by Jessica Marx
I watch the sun drop lower in the sky and take a couple of long, slow sips of my chardonnay, draining the glass. This might not be the life I always imagined I would have, but it’s still beautiful.
I leave the veranda to go inside and shower. I undress in the oversized marble bathroom, carefully hanging my bathing suit and cover up on the hook. I know how particular Chad is about keeping things neat and orderly. I take a long, cool shower. When I’m done I wrap myself in one of the soft, fluffy robes and comb my hair in front of the mirror. The last few days of sunshine have given my sandy blond hair sun kissed highlights - I love it.
While I’m applying my make up, I hear the door open and shut. Chad’s back, right on time, as usual. I choose a silky white sundress to wear for dinner. Chad is reading his emails when I appear dressed and ready to go.
“Wow, Beth. You look beautiful.” Chad is always good about complementing me. He never goes a day without calling me beautiful.
“Thanks.” I give a twirl.
“I think you’re missing something.”
“What do you mean?” I ask, hands on hips.
Chad removes a velvet box from his pocket and opens it. I take a step closer to get a better look - not that I couldn’t see the sparkle from across the room.
“Oh my God.” My hand flies to my heart. The box contains a stunning diamond necklace with a diamond and sapphire pendant.
“I saw it and knew I had to buy it for you,” Chad says, taking the necklace from the box, “you deserve this.”
“I don’t know if I deserve it, but I love it.”
“Beth, you work so hard. You let me work even harder. You deserve this and so much more.” He stands behind me, pulls my hair off my back, and clasps the necklace around my neck.
Chad wraps his arms around me from behind and we both look up into the mirror in front of us.
“Maybe one day I’ll give you a ring,” Chad muses, pulling me closer into him.
I smile back and squeeze his hand. We’ve talked about marriage for the last couple of years. He knows I’m not ready. I don’t think he fully understands why, but he hasn’t pushed me at all either. When we first met, he told me he never wanted to get married. We were young then. He’s brought up marriage a few times, but he’s not in a rush. He’s not pushy about it and I appreciate that about him.
I don’t know why I have no interest in marrying him at this point. So many women would love to be in my shoes. Loved and spoiled. It’s just not all that I want. I want passion. I want fire. I want Shane. No matter how much time goes by, I can’t let him go. I hate him for leaving without a trace or an explanation, but I don’t know if I could still hate him if he came back.
I stare back at the reflection of Chad and I in the mirror. We are a picture perfect couple in every way. I just don’t look like ‘me’. When did I start wearing dresses and diamonds? I’ve gone through so many changes over the last several years. Maybe in some way I was hoping that if I changed on the outside, I could change what was on the inside. It didn’t work, but I have to keep trying. Chad is worth it.
“We should get going. Our reservation is in twenty minutes.” Chad releases me from his arms and walks over to the desk. He shuts down his computer and fixes his hair one last time.
I take my purse and Chad’s hand. He leads me out to the lobby where we get in a waiting taxi. I leave the windows open, enjoying the tropical breeze. It’s just a short ride to the restaurant. I would have liked to walk, but Chad wouldn’t dare.
The maitre d greets us as we walk in. We’ve been here many times, but he isn’t one of the familiar faces I’m used to.
“Good evening, Mr. Westbrook,” he addresses Chad. He turns to me, “you look stunning. If I may, I think you look even better blond,” he complements me.
“Thank you,” I reply cordially, not wanting to offend him. I’ve always been a blond. Strange, I’ve never seen him before. Maybe he has us mistaken for another couple.
He shows us to our table where Chad orders us drinks. He doesn’t ask what I want anymore, he knows. Even when he didn’t, he always chose for me. I didn’t mind in the beginning. I needed someone to give me direction. I think that’s one of the things I liked most about him when we met.
Chad orders me a salad and his own appetizer. We eat and talk casually, holding off on ordering our entrees until our first course arrives. Chad doesn’t like to be rushed through his meal, so we always order that way.
We enjoy our dinner. I suggest walking back to the hotel but Chad declines. He promises we can sit on the veranda and enjoy what’s left of the night when we get back.
Back in the room, Chad informs me that he has to check on some emails. He tells me to sit outside and he’ll join me ‘in a few’. I make a cup of tea and change into my pajamas while it’s heating. I carefully place the necklace back in its box. Chad’s still on the computer when I’m done so I step outside and close the door.
I’m not mad. I’m content. I don’t mind being alone - especially not out here in this tropical paradise. I stare out over the ocean again. The moon is full and bright. I find myself wondering if Shane is somewhere looking up at the same moon, thinking of me. I know it’s a crazy thought so I dismiss it.
I enjoy the silent breeze and finish my tea. I yawn and decide to call it a night. Chad never comes outside. I kiss him goodnight and climb into the bed.
Beth
As much as I loved being on vacation, I’m happy to be back at work. I’m taking a newlywed couple out today to look at some new listings. One of the things that attracted me to the real estate business in the first place is being able to work with different people all the time. I’m not bound to a desk in an office and I never know what each day will bring. I enjoy the daily change.
I park my BMW behind the office. Until last year, I drove a Jetta. I bought it when I graduated college. Chad hated that car, but I loved it. He insisted that as a top selling agent, I should represent myself ‘the right way’. He took me to the BMW dealership a few months ago and had me test drive a nice little sports car. I loved it, but I didn’t want him to buy me a car. I finally gave in because in a way, he was right. I didn’t let him pay for it though, I used my car as a down payment and I make enough on my own to cover the payments. Chad would have paid in cash, but I don’t have that kind of money.
“Welcome back, Beth!” Chad’s mother, Claire greets me. She jumps up from her desk and gives me a hug, “you look well rested - which is good because you have a stack of messages.”
I answer some phone calls when I’m away, but I field them all through voicemail. Unless something is urgent, I ask my clients to wait until I return. For the most part they’re pretty understanding. I have another agent that will help with the more high maintenance clients - for a small cut of course.
“I’m very well rested, Claire. My head is clear and ready to tackle a new week.”
“Good, because this new couple sounds like they will be a nightmare.” Claire rolls her eyes, “but I know you’ll take care of them.”
I smile and sit at my desk. I don’t spend a lot of time at the office but I have a space here so I don’t have to do everything at home. I go through the messages and potential new listings that have come in the last few days. I text the new couple to confirm the address of the first home we’re meeting at today.
“Hello, Beth,” Arnold says, walking past my desk. “I hope you enjoyed your little trip.”
Arnold is very nice to me. He has always treated me respectfully, but in all other regards, he’s a pretentious asshole. He likes to criticize his son any chance he gets. He’s probably one of the reasons Chad is such an over achiever. The villa we stayed in cost a fortune and was five star all the way. He doesn’t need to belittle our time off by calling it a “little trip”. I keep my mouth shut though. I owe him for much of my career and success.
I spend the next hour or so getting myself organized for the week. The bell on the front door jingles. I look up to se
e Chad walking in carrying some bags from the deli on the corner.
“Hey, hon.” He places the bags on my desk, being careful not to dirty my papers.
“Hey,” I greet him, “I wasn’t expecting you.”
Chad rummages through the bag and pulls out a salad container.
“Got you your favorite.” He takes a smaller container and some plastic utensils from another bag, “dressing on the side.” He kisses me on the top of the head.
“Thanks. I’ll take it on the road with me, I’m leaving in a few,” I tell him, “I would have planned differently if I knew you were coming.”
“No problem. I’m here to speak to my father about the downtown project.”
The ‘downtown project’ as Chad calls it is the newest venture for Westbrook Development. They purchased several plots of land in the run-down section of Lawson and are now in the process of acquiring some of the buildings and businesses as well. They are planning to revive the area and bring in some large corporate anchor stores, some restaurants, and possibly some larger businesses. It’s their biggest undertaking yet and will certainly be very profitable. It will also be a huge boost for the economy and Lawson in general. I’m especially happy because I grew up there and it will be nice to see a change for the better.
“Well, you boys have fun. I’m going to return the last of my emails and then find a happy couple their dream home.” I flash a huge smile at Chad, “see you at home later.”
Chad takes the rest of the food and walks into the small conference room. Arnold follows him in and closes the door behind him.
I finish working on the computer, fielding the emailed questions from potential buyers. Then I organize the papers and notes I have in front of me so the desk is clear.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Claire. I don’t think I’ll be back in the office today.”
“Sure, honey. Good luck,” she replies.
I stuff my papers into my soft leather designer briefcase - another gift from Chad - take my purse and salad and head out for the day. I plan to get to the first house early so I can open some windows and make sure it looks presentable. It’s a hot home, but it’s empty and you never know how the last agent left it.
The happy couple arrives right on time. The house looks perfect and smells like an apple pie is baking thanks to the scented plug ins I placed strategically through the house.
I can tell immediately that they love the house - how could they not? It’s a move in ready, newly redone, beautiful center hall colonial with professionally landscaped yard and all the extras a buyer would hope for. This house is going to sell fast - I just hope it’s one of my clients that gets the winning bid.
We spend almost an hour touring the home before leaving to go see the next few I have scheduled for them. They’re all local, but in different parts of town. They take their own car and follow me around to the different homes.
On our way to the third house, I answer a call from the office through the blue tooth speaker. It’s Claire. A new client was referred to me and called the office. He would like to see the colonial I just showed my other clients. Claire gave him my cell number, but he asked if she could make the arrangements for tomorrow morning. Apparently his wife is out of town and insisting on him seeing the home as soon as possible. She already asked if he could meet today, but he is tied up in meetings all day.
It sounds a little unusual, but you meet all types of people in this business. I let her know I’m free around ten. I usually don’t like to show a home to one spouse without the other, but I don’t want to turn away a referral either. I know this particular house is going to sell fast and I’m sure the buyers can guess that as well.
I spend the next couple of hours touring homes with the newlyweds. They’re so in love. They have been holding hands the entire day and talking about which rooms their future children will have in each house, where the swing set will go, how they will sit by the fire each night. It’s beautiful to witness - that new found happiness and hope for the future. I hope Chad and I will feel that way some time - but I don’t know if either of us is capable. Not with each other anyway.
I spend some time speaking with them at the last home. I ask about what they liked and didn’t like and we go over some details. I don’t do anything other than listen and answer questions. I only give advice when asked, I’m not pushy, that’s not my style. We part ways agreeing to get back in touch one day this week.
I get back in the car and realize I haven’t eaten my salad - or anything yet for that matter. My stomach growls with that thought so I head back home to eat an early dinner. I know Chad won’t be home to join me. He rarely is.
I take the salad and dressing out of the bag and place it on the counter. It still looks good so I make a half of a sandwich to have with it and take a seat on the stool. I take my planner out and make some notes about the homes I saw today and what my clients said about them. I look over my schedule for the rest of the week and add in the showing at ten tomorrow.
I spend the next couple of hours doing laundry and straightening up. I’m just killing time until Chad comes home. At nine o’clock I decide text him. I ask where he is and when he might be home. It’s not that I think he’s doing anything I wouldn’t approve of, but it’s late and he’s not here, I think it’s a valid question. He tells me he’s out with some clients - potential contractors for the downtown project and won’t be home for a while. I tell him I’m going to bed and he wishes me good night.
I get cozy under the lush comforter we keep on the bed and turn on the television. I’m more bored than tired, but I don’t have anything else to do. Sometimes I enjoy my alone time, and sometimes I wish Chad would keep me company. I wish he was here, but I’m not even sure that I care that he isn’t. I doze off during an episode of one of the crime shows - Chad still hasn’t come home.
Beth
I wake up bright and early and hear Chad already downstairs. I smell coffee so I brush my teeth and go down. I don’t have to be anywhere until ten so I’m not in a rush. I see Chad sitting at the counter when I enter the kitchen. He’s already dressed, papers spread out before him, cup of coffee in hand. He looks up when he hears me come in.
“Good morning sunshine.” Chad greets me with his million dollar smile.
“Morning,” I reply, taking a mug from the cabinet and filling it myself, “what time did you get in last night?” I ask.
“Around midnight. You were out cold, I didn’t want to wake you.”
“How did it go with the contractors?”
“I think it went pretty well,” he replies. He stands and walks over to me, “if the bids go as expected, this is going to be the most profitable deal of my career so far.” He kisses me on the lips.
“I’m so happy for you,” I say, “the community can really use a makeover. It could be life changing for so many people.”
“Especially us,” Chad grins. He pulls me closer and gives me a kiss - deeper this time. “I’ll be able to buy you anything you want.”
“I already have everything I want,” I reply. I don’t though. I want true love and I realize more every day that I’m not going to have it with Chad - maybe not with anyone, ever. But he’s amazing and so good to me. I’d be stupid to let him go. I need to hold onto him. It’s not his fault I can’t love him as much as he loves me.
“Well then, I’ll buy you things you didn’t know you wanted.” He winks, “I’ll be home late again tonight. Meeting with another contractor. I think they’re trying to butter me up.”
“Good luck then,” I reply, trying to sound happy for him.
“Thanks, hon - and don’t worry. We’ll be back on vacation soon enough. Then we can enjoy each other again.”
Chad squeezes my hand and turns back to the kitchen island counter. I lean against the opposite side and sip my coffee while I watch him collect his papers and carefully file them into his briefcase.
“You have a busy day planned?” he asks as he rinses out his mug.
“Not too busy. Have a new client at ten and then playing catch up for a while. I’m hoping the couple from yesterday will call.”
“I hope so too. You haven’t made a sale in a week now - you’re due for a signed contract.” Chad jokes. He’s right though, I’ve been closing deals weekly for months now.
He takes his briefcase and strides over to the doorway, “I’ll see you tonight. Hope I get home early enough to see you awake.”
“Me too. Have a nice day,” I bid him, sounding more like a customer service agent than his girlfriend.
I sit at the counter and finish my coffee. I have to be a little more positive about Chad and our relationship. I have to stop myself from wishing he was Shane. He’s not. Shane’s gone. He left without saying goodbye and disappeared from my life. Why would I even want someone like that back?
Chad is good to me - no - GREAT to me. I am thankful to have him in my life. I’m so glad he saved me - he made me believe I could love again. I DO love him, but I should be in love with him. I have to let the notion of Shane go so I can really move on with my life.
I finish up and get ready to go. Even though I was just at the house yesterday, I still want to get there early. It’s the little touches that make the difference. I put on a short but tasteful grey dress and twist my hair up in a bun. I choose a pair of tall black heels and matching handbag and leave for my appointment looking every bit the part of an upscale, classy real estate agent.
I arrive at the house with a half hour to spare. I go through my usual routine of opening windows and curtains. The scent of fresh baked pie still lingers in the air from the scented plug ins I brought yesterday. The doorbell rings. It’s showtime. I quickly peek at my planner to remind me of the client’s name. I never wrote it down - rookie mistake. It was something simple - maybe Smith or Jones. I’ll have to play it off to get his name without sounding like I don’t know.
