by A. E. Radley
“That must have been horribly embarrassing,” she agreed. She jabbed her thumb into the clementine and started to peel it.
He looked at her. “Well?”
“Well what?”
“Aren’t you going to give me some advice?” he asked.
“I dunno, am I?” She picked out a segment. “Do you want some advice? Or some satsuma?”
He held out his hand, and she placed a segment in his palm.
“That’s normally what people do, give advice, try to fix things,” Hugo said.
“Do you want me to try?” she asked.
He slowly nodded.
She considered the situation for a moment. “See, the biggest problem you have is giving a shit what other people think. And if you tell your mom I just said a curse word I’ll tell her I caught you drinking whisky or something, so don’t even go there.”
He smiled at her and chewed on the piece of satsuma.
“Do you like this Kristine?”
“Yeah,” he admitted. “She’s really pretty and smart.”
“Okay, then you need to cut through all the noise and focus on what you want. Humans, especially teenagers, get bored easily. If nothing is happening in their life, then they will tear down other people. The key is to ignore it and focus on what you want. It’s really hard, especially at school. But you need to think, in ten years do you want to have not embarrassed yourself in front of James Spicer, or do you want to have dated Kristine? Because, sad fact of life, Hugo, James Spicer will be a bully no matter what. If it wasn’t that note, it would have been your hair, your shoes, your accent. Something.”
“But everyone heard the note, everyone knows,” Hugo complained.
Holly shrugged. “So? You like a popular, attractive, clever girl. What’s so terrible about that? You have good taste and you took a chance on getting what you wanted. Okay, now Kristine is probably embarrassed because all the attention is on her and how she’ll react. If she says no, then they’ll say something, if she says yes, then they’ll say something else. She can’t win either.”
“So it’s hopeless,” Hugo said.
“As long as you care about what other people think, yeah, it is pretty hopeless.” She ate a piece of her fruit.
“You’re not good at pep talks,” he told her with a chuckle.
“Hey, I’m recovering from a brain injury. I’m not here to make you feel better.” She winked to let him know she was joking.
He sighed and rested his head against the soft material of the sofa. “I get what you’re saying, I shouldn’t worry so much about what other people think. But those other people are ruining my chances with Kristine.”
“No,” Holly argued, “you’re ruining your chances. Let me guess, you stormed out of class, moped about all day, avoided her as she avoided you… right?”
“Pretty much.”
“Do you have her number? Are you connected on social media somehow?” Holly asked.
Hugo started to look panicked. “Well… yeah.”
“Well, it’s time to rip the Band-Aid off. The longer you leave it, the worse it will get. Contact her now, get it sorted out.”
He sat up, colour rising on his cheeks and the start of a sweat forming on his brow.
“It’s your choice,” she said. “But, you could end this week with a date with Kristine if you wanted to. Or at least a good chance of it. Girls mature faster than boys, and you’re mature for your age. Those other boys are showing how immature they are. You could swoop in and show Kristine how much better you are.”
Hugo looked nervously at his phone. “You… you think?”
“Sure!” Holly sat up. “I’ll help you if you like. What are we thinking? Email? Twitter? How many characters have we got to work with?”
Hugo grabbed his phone and shuffled closer to Holly. “You think this will work?”
“I don’t know, buddy. But if we don’t try, then you’ll be miserable for a long time. At least this way we can get it sorted out and then you can move on.”
“That’s true,” he agreed.
He unlocked his phone and they huddled in the corner of the sofa, composing a message to send. Alexia returned with a mountain of popcorn that she seemed to have no intention of sharing. She took one look at Hugo’s phone and shook her head. She turned the movie back on and scoffed into her popcorn.
* * *
Victoria looked up at the knock on the study door. She dreaded whoever it was on the other side. She wasn’t prepared for a second round with Hugo. Holly was acting bizarrely, and Alexia seemed to have become a bottomless pit of sweet treats.
“Come,” she called.
The door opened, and Hugo stood there.
Her heart sank. She wasn’t strong enough to argue with him again.
“Hey, can I come in?” he asked.
“Of course.” She closed her laptop lid.
He closed the study door behind him and sat on the sofa. He fidgeted nervously with his hands, and she was reminded of when he did the same thing as a young boy awaiting a reprimand for being naughty. Not that Hugo was often naughty. That was why his outburst had bothered her. She didn’t know if she could cope with her oldest child completely reversing his personality as he became a teenager.
“I wanted to apologise,” he said.
She blinked in surprise.
“I didn’t mean what I said when you got home. I was in a really bad mood, and then I said some things I shouldn’t have and I’m sorry.”
“Oh.” To say his apology was unexpected was an incredible understatement.
“I just felt stupid,” he continued, “this thing happened at school. About a girl. It just sounded so childish and stupid. But I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”
“It’s okay, I understand.” She didn’t understand, not entirely. But she was getting an apology and so forgiveness and understanding were expected of her.
“I won’t do it again,” he promised. He looked down at his hands, clearly worried that it was a promise he wouldn’t be able to keep.
“It’s fine. As long as you talk to me,” she said. “So, there’s a girl?” she fished.
“There is now.” A smile spread across his face. “We’re seeing each other for lunch on Saturday.”
Victoria shifted a little uncomfortably. Her little boy had rudely turned into a grown man without her permission. And had a date.
“It’s Kristine Andersen, you know her parents,” Hugo added, seeing his mother’s growing panic.
She frowned as she tried to recall the name. “Andersen? Oh, George?”
He nodded.
“You said there was a problem at school?” she asked.
“Yeah.” He ran a hand through his thick hair and let out a sigh. “I wrote a note for her and the wrong people got hold of it and read it out. It was really embarrassing. That was why I was upset.”
“That sounds terrible, sweetheart. Do I need to call the school?”
“No, it’s fine. I spoke to Holly about it. She gave me some good advice.”
Victoria swallowed nervously. Holly was giving her son dating advice. Wasn’t that her role? What had Holly said?
“Don’t worry, Mom.” He chuckled. “She gave me good advice. She told me not to worry about the bullies and to rise above them. She told me to use my maturity to speak to Kristine, and we’ve been talking all evening.”
“Good, good.” She couldn’t wipe the frown from her brow.
“Holly’s great,” Hugo said. “I’m glad she’s here with us.”
“I am, too,” she confessed. No matter how muddied the situation became, she was still flying high on the relief that Holly was with her and safe. The girl’s colour had returned to her cheeks, there was a bounce in her step, and it even looked like a couple of pounds were returning to her gaunt frame.
“Don’t… you know, don’t mess it up,” Hugo said softly.
She chuckled. “Oh, it doesn’t matter at this point.”
“What d
o you mean?”
“It doesn’t matter what I do or say now. I believe Holly’s memories will return and that will seal my fate. Once she remembers how I treated her as my assistant, she won’t be able to get away from me quickly enough.” It felt good to finally say the words, to voice her fears. She was protecting herself by staying away. If she didn’t get attached to Holly, she wouldn’t feel the devastating blow when Holly walked away. For a second time. “She probably already remembers if her behaviour is anything to go by.”
“Then you need to get there first,” he said. He sat forward on the sofa and looked like he meant business. “Tell her.”
She shook her head. “No, I-I can’t do that. It’s ridiculous.”
“It isn’t,” he insisted. “You need to be brave and tell her what you’re worried about. You like her, you must for her to be here. And let’s face it, you could do with a real friend like Holly.”
“Of course I like her. And, yes, she’s a wonderful person and would make a fine friend. But I can’t say anything. She can’t guarantee how she’ll react when her memories return. Even with the best intentions, once the floodgates open…” She shook he head. “It’s ludicrous to think that we could be friends. The past doesn’t forget, Hugo.”
“Maybe not forget, but forgive. You weren’t that bad to her, were you?”
She shrugged her shoulders. “I was… me.”
“Pretty bad then,” Hugo joked.
She glared at him, and he laughed lightly.
“I still think you should say something. You can’t hide in here forever,” he said.
“I’m not hiding, I’m working.” She crossed her arms.
“Yeah, you’re coming home earlier than usual to work from home? Doesn’t make any sense. Do you want to know what I think?”
“Not particularly,” she said.
“I think you want to join in and get involved, but you’re afraid. So you come home but then you worry about Holly remembering and getting mad and leaving. You could fix that by just talking to her, Mom.”
“Maybe. But it’s not happening. Holly is here to rest and recover, not to have more stress piled onto her by me.” She lifted her laptop lid to get back to work. “And you’re not to say anything to her either. I’m deadly serious, Hugo.”
She pinned him with a stern stare. He slowly nodded and held up his hands. “It’s not my place to say anything anyway,” he pointed out.
“It isn’t,” she agreed.
“But think about it,” he added. He stood up. “I’m going to bed.”
She looked at her watch and was shocked to see how many hours had passed.
He walked around the desk and placed a soft kiss in her hair. “Night, Mom.”
“Good night, sweetheart.”
34
Holly returned several books to the shelves in Victoria’s study. Despite the endless doctors’ appointments and meetings with various specialists to get her life back on track, her days dragged.
It had been two weeks since the children had returned home, almost three since she had started to live at the Hastings residence. The early morning and the evenings were wonderful. Alexia was a bundle of fun and energy, always dragging Holly around to do anything from watching movies to playing games. Hugo was intelligent and focused, like his mother. Holly adored spending time with him. They debated political matters and he spoke about what he was learning in school.
And then there was Victoria. Now and then she’d become involved in whatever the three of them were doing, but then she’d remember herself and pull back. Holly just couldn’t understand it. One moment Victoria was laughing and joking while they played a video game, the next she was coming up with an excuse to close herself in her office. Holly then spent the quiet days replaying conversations in her head and trying to understand what had caused Victoria to leave.
Alexia had broached the subject a couple of times. She told Holly not to give up on her mom, saying that Victoria clearly had feelings for her but was struggling to show them. Holly couldn’t see whatever Alexia was seeing. She was wondering if the girl was merely projecting her wishes for a cohesive family unit onto Holly and Victoria.
She couldn’t blame Alexia, she imagined it must be a lonely existence to be the only person in the house who was full of energy and bounce. Hugo and Victoria were serious and steady. Alexia just wanted to have fun.
As the days passed, Holly’s hope grew cold. Where she had once felt certain that Victoria felt more for her than simple friendship, now she doubted herself. Just because Victoria was being kind and generous, it didn’t mean anything.
And Victoria’s refusal to spend too much time with them convinced Holly that she was deluded to think someone like Victoria would want anything to do with her.
She sighed as she slid the last book into place.
It was time to leave. As luxurious, comfortable, and homely as it was living with the Hastings family, it had to end.
She’d quickly started to feel like one of the family, and that was dangerous. She was nothing more than a former assistant who had an accident and snagged on the heartstrings of a wealthy woman. Guilt was all Victoria felt. Guilt that would be alleviated if Holly left.
Not to mention the fact that she needed to get out now, before she became more integrated into the family. It would already be a huge pull for her to leave. Every extra day she spent there would just make leaving worse.
She already spent her long and quiet days wondering if Hugo was acing the math test he was so confident of, or if Alexia had managed to get through an entire lesson without her grouchy science teacher telling her off for chatting. And if Victoria was looking after herself at work and remembering to eat.
Of course, she had to leave. And soon.
She had enough money in her savings account to put a deposit into a small room in a house share in Weehawken, across the river. And she had a couple of part-time temping job offers lined up that would fit around her doctors’ appointments, which had been reduced to a few days a week. It was a giant leap into the unknown. But she couldn’t stay.
The thing that devastated her the most was the finality of it all. When she left, she would be leaving permanently. She was a nobody. She had no reason to come and watch a movie with the children. No reason to call up Victoria and ask her if she finally decided to go with the greyscale background for the summer suit selection.
When she said goodbye and stepped out of the door, it would be forever. People like her didn’t cross paths with people like the Hastings.
She walked across the room and ran her fingers along Victoria’s desk. She’d tell them that evening. Her heart broke when she considered what Alexia’s reaction would be. Hopefully Victoria would allow them to stay in touch by email.
She took a deep breath, taking in Victoria’s scent that lingered in the air.
This room she’d miss the most. Even though it was the place where Victoria hid the most, she’d still managed to spend time with the older woman in this room. She’d attempted to assist her, like the old days. She’d read books from the extensive collection. She’d even caught Victoria asleep in the armchair one evening.
She smiled to herself. She’d have the memories, somewhat ironically.
She walked towards the hallway, turning off the light and closing the door.
35
Victoria put her handbag on the hallway table and started to remove her coat. It had been a long day, one where getting away early was simply impossible. She’d phoned earlier and asked Holly if she would mind watching the children. Holly, as predicted, had said it wasn’t a problem and to get home when she could.
She hung her coat in the closet and frowned as she heard footsteps hammering down the stairs. She turned around.
“Mom!” Alexia cried out, tears streaming down her face.
“Darling?” Victoria started to panic. She walked towards her daughter, her arms outstretched.
Alexia threw herself into Victoria’s arms.
“Darling, what is it?” Victoria held her tightly, a thousand thoughts running through her mind at what had Alexia in such a state.
“Mom, you have to fix it. You have to,” Alexia mumbled.
Victoria knew in that second that she would fix it. Whatever it was. Whatever had reduced her darling girl to tears would be fixed.
“Fix what? You’re frightening me, sweetheart.”
Alexia took a step back and rubbed at her red face. “Holly’s leaving. She’s got a job, and she’s going to leave in a couple of days.”
Victoria felt her blood run cold at the news. She’d been expecting it, but, as long as she hid herself away in her office, she could pretend that everything was fine. Of all the things that Alexia could demand she fix, this was the one that she knew would be impossible.
“It’s your fault, you have to fix it,” Alexia said, her face becoming impossibly redder.
“I-I can’t fix it, sweetheart. There’s nothing I can do, Holly has her own life, and if she chooses to go and—”
Alexia wrenched herself out of her mother’s grip. She looked up at her with a glare that was apparently genetic.
Victoria froze. Alexia’s face was venomous at not hearing what she wanted to hear.
“I hate you,” Alexia said. She burst into tears and run back up the stairs.
Victoria stood in shock. She knew she should do something, but she had no idea what. Holly was leaving. Alexia blamed her, correctly so.
She couldn’t fix it. Too many things had happened in the past to be fixed like that. Not that she could adequately explain such things to Alexia.
She brought her hands up to rub her upper arms. She wasn’t used to not knowing what to do and she didn’t like the sensation.
“She doesn’t mean it.”
She turned around to see Hugo appear from the kitchen. He bit into an apple and leaned on the doorframe.
“She sounded like she meant it,” Victoria said.
She could feel tears forming and quickly turned away. Hugo didn’t need to see her weakness.
She felt an arm around her shoulder.
