”
I laughed. “Okay. But I have socks. You don’t have to get those.”
“You don’t have these socks. You need them.”
I started to say something else about not needing socks and he cut me off. “Beulah, if you’re about to argue with me don’t bother. Let me buy the socks. I may need to buy the whole damn store out. I need something to make this ache in my chest at the sight of your feet go away.”
My heart squeezed, and then did a little flutter. He was making this worse. My feelings for him were growing. I wanted to tell him he needed to stop this. Stop being so kind. But I couldn’t. “Okay. Thank you.”
He gave me a relieved smile. “Goodnight, Beulah.”
“Goodnight,” I replied.
Then I watched him leave. Long after he was gone and the food was finished, I laid in bed with a smile. Because being in love wasn’t all bad. Sometimes it felt like warm sunshine.
Jasper
“YOU’RE MAKING A MISTAKE.”
Stone was probably right. I just didn’t give a shit. I had fought this all I could. Last night when I’d heard the bartender asked her out, I’d immediately been jealous. Then I saw her feet and it was painful. Seeing her hurt physically pained me.
“I bought her shoes. She needed them,” I told him getting some cheese from the party last night out of the fridge.
“She’s asleep. Because you told her to sleep in. She’s an employee and you’re not treating her
like one. You’re blurring the lines. It’s a fucking nightmare waiting to happen.”
I wasn’t going to do anything to hurt her. “I’m helping her. She’s hurt, and I am showing compassion. Get some. It’ll do your cold heart good.”
“This isn’t about fucking compassion. It’s about you being attracted to her. I get that. She’s gorgeous and has the whole damsel in distress, sweet thing, going for her. You like to save people. It’s that damn heart of yours being too big. But this time, you’re dancing too close to the flame and you need to back the hell up.”
I was past the being too close to the flame. I’d been consumed. It had taken me under last night. No need to tell him that though. It would just send him over the top. “Are you hungry? We’ve got some good stuff in here,” I said changing the subject.
“What the fuck ever,” he said with frustration. “I can’t save you from yourself. I don’t have the time to try. I’m going to go get the shit done that needs done, then I need some space. You jump off that cliff if you want to. But while you’re making mistakes, try not to crush her in the meantime. She’s not like the others. Which is why you’re so damn attracted to her.”
I finished getting food out of the fridge and didn’t respond. When he turned to leave, I spoke up. “I won’t hurt her.”
He paused but didn’t look back at me. “You won’t mean to.”
Then he left.
I stared at the door that led to her room downstairs. Last night, I had checked out the yellow guest bedroom and thought about moving her up there. Near me. In a real bedroom with a real bathroom. Before I had finally fallen asleep, I’d decided it was a good idea.
In the light of day, I wasn’t so sure. If I was going to blur the lines, it was better to just erase them. Could I do that though? She needed saving. She needed someone to depend on.
I wanted to be that someone. It had been a long time since I wanted that. Maisie had been every nightmare a relationship could be. She was exactly like my mother. Selfish, vain, demanding, and a cheater. She needed men to want her. She was completely fucked in the head. When she’d broken things off she wanted me to beg her not to. She had wanted me to grovel.
I had felt like throwing a motherfucking party. Being free of her and the life I didn’t want with her was the best thing that had happened to me in a while. Coming back here hadn’t been so bad until I had to see my mother.
“I didn’t set my alarm. I slept later than I thought I would.” Beulah’s voice was soft and slightly husky from sleep. I had been so deep in my thoughts I hadn’t heard her come up the stairs.
“You needed the rest,” I looked down to see she was still wearing the socks I had brought her last night. “I got you some new shoes and socks as promised. But until you have to go somewhere just wear the socks. You look good in them.”
She glanced at her feet and laughed. “Thanks. I think.”
“Sit. I’ll fix you something to eat. There’s a ton of food in the fridge that the caterers left.”
Her head snapped back up and she looked at me with wide eyes. “You can’t fix me food. That’s my job.”
“I’m the boss. I can do whatever I want. And I want to fix you breakfast.”
The soft smile on her face should have scared me. It should have been a warning. But I wanted it. I wanted her. I didn’t give a fuck about our impossible situation. “Fine then. I’m starving,” she said as she walked over and sat on one of the stools at the bar.
“Did you sleep good?” I asked.
I wasn’t sure what she liked to eat. So I made her a plate of everything I put on mine.
“Yes. Thank you. For the shoes and socks. I should have bought some before now.”
The uniform was Portia’s doing, so she should have supplied shoes that fit correctly. I didn’t point that out though. I didn’t want to talk about Portia. She wasn’t here and for once I was at peace being home.
“How’s Heidi?” I asked instead.
“Better! I talked to her yesterday. She feels good and was cleared to go to the crafts room yesterday. That’s all she could talk about. Well that, and she asked if I could bring cupcakes today. I have them tucked away in the fridge.”
“You should take her some of the sweets that are left from the party.”
“Thank you. She’d like that.”
The love in her voice was real. That was what I imagined families should be like. I was an only child and my parents were never around when I was growing up. My friends all had similar lives. But what Beulah had was what I wanted as a kid. I wanted that unconditional love. I bet her mother was everything to her. I knew Heidi was. She had unconditional love from Heidi, and she gave in return.
“What was your mother like?” I asked before I thought that through. She may not be ready to talk about her mother. I didn’t look up as I back pedaled. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think before I spoke. You’re . . . I just thought . . . I was wondering if she looked like you.” I almost said she was the most unique female I’d ever met. That had to be something her mother gave her.
Beulah smiled. It was a sad smile. Her eyes held memories I would never be privy to. They were good ones and I was envious of that. Even if she’d had to suffer the pain of that loss, she had memories that I never would have.
“She was amazing. I’m not saying that because she’s gone either. If she were still here I’d say the same. She worked so hard all day long our entire lives, but somehow managed to cook family dinners we ate together. When we were old enough to stand in chairs, she let us cook with her. Heidi helped too. She would wash vegetables or put the noodles in water to boil. Mom never acted like she was different. I don’t think Heidi knew she was until she started school. Even though she had to take care of Heidi she always made me feel just as special. I don’t know how she managed it. Doing it all alone, she gave us memories of lemonade popsicles on hot summer days outside, running through the sprinkler. I don’t think she ever got any sleep, but she always had time. Always had a smile. I never once saw her sad. She cried at my high school graduation, but they were happy tears she said. I think she was the most perfect human on this earth.”
Beulah’s eyes literally glowed with love when she spoke. I was almost jealous of her life and of a mom like that. But it was Beulah. I liked knowing she and Heidi had grown up like that. It explained a lot about her. I’d never met a girl like her because I didn’t know one with a life like hers.
“She sounds perfect.”
“She was . . . and thanks for asking. I miss talking about her. I think about her all the time. But I never get to talk about her. I’m afraid it will upset Heidi. She doesn’t understand completely, and she misses her too. So it’s . . . nice. Great actually. That felt good. She needs to be remembered.”
The tears that hadn’t fallen collected in her eyes and she gave me a wobbly smile. Again, I didn’t think. I found myself not thinking with her a lot, I just acted. Reaching over I pulled her into my arms and held her. She came willingly. Her arms wrapped around my neck and she laid her head on my shoulder. Nothing had ever felt this right. The missing piece I was always searching for clicked into place. And I was terrified.
Beulah
SOMETHING HAD HAPPENED. IT WAS different. Jasper had let me go, moved back and said he need to be somewhere and left. Was I not supposed to hug him back? I wasn’t sure. But talking to him about Mom had made me feel vulnerable. Open. I’d shared with him not only Heidi, but now my mom. It had felt good to be held and not feel alone
But he’d all but ran from me.
I had stood there unsure what to think or do for a few minutes, then I’d gone to work cleaning up our breakfast plates.
Putting on my new shoes, I sighed at how good they felt. It was time to leave to see Heidi. I had her to look forward to today. Thinking about Jasper was pointless.
When I was unlocking my car to get inside, Stone pulled into the drive. His black Range Rover was dangerous and expensive—just like him, I assumed. I didn
’t wait around to speak to him since he wasn’t one to converse with me. Unless he needed me to do something. Or to warn me to stay in my place.
I quickly put the cupcakes and other treats I’d chosen for Heidi and May in the back seat. Before I could climb inside my car, he was out of his and he stopped me. “Not working today?”
I sighed. As if this was his business. “It’s Sunday. My day off.”
“You got last night off.”
My hand tightened its grip on the door frame. He was so frustrating. He also had to be the angriest most unhappy human I knew. “I didn’t ask for that. I need Sundays though. I visit my sister.”
Stone didn’t seem to care or understand. I wondered if he was this cold with the world. Or was it just me that he hated?
“I’m not your boss.”
“We agree on something,” I replied before I could bite my tongue.
I winced and a tug on the corner of his mouth caused me to pause. In shock. Had he been on the verge of a smile? The scowl he always had was back, and I figured I must have confused his facial expression. I didn’t wait around for more small talk. I got into the car and closed the door. He stood there in his jeans, black T-shirt and sunglasses with his arms crossed over his chest looking like some dark sexy god. That was annoying.
The drive to Among the Spanish Moss was easy. There was never much traffic on Sunday mornings. Walking into the building, I took the plate I had made for the staff there and dropped it off at the front desk.
“Good morning, Beulah. I’ve been looking forward to your visit all morning. We love these treats.” Tammy was about fifty, had three grandchildren, and moved here from Nebraska ten years ago to be near her youngest daughter. She was also one of Heidi’s favorites.
“I added a little extra in there with the cupcakes. Y’all enjoy them,” I told her. “Better go find my girl. She’s ready for cupcakes too I imagine.”
Tammy laughed. “Oh, yes. She’s come by three times already this morning to tell me you were coming with cupcakes.”
