by A. E. Radley
But she knew she already had enough to get through. She had to decide where to start. Part of her wanted to pick up the most recent journal and work her way backwards. She was desperate to examine the nature of her relationship with her now-former boss.
On the other hand, she didn’t want to ignore the rest of her life. Her parents, childhood, schooling, college and beyond. But then the idea of reading solidly for a week just to get to the part where she could uncover her obvious feelings for Victoria didn’t appeal to her either.
Her emotions were running high. The sudden flash of recalling her parents and grandparents was fresh in her mind. She couldn’t remember everything, just a strong sensation. It was more a feeling of remembering rather than actual recollection. There was still a lot missing, but she felt safer in the knowledge that her memories were in there somewhere.
She let out a deep breath and looked around the guestroom. Victoria was a mystery to her. A delightful one, but a mystery nonetheless. She desperately wanted to know more. She had to know more.
She picked up the journal that fell during the year of her starting at Arrival.
The journal taught her about her girlfriend, Kate. The pair had moved to New York with fantastical dreams of making their fortunes. Kate wanted to be a world-renowned chef. Holly wanted to be a world-renowned writer. They rented an apartment in a bad neighbourhood, with an unwavering belief that they would reach their dreams and quickly escape.
It only took a few pages for Kate to be working a low-paid job in a restaurant. It was a rung on the ladder. Sadly, the same wasn’t true for Holly. She was turned down for every job she applied for. Money was getting tight.
Kate pressed Holly to take any job to cover their mounting bills and debts. It seemed that, although they had both come to New York in search of their dreams, Holly was expected to give up on her ambitions and take whatever job she could get. They fought. A lot.
Holly flipped a few pages on. She couldn’t stand to read the despair from her former self. Suddenly, she saw the word “Arrival” and stopped skimming.
She’d been offered a job working for someone named Victoria Hastings. It was obvious she didn’t want the job, or even the interview. But it was a last resort and at least somewhere near her chosen field.
The interview was horrendous. Victoria made her feel small and useless, but eventually she gave her a trial, simply through utter desperation, as her last second assistant had walked out without notice.
She worked with someone named Louise. Louise was the first assistant and never let Holly forget that. Between Victoria and Louise, she was miserable. There were tales of how awful her job was and how much she hated Victoria.
The entries became less frequent. When she did write, it was to vent her anguish at her job and her relationship.
Eventually, Holly had done something right. She was trusted with the keys to Victoria’s house and the duties of waiting late each night for the Book to be prepared. She’d then deliver the Book to Victoria’s house, hoping that she never bumped into the woman as she did.
The extra hours in the office allowed her more time to write in her journal, but the entries were difficult to stomach. Victoria was a monster to her second assistant and nothing Holly did was good enough.
In a few short weeks, Holly had adapted everything about herself in order to try to fit in. Her clothes, her hair, her makeup, and her attitude all changed in an attempt to appease Victoria. But nothing worked.
Respite came in the form of a new friend, Gideon. He was a lifeline and seemingly the only sane person at Arrival. He helped Holly to change her outfits so that they suited her style and wouldn’t offend Victoria’s delicate sensibilities. He explained the business and soothed her emotions when Victoria had been overly harsh.
Then one night, Holly was waiting for the Book alone in the office. It was the anniversary of her parents’ death, a date that always cast a long shadow over her day. Victoria glided into the office, returning from dinner with one of the lead advertisers. She stopped in front of Holly’s desk and said in an impossibly quiet voice, “I know it’s none of my business, but I am truly sorry for your loss.” And then she sent Holly home early.
She had no idea how Victoria knew, she wondered if Gideon had given her a heads-up. It heralded the first time that Victoria had been a human being to her. The event truly affected Holly, and she started to analyse Victoria’s words and behaviours in more detail. Now that she suspected that Victoria had a heart underneath the ice, she looked more critically at her boss’ actions. With a little detective work, she realised that Victoria’s dragon persona was mainly an act.
Holly began to see why Victoria acted the way she did. She understood that Victoria wasn’t demanding a schedule change just to be awkward, she was trying to get home to Alexia who was sick. She didn’t fire the wardrobe manager on a whim, he’d been harassing a model who was too frightened to make an official complaint. She didn’t want the latest must-have Apple accessory to prove she could get it before release, she wanted it to apologise to Hugo for being so absent during his exams.
The mask remained. To everyone else, Victoria was being her usual self. But Holly knew better. The one act of kindness had caused her to understand Victoria had a good heart and she was determined to not let Victoria push her away. She’d be the best assistant she could be.
By the end of the journal it was very clear that Holly’s opinion of Victoria had fundamentally changed, even if Victoria was as rude as ever. Journal Holly waited for the day when she would finally break through the dragon’s thick skin.
In the here and now, she picked up the next journal. She knew how this one ended and was fascinated to know how she got there. A few pages in, it seemed that Kate’s career wasn’t going as well as she’d hoped. She wasn’t progressing, and she was miserable. Now she wanted to go back to culinary school. Moreover, she wanted Holly to get a better job so she could support the both of them while Kate trained.
Holly refused to leave Victoria. She never referred to her job as working at Arrival, it was always working for Victoria. Kate pushed hard for Holly to leave. They fought constantly. Her home life was in turmoil, but every morning she’d go into work and feel relieved that Victoria was there, being herself. A stabilising force in her life.
Victoria may have been mean, but she was driven, focused, wise, and strong. There were moments when she would turn to Holly and tell her that she needed to be more assertive, or hand her responsibility for a meeting. In her own strange way, she was telling Holly that she trusted her. She was helping Holly to become more.
Holly smiled as she read about herself coming to a realisation. She’d seen it coming. But it hit her former self like a brick wall. She was in love. Or, at the very least, in lust. In… something with her terrifying boss.
The diary entry that made the proclamation rambled on for four long pages. She seemed to wrestle with the idea. At one point, she wondered if she was suffering from Stockholm syndrome, or simply in awe of the power that the editor held. But no, by the end of the declaration, she had decided that it was love.
Holly closed her eyes to take it all in. Condensing so much of her life into such a short amount of time was a lot to take in one sitting.
The Victoria in the book and the woman she knew now seemed like completely different people. Her former self would have been euphoric to see her boss as Holly had been introduced to her. In many ways, Holly realised that her former self was right. There was a whole other person behind the mask. And now she was lucky enough to see that other person, the real Victoria Hastings. She wished she could go back in time and tell herself that she’d been right all along.
“Holly?”
Her eyes snapped open. Victoria stood by the door. Holly clapped the journal shut.
“H-hi, sorry, I didn’t hear you,” Holly said.
“Well, I practically shouted myself hoarse,” Victoria muttered.
Holly smiled. She knew that Victoria had
probably only called her a couple of times in her soft voice.
“Sorry,” she repeated.
“I have spoken with Gideon. He would like to come for brunch tomorrow. If that is suitable?”
“Absolutely, I’m looking forward to meeting him.”
Victoria glanced with hesitation at the diaries. Holly knew that she must be dying of curiosity, but she didn’t want to get into that conversation. There was too much damning evidence inside the leather-bound tomes.
“And my children will be home tomorrow afternoon. They are aware of the situation and they understand. Well, as much as a fourteen- and eight-year-old can understand.”
“I look forward to meeting them, too,” Holly said. It was true. She was very curious to know more about the children.
“Very well, I’ll leave you to it.” Victoria left the room.
Holly waited until she heard Victoria get to the top of the stairs before picking up the journal again. She was eager to read more. She needed to find out exactly what she had said and done, if anything, about her growing feelings for Victoria.
In the back of her mind she wondered if anything had ever happened. There was a slim chance that something had, and now Victoria was pretending it hadn’t. But Holly didn’t think that was something Victoria would do.
She took a slow, deep breath before reopening the journal. She had a lot of catching up to do.
29
Victoria swirled her teaspoon around the cooling liquid in the cup. It was a couple of hours until Gideon was due to come for brunch, and she was already dreading it.
Holly knew everything. That much was clear. She could feel the younger woman slipping away.
Ever since they went to the damned storage unit and found those blasted journals, Holly had been squirreled away in the basement guestroom. She didn’t even come upstairs for lunch, despite previously saying that she had been hungry.
Eventually Victoria had gone down under the guise of telling her that Gideon had called about brunch the next day. He hadn’t. It was an excuse to see Holly and figure out what was going on. It was fruitless, and she had to call Gideon and order him to come over for brunch regardless of any existing plans.
The girl didn’t show up for dinner either. Eventually Victoria took a sandwich downstairs. Holly must have read all about what an evil monster she was. That explained why she was hiding in the safety of her room. Regardless, Victoria wasn’t about to let her starve.
During the two brief occasions she ventured downstairs, Holly gave little away. She was pleasant. She smiled. But nothing else. Said nothing of the contents of the diaries. Nothing of when she would be leaving. Because, of course, she must be planning her immediate escape.
Victoria tried to focus her attention on the newspaper in front of her. Just because things were again falling apart, it didn’t mean she wouldn’t keep up her usual breakfast routine.
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Holly enter the kitchen.
Victoria raised an eyebrow. “Ah, she returns,” she said without feeling.
“Yes, I’m back,” Holly said. “Still getting caught up. But those journals are amazing. I’m learning so much about, well, me.”
Victoria hummed in agreement. She saw Holly making herself some tea and returned to her newspaper. A thick atmosphere clung to the room. She didn’t know what to say, nor did she have any intention of being the one to break the silence.
After a while, she realised that she felt watched. She glanced up and saw Holly had been looking at her. Holly looked away, a blush appearing on her cheeks as she did.
Victoria angrily returned to her newspaper. No doubt Holly was remembering some terrible thing she’d said or done. Presumably wondering when the evil dragon would be making a reappearance. The next few hours or days were going to be unbearable.
* * *
By the time the doorbell rang to signal Gideon’s arrival, both women heaved a silent sigh of relief. Holly had no idea what she had done to offend Victoria, but the woman was definitely doing her best to avoid speaking to her. Holly was looking forward to the presence of a third person to try to put the day back on track.
Victoria opened the front door while Holly stood by the stairway anxiously. Gideon was a tall man with a bald head and glasses. He was impeccable dressed in a three-piece suit, and Holly suddenly felt underdressed.
Victoria and Gideon said hello and air-kissed in greeting. Gideon held two red roses, one of which he handed to Victoria as he stepped into the hallway.
He noticed Holly standing shyly in the corner and smiled warmly.
“Well, let me look at you,” he said excitedly.
Holly approached him. She felt nervous but excited. Gideon was another piece of the puzzle that was her previous life, and she was anxious to find out more about him.
Gideon looked at Victoria with a smile. “She’s as gorgeous as ever, isn’t she?”
Victoria smiled politely but remained silent. She was looking from Gideon to Holly, presumably wondering if Holly would remember him.
Gideon turned back to Holly. “You have no idea who I am, do you?” he said with a jovial grin.
“No, I’m sorry… there’s nothing,” Holly apologised.
“Well, in that case we simply have to talk about the hundred dollars that you owe me.” He winked and handed her the other rose.
Holly accepted the rose and laughed. “Oh, I see! That’s why you were so keen to see me.”
They shared a laugh. Victoria smiled but didn’t make a move to join them, holding back and giving them space.
“Well, the first thing that you need to know about me is that I’m a hugger.” He held his arms open.
Holly beamed with happiness. She, too, was a hugger. Not that there had been much opportunity for human contact over recent months.
They hugged, and when she stepped back, he looked her up and down with appreciation.
“You’re looking divine, if a little underweight,” he told her. “I’m loving the hair.”
“Thanks, I’ve seen some photographs of myself with long hair now. I’m wondering if I should grow it long or keep it like this.”
“One of the last things you said to me was that you were looking for the new you,” Gideon said. “I think maybe the shorter hair is the new you.”
“Yes!” Holly said with excitement. “I was reading my journal and I mentioned that conversation I had with you. We were at that club… where was it?”
“Bar 29.” Gideon smiled. “But hold on, a journal? This sounds intriguing.”
“Bar 29, that was it. And, yeah. I seem to have written down everything that’s ever happened to me.”
“Bet you didn’t write anything down about that hundred dollars.” He laughed.
Holly cocked her head to one side, pretending to search her memory. “No, still not ringing any bells.”
“If you’ll excuse me,” Victoria said as she glided past them, “I will prepare brunch. Please use the sitting room upstairs to get reacquainted. It’s not Bar 29, but I’m sure it will do.”
Once the older woman had vanished into the kitchen, Gideon turned and looked at her with a raised eyebrow.
“Oh dear,” he muttered.
“Yeah, that’s my fault.” Holly sighed. “It’s been weird lately.”
Gideon put his arm around her and guided her towards the stairs. “Oh, honey, it’s always been weird…”
* * *
Brunch was awkward. Holly immediately felt an affinity for Gideon, but, while they laughed and joked, Victoria remained silent. Each time Holly tried to include Victoria in the conversation, she was shot down with a sarcastic comment or a scathing remark. Usually followed by an apology and an insistence that she was simply tired.
Eventually, Victoria excused herself from the dining room, saying there was an urgent call that needed to be made.
As soon as she was gone, and the study door was closed, Holly turned to face Gideon.
“Gideon, can I a
sk you something?”
Gideon leaned on his hand and looked at her with a grin. “Yes?”
“I get the feeling we were close. I know from my journal that we were friends, but… I need to know; did I confide in you?”
“Like what?” Gideon looked like he was playing dumb. He was clearly enjoying Holly’s discomfort. She had to smile, he was just the kind of friend she’d be attracted to.
“Anything I need to know about,” Holly pressed.
“Such as?” Gideon picked up a scone and cut it in half.
The ball was in her court. If she wanted an answer, she’d have to ask the question.
“Did I ever mention my feelings for Victoria?”
Gideon didn’t look surprised by the admission. He shook his head. “Not directly, no. But I certainly had my suspicions.”
Holly nodded and stared into her empty teacup. She’d hoped that she might have confided in Gideon, that he might be able to offer her some guidance.
“Is that what’s going on here?” He indicated Victoria’s empty chair with his knife, then dipped it into the butter dish.
“No, nothing like that. I’m not sure what it’s about to be honest.”
“I see.” He buttered his scone. “So, what do you propose to do about it?”
“About what?”
“Your feelings for Victoria.”
“Shh!” Holly cried out. She craned her neck towards the closed door to the hallway, in case Victoria was there.
Gideon laughed. “Come on, where’s the brave Holly I know and love? Hm? The one who was starting a brave new life. I don’t want to downplay what happened to you, please don’t think that, but this could be a gift. A rewrite, a clean slate. What happened to the girl who didn’t want to waste another second?”
