by Jessica Marx
I thought of texting Chad. I even considered texting Shane, but I did neither. I figured I would let them be. By midnight, exhaustion takes over and I fall asleep.
I must have crashed hard because I never heard Chad come in. Guess he didn’t want to disturb me.
I wake up to the usual morning routine. I’m anxious to hear what happened last night but I don’t want to appear like I’m concerned. I never am when it comes to Chad’s business deals. This one shouldn’t be any different.
I enter the kitchen and smile. Chad is hard at work already - he always is. He never stops. It’s crazy. He deserves whatever fortune this new project brings. He’s had too many late nights and early mornings already.
“Hey, hon,” Chad says, looking up, “I didn’t hear you come in.”
“I didn’t want to disturb you. You look busy.”
“Never too busy for you.”
I stand in front of the coffee maker. Chad sneaks up behind me, pressing into me, and hugs me from behind. Thoughts of Shane flood my mind. Visions of his lips on mine remind me of what a terrible person I am. I don’t deserve Chad. He loves me so much. I will never do that again. I’m not going to hurt him.
“Aw. You’re so sweet,” I say, shaking my head to remove the images, “how was last night?”
Chad walks back to his stool, takes a seat, and picks up the papers he was looking at when I came in.
“I think it went pretty well.”
His answer is too vague. I need more but I don’t want to sound too interested, “were you able to get this guy to bid on your project?”
“I’m not sure yet. We left it up in the air. He might actually be one of the few people who wants to do something for nothing, but I’m sure he’ll come around - they all do.”
“That sounds promising.” Maybe Shane is a good guy. Maybe his intentions are good. I picture us together again. Maybe not.
“Yes. I like to think so.” Chad is more focused on his work than our conversation.
“Well, you must have hit it off. You still weren’t home when I fell asleep.”
Chad looks up, then back down, “we did. We have a lot in common. I had ‘one too many’ with dinner so I waited a while before I left to come home.”
Does he know something? Is that why he looked at me like that? What could they possibly have in common other than me?
“Good idea.”
I don’t think I’m going to get any more out of him without really trying - which I do not want to do. I’m sure I will find out some more from Shane, you know, since he’s my friend and all.
Chad packs up his things, washes his mug, and we say good bye.
I’m worried Chad knows something. He was acting like he has a secret. That can’t be coincidence. There is the possibility that it’s just my guilty conscience speaking. There’s only one way to find out.
I pick up the phone and send Shane a text:
‘How'd it go last night?’
‘Fine’
Fine? What does that mean?
‘Heard you guys have a lot in common’
‘We have nothing in common’
Ugh. It’s so hard to decipher texts sometimes.
‘Um. Okay. Would you like to meet for lunch this week?’
‘I’m not going to be back on Long Island until after the weekend, but I would love to’
I don’t want to wait that long for answers - at least not for the most important one. I need to know.
‘Did you tell Chad about us? About what happened?’
‘Of course not. I wouldn’t do that to you, Beth. Why?’
‘Just making sure. Let me know when you’re back in town’
I don’t need to get into specifics. We can talk more about it when we’re together. I think I believe Shane, but I want to see his face when he tells me. I wonder where he is and what he’s doing. I’ll put that on my mental list of questions to ask him.
Shane
Not seeing Beth is killing me. I had to lie to her. I had to tell her I was out of town. I need to figure this shit out before I see her again.
My first order of business is getting in touch with Tommy. We still have to work on rebuilding our friendship, but I need to talk to him about this. If he doesn’t believe me, I’ll come up with a plan B.
I send him a text and within a few minutes, we’ve arranged to meet for coffee this afternoon. There’s no chance of running into Beth. Tommy works far enough away from her and at this point, I’m fairly sure that he hasn’t even told anyone that we reconnected.
I make myself busy, checking in with my assistant, making sure our current projects are running on time - they are. I’m lucky to have such a strong crew. I know I can rely on them to get things done even when I’m not directly watching over them. By the time I finish with my calls and check ins, it’s time to get ready and head back out to Long Island.
Luckily, I don’t hit a lot of traffic and arrive a little early. I order a drink and have a seat at a table out of the way.
I see Tommy before he enters. He looks exactly the same - just older. I wave when he comes inside, a smile crossing my face. I’ve missed him since I left. I always hoped we would be able to be friends again - I still do. I’m not sure how this conversation is going to go over, but I’m about to find out. I stand as he approaches the table.
“Tommy.”
“What’s up, brother?” he says, embracing me in a manly hug. I immediately feel at ease.
We each take a seat across from each other at the table.
“You look good, man,” he complements me.
“Not looking too bad yourself. Seems like we both did a good job growing up.”
“So, what’s up?” Tommy asks, “I’m glad we’re finally getting to see each other, but you said you needed to talk to me.”
“Yeah. It’s a little complicated,” I begin, sipping my coffee.
“When isn’t it?” he replies. True.
I get right into it and tell Tommy what happened with Chad and I. The shady deals, the girlfriend. I give him all the details - the ones I know are facts. When I finish, he sits contemplating what I just told him. I let him mull everything over in silence although I’m anxious to know what his reaction is going to be. After a few minutes, he finally speaks.
“Shit.”
Not what I was expecting, but it’s a start.
“I have to admit, I’ve never fully trusted Chad. It was just a feeling though. This is still a lot to take in.” Tommy remains quiet as he forms another thought.
“What are your intentions with my sister?” he asks frankly, taking me off guard.
“I love her. I want her to be happy.”
“I’m sure. But you left years ago. You broke her heart. You left us to help pick up the pieces. Why should I trust you? How do I know you’re not telling me all of this so you can try to win her back?”
“I wouldn’t do that,” I answer simply. I’m hurt, but I get where he’s coming from, “I caused enough trouble with your family. I’m here to make things right again.”
“And you think getting involved with Beth’s boyfriend is a good way to make that happen?”
“No. That was never my plan. I saw a chance to do something - to pay it forward. That land came up and I thought a community center was a great opportunity to do that - so I jumped on it. Next thing I know, Chad is leading a redevelopment project in the same place. Then he approached me about his idea - his plans,” I explain, “I never wanted to get involved with him - especially knowing that he is Beth’s boyfriend. And I sure as hell don’t want any part of his sketchy business deal.”
“Look, Shane,” Tommy starts hesitantly, “it’s not that I don’t believe you, I just need to look at this from all angles. Chad treats my sister very well. He’s also well known in the community - as is the rest of his family. I need to think this through and tread lightly.” He sips some more of his coffee, “I want to look into some of this for myself.”
“I figure
d you would.” I’m relieved. I didn’t know what Tommy’s reaction would be, but this is good. “I don’t want to be involved in this at all to be honest. Chad basically invited me into his life and exposed everything to me over the course of one night. I don’t want to be the one to tell Beth - I shouldn’t be. I was hoping to find a way for her to see it for herself. Beth would never believe me if I told her anyway.”
“You’re right about that. Have you seen her yet?” Tommy asks.
“I have. We’ve run into each other a couple of times.”
I’m sure Tommy notices the look pass across my face, but he doesn’t say anything.
“Well, if you’re going to continue ‘running into each other’, you should really clear the air with Big Dan, you know. I’m sure Mo would take you back in a heartbeat - she’s always hoped you would come back - but my father? That’s going to be a tough one.”
“I know. I’m going to take care of it. I don’t know how long it will take, but I think we’ll be able to smooth things over.” If Tommy only knew what I knew - but obviously he doesn’t.
“Shit, man,” Tommy sighs, “I was so fucking pissed at you. You were like my brother - we were family.” Tommy says, trailing off.
“I know. You had every right to be. It’s just what I had to do at the time. I didn’t really have a choice.”
Every time I say that, it sounds like an excuse. In some ways - it is - but Big Dan didn’t give me much of a choice. It was the best decision I could have made and as much as I regret my losses, I gained a lot too. Who knows where my life would be now if I didn’t leave then? Everything was so complicated.
“I appreciate you giving me a second chance. I miss you, bro,” I admit.
“Let’s see how this all pans out first. Then we can get all emotional about it,” Tommy quips, “this is a lot to digest at once. Let’s take it one step at a time.”
We spend a few more minutes together making small talk, catching up a bit before we part ways again.
“I’ll do a little digging and see what I come up with,” Tommy says when he gets up to leave.
“Thanks, man,” I reply, “and thanks for trusting me.”
“Don’t make me regret my decision,” he replies more seriously.
“I won’t. I just hope everything works out in the end.”
“We’ll see. If my sister hasn’t tried to kill you yet, you just have to get past Big Dan,” Tommy laughs, then serious again, “and if Chad is really this fucking sketchy, he messed with the wrong family.”
We share a knowing laugh, “got that right,” I agree, “good to see you, brother.”
“You too. I’ll get in touch again soon.”
We pat each other on the back and walk out of the coffee shop.
I get in my car feeling pretty good about our meeting. I missed that dude. It’s good that he’s going to look into Chad. He’ll get to the bottom of everything - or at least bring the truth to the surface. Once that scumbag is out of the picture, I may have a real chance with Beth.
I don’t want to wait any longer, but I have to. Things have to work themselves out this way - it’s what’s best. One step at a time. For now, we wait.
Beth
I can’t tell if Chad is acting weird or if I’m imagining things. I think my conscience is getting the best of me. Kissing Shane was a mistake. Liking it was worse. Not being able to get him out of my head is just unforgivable.
I have continuously tried to clear my mind of Shane, but he keeps creeping back in. I need him gone, but I don’t want to tell him to go. He’s bad news - he always was. I’m sure whatever he did to justify my father sending him away was bad. The fact that he took the money to go just made it worse. I cannot let him in. My life is great right now. Chad is what I need.
I can talk to myself about it all day - I have been. I just can’t kick the thought. In the short time we spent together, I wanted more. I wanted Shane again. I wanted to erase the past and start again. I wanted him inside me - but I put a stop to it. I ended what could have been - and that is the only thing I can think of to redeem myself.
I’ve been trying to keep busy with work but can’t help wondering where Shane is and what he’s doing. Is he really out of town or is he avoiding me? I’m the one in a relationship. I should be the one dong the avoiding. Instead, I’m counting the minutes until I get to see him again - just as friends this time though.
I won’t let him get inside my head. I won’t let my desires take over. They’re meaningless. It’s nothing more than old sparks igniting. What Shane and I had years ago is over. I would like him in my life, but only as a friend. Once I know why he left, I may not even want that anymore.
If all that is true, why do I have to keep reminding myself? All these years I wished for Shane to come back. Now I’m not so sure that was a good idea. It took me so long to get my life back - to get myself back. Now I’m starting to feel lost again.
Luckily I have a lot of work to do. The newlyweds final offer was accepted, and one of my properties is going to contract. I have a new family to show a few homes to and another home just about ready to go live. I don’t have time to think about my personal life right now. I have enough to keep me busy for a while, which is a good thing.
I bury myself in work. I haven’t gone into the office since I saw Shane. I’ve been working from home. I don’t want to look at Chad’s parents. I feel like Claire would immediately know I was hiding something. I know it’s a crazy thought, but I don’t want to chance it.
Chad has barely been home at all. He’s been so busy with this downtown project and some of his smaller properties as well. He’s at meetings or working late almost every night. When he does come home early, he usually brings his work with him anyway. How did our relationship become this mundane? I need him to finish this project so we can go away again. We need to reconnect.
I’m trying to multitask - speaking to one of my lenders on the phone and filling out an online form when my phone vibrates. It’s Shane. He’s texting me.
‘Hey, Beth. I got back sooner than expected. When would you like to have lunch?’
I want to see him now, but that would be silly - and desperate. That’s also the complete opposite of what I should be thinking and doing.
‘I’m kind of busy now. Can I get back to you?’
I’m not too busy to make plans but he can wait. God knows I’ve waited long enough for him.
‘Sure. Let me know what works for you. I’ll make myself available.’
‘K’
Ugh. I hate using ‘K’. It’s one of my pet peeves. I just want to sound like I don’t care - which I shouldn’t anyway. Being Shane’s friend is going to be hard.
“Beth? Are you still with me?”
The voice of my lender on the other end of my land line startles me. Maybe I’m not so good at multi tasking.
“Sorry, Jay. I’m here.”
I get back to business but I still have Shane on my mind. I should make plans to see him and get more comfortable with this whole ‘friend’ thing so I can move on with my life.
I finish up a few more tasks until I’m satisfied enough time has passed. I pick up the phone to text Shane. Then something comes over me. I opt to make an actual phone call instead of a text. I have to stop acting like a child - we’re adults now.
Shane picks up on the first ring, “hi, Beth.”
“Hey, Shane.” Okay, the phone call was a bad idea, I feel like a teenager again. I hope he doesn’t sense my unease.
“I’d like to treat you to lunch. Do you have any free time this week?” He sounds so formal. Perhaps Shane’s also nervous.
“Sure. I actually have some free time tomorrow if you’re available.” I see your formal tone and raise you a business-like response.
“Sounds good. Want me to pick you up?”
Is he crazy? I can’t be in the car alone with him. At least not until I’m comfortable with this whole ‘friend’ thing.
“No, thanks. I�
��ll meet you. Do you have a place in mind?”
“I’ll text you an address tomorrow.”
“Sounds good. I’ll see you then.” I need to hang up the phone. The sound of his voice is making me nervous. I need to grow up. I’m being ridiculous.
“Okay,” Shane replies, “and Beth?”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t forget those heels.”
I can see his smile in my mind. He’s trying to help me relax. It worked. I laugh.
“Whatever,” is the best response I can come up with, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I hang up the phone. My cheeks hurt from smiling. I must have been wearing a grin the whole time - first from anxiety, then from Shane’s comment.
How the hell am I going to get through lunch with him?
I feel giddy the rest of the day. I’m not going to mention the lunch to Chad - not yet anyway. If he says anything, or we’re seen together, I’ll just say Shane is a new client. Everyone knows he’s moving to the area so it’s not far fetched. I’m not doing anything wrong but I still feel the need to lie about it.
It’s partly because of our history, which Chad knows nothing about anyway. I also don’t want to say anything because he’s trying to make some kind of deal with Shane and I don’t want to be a part of it. Whatever they have brewing, I don’t want to be in the middle of it. This is already uncomfortable enough, I don’t need to make it any worse.
I hear Chad in the kitchen in the morning but don’t go downstairs until just before he’s ready to leave. We exchange a few words and he kisses me good bye. I’m a liar - a terrible person - and an even worse girlfriend. It’s so unlike me. I’m going to tell him about my lunch - just not now. I’ll tell him right before I go. That way I can go in with a clear conscience and enjoy myself. I won’t be able to relax if I think I’m doing something wrong - not that I’ll be able to relax anyway.
I drink some coffee and get a few things done for work, keeping myself busy and my mind off of Shane and the potential scenarios I’ve been playing out in my head since yesterday.
