by Maya Daniels
“You have a lot of explaining to do.” Not looking at me, she walks to the patch of grass near the closest trees. Pulling her dagger out, she starts wiping the blood from it, cleaning it the best she can. “The Order thought it was for my own good when they lied and manipulated me for years. I thought you were different, that we were different.” Glancing over her shoulder, her face holds no anger or judgment. Acceptance stares at me, twisting my insides into tight knots. “I find myself standing in the middle of a storm while the anchor I thought would keep me grounded is snatched from my hands with more lies or untruths.”
Watching her swipe the blade in short, practiced movements, I’m lost for what to say. She is right, of course, and I have no right to speak a word from now on unless it’s the ugly, bare truth. If anything else passes my lips, I will lose her forever, mate bond or not. Coming through the portal erased the last traces of the girl I met not long ago in that ally full of rogues. Helena doesn’t seem to mind, taking in stride anything life throws at her. I will mourn her loss silently in her stead. In hopes to preserve that innocent girl, I might’ve done damage that can’t be fixed. A sharp pain stabs the center of my chest, and I promise myself right here that I will fix it. If it takes centuries, I’ll fix it with each breath I take.
“I don’t blame you, you know.” Swiping her hair to one side, Hel smiles sadly at me. “Maybe I would’ve done the same if the roles were reversed. I’m not even sure what changed.” Scanning the trees with an unfocused gaze, the pause she takes makes my heart thump painfully in my chest. “Actually, that’s a lie. I know. There is something about that creepy thing that changed me inside.” Rubbing the center of her chest with a fist, she focuses on the area where the Trowe disappeared. “Jumping to save a child only to realize it’s a thing from your nightmares sure as hell puts things in a new perspective.”
“I’m sorry, Hel.” And I mean it. Inadequate as it may sound and honestly not enough, that’s all I have a right to say to her.
“Meh…” Waving off my apology, she chuckles. “I honestly don’t blame you. In my defense, I was in shock with it all. Maybe going to Hell personally needed to happen so I could finally snap out of it. The reality of what my life is…of what I am, hit me like a meteor. A meteor shaped like a child with an old man’s face, to be precise.”
“There is nothing wrong with what you are.” Getting defensive on her behalf, my own anger spikes. “If anyone has a problem with that, they’ll have to deal with me first.”
“Always the protector.” Smirking, her eyes sparkle with amusement at my outburst. “As we have come to learn, I can fight the bullies on my own, thank you very much. When I don’t let anyone screw with my head, that is. That’s when I learn to control this anger that keeps bubbling inside me, making me act like a child throwing a tantrum. Being reckless won’t give me the chance to prove to the Holy ass that he was just as wrong about me as he was right.”
“The anger is the same as before we got here?” Unable to stay away from her any longer, I walk up and pull her into my arms. Slicking silky strands away from her upturned face, I search her eyes. “Is it worse now that we are in this realm?”
A line forms between her brows while she does an internal assessment, then her gaze locks on mine again. “It is slightly harder to control here. I didn’t think to look at it that way until you mentioned it.”
“We shouldn’t mingle longer than necessary. Let’s get moving so we can get out of here.” Kissing her forehead, I reluctantly pull away. “We’ll have time to talk about everything after we are back home.”
A rustling of leaves and cracking of branches snap me around. Pushing Helena behind my back, I face whoever is tromping our way. A growl rumbles my chest when the damn Trowe jumps happily from the foliage and grins at me. Wiping the blood dribbling from his chin, he tilts his upper body sideways, craning his neck as he looks for Helena.
“Oh my God, did you eat him?” Helena comes around to stand next to me, glaring at the Trowe.
“God is not here mistress, and that God is the one that needs to kneel at your feet.” The damn thing drops on his knees and crawls towards her. “The one running away will not tell a soul about you being here. I made sure of that. I only needed the two of them to bring me to you. They outlived their usefulness as soon as you claimed me.”
“Get the fuck out of here.” Snapping, I lift my foot to kick him away from her. Helena surprises me by stepping between us.
“And why were you looking for me, golem?” With hands pressed on her hips, she looks down at him.
“I’m not a golem, mistress. I was tasked to guide you and protect you. I waited a long time until you needed me.”
“Protect me? Did you go to the human realm, too?” Helena slides her hand behind her, gripping the dagger and watching the creature warily. “Did you kill humans while waiting on me, huh?”
“No, mistress. I’ve been waiting here for you. I haven’t left the land in fear of missing your arrival.” Looking hurt, the Trowe glances accusingly at me. “It wasn’t easy to live here among the inhabitants, pretending I’m meek and defenseless, but I persevered.”
“And who are you supposed to protect me from? Angels don’t come down here unless they are fallen, right?” Helena looks troubled by this idea. “Who else is after my head?”
“There has been a lot of trouble, mistress. Many joined Mammon in his quest to overthrown Lucifer. They are hunting down all his allies and their children.” The Trowe’s mouth twists in disgust when he mentions one of the seven fallen. An Archdemon.
“Tasked to protect her by whom?” Pulling Helena away from his reach, I’m debating if she will forgive me one more thing. Like killing the Trowe after I hear what he has to say about this uproar I know nothing about.
The spirit spreads his arms like he wants to hug everything around him. The widening of his eyeless sockets makes my fists clench before he even opens his mouth to speak. “We are in the land of Wrath, Shadow. Her father tasked me before he disappeared.”
Helena
“You knew my father?” Hope sparks up in my chest that I will finally get some inside information about my real family. Raphael shared very little of what he knows, dropping hints here and there as it suited him. Even that seemed vague and calculated now that I think about it.
“Yessss…” The hissing sound that drones on with the raspy voice of the Trowe raises goosebumps on my arms.
Eric stands next to me, his fists clenched at his sides. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think he is physically restraining himself from killing the creature. Turning my head to look at him thoroughly, I realize he actually is doing his best not to kill it. Reaching for him, I grab his forearm, hoping he can control himself. Something about the Trowe sets him on edge. Not that the creature doesn’t give me the heebie jeebies, but I need to hear what it knows first.
“Well?” Glancing between the two, I prod him to continue.
“Let us not speak his name here, mistress. Even the trees have ears.” Creeping up closer like it can’t help itself, to my relief his shaggy mane falls down, obscuring his face. “Lead the way, Shadow.” The creature turns to Eric, and I feel his already coiled muscles stiffen more under my fingers. “You were headed in the wrong direction. She needs to see your father before all is lost.”
We stand in silence. Eric’s calculating, furious gaze is focused intently on the Trowe, so much I almost think he can read his mind by sheer will alone. Fear rears its head at the mention of me being anywhere near Lucifer. I shove it back with everything in me, schooling my features in a neutral mask. If I learned anything lately, it’s that you should never show how you feel about things. It’s a weakness that predators explore, and I’m surrounded by them, more so now than ever before in my life.
While the two of them are having a staring match, I debate my options. My life took a nose dive the moment that abomination—cringing at the word since I now use it to identify myself as well—raked its claws down m
y forearm, taking my blood. With everything I now know, although half of it might not be true, things look too convenient on many fronts to be a coincidence. It wasn’t my first hunt, so making a rookie mistake like that, allowing any of them to get close enough to draw blood…well, it had been one of my biggest errors. What was it that pulled my focus away from my mission for that to happen?
Amanda.
My best friend’s face pops in my head like a punch to the gut. She was too close to me, and I was altering my shots, so I didn’t end up putting a bullet in her. We were too well oiled as a team for her to make that mistake, yet it happened. That had a snowball effect on everything, bringing me here in the depths of Hell having a dilemma about how stupid it will be to meet Lucifer face to face.
Regardless of what I believed my whole life, the truth reared its head, shattering the glass house of lies that made my life. I don’t know what to think anymore. The events of the last couple of months muddied the clear lines I had drawn of who is good and who is bad. The only thing I can rely on is my moral compass, the one I would like to think I have and is in good working order. Even that can’t help much if I walk around blind, making decisions on assumptions instead of facts. Facts that only information can give me, so there is no doubt in my mind I’m not being manipulated for someone else’s gain. And at the end of the day, it all comes down to that.
Intentionally or not, whoever my birth parents were, they created a weapon. Not just any weapon, no. One that can bring Heaven and Hell on their knees depending on who’s hand wields it. The decision on that is obvious. The only one with the finger ready to pull the trigger will be me. And for that, I need both sides of the story. I survived the Holy ass without too much damage, or so I’d like to think. Granted, Michael didn’t want me dead when I was at his mercy, and he had a chance to take my life, but that’s beside the point. I have to believe that Lucifer will have the same need for the special juice running through my veins. Enough to give me the opportunity to get the hell out of dodge if things turn sour. The worse that can happen is I have to fight my way out of here.
Unless I end up dead.
Or locked up for as long as my extended life will last, every drop of blood I have drained. Refusing to dwell on the negative side of the stupidest idea I’ve come up with by far, I square my shoulders.
“We will go meet with your father.” Since I never removed my hand from Eric’s forearm, the twitching of his muscles doesn’t boost my confidence about my decision.
“We will close the gate, go home to recoup, and plan. After that, we will take action.” Used to being obeyed, which is evident by the way Eric believes his words are law, I almost laugh out loud. Almost.
Oh, how things have changed.
Once upon a time, I felt strongly about obeying orders, doing what I was told like the good little fool that I was. Thanks to everyone involved, I’m no longer so accommodating when being ordered what to do. The Trowe swivels his head from me to Eric, like he is watching a ping pong match. Like he doesn’t want to miss even a twitch of a muscle in our exchange. Creepy!
“Okay.” I’m not sure I’ve seen Eric look as shocked as he does at this very moment when his head snaps in my direction, flinging strands of hair over his face. “You go home handsome. The Trowe can show me the way, I’m sure.” Unable to help myself, I push the hair off his forehead and tuck it behind his ear. “You go recoup, plan, and when you are ready, I’m sure you’ll find me.”
His lips mesh in a firm white line, amber burns and swirls in his gaze like a star ready to go supernova at the blink of an eye. My chest feels tight, but I have to do this for myself. Not because I want to hurt him or I don’t value my life. It’s because I do that I make my decision. With great effort, I remove my hands from him and turn to the creature that opened my eyes more than anything else so far.
“Lead the way, golem.” He perks up at that, already moving in the direction we came from before I saw it. “If you are playing games or you’re trying to trick me, I will enjoy killing you…very slowly.”
“I only want to serve, mistress.” Not even turning to look if I’ll follow, he skips ahead of me. “I was tasked with guiding and protecting you. It’s the greatest honor I have been granted. I will prove that I am worthy.”
When my feet move and I follow the creature, I don’t tell him that his idea of worthy might not be the same as mine. Life has proven me wrong on that front too. I believed I was worthy of protecting humans and being part of Heaven’s army. The pure and Holy ones were deafening in their disagreement of that. So, I keep my thoughts on the matter to myself.
Almost jumping out of my skin when Eric laces his fingers through mine, I glance at him sideways. He doesn’t look happy, but at least he didn’t walk away and leave me behind. I’ll take that as a win. Glaring at the back of the creature’s head, his anger at the situation is looming like a dark cloud over both of our heads. With a squeeze of my fingers, I show him my gratitude for standing by my side even when I do idiotic things.
“Thank you,” mumbling just loud enough for his ears only, my attention shifts to the sky. Hopefully no more dragons with fire wings will intercept us on our way.
“Don’t thank me, Hel. I will follow you anywhere.” Warmth spreads through me when his deep voice caresses my ears. “I just hoped we’d have more time before facing him.”
And just like that, ice covers my insides, my heart shriveling in my ribcage. Shouldn’t I be the one freaking out about meeting the Devil himself? What can be so bad that he will dread meeting his father?
The path twists and turns, leading us past the clearing with the portal where we entered this mess. Eyeing the symbols etched on the stones from afar nudges my brain like I should know what they mean or why they are there. No amount of frustration brings enlightenment on that front, so I leave that to ponder some other day. Like when I’m not walking to meet Lucifer without anyone holding me at gunpoint or forcing me to do it. The Trowe keeps skipping in front of us like a child out for a stroll, bringing in the creepy factor firmly to the front of my mind.
What the hell am I doing?
Snorting at that pun, I clear my throat when Eric looks at me strangely. “About Mammon.” Breaking the anxious silence that followed us, I keep looking around at nothing in particular. “He was one of the first fallen with Lucifer, right?”
“Yes.” Anger is evident in Eric’s voice. “He was one of the first seven that fell from grace.”
“And what? Lucifer stole his cookies, and now they are fighting over it?” My eyes narrow when the creature slows down so it can stay within earshot of our conversation. “Keep skipping, golem. This does not concern you.” Turning back to Eric, I watch his profile closely. “The question of the day is, what does any of that have to do with me? I mean, they are both in Hell, which leaves me out of the equation. They can fight as much as they want. I’ll even join the cheerleading squad as long as they stay away from the human realm.”
“I’ve stayed out of my father’s business for a very long time, Hel. I know as much as you do about this.” A muscle jumps in his jaw while he scans our surroundings, as if expecting an attack at any moment. “Maddison is the one keeping tabs on the comings and goings around here. She never mentioned anything.” Finally, he turns my way so I face him as well. “I would think something like this is important enough to garner her attention, as well as mine. My cousin will have some explaining to do when we go back, I assure you.” Judging by the look on his face, I wouldn’t want to be Maddison when we see her. “As far as what you have to do with it? Your guess is as good as mine. But, since they involved you, I’m making it my business now. Maybe staying out of things was not such a great move on my part. I’ll remedy that.”
“I should’ve paid closer attention during bible studies. It just didn’t seem important to know the names and powers of what you think are made up characters, especially when all you know for sure is that rogues exist. All I was interested in was becoming a hun
ter and sending abominations back to Hell. I didn’t care if they had names.” Pressing a couple fingers to my temple, I start messaging it to relieve some of the pressure of the building headache. “Hindsight, huh?”
“It’s not your fault they kept you ignorant. It’s easier to manipulate someone when they aren’t aware of the truth.” Understanding how that sounded, he winces without me saying a word. “And what a hypocrite I turned out to be.”
“You like to keep me ignorant so that you can manipulate me, as well?” My words are soft, but the creature hears them, nonetheless. Hissing like a rabid animal, it turns towards Eric, baring its yellowed teeth. “Hold your horses, golem. I’m a big girl; I can take punches as good as I can give them.” Glancing at Eric, I swallow the lump trying to lodge itself in my throat. “Even the emotional ones.”
“Helena…” Stopping in his tracks, Eric grabs both my hands in his. He is holding me so tight that I can feel the bones grinding, which makes my stomach drop to my feet. Bracing myself, I’m too afraid of what he is about to say, so I focus on his Adam’s apple, unable to meet his eyes. “I might have embellished the truth and told you a watered-down version of my reasons for staying away from my realm. I did it out of selfish reasons because I didn’t want you to see me for the monster I am. Not to manipulate you.” Lifting my face with a crooked finger under my chin, he forces me to lock gazes with him. “Never to manipulate or use you for your blood or for who and what you are.”
I want to believe him with everything in me, but experience holds me back. His face becomes blurry when unshed tears flood my eyes. Blinking them away, I give him a rope. He can use it to pull himself out of the mess he made, or he can use it as a noose. I can’t give him more than that at the moment.
“I won’t trust words, Eric. It’s those that have led me almost to lose my life. Words allowed those I held dear to betray me. I’ll trust actions from now on. That’s all I can give you right now.”
