“Something is going on with you,” he said as he watched me closely from the doorway. “You’ve not been yourself for days, and now this…”
He paused for a moment, giving me a worried look.
“Are you pregnant?” He asked, the colour draining from his face.
To my surprise, I laughed out loud.
“No, Jared,” I chuckled as I dried my face with a towel, then turned to look at him. “I’m not pregnant.”
“Then what’s going on?” He asked, walking towards me slowly, then taking me by the arms. “Please, talk to me.”
I knew I needed to tell him the truth; at least the truth about my feelings for him. I owed him that much. But as I looked at him standing there, a worried look on his face, my heart hurt. I knew I didn’t love him like I should have, but I did care about him.
“You’re right,” I said as I reached up and softly touched his face. “I think we need to talk.”
“Okay,” he said, and I could see in his eyes that he already knew what I was going to say, and suddenly I wanted to cry again.
“Just not tonight,” I whispered, knowing I was making a mistake. But right at that moment, I needed the comfort of his arms. I needed one more night of not being alone in the world. “Tonight, let’s just watch a movie, and forget about the rest of the world.”
“Okay,” he sighed, then gave me a smile, before he softly kissed my lips. “Not tonight.”
But now, as I lay there in the early morning light of my bedroom, I knew I should have done the right thing. I knew it wasn’t fair on Jared to lead him on or lie to him anymore. Okay, we didn’t make love, but I let him kiss me; I let him hold me as I silently cried once more.
Glancing over at him as he slept soundly. I knew that this morning, no matter what happened, I was going to end things with us. It was the right thing to do.
Deciding I couldn’t lie there any longer, I pushed up from the bed and headed to the bathroom. My head felt foggy, and my mood was dark. I considered climbing into the shower but instead, decided what I needed was to get out and clear my thoughts. I decided to go for a run.
Heading back to the bedroom, I quietly headed to my closet, grabbing a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, then I dressed quickly. Next, I slipped on my running shoes, before I quietly left the bedroom, taking care not to wake Jared.
Before I left the apartment, I grabbed my iPod and my keys.
Stepping out into the early morning air, I pushed my ear buds into my ears, then began to run. Each step I took, I tried to push Seth, Jared and the whole stupid mess from my thoughts. Before I knew it, I had hit my stride and for a short while at least, I felt better.
As I ran, I tried to focus on everything I needed to do that day. I had a list of papers I needed to get through, and I still needed to find that book I was looking for.
That’s when I remembered that Jared said that there were books belonging to me at his place. Maybe the book I needed was there, so that was where I needed to go? I had his spare key on my keychain, so I could just let myself in and be on my way home in no time.
I turned in the direction of Jared’s place, and I continued to run, deciding not to slow down now.
Less than ten minutes later I was climbing the stairs to the second floor where Jared’s apartment was. As I reached the door, the thought occurred to me, maybe I should gather up all of my belongings I’d left there over the last couple of months. If I was going to end things with Jared when I got back to my place, collecting my stuff now, would save any awkward encounters later.
I slipped the key into the lock, humming to myself as I made my way into the apartment. I knew I would have left the books on Jared’s desk if I’d left them anywhere.
Once I made my way to the desk, I began to rummage through the mess that was Jared’s desk until found the book I was looking for. As I pulled out the book, I accidentally knocked over the lamp that was sitting perilously on the edge of the table, sending it crashing to the floor.
“Shit!” I groaned as I bent down to pick it up, but as I stood back up, a sound from behind me made me spin around, and I screamed when I found a very naked Seth standing there, holding a baseball bat.
“Jesus, Savannah!” Seth exclaimed breathlessly, still half asleep, or at least part of him was. His cock was standing straight up, looking ready for action. “You scared the crap out of me.”
“I scared you?” I replied with a nervous laugh, allowing my eyes to take in his beautiful body in all its glory, before I finally turned away. “You’re the one standing there with a baseball bat, completely naked, in my boyfriend’s apartment.”
“Jared gave me his keys,” Seth yawned as he set down the bat, and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. “It’s not even seven a.m. What the hell are you doing here?”
“I left a book here that I needed,” I replied, resisting the urge I had to turn and look at him once more. “And you’re still naked.”
“Fuck!” Seth cried, before he disappeared into the bedroom, emerging moments later wearing just his jeans. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t expecting anyone…”
“It’s my fault,” I quickly said, knowing that it was more my fault than his. “Jared never mentioned you were staying here.”
“I’m not,” Seth replied, as suddenly his face flushed with embarrassment, though I had no idea why. “It was just for the night. He said the apartment would be empty if I needed it.”
“If you needed it?” I asked, confused by what he had said. That’s when I spotted the bubble gum pink bra, hanging from the handle of the door. I knew it didn’t belong to me, so that meant only one thing. Seth had brought a girl back to fuck in Jared’s apartment.
This time it was my turn to be the one that was angry. But then it dawned on me, if the bra was still here, so was the girl.
“Oh, God!” I exclaimed, feeling like I was going to be sick. “I need to go.”
Without waiting, I pushed past Seth, almost knocking him over, before I hurried towards the door.
I had just reached it when Seth was behind me. His hands pressed against the door before I could even open the damn thing.
“Let me go, Seth,” I pleaded, as suddenly tears stung my eyes. “Just let me go.”
“Not while you’re upset,” he said, making no attempt to move out of my way. “Savannah, please. I just want to talk. Please, just look at me.”
I pinched my eyes closed and prayed to God for the strength I needed right at that moment.
“Savannah, please,” he repeated once more.
I loved that he called me Savannah. He was the only one who did. I loved the way the word sounded on his tongue. I loved that I could hear how much he cared for me whenever he said it.
“You should go back to your…girl,” I whispered, almost choking on the words. “Just let me go.”
“You… you think I have a girl here?” He asked, sounding almost surprised by what I’d said.
“I saw her bra on the door handle, Seth” I explained, feeling sick as the thought of him with some nameless girl filled my mind. “I’m not stupid, so please don’t treat me like I am.”
“You’re right,” he said, as his words felt like a kick to the stomach. “There was a girl here last night. I was angry and hurt, and very confused after I left your place yesterday. Seeing you with him like that; it almost killed me. I thought if I just fucked some nameless, faceless girl, then how I felt about you wouldn’t consume me. But I couldn’t. I tried, but you were all I could see. You’re all I ever see, every moment of every day. You are all I want. So, I couldn’t go through with it, and I told her to leave.”
“You… you didn’t sleep with her,” I asked, finally turning to face him.
“No,” he replied. “I couldn’t do it. How could I?”
“Why not?” I asked as I looked up into his eyes.
“Because I love you,” he whispered, his lips so close to mine, I could feel his breath dance across my face. “I love you more than I ever imagined
I could love someone in my life.”
“I see,” I breathed out as I longed for him to take me in his arms and kiss me.
“But you’re still Jared’s girl,” he sighed, the look of heartbreak on his face. “Nothing has changed, Savannah. I love you, but I can’t hurt Jared. I can’t be that guy.”
“I understand,” I nodded, feeling my heart break into a million pieces. I knew he was doing the right thing, but part of me wished that for once, he wasn’t such a good guy. “I should be going.”
I turned back to the door, reaching for the handle once more. This time Seth let me open the door. As I stepped out into the hallway, I didn’t even look at Seth as I headed for the stairs.
But something stopped me when I reached the top. Something made me turn back.
When I did, I found Seth still standing there, tears now dancing in his eyes.
“For what it’s worth,” I said, giving him a sad smile. “Nothing happened with Jared yesterday. At least, not in the way you think. The truth is. Jared and I are over. I guess I’m just too scared to tell him, because when I do, I will lose so much more than just him.”
I didn’t wait for him to respond. Instead I hurried down the stairs and out onto the street. But even then, I didn’t stop. I just ran. I ran and didn’t stop until I had made it all the way home. I knew no matter what happened now, I was going to tell Jared the truth. I was ending this nightmare, once and for all.
Chapter 13
Savannah
When I reached my apartment, I wasn’t surprised to find Jared still fast asleep in my bed. Releasing a frustrated sigh, I headed into the bathroom, making sure to lock the door behind me.
The last thing I needed right at that moment, was for Jared to wake up and decided to climb into the shower with me.
As I stood beneath the water, I ran through what I was going to say to Jared in my head. I knew I had to tell him the truth, just like I also knew that I was going to hurt him. But my mind was made up. I was ending it.
“Sav!” Jared’s muffled voice came through the door. “Why is the door locked. I gotta hit the head.”
“I’m coming,” I called out as I reached out and turned off the water. Like it or not, this was gonna happen now.
Pulling back the door, I reached out and grabbed a towel, quickly wrapping it around me before I stepped out on to the bathmat on the floor. Once I had the towel secured around me, I unlocked the door, allowing Jared access to the bathroom.
“Hey, Babe,” he said, said giving me a questioning look. “Why did you lock the door?”
He didn’t wait for a response. Instead, he lifted the toilet seat, and began to pee with a long, satisfied sigh as I returned to the bedroom, deciding I needed to get dressed before I talked to Jared.
“I woke up earlier and you were gone,” Jared called out from the bathroom. “I was hoping that you would have been in the mood for some fun.”
“I couldn’t sleep,” I replied, rolling my eyes and sighing inwardly as the sound of the toilet flushing drowned out his reply, so I just continued. “So, I went for a run.”
“You should have woken me,” Jared laughed as he grabbed me from behind, kissing my neck. “I could have used up some of your excess energy.”
“I needed to clear my head,” I said, taking a step forward before I turned to face him.
“Are… are you okay?” He asked, giving me a worried look. “You look…are you okay?”
“I think we need to talk,” I said, knowing if I didn’t get straight to the point, I would never say it.
“Okay,” he said, but the look on his face said he already knew where this conversation was going. He walked to the bed and sat down, his eyes never leaving me. “What’s up?”
“Jared,” I began nervously, walked to the chair at my dressing table and sat down. “These last few months have been amazing, and I want you to know that I care about you. But…”
“But?” he said as he pushed up from the bed, quickly closing the distance between us. When he reached me, he dropped to his knees in front of me, taking hold of my hands. “Sav, what’s wrong baby? You’re starting to freak me out.”
“Jared,” I sighed, blowing out a long breath deciding I needed to just rip off the band aid; get it over and done as quickly as I could. “I’m sorry, but…I don’t think that this is working out.”
“Is this because I said I loved you?” He asked, giving her a pleading look and he held her hands tighter. “I know I scared you, and I get it you’re not there yet, but if you just gave us some time…”
“I don’t need time, Jared,” I sighed, knowing that I needed to be clear, offering him any hope now would just hurt him in the end. “You are the sweetest, loveliest man, but I just don’t think this is going to work out.”
“But if you just give me some time,” Jared said, releasing my hand from his, before he rubbed my arms, taking hold of my shoulders. “I know you have trouble letting people close to you. I know you don’t like people to see the real you. But if you give me a chance.”
“This is not about you,” I said, trying to make him understand. “This is about me. I’m not ready to…”
“Is there someone else?” He stopped her mid-sentence, letting go of my shoulders and standing up. “Have you met someone else?”
His question almost floored me.
Of course, there was someone else. I was in love with his best friend, but I wasn’t about to admit that to him. Besides, how I felt about Seth was irrelevant. He’d made it clear that he was never going to give us a try. He would never betray his friend.
“There is no one else,” I said, trying to convince myself that I was technically telling the truth. There was nothing between Seth and me. There never would be. “I just… I just don’t think I am ready to be in a relationship.”
“I see,” he sighed as he pushed up from the floor and walked to the window. “So, just like that, it’s over?”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, hating that I’d hurt him so much.
“Yeah, me too,” he breathed out. For a moment he said nothing, he just stared blankly at the street below.
I held my breath, having no clue what was going to happen next.
“Is this about Callie?” Jared said suddenly, surprising me with this sudden change in direction. “Has she told you to end it with me?”
“What? No!” She exclaimed, having no idea why he would even think that. “Why would Callie tell me to break up with you?”
“I don’t know, Sav!” Jared exclaimed, turning to look at me finally. “I don’t know what to think. One minute we were good, I thought we were happy. Then you’re telling me that it’s over, and I don’t know what to think.”
“This has nothing to do with Callie, or anyone else for that matter,” I insisted as I pushed up from the chair. “This is about me. About the fact that I’m just not in love with you. About the fact that I…”
I stopped myself, realising what it was I was about to actually say.
“About what fact?” He asked, the look of hurt on his face hard to see.
“It’s nothing that matters,” I sighed, releasing a long, calming breath. “Nothing is going to change how I feel. I’m sorry, Jared. I never meant to hurt you. But we are done.”
I turned and walked out into the living room, knowing that going over this again and again was getting us nowhere. I walked through the living room, straight to the kitchen and switched on the coffee machine. I hoped that Jared would simply get dressed and leave, but something told me it wasn’t going to be that easy.
I was right.
“Sav!” Jared said as he came storming into the kitchen, still only half dressed. He pulled his t-shirt over his head before he gave me a pleading look. “You can’t do this to us. I know something has been bothering you, these last couple of weeks you’ve seemed distracted. But I know that you have feelings for me. Real, honest feelings… You can’t just suddenly change the way you feel about someone. Not without a reas
on.”
“Jared, I do have feelings for you,” I replied, hating that he was so hurt by me. “I care about you a great deal, but I don’t love you. Not like that. I just don’t think it’s fair to pretend that I do, or that I ever will.”
“But I love you,” he said stepping closer to me, reaching for my hands. “I love you so much. Can’t you just give us one more try?”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, wishing I could have given him the reply he wanted. Wishing that I could have loved him the way I loved Seth. It would have been so much easier. But nothing about this situation was easy. “Jared, you don’t want me; not really. You should have a girl who loves you back just like you love her. You should have a girl who wakes up and thinks, oh wow, I’m with Jared Walker. You deserve more.”
“Sav, please,” he begged, as tears glistened in his eyes.
I stepped forward and softly kissed him on the cheek.
“I think you should go,” I breathed out as l looked up into his eyes. “I’m so sorry.”
Without saying another word, Jared took a step back, then another before he turned and hurried back towards my bedroom. Moments later he re-emerged, this time fully dressed. I walked across the kitchen to the hallway of my apartment and held my breath. Jared slowly walked down towards me, stopping in front of me, but his gaze couldn’t meet mine.
For a moment he didn’t say a word, and I could feel the hurt emanating from deep inside him. I hated I was hurting him, but in the end, lying and staying with him would have just hurt him more, because it would never have lasted. I knew that now.
“Sav, please,” he finally whispered, still not looking at me.
“I’m sorry,” I sighed as I looked up at him, wishing so much that I could have given him a different answer.
Without saying another word, he walked out of the apartment, quietly shutting the door behind him.
I don’t know why, but suddenly a sob escaped from deep inside me, as an overwhelming feeling of sadness wrapped itself around my heart.
The One Page 13
