“I’ll see ye at the wedding,” I tell her, keeping my hands to myself. I would’ve thought she’d be grateful I’m not making her touch me, but her face falls, like I’ve just told her she’s ugly or something. I have no idea what to do with her, so I trot out of the room before I can say another word tha might expose how big an idiot I am for her.
21
Scolding King Ronin
Lilya
The simplest interactions with Prince Salem set my nerves spinning. I’ve already gotten myself lost twice on my way to King Ronin’s study, but finally find where I’m supposed to be, which oddly feels like the last place I want to lurk. I try not to let myself be consumed by the shaking of my knees, but they feel loud with untold secrets I’m going to have to spill. This was the condition of our agreement—Ronin would let Prince Salem go with a mild probation if I came clean about it all.
The desire to run grips me around the throat, but I made a big to-do about coming down here without the guys so I could handle this on my own, so here I am, daring myself not to run. My hand raises to knock on the door, but King Ronin’s voice finds me before it can make contact. “Are you truly going to stand there, psyching yourself up? You spoke so boldly before. Far be it from me to steal your confidence completely.”
I turn and square my shoulders to him, wondering how long he’s been standing at the end of the hallway, watching me hem and haw like a coward. Before I can spout back something witty, a gasp flings out of my mouth. “Oh, your cheek! It’s all red. Is it swelling?”
His lips purse in a taut line. “Reminding me of Prince Salem’s error does not play in your favor.” He unlocks the door to his study and ushers me inside, motioning to the leather chair I ignored before. “Are you going to sit with me this time?”
“I plan on storming out in a huff in about five minutes, so this saves me the effort of sitting and standing unnecessarily.”
He smirks, but winces at the movement of his cheek.
“You need a cold compress. Do you want me to get you one?”
“And delay our question-and-answer time? I wouldn’t dream of it.”
I chew on my lower lip. I don’t want to fight with someone fresh off a beating. “Do fae scare you? Like, would it bother you if I stood closer to give your cheek a look?”
He quirks an eyebrow at me, making him look far younger, like Des’ twin. “If I thought you could cause me the least bit physical harm, you would already be dead. As it is, you only stand to cause me more headaches, so you can stand as close as you like for that.”
I hold up my hands. “My fingers are freezing. Always icy in your territory. I think maybe fae don’t hold onto their heat as well as you vampires or the shifters do. Can I…” I blame my next move on insanity, coupled with my bleeding heart that can’t stand to see people in pain. The scars on my own cheek scrape at me with a phantom ache as I take in the redness of King Ronin’s cheekbone. I didn’t have anyone to help me hold my face together while I found my way out of shifter territory. I was too little to know life doesn’t always give you someone to lean on. Now that I’m older, I don’t mind being that person when I see someone holding themselves together unsuccessfully.
I walk slowly around his desk, giving him plenty of time to pull away. I think he’s just as curious as to my mental state as I am when I get too close. “I’m going to take the heat out of your cheek. That might help with the swelling. It won’t do to have you out and about looking like you’ve just been punched in the face. No magic, just icy fingers.”
He jerks slightly, but I can see him willing himself to stay in place to play out the oddity of a fae touching a vampire with only the hope of helping. “I didn’t realize you cared so much about my wellbeing.”
“I don’t,” I lie. “I care if Prince Salem takes the heat for your mouth. You should know better than to talk to a woman like that. I’m shocked Des turned out to be such a good guy, in spite of you.”
His eyebrows tent as he stares up at me. “Are you actually scolding me?”
“Is this your first time being told you don’t fart gold dust? Because if it is, I’m ashamed of your advisors.”
He scoffs. “I don’t need advisors. I’ve been doing this job by myself for a century.”
I level my most serious gaze at him. “Yes, and your territory is a mess. Your own son was shot on his way home. Prince Salem had to clean up your criminals because you made it permissible for your citizens to behave like children when the world turns in ways they don’t approve of.” The stench of vallerous root in the air sets my teeth on edge. “And apparently you think you’re so indestructible that when I warn you there’s a poison in your study, you don’t bother to have it cleaned.”
He scoffs his indignation. “I did have it cleaned, per your instructions.”
I inhale, wishing there was a different way to detect the poison. “It’s still in here.”
“You’re certain?”
“So certain that I’m not staying in this room all day, and if you want your headaches to go away, you shouldn’t, either. Though, I suppose it’s safer in this study for you than actually going out into your own territory. An arrow in the shoulder is a bit more dangerous than your little headaches.”
“Another scolding? My, I shall have to keep track of all this personal growth you’re intent on shoving down my throat.”
It’s odd to argue with him while my knuckles are touching his cheek so tenderly, but I manage. “I care if Des lives in a place that could get him killed one day. You’ve been his family longer than I have. You should concern yourself that much more.” I shake my head. “What on earth do you spend your time caring about?”
He narrows his eyes at me. “You should have a healthier fear of me than this. Are you accustomed to standing up to powerful rulers?”
Yes.
I swallow my kneejerk response. “If you were truly powerful, you wouldn’t need Prince Salem and Alexavier to clear a path for your family to travel through. You stopped trying a long time ago, old man. My question is why.”
“Old man? I’m not sure I prefer that particular nickname.”
I shrug at the slight. “You called me a whore. I think I get to call you whatever I want.”
He straightens in his chair and turns his head away from me. “Take your seat now.”
Instead of obeying, I move to stand by the door. No way am I giving him that small victory. King Ronin gives an irritated sigh at my obstinance, to which I shrug. “I’ll sit once I trust you. This is the best I can do.”
“Very well. I believe you promised me answers. Start talking. Do not stop with the truth until I am satisfied.”
With my arms crossed over my chest, I’m sure it looks like I’m relaxed, but my fingernails dig into my biceps while I struggle to keep my tone steady. I don’t want to tell him any of this, but a deal’s a deal, and what’s done is done. “I really was working as a waitress at a pub in Neutral Territory. Prince Salem came in once a month for a drink, but he never said much, if you can believe it.”
King Ronin snorts, which I take a good sign. He watches me closely while he fiddles with the ends of his tie.
“A couple weeks ago, Prince Salem comes in for his usual drink, but he’s got two men with him, wearing cloaks and looking like his guards. Turns out, it was Lexi and Des in disguise. Des was nursing a broken arm from doing what they call a peace walk.”
Ronin straightens the edges of his dangling bow tie. I mean, just tie the thing already. His suit is so dapper and put-together that the undone tie looks purposefully chaotic. “What’s this now? I’ve not heard of a peace walk.”
“The guys are tired of the fighting between the territories. Maybe you’ll live forever, but the other rulers won’t. Prince Salem and Lexi stand to inherit a huge mess. They’re trying to get ahead of it so the countries don’t eat each other alive by the time the crown rests on their heads. So they tried going for walks in each other’s territories. They didn’t wear their royal
crap, so they don’t know if the attacks on them were an act of war against the throne, or just a basic ‘get the vampires off my lawn’ sort of thing. Either way, Des got jumped in Jacoba and broke his arm.”
King Ronin throws his hands up. “That is, without a doubt, the stupidest thing! Destino should never have done that. The shifters could’ve had silver stakes!”
“I guess Des really cares if his people can walk about peacefully without getting assaulted. I guess he cares so much that he’s willing to risk his own neck so he can show the world how it’s supposed to behave.”
“There’s no way to teach the people. There’s no fix to the animosity between the territories. And frankly, I have no desire to strike up alliances with you tricky fae or the mangey shifters.”
I point my finger at him, my jaw tight. “It’s that kind of attitude that’s going to keep us all wrecked. I’m standing here right now, telling you all the ways your vampire great-grandson talked me into tricking you. I’m standing here in your study being honest. The very least you can do is winch open your old man mind the tiniest bit. I worked at that pub in Neutral Territory, so I know that vampires and shifters can lie just as much as fae. Vampires can be just as unwashed as the shifters, and can be just as uncivilized. We are all the things we hate about each other, which means there might also be the things we love, buried inside the people we’ve been taught to hate.”
He leans back in his chair, looking dapper in his charcoal suit and matching vest. When he folds his hands behind his head, I can see the lining in his charcoal jacket is emerald silk today, which makes the blue of his shirt stand out, announcing that he might just be the best dressed vampire for miles. “Quite the cross-section you’re polling, over there in Neutral Territory.”
“I wouldn’t knock people who don’t waste their time with their noses in the air over ridiculous biases. We’re all scum over there; no scum is better or worse than the others. You could learn a thing or two. Magic is what you make of it, and you, sir, have made a mess.”
“You want me to take my cue from criminals and cast-outs?”
My voice lowers to a seethe. “Drexdenberg houses low-lives who shoot their own royalty, so I don’t assume your land is filled with the shiniest of citizens. Just more of the same scum you’ve grown too lazy to clean up.” My hands move to my hips. “Are you quite finished with your commentary? You wanted the truth out of me, but if you intend on telling the story, I won’t bother.”
It’s his turn to point at me. “You’ll watch your tone, young lady.”
The corner of my mouth quirks. I can’t help it. Maybe it’s perverse to wish things had ended differently with my father, but by the time I learned to stand up for myself and speak my mind to any real effect, I was long dead in his eyes.
“Is something amusing?”
Since we’re buried in the truth now, I decide to stick my toe into the muck. “You called me ‘young lady,’ like I’m your unruly daughter, and you’re my out-of-touch father. I was a nervous, mousy daughter, back when I had a father. I was too young to go through that phase with him where I spoke too forcefully and he laid down the law.” I run my hand across my chin, searching for the right words. “It’s nice, is all. I know I’m supposed to feel all chastised and upset, but it makes me feel like I’m in a real family when you say things like that.”
King Ronin tilts his head to the side, his nostrils widening as a wry smile plays on his lips. His fingers tent in front of his chest, his elbows on his armrests. “You are a strange one. Your father died when you were young, yes?”
“No, I did,” I explain without elaborating. “We were talking about the peace walks. The guys were trying to figure out a way to force the territories to see each other as people, and not one-dimensional enemies. They came up with this plan that’s going to sound just as crazy to you as it did to me when they came into my pub with the idea. They wanted Des to marry a woman from a different territory. She would have immediate protection from the throne as his wife, though as you don’t have the means to protect your own great-grandson, perhaps I should’ve looked harder at the details before signing on the dotted line.”
“Aren’t we past that? You’ve made your point.”
“We’ll be past it when Des can do a handstand.” I shift my weight against the wall. “Prince Salem picked me for Des to marry, and I accepted. Eternal bliss all the way around.”
“Very well. How do Prince Alexavier and Prince Salem fit into the picture? I’ve never been married myself, but I assume one doesn’t invite two other men into his bed with his bride the week after he’s been married.”
“Des and I met a couple weeks ago. We’re not exactly having sex,” I state as bluntly as I can. “We’re getting to know each other. Developing a friendship. At the end of the day, that’s what we want our territories to have. They may not be able to love each other, but friendship is possible. It was supposed to be a political statement—my marriage to Des. I wasn’t supposed to…” My fingers fiddle with the pink silk hem of my dress. “It’s all pretty new.”
King Ronin watches me squirm, his fingers tented in front of his pursed lips. “Tell me how three men ended up in bed with you.”
I bat my lashes at him. “Are you very concerned about my dignity?”
My mouth falls open when King Ronin responds with a polite, “Would it be so terrible if I was?”
We blink at each other for a few beats before I breeze past his words that can’t be interpreted as anything but sweet, which is perplexing, to say the least. “I knew Lexi—Prince Alexavier—when I was a little girl, though he didn’t recognize me at first. I was taken away from Lexi before either of us were ready to say goodbye. Des is fine with Lexi and me being together, so long as we all keep up the charade that Des and I are meant to be.”
Ronin picks up a pen and fiddles with it, tapping the end on the mahogany surface. “Do you have feelings for Destino?”
I nod once, lowering my chin. “I don’t expect you to understand. You’ve never loved one woman, much less two at the same time. I love Lexi, even though it’s complicated. And I have a deep respect for Des, enough to be grateful that the man I sleep next to is him. He’s compassionate, and wants to bring kindness to Drexdenberg, which is something to admire. He hasn’t given up on the world, resigned to it being broken as it is. He doesn’t hesitate to break and bleed for his people.” As I say the words, I feel the truth in them. I’m telling this to Ronin, but what I should be doing is spilling my secret feelings to Des himself. “I think I could love him someday. But what’s more, I’m ready to stand beside him when the world starts to crumble because too many parts have forgotten what it means to be good. Des has not forgotten, and maybe I do love him for it.” I bite down on my lip, but it’s too late. The strange words have already hit the air, confusing me even more than they do Ronin, whose nose crinkles at the notion. I push past it as quick as I’m able. “Drexdenberg deserves a man who believes in possibilities. If you are not that man, then I feel sad for your entire race. Des treats me like I matter, even though I’m fae. Even though I’m…”
…a murderer.
I hold myself together as I feel my insides splintering apart. “I love Des. I love them both. Even if it’s all a charade for him, I don’t care.”
The door bursts open, startling a yelp out of me as I hop back. Des has one hand on the knob and the other on the doorjamb, holding himself back with wild eyes. “You truly love me?” he asks, looking at me as if we’re the only two people in the entire castle.
He drinks me in as if I’m the only woman in the entire world.
22
Loving Destino
Lilya
I bury my face in my hands. “You weren’t supposed to hear me! It’s far too soon for me to say things like that to you. Please don’t be upset. I take it back!” My pitch climbs as I pray for the floor to open up and swallow me whole. “Fae can’t be trusted. I was being sneaky and whatnot. Please forget I said anything.
”
I feel Des’ hands on my wrists, gentle but firm that I won’t hide from him. His broken forearm isn’t in the sling anymore, but the cast ensures I keep my movements careful around him. When he removes my hands from my face, I keep my chin downward to avoid the truth that’s splattered all across my face. “Look at me, blue eyes.”
“No.”
Des sniggers. “Alright, then. I’ll say this to your forehead. Lily, I love you. There’s no one I want by my side through all of this, except for you and the guys. Tell me to my face. Tell me you love me, too.”
I look up at him, insecurity shimmering in my eyes. I want to tell him exactly that, but it’s not the whole truth. Des deserves my whole heart, even if it comes to his doorstep looking all strange. “I love Lexi, and I love you. How is that going to work?”
A lazy smile breezes across his features, tricking me into thinking the whole world is a good place if it deserves a smile like his, fangs and all. “It’s the only way this is going to work. Alex and Salem are my best friends. I know Alex is good for you, and you’re good for him. I love you both too much to take something away from you that’s helping you both. But I’m also too selfish to let you go completely. You truly love me, too?”
I nod, embarrassed that I have to own up to my feelings, and with a witness in the room. “I love you, Des.”
He casts a “quit watching us” look at King Ronin and takes my hand, guiding me out into the hallway where none other than Lexi is waiting and listening. I scowl at him for eavesdropping, but he’s beaming just as bright as Des.
Lexi grabs up my face in his hands and kisses me, unwilling to wait for words. When he pulls back after my knees have been sufficiently weakened, he kisses my nose. “I love you, too, Lily-Girl.” Then he steps back and angles me toward Des, who I’m too nervous to look at directly.
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