She seemed to be trapped with indecision. He raised his hands to her face and gently rubbed the tears from her cheeks. Each one was an accusation against him. His heart constricted at how pale her features were, how fragile she looked. It demanded every ounce of control he possessed not to take her in his arms and beg her forgiveness. He was a reckless bastard to inflict his drunkenness on so delicate a soul, and he silently vowed never to do it again.
“Come on,” he urged, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and steering her back toward the house. She resisted momentarily.
“You aren’t wearing socks,” she apparently felt obliged to point out.
“I didn’t have time to slip them on. My wife took off on me,” he said as a means of making a small joke. “I had no idea where she was headed.”
“Church,” she admitted in a tight whisper.
“Church,” he repeated wryly as the fear evaporated within him. From the determined way in which she was running away from him, Riley had been convinced she was walking out of his life. He’d rushed after her, nearly paralyzed with the fear that she was going to disappear again. He couldn’t allow that—not if it was within his power to stop her.
“Come back with me?” he asked, looking down the street to their house.
“I’ll...I suppose I could attend the second service,” she answered softly.
He kept his arm around her as they strolled back to the house, savoring those few moments that he could hold her in his embrace. There were so few opportunities to feel close to her. It wasn’t a comfortable feeling, needing Hannah, wanting her. She’d have done them both a favor if she’d chosen someone else that night; but despite everything, he was pleased she hadn’t.
“How’s Junior this morning?” he asked, wanting to make light conversation.
“Fine.”
“And Junior’s mommy? How’s she feeling?”
“About as good as Junior’s daddy.”
Riley grinned and rubbed his chin across the top of her head. “That bad?”
“I...I didn’t sleep much last night.”
“We’ll both take a nap this afternoon,” he promised, and in his mind he was thinking how good it would be if he could convince her to lie down with him.
* * *
The first week after they’d settled into their new home was a busy one for Hannah. She scheduled her first appointment with the Navy physician and went looking for a part-time job.
It was a rainy, cold morning on Thursday, and Hannah had just put some kidney beans on the stove to soak, thinking she’d make a batch of chili for dinner, when there was a knock at the front door.
She opened it to find a tall, slender woman with bright brown eyes standing on the other side. “Hello,” she said, grinning broadly. “I know I’m supposed to wait for our husbands to introduce us, but I couldn’t stay away a minute longer. I’m Cheryl Morgan, Steve’s wife.” She extended her hand to Hannah.
They exchanged a brief handshake while Hannah led the way into the kitchen. “Steve,” she repeated, then remembered. “He helped us move.”
“Right,” Cheryl said with quick nod. “I would have come along, too, but I was working.” Hannah noted they were around the same age and knew immediately that she was going to like Cheryl Morgan.
“When Steve came home and told me Riley was married, I couldn’t wait to meet you. I hope you don’t mind me stopping in unannounced this way.”
“Of course not. I’ve been bored to tears all morning.” Hannah put the teapot on to boil and brought down two cups and saucers. “I suppose...Riley’s marriage must have come as a shock.”
“I’ll say,” Cheryl agreed, reaching for one of the sugar cookies Hannah had set on the table and crossing her long legs. “I plied Steve with questions, but he seemed rather close-mouthed about the whole thing.”
Not wanting to explain their marriage and the pregnancy both at once, Hannah busied herself readying the tea, attempting to disguise her uneasiness. “It happened quickly.”
“A whirlwind courtship. How romantic.”
Hannah wasn’t sure how to respond to that. A whirlwind was right, but it hadn’t been much of a courtship. Not with her father and Chaplain Stewart running the show.
Once the water was boiling, Hannah added it to the teapot, leaving it to steep a few moments before pouring. “I’m so pleased you stopped by. I was beginning to wonder if I was going to meet anyone on the base.”
“I’m glad I stopped by, too.” Cheryl paused and slowly shook her head. “That Riley is a sly dog. He had me worried sick he was going to marry—”
“Judy,” Hannah supplied for Cheryl when she stopped abruptly. For a moment her newfound friend looked as though she wanted to stand up and grab back the words.
“Then you know about her?”
Hannah nodded without elaborating. She knew her name and that Riley claimed she didn’t mean a thing to him, but beyond that she was in the dark.
Cheryl slapped her hand over her chest. “You’ll have to forgive me. I have this terrible habit of saying whatever’s on my mind. I can’t seem to stop myself.”
“Don’t worry. You haven’t offended me.” Hannah smiled as she added sugar to her tea and stirred lightly. “I’ll admit I don’t know a lot. Riley hasn’t said much. But from what I gathered, they’d been seeing each other regularly.”
“They were pretty thick in the beginning of the summer,” Cheryl explained, sipping from her cup. “Then the relationship cooled. Judy is...nice, don’t get me wrong. But she’s accustomed to getting what she wants, and she’d set her sights on Riley. I don’t think she took kindly to his sudden loss of interest.”
Hannah wasn’t sure how to comment, so she simply nodded, hoping that would suffice.
“I know why Riley married you,” Cheryl said, not unkindly.
Hannah dropped her gaze as color crept up her neck. Naturally Steve would have told his wife about the pregnancy; that only made sense. Cheryl was probably also aware Hannah and Riley weren’t sharing a bedroom, too.
“You’re perfect for someone like Riley.”
“I...am?” It came out in the form of a question rather than the positive statement she’d intended.
“Absolutely perfect. He’s this rough-and-tough macho guy. The strong, silent type who’s too stubborn for his own good. I’m sure you know what I mean.”
Hannah was quick to agree with a nod.
“For a long time after I first met Riley, he made me uncomfortable,” Cheryl admitted, glancing anxiously toward Hannah. “He isn’t an easy man to know. It’s impossible to figure out what he’s thinking. He keeps everything to himself. Even though Steve’s probably his best friend, he didn’t know about you.”
No one knew about her, but Hannah understood what Cheryl was saying. Riley kept most of his thoughts to himself. It was what had made these past few weeks so difficult. They’d sit down across the dinner table from each other and he’d ask her a few questions about her day and share nothing of his own. Her few attempts at drawing him into conversation had been met with silence. Yet he was genuinely concerned about her. Solicitous. Hannah knew he was trying as hard as he knew how to make everything right for her.
Sunday morning had been a turning point. They’d both seemed to regret the events of the day before and worked hard at overcoming the hurt they’d inflicted on each other. Riley had driven her to church and then returned later to pick her up. They’d talked more that day than the entire previous week. When she’d set dinner on the table, he had raved about her efforts and then insisted upon doing the dishes himself.
“It took me a year or more to feel at ease with Riley,” Cheryl continued.
A year! Hannah groaned inwardly. They maintained a fragile peace even now. He was concerned about her health and that of their baby. He was the one who insisted she make a doctor’s appointment
and that she schedule it at a time when he could go in with her. He hadn’t argued with her about finding a job, but she knew from his lack of enthusiasm that he’d prefer it if she remained home. But he hadn’t insisted she not look for employment.
Thus far, her efforts had been restricted to part-time office positions at the base. Several were available, and she’d gone in to fill out the paperwork and was told she’d be contacted for an interview sometime soon. For now, all she could do was be patient.
“As I said earlier, you’re a perfect complement to Riley,” Cheryl remarked, munching on her second cookie. “You’re gentle and sweet. What I want to know is how that crusty hardheaded sailor ever met someone like you.”
Six
“How we met?” Hannah repeated slowly. Rather than confess the truth, she glanced shyly in Cheryl’s direction and said, “That’s rather an involved story, and if you don’t mind, I’d prefer to leave it for another time.”
“Of course,” Cheryl returned, easily appeased. She glanced anxiously at her watch. “I’ve got to be at the hospital in an hour. If I’m not careful, the time will slip away from me.”
“You work at the hospital?”
Cheryl nodded. “In Labor and Delivery.”
Hannah brightened. “Really? That must be interesting work.”
“Believe me, it is. I find it incredible how many babies decide to be born while Daddy’s out to sea. Speaking of which,” she said, waving her hand as she hurriedly finished a sip of tea, “isn’t it the pits Riley and Steve are leaving for that training session? I hate it when the Navy does this, but then I should be accustomed to the way the military works by now. Steve isn’t any more thrilled about this than I am, and I bet Riley feels the same way.”
Hannah hadn’t a clue what Cheryl was talking about, but she didn’t want the other woman to know it. If Riley was going on deployment, he hadn’t shared the news with her. Hannah felt lost in the dark, groping around, searching for meaning. She forced a smile when she noticed Steve’s wife anxiously studying her. “The pits is right.”
“So soon after you two are married.”
“Do they know exactly when they’ll be going?” Hannah hoped she effectively disguised the eagerness in her voice. She felt hollow inside, as if a giant void had opened up and exposed what a farce her marriage really was. It hurt more than she thought possible for Riley to have hidden this from her.
“It looks like they’re scheduled to head out Monday morning, but I doubt it’ll be a full cruise. At least, that’s what the scuttlebutt claims. They should be home before Christmas, at any rate, although I fully expect them to be gone the entire seventy days this spring.”
Seventy days. Hannah’s mind went blank. Spring was when their baby was due. Alarm gripped her chest, and she struggled to conceal the apprehension. It was bad enough being cut off from her father and friends and from all that was familiar to her, but knowing she’d be facing the birth of her baby without Riley terrified Hannah. She pushed her fear aside, determined to deal with it later.
“I wish I could be here Friday night,” Cheryl added, downing the last of her tea. “I would have been content to meet you then, but I’m scheduled to work. The next time the guys get together for poker, the two of us will have our own night out.”
Hannah managed a smile and nod. “That sounds like fun.”
They spoke a few minutes more, then Cheryl had to leave for the hospital. Hannah saw her to the door and impulsively hugged her, grateful Steve’s wife had taken the time to stop by and introduce herself. Their conversation had been a fruitful one.
For hours afterward Hannah felt numb. A disquieting, uncomfortable knot lodged itself in her stomach. In three short days Riley would be leaving for a lengthy patrol, and he had yet to say a word to her about it. Nor had he mentioned it was likely he’d be at sea during the birth of their child. Surely a wife should be entitled to such information. Hannah felt she had a right to know. Every right.
She was frying up hamburger for chili when Riley walked into the house two hours ahead of schedule. He hesitated when he saw her. “You’re not ready,” he said, his tone lightly accusing.
“For what?” She had a difficult time burying her sarcasm. Perhaps there was something else he’d purposely forgotten to mention. He seemed to think she was a mind reader.
“The doctor’s appointment.”
“Oh...dear.” After her conversation with Cheryl, her appointment with the Navy physician had completely slipped her mind.
Flustered, she headed toward the bathroom. “I’ll only be a minute.” She ran a brush through her hair, applied a fresh coat of lip gloss and changed her top all within five minutes. When she returned to the kitchen, she found Riley adding the cooked meat to the simmering kidney beans. He replaced the lid on the Crockpot.
As they drove to the clinic, Hannah glanced over at her husband several times, amused by how well his personality was portrayed in his facial features. His chin was nothing short of arrogant. His jaw was as sharply chiseled as his pride. His eyes and nose and mouth—every part of him gave the overall impression of strength and power. Yet he was a stranger to her, sharing little of his thoughts and even less of himself. She felt like an intruder into his life, extra baggage he was forced to drag around with him.
Riley must have felt her scrutiny, and when he returned her look, she blushed and dropped her gaze to her lap, then waited a moment before nonchalantly glancing at him again.
She felt dangerously close to repeating everything she’d learned that morning from Cheryl Morgan. She would have if she hadn’t been anxious to learn how long it would take Riley to tell her of his plans. She was his wife, although she was more certain than ever that he didn’t want her in his life and only tolerated her presence. No, Hannah decided, she’d say nothing. She would play his waiting game.
* * *
Riley was anxious about Hannah’s health. He’d never known anyone could be so pale. Her coloring had something to do with it; but it was more than that, far more, and he was concerned. He intended on talking to the doctor, to reassure himself she’d be all right while he was out to sea.
The fact he’d be gone for a few weeks didn’t sit well with him, either. He hadn’t broken the news to her yet, delaying the inevitable as long as possible for fear of upsetting her. There’d been enough upheaval in their lives in the past few weeks without this. When it came right down to it, Riley realized he’d rather not leave Hannah, but the training schedule wasn’t optional. Damn little in the Navy was.
Riley loved the sea, loved life aboard the nuclear-powered submarine, the USS Atlantis. But he didn’t want to leave Hannah. Not so soon. Not yet.
He’d had several days to assimilate what he’d learned about her and her former fiancé. It didn’t sit well with him that Hannah loved another man. He tried not to think about it, to push the other man to the far reaches of his mind and pretend Jerry had never existed. It was the only way Riley could deal with knowing Hannah might be married to him, but she would never truly belong to him.
Hannah made Riley feel vulnerable. He didn’t understand what it was about her that touched him in ways no other woman ever had. One hurt look from her had the most curious effect upon him. It was as though someone had viciously kicked him in the solar plexus. The irony of it all was that the person Riley sought to protect her from most was himself. His insensitivity. His pride. His anger.
If what he felt for Hannah was love, Riley couldn’t say. His brushes with the emotion were best described as brief. He cared about her in ways that had never concerned him with others. That was understandable, though; no other woman had ever carried his child. He was anxious about her health; she was a fragile thing, delicate and rare. It seemed all he could do was make her as comfortable as possible, and that felt like damn little.
Other than a few slips, Riley was working hard at gaining her trust. C
onvincing her to share his bed was motivation enough. He longed to have her by his side, to rest his head upon her stomach and feel for himself the new life her body nurtured. Every once in a while he’d lie awake and grow wistful, dreaming of the time she would willingly turn into his arms and snuggle her lush womanly body next to his own. Marriage had made him fanciful, Riley decided. He’d enjoyed the physical delights a woman’s body could give him from the time he was in his teens, but he seldom spent the night with a woman. Hannah had been an exception from the first. He’d wanted her the night he met her in Seattle, and nothing had changed. The fact she was in love with another man didn’t seem to matter.
The time Dr. Underwood, the obstetrician, spent with Hannah added to Riley’s concern about his wife’s pregnancy. The doctor took several minutes to talk to them both, and ordered blood tests for Hannah.
Riley’s concern must have registered because Dr. Underwood took a few extra minutes to explain the reasons for the additional tests. He strongly suspected Hannah was still anemic, and as soon as the results were available he would write a prescription for a higher dosage of iron tablets. There were several questions Riley had, as well, although it was apparent Hannah felt it irrelevant to have Riley bring up her sleeping habits and the fact she still suffered from occasional bouts of morning sickness.
Riley was silent on the short drive back to the base. His mind was digesting the answers the doctor had given him. If the truth be known, he was worried. Damn worried.
“You’re being awfully quiet,” she said as they exited the freeway. “Is something troubling you?” Casting anxious glances his way, she seemed to be waiting for him to make some declaration. Riley hadn’t a clue what she wanted him to say.
“I’m fine,” he answered shortly.
She gazed out the window then, turning her head away from him. Feeling bad for the brusqueness with which he’d responded to her, he reached for her hand, lacing her fingers with his own. “I’m concerned you’re not eating the way you should be,” he said as an explanation.
Navy Families Page 9
