"First of all, there was no hunting anyone for this bottle. We have the Bottle Bar...a grocery store for vampires if you will. Humans come to the back where they are given cash and sweets and a comfortable place to sit and relax for a while. There's TV, WiFi, and brownies. They're hardly in danger there."
Tad looked like he didn't believe me, so I put the cap back on the bottle and handed it over to him. "Here, read her bio. Sometimes there is hunting involved. I won't pretend that we're all civilized. Ainsley in fact hunts humans weekly. You'll probably get to see him before he goes out tomorrow night. But the people he hunts are the ones you wouldn't want on the street anyway." I handed my bottle to him so that he could see the handwritten note attached to it.
"She's a waitress going for an art history degree," Tad read.
I nodded and took the bottle back from him. "It may be silly, but a lot of vampires believe in the old saying 'you are what you eat' so the Bottle Bar has given us choices. Maybe twenty years ago we only had the option of A or B or AB or what have you. Now I have an English professor who enjoys LARPing in his spare time sitting in my fridge and this young woman, who wants to restore paintings when she finishes her degree. We don't know much about them. Certainly not enough to identify them. But if I'm feeling a little under the weather I can ask for someone young and full of life to perk me back up." I took a sip while I watched that sink in with him. He no longer looked so queasy about me drinking blood, in fact, he almost looked curious. I wondered if the Bottle Bar would be hiring when he was ready to go to work.
"I wonder what our child will be like," Tad quietly said. He put his phone aside, then rested his hands over his stomach, right where our baby would one day grow. I took a chance and put my hand over his, drawing his attention back to me. "I've never heard of our kinds mixing. I wonder if they'll be a vampire, or a werewolf. Or if neither will happen and they'll be human. I've also never considered how I wanted to raise a child. Certainly not in the strict life I grew up in, but is it really possible to raise a child to be completely gender neutral either?"
I didn't have the answers to his questions, but I still wanted to ease his worries. "We'll raise them however you want to. I won't be demanding anything from you, or them. Whoever they are, we'll take care of them. I'll buy one of the houses on either side of this one. And if the people living in them right now won't sell their house to me, I'll build you one for you and our child to share. I have this idea, a silly little idea really, of our child walking between our houses. Maybe they'll bring me a stone. Maybe I'll build a collection of the stones they've brought me. And then we can make cookies for them to take back to you."
Tad was staring at me. "You've thought about this a lot."
"I have wanted a child for a long time."
He leaned toward me, closing his eyes and letting his long lashes cast shadows over his tanned cheeks. I wanted to kiss him. I welcomed his heat. I could feel his breath against my lips.
But at the last moment he turned away. "I'm sorry. I can't. Your breath smells too much like blood."
"Another time then." I wasn't worried. I assumed we would kiss at some point. It didn't have to be right now.
Tad brought his phone out in front of him again and, curious about who he'd be talking to, I looked over his shoulder. Only to see him flipping through some pictures.
"My dad cut off my service. I guess that's not too surprising though really. I was going to take a walk on the beach and tell you that I had my phone on me if you needed me for something. I'd also have to give you the number too. But then I took out my phone and realized I don't have service anymore."
Of everything that I could do for Tad, getting him a cell phone was one of the easiest. "I can put you on my plan. It'll only take a few minutes to transfer your number onto my service."
I thought it would have been the simplest answer, but Tad didn't look thrilled. "When I came to you, I didn't expect you to just instantly become my sugar daddy. Well, I did, I guess. In a way at least. I do need your money to cover the surgeries that I want. But I guess I didn't think the rest of this through. Like clothes, or food, or even my cell phone. I don't expect you to pay for all of that but at the same time I don't have any money of my own so if you don't cover it for me then I don't have anyone else who will but it feels wrong asking you to do all of that. I mean, I'm not even pregnant yet. We don't have anything set. It's all just spiraling right now and I can't ask you to keep paying for my stuff but at the same time I need it and--"
I kissed his cheek, half to shut him up, but also just to reassure him. Then I moved my hand to his stomach, where our child would one day grow. "I want to help, in any way that I can, because I want you to have as little to worry about as possible in order for your pregnancy to be as easy, and stress-free as possible."
He put his hand over mine. I was afraid he was going to make me stop touching him, but he didn't. He simply held my hand there over his belly. "And we'll share our child? Everything?"
Promising him was all well and good, but I knew I needed to get this all in writing, for both of us. I didn't know him and he didn't know me. We needed each other, but that was it. "Yes. We will. Are you okay talking to a lawyer with me tomorrow? If you've got a werewolf one you trust we could go to them. Or I have a vampire one I know."
"I guess we should make this all legal, huh?" His hand shook over me.
"Are you scared? Or nervous?"
That made him smirk. "Maybe a bit of both. I ran away from my pack, from the only home I know, the only place I know, because I didn't want to be forced to have a baby with a stranger. But here I am, still having a baby with a stranger. Only this time I chose it, and the stranger." He sighed deeply.
"And, if you only want to have one child, that's it. That's your choice now. No more claimings," I reminded him.
Tad nodded quickly, and curled his fingers around mine. It felt good to touch him, to have that connection between us. "This pain will go too. At least I hope it will. Once I no longer have a uterus, or ovaries, or breasts...then maybe this awful heat and pain will stop. This need to be with someone, to create a child, to have sex as if it was the most important thing in the world and nothing else mattered."
He took a deep breath and laid his head over the back of the couch. Most of his hair fell back on it's own. I helped the rest of it come off his face with my fingers while he stared up at the ceiling. "There are these cabins in the pack that are just for the claiming. It's like everyone with a uterus goes into heat at once. I guess it makes things easier. Everyone can get pregnant together, care for babies together, share in duties and that kind of thing. Anyway. I thought couples went into these cabins because they couldn't wait to be with each other and then they stayed there because it was just so much fun to hang out with someone else and not have to cook or clean or hunt or do anything really. Now I know better. They probably couldn't leave because sex is this needy, demanding thing and I know it's what'll make me feel better but I can't just..."
Tad shuddered and I brought my lips to his bare shoulder. "Does it have to be sex? Could you use something else? Something that wouldn't make you be with someone that you don't know but would still give you some relief?"
His chin trembled as he sucked his bottom lip between his teeth. "I thought I could use my hand. But I can't touch myself. I know what I have. I've always known of course. But it's not what I want. It's not a dick and I can't figure out how to get pleasure out of something I don't want and don't know how to use."
I had no idea what he was going through right then. I couldn't even begin to understand. I just wanted to help him. I moved my hand to the top of his thigh, and he snapped his gaze to mine. "You may not know how to use it, but I do. I've been with..." I pursed my lips as I chose my words carefully so as not to hurt him. "I've been with people who have uteruses before."
"You've been with women," he quickly corrected me. "But I'm not a woman."
He cut me down so easily and made me feel small and us
eless with only a few words. "What do you call what you have?"
"I don't call it anything. I'd rather pretend that it didn't exist."
He sounded so miserable and lost. All I wanted to do was help him. I brought my hand to his inner thigh, and then against the seam of his crotch. Wetness met my fingertips and I pushed against him. "Can I stroke you?" I kept my voice calm and even. I only wanted to help him. Normally I wouldn't have done anything like this so soon after meeting someone, but I couldn't just let him suffer either.
Tad gave me a shaky nod and I slid my fingers inside his boxers. I didn't enter him. I didn't even get close. I simply ran my fingers over that tight bundle of nerves between his thighs. I pressed harder when he gasped and I went faster when he began to pant. He took my free hand in his and closed his eyes. I didn't kiss him, no matter how much I wanted to. I only wanted him to get better. To feel some level of relief in all of this mess he was in. He needed it and even though I'd only just met him, I needed to give it to him.
He closed his eyes tightly and then he went still, freezing under my fingers. Then his legs shook. He released a low groan and I smiled at the sight of his sharpened teeth. Then I pulled away. I'd done what I wanted to, and as I got up to go wash my hand off, he fixed the front of his boxers. If we had been lovers I would have licked my fingers clean. I wanted to know what he tasted like, but only when he'd given me permission to. What we'd done, that hadn't been anything more than helping him feel better. I tried to ignore my own aching body as I forced myself to think of what we'd done as just something as simple as getting him another pillow. Something mundane and helpful like that and not how good it had felt to have his wet warmth against my fingers.
When I turned around Tad was behind me. His cheeks were red and he was staring at his feet. "Thank you for that."
"Do you feel better?"
He nodded shakily.
Then that was worth my discomfort. "I should get back to work. I'll get you added to my phone plan tonight. You should have service by morning at the latest." I needed to have some space away from him. Seeing him there in his boxers, smelling his arousal... it was too much. I needed a door between us and fast.
"Vallen?"
"Yes?"
"Do you, ah..."
I shook my head and came close enough to him to kiss his cheek. I didn't need. I wanted, but that wasn't a need. Not like his had been. "No. I'm okay. Order yourself some food." I went to my wallet in the office and pulled out a couple twenties for him. He put them on the coffee table. I picked up my bottle of blood and then I was back in my office, sighing as I leaned against the door. I should not have missed him. Wanting him was reasonable. He was attractive and in his underwear. Wanting him was natural and normal. But missing him? I must have been crazy to miss someone I'd only just met. I rubbed the bridge of my nose and went back to my computer. For the rest of the night I tried to lose myself in my work and not focus on the noises coming from the living room. That was easier to do once Tad went to bed close to eleven, but then he was still so close. Only a wall away. I could practically feel him there as he fell asleep.
Chapter Eight
Tad
I woke up a little after sunrise and could hear Vallen getting ready for bed, even though he was a few rooms away. He wasn't exactly quiet about it, but he probably expected me to be able to sleep through his morning routine. Or maybe it was just that he wasn't used to living alone. I wasn't used to just living with one other person. And I probably could have slept through whatever he was doing, except that I woke up to the smell of blood. It was probably as simple as Vallen getting a bottle to drink out of his fridge before he went to bed, but it was still something that made my stomach churn. The scent of blood may have been enticing for him, but as a werewolf, it had always meant that someone was hurt in the pack. Or, more rarely, that the pack had gone out for a hunt and had brought back something that we, those of us in the pack with uteruses, were supposed to clean and dress and generally make ready for those with penises to grill up.
Either way, the smell of blood wasn't something that I was particularly fond of. I got out of one of the most comfortable beds I'd ever been in, and went to my own private bathroom. I'd never had one of those before. Living in the pack and with my father, I'd always had to share a bathroom with either him, or with any number of my half brothers that my father sired. I wasn't close to them. There was no reason that I would be. They were around for a while, and then they grew up enough to be transferred into another pack. He didn't keep any of his children around except for me, the one who was supposed to give birth to the next generation in the pack.
The hot shower helped, some at least, but the low thrum of pain between my legs only grew worse as the morning wore on. I was tired, I ached, and I needed relief. But I couldn't go to Vallen to get it. I knew that having sex with him, and eventually getting pregnant, would make all the pain disappear for the few months that it took for me to carry our child, but I wasn't ready for that and after last night and how he hadn't wanted anything from me after giving me some relief, I didn't think he was either.
I appreciated what he'd done for me. Last night and the rest of it. I was grateful for it actually. But that didn't change the very real problem that I was having right now. My legs were shaking as shooting pain stabbed through me. It was like my body was crying out to be pregnant and I wished that I could just instantly make that happen.
I was trying not to cry as I walked, naked and shivering, out of my bedroom and onto the shared deck. Seconds later I was on the rocky beach, crouched down and calling on my shift. Forcing it was never a good idea. Not unless I absolutely had to. If I was being attacked, then sure, a hard shift would have made sense. It could have been fine. The adrenaline would have probably helped me get through the worst of the pain. But I wasn't in any danger right there as I knelt on the cold, wet rocks that dug into my knees. I just wanted the pain to be over. I yanked hard on my shift, bringing it over me so fast it had me buckling in half. My teeth chattered as my skin changed and blood seeped from my open wounds. My vision blurred, both from the pain and the shift, and then, suddenly, blissfully, it was over and I was left lying there on the rocks in my fur with my paws out in front of me.
And the pain was gone. All of it. I closed my eyes and simply breathed. I couldn't get pregnant as a wolf. And I couldn't shift while pregnant either. It was a safety precaution so that the baby wasn't risked for something that we all did for fun anyway. I was pain free in this form, but I couldn't stay a wolf forever. Still, it was a good place to be for a few hours.
I got up and walked to the water's edge. I'd seen pictures of the coast before, but I'd never imagined that the water would be so vast, or so flat. The land wrapped around the water, forming a peaceful cove where the only ripples were from the wind coming off the ocean beyond us. We couldn't have been in Seattle anymore, not with how much water I was seeing, but we couldn't be that far from it either. I heard a noise behind me and looked back at the house, only to see that every window was heavily tinted. I hadn't noticed that when I'd been inside, and I hadn't noticed yesterday when Vallen had driven us there either, but now I knew that I couldn't see inside the house at all from the outside. It was a good place for a vampire and it would give us both a good deal of privacy, though there weren't really any other houses around that I had to worry about.
Vallen didn't live in a vampire exclusive area of the city. I knew that much just by looking at the houses in the cove around us. Though none of them were close to his, I could see into each of them. Lights were being turned on as people moved around, getting ready for their day. I saw a family having breakfast together, in another house a man made something in a blender while wearing running clothes. But they were humans. All of them. And here I was, a wolf sitting on a stone covered beach with a vampire sleeping in the house behind me. It was an odd combination, but after living in the pack for so long and knowing nothing else, I found the quiet to be peaceful instead of unnerving like
I thought it might have been when I managed to actually feel alone.
I wanted to stay a wolf forever. At least part of me did. But I knew that I couldn't. I was a man who could turn into a wolf if I really wanted to. Not the other way around. I had a life to live, and things to do, and I couldn't do them as a wolf. I couldn't have a child, go to college, or have my own life as long as I was a wolf.
But the lack of pain was seriously nice. Still, I couldn't stay like this for all that much longer. I was hungry, for starters, and the wind coming off the water was starting to chill my fur. Just a few more minutes, I told myself as I stood there with the water brushing against my paws. I was almost done. Almost ready to go back inside.
I was almost ready to go back in when I heard a car pull up behind me. I turned and sniffed, hoping to find out who it was that had come up to Vallen's house, but all I smelled was blood. I came away from the water and walked closer to the house, around the side into the woods and then out to the driveway where some guy was pulling out two big cardboard boxes. He put them on top of each other to carry them and then turned toward me.
"Tad?"
It took me a few moments to realize that the guy in a mesh shirt and black skinny jeans was actually Ainsley. I stepped forward and nodded.
"I'm here to get some work done and restock Vallen's fridge. I'll stay out of your way if you want to come back inside."
I went back around to the deck and I pushed my way into my bedroom. There I closed the sliding glass door behind myself and then jumped onto the bed. I let my shift come over me much slower this time. I breathed through it and welcomed my skin back as I lay there on the soft mattress, my fur came back into myself and my skin took over. I breathed deeply, but my breath caught as the pain came back with a fury.
Defying His Fate Page 5
