Lost Little Wolf

by N. K. Vir

  It had been Benny, with his unflinching candor that had set him straight. The curse he bore was not one of freedom from the trappings of a human life; it was a true curse, a dark curse. He would bear the insanity of the wild, morphing into a creature that would become a thing to be hunted by man and wolf alike, an abomination that should never have survived to draw a first breath of life. He would become a rogue, a lone wolf, one without the shelter of the pack he had grown accustomed to. A wolf bred to do one thing; kill.

  He had long ago given up on a cure; but with Tanith his life had settled, and he allowed himself to believe in the impossible. The age of twenty had passed him by and each year without any sign of insanity gave him hope that Tanith had been right all along, that the curse was more myth than reality.

  “You’ve lived well passed the year the curse was supposed to have taken you,” she had told him on his twenty-fifth birthday. “I hope you can begin to see that you have a future.” She had spoken the same words to him every year on his birthday.

  He allowed the memory of her voice had wash over him, soothing his exposed nerves, calming the dry itch of his uncomfortable skin. She had never failed to draw him back from the edge of insanity with a look, a touch or just the soft caress of her voice. Tears stung the dark side of his eyelids as he realized she might never speak those words again. For once, and probably the first time in his life, he chose not to hide his emotions with a reassuring smile and an air of false optimism. He had no time left, and he had nothing to lose.

  “They’re arguing,” Tanith complained without her usual disdain. “It’s not loud,” she continued. “Just futile,” she exhaled. Finally they were on the same page. It was sad to realize that it had come at the end for them. He wasn’t sure when she had joined him.

  He understood and a sad smile accompanied his watery eyes. “They’re fighting in vain,” he agreed.

  “Lucas,” she said failing to hide the concern from her voice as he turned his head to look upon her. It was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard. Insanity may take him but he would always remember the way she was looking at him now. The way his name sounded wrapped inside her voice. He wasn’t sure how long he had allowed himself to become lost in the draw of nature’s raw beauty. He only knew, only cared, that she was here now.

  Her aloof, unusual eyes had softened. The rigid posture she always used to carry herself had melted away; and for just this tiny moment she looked lost and vulnerable. Silently they found their way to each other. Limbs wrapped around warm bodies; and he felt her melt into him as the soft places of her tucked neatly against the hard planes of him. He allowed himself to enjoy the moment without hope or doubt; in this one tick of time she belonged to him, with him.

  “You are everything I would die for,” he whispered into her soft, icy blonde hair.

  He felt the hitch in her chest as her breath caught in her throat. He had caught her off guard and bared a deep piece of himself that he had hidden away for years. An immense weight lifted off him as the freedom he had denied himself was softly and suddenly torn from him.

  Her outspoken personality was shoved into silence and he filled the space in the only way he knew how, he kissed her.

  He expected, he had heard, that one’s first kiss was an awkward movement of sloppy ill-trained lips moving greedily and hastily in an effort to achieve an ultimate, nearly unattainable goal. He wanted more, he needed more. Time had been taken away from them, and the time they had been blessed with had been wasted. If he was going to remember anything for the few days they had left together it was going to be this.

  A rough tenderness infused his soul as his lips pressed against hers. He felt her shock transmit from the base of her spine into the fingertips of his hand that held her tightly against him. His other hand speared through the cool locks of her tangled hair as he held her captive. His mouth had not brushed delicately across hers but instead captured hers. He sucked her lower lip between his drawing hers in as a low growl of satisfaction rumbled his chest as he felt her melt into him. His tongue darted out, caressing the bottom edge of her beautifully sculpted upper lip. He inhaled the soft exhale that accompanied her acceptance of his sudden invasion and the heat of his skin ignited to dangerous temperatures when he felt her hands grip him just as tightly, just as eagerly as he was embracing her.

  His mouth devoured; licking, nipping and sucking at the feast she was serving him. He inhaled every exhaled breath; delighted in every tiny shiver and savored the moment fate had allowed him outside of time. He branded the deepest desires of his soul upon her as he ended the kiss with a gentle pluck as his lips played against hers. He allowed himself a painful, breathless moment as he pressed his forehead to hers and willed her to feel, to understand the depth of his feeling for her.

  “Never forget that,” he whispered against the cool porcelain of her forehead. He wanted to emphasis the statement with the soft caress of a kiss but refused himself the gentle pleasure. He stepped away from her and embraced the sudden chill that had replaced the warmth of her body neatly pressed into his.

  Never once had he give up, and he wasn’t about to adopt the new, destructive habit now; the kiss that she had allowed would be forever burned upon him; not unlike the brand he carried with him every day. He allowed his hands to slip from her. He felt the loss; accepted it and made a vow to himself.

  This would not be the last time he held her.

  “I think they can help,” he argued.

  He’d been arguing the same point for nearly half an hour. At the first sign of trouble his parents usually sprinted for the safety of the coven. Why weren’t they advocating for their protection now? It was…confusing.

  His eyes ping-ponged back and forth between his parents as he tried to find the weaker link; as he tried to sniff out the truth and uncover the lie they were trying, yet failing, to hide. Both of them were avoiding eye contact with each other; a sign that they were hiding something from him. When he was younger, and the true scope of his power was just becoming apparent, they had spent many strange nights avoiding eyes contact with him. His parents were brilliant, powerful witches and masterful healers; but they were horrible when it came to dealing with the truth about their son. When he had been unable to contain the sudden burst of magick that assaulted every young teen, they spent a week avoiding his eyes. Thinking he had revealed magick to the unsuspecting world he had runaway and camped out in the treehouse in Marian’s backyard. It had been Marian that had assured him that he would not be called before the Trinity to answer for the sudden growth of poison ivy that had overtaken the schoolyard. He eventually returned home and his parents ignored his magickal transgression as if it had never happened.

  Something was wrong in the coven. That much was obvious.

  “Kieran there’s…,” his father began.

  “A problem with the coven?” Daisy guessed. At least he wasn’t the only one to realize that his parents were hiding the truth from them

  Kieran shook his head to clear it. Lately he’d been too focused; too single minded. He’d forgotten that anyone else was in the room. He was making mistakes. He kept making mistakes.

  “Daisy shut up!” he snapped harshly. Once again he was taking out his frustrations on the wrong person. The only conciliation he could take away from his sudden outburst was that his magick had stayed dormant. He was keeping his vow.

  She didn’t bite back.

  She didn’t say anything.

  Instead she fled the room like a train bursting past a station, leaving the waiting passengers to stare at each other, lost in a moment of confusion. His eyes fell to the floor in shame. He had essentially outlawed the only person who had stood in his corner; the only person who had willingly sought him out this morning. Tanith had done a good job of keeping her own company and Wills had locked herself in the library basement with Lucas as her constant companion. Even his parents had given him a wide berth after the destruction his misplace magick had caused.

  “He n
eeds you to tell him the truth.” That voice got his attention; it commanded it. His head snapped in her direction but his eyes couldn’t summon the courage to meet her darkened eyes.

  “Wills?” he breathed. The sound was barely audible but she heard him. Without looking up at her, he knew she had heard him. He caught the slightest catch in her throat; it was a sound he’d come to love. She made it in the moment before their lips met. Gods; he wanted her to make that noise again so he could breathe it in. He missed the quiet flurry of activity in the room as two tried to quietly slip out, one left and two more entered. Nothing was more fascinating than the tips of her stupid golden sneakers.

  “James, Kelly set up the meeting with the coven…Kieran’s right,” she ordered.

  That caught his attention and forced his eyes to meet hers. It had been the first time he had seen her; the first time he had really looked at her. She looked the same; exactly the same, but something had changed. She looked older and wiser without aging; but it was her eyes, those beautiful grey sightless eyes that held him captive. She was not looking at him, but through him. He had become invisible; he’d made himself invisible to her. The thought hurt him, nearly destroying the courage he had summoned to insist upon going to the coven meeting.

  In the past he had avoided attending them. He constantly complained that it was little more than old people playing bingo with a deaf ears and blind eyes. At best they were boring; at worst he was surrounded by patchouli wearing women who loved to shamelessly try to make a good family match for their aging daughters. He had liked his solitary status and preferred the company of his friends.

  “I want to go,” Tanith volunteered as she brushed past him to stand in front of Wills.

  Wills nodded her head; a slight movement usually attributed to a sage more ancient being than the twenty-seven years she had lived. She was changing, before his eyes she was morphing into something that he had accidently created. His eyes flashed to the future. A carbon copy of Marian stood before him nearly identical to her in every way. Wills would age like her beloved aunt with one small discrepancy; she would be blind. Even more disturbing was that she was alone. He could not see himself in her future if he could not fix the present.

  “You’ve regressed little witch,” Adam’s voice hauntingly echoed inside his head.

  He shook it away.

  He shook it all away.

  ‘Tanith you should go with them,” Wills agreed.

  “Them?” she questioned looking hopefully over her shoulder at Lucas.

  A soft smile graced Wills’ face. “Something’s changed between you two,” she remarked sounding amazingly like her old self, before magick had added stress to life. She might not be able to see but she missed nothing.

  His eyes bounced between the pair of them. He noticed it. The subtle shift in body language as if an invisible tether had formed between them. It had always been there, it was just now suddenly visible to everyone…even Tanith. She might not have accepted it completely, not yet; she was too stubborn for that.

  “Kieran, Tanith…and Daisy,” she said shifting her invisible gaze to the path Daisy had used to escape his biting words. “Will visit with the coven, but not without a word of caution,” she warned.

  “Caution?” His father asked finally allowing himself to be heard. He ignored his father’s sudden interruption and shifted his eyes back to Wills.

  He wanted to throw himself at her; wrap his arms around her and beg her to forgive him. His soul need to feel connected to her. He wanted to whisper the vow he had taken into her ear and promise that he would never harm her again; but his feet wouldn’t move.

  “You’re right not to trust the coven James; but a few at least are trustworthy. It’s there pure belief in magick that we need to rely on.”

  Her cryptic speech made she turned and left them all gaping in wonder as she, despite her blind eyes, receded into the darkness of her library. He would have said that was the strangest thing that happened in Marian’s living room. They had all been given their marching orders, confused as they were. It was her final orders, echoing up from the concrete bunker below that made no sense to him.

  “Birch!” she hollered up. “James, Lucas I need white birch. Kelly I would kill for a cup of untainted tea.”

  For a moment they stood in silence. Then like she had flicked an invisible light switch they all moved to obey her ordered suggestions. Only his feet remained rooted. He knew what he had to do; he just wasn’t sure he had the courage.

  Meeting the coven would be easy. Apologizing to Daisy…that would be difficult.

  Chapter Eleven

  Fear of the Dark

  She was starting to sound like one of them; like Adam, cryptic and evasive; giving away small pieces to a large puzzle. The horrible truth was she was giving them everything. Every scrap of information she had as soon as she found it; still it did not seem like enough. Regardless she still sounded like him; irritatingly giving orders without an explanation. She had all but ordered them to attend the coven meeting despite James and Kelly’s reluctance; but she knew there was someone there they needed to meet. An old friend of her aunt’s would be waiting for them and she had a keen interest in meeting Daisy.

  She had been heavy handed with Lucas. She must have terrified him; if not, she had been scared enough for the both of them. She had taken a chance showing him the journal his old mentor had willed to her aunt. She had taken an even bigger risk in connecting the journal to the Ogham text; but when Lucas had slammed the stack of books he’d been carrying on the table in front of her she knew she was on the right path.

  One of the many magickal law books he had pulled accidently touched the Ogham text. When she placed her hand on top of it to retrieve Benjamin’s journal one word had flashed through her mind; it glowed, a brilliant white light, like staring at a naked LED bulb. It outlined one word…Birch. Her heart had started to race then. The old Celtic myth had some truth hidden within it.

  Lucas had been right; so much of what she was pulling together was indeed thin. But she couldn’t seem to stop herself from wandering down the rabbit hole. Somehow it all fit. The Ogham book, the journal, the way Tanith and Lucas seemed so tightly woven together; even the blindness Kieran had accidentally imposed upon her. She knew they were all carrying around their share of doubt; even Kieran. It was why being around her was suddenly so difficult. She hadn’t had the chance to tell Kieran that her sudden blindness had been a blessing. He had been avoiding her, hiding from her. She missed her lovely shadow. She missed the distractions he caused just when she needed them most. Of course there were times when he hindered her, like when he burned the Ogham book, but she had gotten so used to him always being there.

  She missed him.

  The loneliness suddenly closed in around her as the dark embraced her. Her shoulders felt heavy with the burden she had imposed upon herself. She was just missing a few pieces, the puzzle was almost complete she just needed time; a luxury that was not in her future. There was more than just one life on the line here; Lucas was also in danger of slipping through her fingers. She was surrounded by a vault of priceless information and she was stuck on a text that contained ancient scribbles. She was truly a blind woman stumbling about in the darkness.

  “I just need the strength to finish this,” she whispered to the darkness.

  A tiny piece of her feared she would live in this darkness forever. She had willingly given up her sight to see that which was not meant to be seen; but it was the aftermath she feared. If she failed to save Tanith and Lucas…the darkness just might become permanent.

  Adam had admitted, secretly, to her that he was afraid of the darkness; a darkness that had taken him centuries to climb out of. He still fought the call, the silky seduction of the inky black pools of it that swirled around everywhere, every day. The loss of her vision was just a taste of what it was like to be surrounded by a world without light. She was surprised at how easy it was to exist without the light. Living in the sh
adows allowed one to escape the pressures of life. There was a strange power that existed here and like a dragon perched atop its horde she could easily live out her days her; lovingly embraced by her written treasures.

  The edge of her hip caught the corner of a bookcase she had forgotten about. The sudden jolt sent her knees on an inescapable path to the cold concrete floor beneath her. Although she was expecting the impact it hit her hard. It scraped and bloodied more than the soft skin of her palms. It tore more than the thin fabric of her jeans. It ripped at her, snapping the very delicate thread of her confidence. Her library had bitten her, hard; a harsh reminder that there was more than books and power that existed in the world she lived in. Tears overflowed, pouring out of her dead eyes.

  She let them flow.

  She allowed the pain to permeate her cells; it reminded her of what was at stake if she failed. She pushed herself up to her. She did not have to wait centuries to outgrow her fear of the dark. She had learned the lesson in minutes. A smile graced her face as she realized that just maybe she wasn’t all that similar to Adam.

  Daisy never did anything to encourage it; but she always had the misfortune of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. They all seemed to be suffering from some form of curse; this was hers, to suffer silently the rage of others. She did it well; sometimes too well. Slipping away from his parents was easy; they were still avoiding eye contact, still hiding the truth. As much as he wanted to dig and uncover their secrets at the moment other things were more important. He owed Daisy an apology; a big one.

  She had suffered, quietly, always on the outside and all because of something a dead woman had scribbled.