by Rayne Hall
* Unlike in real life arguments, the characters don't repeat every point over and over. Allow them to say everything succinctly once. You may decide to let a character make a point three times, but in this case, let the other person counter with different replies.
* Keep the sentences shorter and tighter than in real life arguments.
* Characters may interrupt one another:
“But your mother has—“
“Leave my mother out of this!”
* If using tags, choose verbs which convey the tone of voice: she snapped, he roared, she spat, he yelled.
* Use the body language of anger: clenched fists and jaws, stomping, slamming hands onto tables, banging doors. These make great beats. For ideas see Chapter 14. The speakers may also grab, clutch, squeeze (and possibly smash or throw) items including furniture, which is useful for placing the conversation in a location to avoid 'white space'.
* You can describe the sound of a speaker's voice as a beat to attribute the words:
Her voice rose to a screech
His voice slashed like a sharpened scimitar.
* Consider each character's place in the hierarchy. If one outranks the other, he will remind his opponent sharply of this. The lower-ranking person will be cautious not to cause offence—unless he is ready to challenge the other's authority. If both are of equal or similar rank, their place in the hierarchy may become part of the argument.
* If the argument about something that went wrong, one of the characters may say 'I told you so':
“How many times did I warn you that the wall would crack under pressure? But did you listen?”
* If they trade insults, consider using creative ones. (See Chapter 19.)
ASSIGNMENT:
Does your current work in progress contain an argument scene? Write or revise it, using body language and tone of voice.
26 FLIRTATIOUS BANTER
FLIRTATIOUS BANTER
When two characters discover their attraction for each other, but aren't ready yet to admit it to themselves and still unsure of the other's inclinations, they test the ground with flirtatious dialogue.
At first, everything they say has an innocuous meaning as well as a teasing one, so if their overture gets rejected, they can pretend it never happened.
Gradually, one of them gets bolder than the other, revealing the attraction a witty way which allows the other to either notice or ignore it. Here's an example, provided by author Alice Gaines:
Mary stared out over the ocean. "What a beautiful view."
"It certainly is.”
"But, you're not looking at the ocean.”
He gazed into her eyes. "There's an ocean nearby?"
This takes courage… but if rebuffed, he can still pretend that he was joking.
OPENING GAMBIT: TALK ABOUT CLOTHES
Any comment on the other person's looks or apparel – whether it's complimentary or not – signals a personal, physical interest.
Example:
Teenagers Mary and John have grown up together, and never been anything but buddies. When John says, “You look like a sack of potatoes in this dress,” it doesn't seem like an overture to flirtation – but it reveals that he's aware of her body for the first time. Things may develop from there.
A man's compliments on a woman's appearance is a 'safe' flirtation opener.
Example:
When John says “You look great. That's some dress you're wearing tonight,” it can be read either as a statement of his attraction, or as a simple courtesy.
It's now up to Mary to decide how she interprets it. She can simply say, “Thanks. Shall we go?” and the matter rests. Or she can say something that keeps his attention on her appearance. “Thanks. It's the first time I'm wearing this dress. I like the way the skirt spins when I turn – look.”
This is an invitation for him to admire the dress … and the body inside it.
He can now switch to open flirtation – still cautious, of course – by saying something to connect the dress with himself: “Are you wearing this for me?” or “How did you know blue is my favourite colour?”
If a woman opens the flirtation by talking about the man's garments, this conveys confidence. As well as showing that she is interested in him, it signals something else: if things develop between the two, she expects to take an equal or dominant role. This works well when you write about a strong female character, and also in erotic fiction for sub/Dom scenarios.
Men rarely comment on another man's appearance. This makes compliments about clothes a useful opening gambit for gay flirtation.
“Great shirt, man,” can mean “I'm gay. Are you?” It's discreet, without admitting anything.
If the other man is straight, he'll say so in the next sentence to discourage any advances. “My girlfriend likes it.”
If the other man is gay and interested, he'll talk about the shirt: “I bought it at Smithinklines. I get most of my shirts from them. You ever shop there?”
MAKING THE FLIRTATION EXCITING
The thrill of flirtatious dialogue stems from uncertainty. Neither character knows if the other is interested, or whether their advances are welcome. They will phrase everything so it can be interpreted in two ways – either as an innocuous joke or courtesy, or as personal interest and invitation to get better acquainted.
With each exchange, the probing becomes more daring.
FLIRTATION DURING A VERBAL FIGHT
When characters argue about something, but are secretly attracted to each other, you can make the sparks fly. Readers love this. Especially in romance fiction, these are often the readers' favourite scenes.
Consult the chapter on arguments 25.
To make this dialogue sizzle with undercurrents, show that each character understands the other really well – better than she understands herself. This creates a sense of connection. You can achieve this effect even if the characters don't know one another well or meeting for the first time. Show that the 'opponent' understands the situation and emphasises, even if he doesn't budge from his own position.
Let both characters conduct the conflict with utmost fairness and honour. No nasty snide remarks, no underhanded attacks. Think of it as a sporting match where the opponents respect each other and fight fairly. Write it as a verbal sparring match.
CREATING EROTIC TENSION
In dialogue, you can create erotic tension without spelling out any sexual matters.
The technique I introduced earlier – talking about a garment – can work well. If John and Mary talk about the dress she's wearing, the reader senses that they're aware of the body inside the dress.
Talk about perfume is even more powerful, because it suggests physical proximity and heightened awareness.
“Nice cologne. Hmm… sandalwood and cinnamon?”
If you like you can then turn up the erotic tension by letting them talk about the perfume.
“I bought it in a Moroccan bazaar.” Mary smiled at the memory. “The crone who sold it to me suggested I wear a few drops in my navel.”
“And… did you take her advice?”
There are several ways how you can develop the dialogue from there, depending on how high you wish to ratchet up the erotic tension. Try to phrase most of the dialogue as questions. (See Chapter 1.)
You can also hint at a characters' sexual interest without mentioning sexual matters at all. Here's another example provided by erotic romance author Alice Gaines:
Mary yawned.
"Late night?" he asked.
"Coffee, please."
"Who's the lucky guy?"
She stared at him. "William Shakespeare."
"When he needs a substitute, let me know."
KEEP IT TIGHT AND USE ZINGERS
In real life, the cautious probing nature of a flirtation means that people talk in vague, often awkward ways. Hours later, they replay the dialogue in their minds and realise all the witty things they should have said.
In fiction, yo
u can leave out the vague and awkward mumblings, and let your characters speak with sparkling wit.
A little awkwardness in a flirtation scene can be endearing if it suits the character and the situation, but don't lay it too thick.
As far as possible, let the characters talk in sizzling one-liners ('zingers' – see Chapter 5). Simply rewrite and polish every sentence until sparkles like a brilliantly cut diamond. It's worth it: your readers will adore the scene, read it over and over, and tell their friends.
ASSIGNMENT
Do you have flirtation scene in your work in progress? Revise it to make it sparkle.
Or:
Write the beginning of a flirtation between two characters who are just becoming aware of their attraction and testing the ground.
27 CREATE DRAMATIC IMPACT WITH THREESOMES AND BACK-LOADING
In this final chapter, I want to share two rhetoric devices you may want to try in your dialogue.
BACKLOADING
Whenever a character speaks, the last word has the strongest impact. Arrange the words so that a dramatic one comes at the end - something like love, death, hope, kill, truth, lies, peace.
Instead of
"Enjoy yourselves now, because you'll die tomorrow."
Write
"Enjoy yourselves now, because tomorrow you'll die."
Instead of
"I would tell you the truth if I knew it."
write
"If I knew it, I would tell you the truth."
THREESOMES
Lists of three items create drama, excitement and emotion. Yet they sound perfectly natural.
They work especially well when a character
- demands something
- needs something
- talks about upsetting events
- accuses someone
- complains
- rouses the masses
- incites violence
- infects others with fanaticism
- appeals to listeners' morals or emotions
- begs for understanding
- stirs up trouble
Examples:
“We need blankets, food and water.”
“They all were there – Joe, David and Myra.”
“Did you hear what gifts they brought for the baby? Gold, frankincense, and myrrh.”
“Her garden overflows with flowers: dahlias, roses and marigolds.”
“They worship idols! They dance naked around stone altars! They sacrifice newborn babes!”
“They smashed the windows, stole the money and poisoned the cats.”
“There's only one prophet. There's only one faith. There's only one god.”
“Niggers are are dirty, subhuman, evil. Find them, catch them, hang them!”
“I've cooked your favourites: spaghetti, fries and apple pie.”
“I loved you, worshipped you, gave you everything you wanted, so how can you leave me?”
You can use three separate sentences for the three items, or put all three into a single sentence. You can link them with commas, or with 'and' or with 'or', or in any other way that creates a good rhythm.
Arrange the three items so the most important (or most shocking) item comes last.
Example:
“Everyone's doing it, the priests, the bishops, even the Pope.”
Consider repeating a word three times in a list of three. This can add emphasis and drama.
Examples:
“Get shelter. Get an army. Get the priests to pray for us all.”
“I demand justice. I demand support. Above all, I demand revenge!”
“I want to wear jeans. I want to go dancing. I want to be like a normal girl.”
ASSIGNMENT
Take a dialogue scene you've written and backload several sentences. Rephrase one sentence so it becomes a list of three.
DEAR READER,
I hope you enjoyed this book and have gained many practical ideas how to refine prose.
I'd love it if you could post a review on Amazon or some other book site where you have an account and posting privileges. Maybe you can mention what kind of fiction you write, and which of the techniques suggested in this guide work best for your stories.
Email me the link to your review, and I’ll send you a free review copy (ebook) of one of my other Writer’s Craft books. Let me know which one you would like: Writing Fight Scenes, Writing Scary Scenes, The Word-Loss Diet, Writing About Magic, Writing About Villains, Writing Dark Stories, Euphonics For Writers, Writing Short Stories to Promote Your Novels, Twitter for Writers, Why Does My Book Not Sell? 20 Simple Fixes, Writing Vivid Settings, How To Train Your Cat To Promote Your Book, Writing Deep Point of View, Getting Book Reviews.
My email is [email protected]. Also drop me a line if you've spotted any typos which have escaped the proofreader's eagle eyes, or want to give me private feedback or have questions.
You can also contact me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/RayneHall. Tweet me that you've read this book, and I'll probably follow you back.
If you find this book helpful, it would be great if you could spread the word about it. Maybe you know other writers who would benefit.
At the end of this book, you'll find an excerpt from another Writer's Craft Guide, Writing Fight Scenes. I hope you enjoy it.
With best wishes for your writing and successful author readings. Wow the audiences with your work!
Rayne Hall
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Sincere thanks members of the Professional Authors group and my Twitter followers who critiqued the chapters, and also to the beta-readers who checked the entire manuscript before publication: Graham Downs, Ant Ryan, John Brown, Crystal Holdefer, Georgiana Kotarski and El Edwards.
The cover design for this book and others in the Writer's Craft series is by Erica Syverson. The cartoon illustrations are by Hanna-Riikka. The proofreader is Julia Gibbs
EXCERPT: WRITING FIGHT SCENES
CHAPTER 1: GRITTY OR ENTERTAINING?
There are two types of fight scenes in fiction: entertaining ones, and gritty ones. Before you draft your fight scenes, decide to which group they belong.
THE GRITTY FIGHT SCENE
This type shows violence as it is: Nasty, brutal and quick. The typical gritty fight scene could be written in three words:
Slash. Gore. Dead.
In this type of scene, the actual fight is over quickly. The build-up to the fight is slow and suspenseful, and the Aftermath is prolonged. The fighters sustain terrible injuries, with spurting blood and welling gore. The Aftermath is horrid, with mutilated corpses, guts spilling from slashed bellies, and people dying in their own excrement.
The gritty fight scene invites the reader to feel revulsion and horror. Its purpose is to shock. Critics say that these fight scenes desensitise people to violence.
Watch an example
The duel scene from Sanjuro is perhaps the most famous gritty sword fight in film history. It's not on YouTube because of copyright reasons. Watch the movie if you get a chance, and note how quickly the actual fighting action is over.
THE ENTERTAINING FIGHT SCENE
This scene is heroic, spectacular, exciting, acrobatic, entertaining, theatrical, fun. It allows the protagonist to show honourable behaviour and display impressive skills.
The fighting Action is prolonged while the Aftermath is often non-existent.
Entertaining fight scenes can be unrealistic: The hero finishes off five attackers without breaking a sweat. There’s little blood and no gore, and wounds are mere scratches. If there’s any blood, it blooms like a red rose on a white shirt. The hero may get a slash on his cheek which will heal into a fetching scar, while the loser limps off with a couple of bruises and lives to fight another day. Death is rare. Even if someone dies, they finish as decorative corpses.
The entertaining fight scene uses the location creatively: fighters leap across gorges, slide down banisters, jump onto tables, somersault across motorbikes, swing from r
afters. The Action involves jumping, spinning, whirling, twirling and acrobatic feats.
The entertaining fight scene invites the reader to feel admiration for the fighters’ skill. Its purpose is to entertain. Critics say that these scenes fight scenes glorify violence.
Watch an example
This scene from The Princes Bride is one of the most popular fight scenes ever. Observe how the Action incorporates the location, how the fighters perform acrobatic feats, and how they manage to exchange verbal banter at the same time as sword blows. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-66KBi_NM0
