by Jessica Marx
“You shouldn’t be so quick to judge. Number one, yeah—I love the ladies and I love to fuck, but that doesn’t make me incapable of having feelings for a woman. And number two, I just turned thirty-five, and even though I’m older than you, we are both adults and can make our own choices. And number three, Miss Porter, even if our parents decided to get married and live happily ever, after we wouldn’t be living under the same roof. There’s nothing weird about it.” His voice holds such conviction.
We sit in silence for what’s left of the ride home. I can’t help think about what he said. Yes, we are both adults, but I’m still considered a teenager and he’s in his mid-thirties and a successful businessman. How would being together not seem strange?
That kiss, though. It was magical, and the chemistry between us and the heat we created was real and raw.
But the fact remains that Jayson is a player and my future stepbrother. It—we—just can’t be.
8
JAYSON
I know it’s not in my head. The signs Ashley’s been sending me are unmistakable. She may not want to admit it, but she digs me. I know she feels the magnetism we have. Maybe it’s just sexual right now, but I know it goes deeper. I know because I’ve never felt that with any woman—ever.
How can she even try to deny it after that kiss? She was screaming for more with every stroke of her tongue. If we weren’t on the train, who knows how far we would have taken it? I need her to understand my feelings are real. I don’t know a lot about her yet, but I want to. I actually want to spend time with her and do fun things—things that people in an actual relationship do.
And how can she think that just because my father and her mother are in love, we can’t be? All the more reason to believe what we feel is real. We’re all adults. Ashley seems mature for her age, and no matter how old she is, I can’t help what I feel. I can’t let her go without her giving me a real chance. I have to help her realize that we can have something great together. I can’t let her go.
I need to kiss her again. I need her to feel me again. I need to get her back to the forbidden place that she doesn’t want to go so she can understand how real this is. I think that’s the only way to break her down enough to get through to her. When she lets her guard down, I know she feels it too.
I’m not giving up on her. I can’t. I can truly love this woman. I already know that she is all I’ll ever need.
9
ASHLEY
We exit the train and walk up into to Penn Station. It’s late on a Saturday night so it’s somewhat busy, complete with drunken barely-legals stumbling around, looking for their train home.
We make our way up to the street and I try to say goodnight and hail a cab. Jayson and I haven’t said anything to each other since the kiss.
“Not a chance you’re going home alone,” he tells me.
I roll my eyes. “I’m a big girl. I’ve taken plenty of taxis. I’ll be fine.”
“Not on my watch, Ashley,” he says as he gets in the backseat of the cab with me. I wish he wouldn’t say my name. The sound of it coming out of his mouth is heavenly.
I tell the driver my address and he takes off. I’m trying to leave enough space between Jayson and I so there is no opportunity for us to touch—even accidentally. I have to physically restrain myself from this man. He makes me feel like I have no control.
“Well, it seems we don’t live too far from each other. Small world,” Jayson says, smiling at me.
“Too small, sometimes,” I mutter. How is it that of all the men I see every day, this one may one day be my stepbrother?
The taxi is at my building already. I try again to say goodnight and leave without Jayson, but he pays the driver and hops out behind me.
“What are you doing?” I ask him, knowing very well what he’s trying to do.
“Just making sure you get home safe and sound,” he replies.
“I am home. I have a few feet left to walk to my door. You should have stayed in the cab. You’ll never get one over here this time of night.”
“Hey, you can never be too safe,” he says as I turn my back and start walking away. He grabs my hand and pulls me around to face him. We’re dangerously close again. I take a step back but he doesn’t let go.
“Ashley,” he says in a breathy voice. Oh my God, please stop saying my name. I can’t take it. “You can’t deny that there’s something between us. I know you feel it.”
“I can. It doesn’t matter what I feel. I already told you why I can’t fall for you.” I avert my eyes. I can’t bear to meet his gaze.
“I think you already did,” he whispers, and with that, Jayson puts his strong hands on my face and gently pulls my mouth to his again. I try not to give in, but I have to concede. I want him—all of him. It may be foolish, but I can’t resist.
Our bodies are pressed together and his hands are on my back, pulling me tight against him. I feel his erection against me and my knees grow weak. Our tongues are intertwined, and no matter how deep our kiss is, it’s like we are trying to get closer and deeper. Jayson slides his hands back up to my neck and rests his fingers in my hair and thumbs on my cheeks. He slowly pulls away and I see his face is red and his lips are swollen.
“Give me a chance, Ashley. I promise I will make it worth your while.”
Strange thing is, I believe him. Maybe I should give him a chance. Maybe he can change. All I know is that kiss made me weak, and I want more.
“One chance, Jayson. You better make it count,” I warn him as I kiss him on the cheek and start to walk to my door. He begins to follow me, but I’m not playing his game. This is my turf.
I wait until he’s coming up the stoop behind me to say, “Not tonight. I only kiss on the first date.” I smile and he stops, a look of genuine surprise on his face as I open the door. “If you want to prove yourself, you’re going to have to do better that sweet talk me for a night and kiss me—no matter how good you are.”
I walk into my building with a huge smile on my face. That took every ounce of strength I had. I wanted to rip his clothes off and tear into him, but I can’t—not yet. I really like this guy, and I believe he may really like me too, which means I can’t make it easy for him. If he really thinks I’m worth it, he’ll prove himself. I press the elevator button and wait for the car, still smiling.
————
I had a hard time falling asleep last night and woke up late this morning. I took my time getting out of bed and made a cup of coffee. While it was brewing, I sent Rachel a text to see if she was awake yet and ask if she could talk. She’s probably with Chris, but he’s cool and I don’t mind talking girl talk with him in the background. I also texted my mother to let her know I was home and to thank her for last night. I told her I really liked Tom and I was glad I got to meet him.
My coffee is ready, so I take it over and settle in on my couch so I can call Rachel. She answers on the first ring and it takes me over ten minutes to explain my day and night to her. I rehash me and Michael breaking up, my mom’s boyfriend being Jayson’s father, and then drop the bomb about me and my future stepbrother’s passionate kiss.
“That is crazy shit, Ashley!” she replies when I finally finish. “I mean, it’s just crazy. And what are you doing kissing that guy? He was such a dick! He’s also way older than you. And he could be your brother one day! That’s… crazy!” she says again.
“I know it’s crazy,” I admit with a sigh, “but we just have this connection. I tried not to acknowledge it, but it’s there.”
“If you say so. He was definitely a hottie, but be careful, Ash. You always seem to fall for the wrong guy.”
“I know. I am being careful. I ended the night with the upper hand,” I tell her, smiling as I remember my award-winning goodbye.
We spend a little more time on the phone chit-chatting. Rachel is excited for my mom and her relationship. Spending so much time together growing up, Cynthia has always been like a second mother to her. We enjoy a few mi
nutes of gossip and small talk, and then end the call.
I don’t have to work until the afternoon, so I enjoy a lazy morning and catch up on some reading and laundry before I get ready for work. I hear my phone signal that I have a text right before I get in the shower. It’s Michael.
Ashley, I’m sorry. I’d really like to talk to you. I erase it just like the last one. He fucked up and it’s over. There’s no reason to talk.
I put the phone down and continue into the shower. I mindlessly go through the same routine until I’m ready to leave. I pick up my things, walk into the hallway, and lock the door behind me.
It’s a typical Sunday afternoon at work. We’re busy with families and friends gathering for a late brunch or early dinner. Time passes as I go through the motions.
I am smiling at one of my tables as I take their drink order when I glance at the man walking through the door. It’s Jayson. I forget what I’m doing and start to trip on my words. I look again and see he’s made his way to the bar.
What is he doing here? How did he know where I worked? I wish I could see what I look like right now. I’m sure the small amount of makeup I put on has worn off already and my hair must be a mess. This is so unexpected and it’s making me anxious.
I can’t hide, so I have no choice but to pull myself together and walk over to the bar to say hello and get the drinks for my table.
“Fancy meeting you here,” Jayson says with a smile, picking up his beer and taking a swig.
“Are you a stalker now?” I joke. But seriously, what is he doing here?
Jayson shrugs. “Maybe.”
I decide to press him on the matter. I don’t remember telling him where I work, and frankly, it’s a little creepy. “How did you know where I worked?”
“I know people,” he says as he winks.
“Right. And you came here because…?”
“Last night after you got me all hot and left me standing there, I decided to cool off with a walk home. I had some time to think of a good way to prove myself, so here I am,” he answers. He knows he’s been just vague enough that I’ll ask him another question. I can see the smugness in his eyes as he takes another pull from his beer bottle.
I give in. I have to know. “So you’re proving yourself by stalking me?” He laughs.
“Well, I thought it would be nice to ask you on an official date,, but you didn’t give me your number. I called my father and he asked your mother—one of the plusses of being quasi-related I guess.” He smirks at how red in the face that makes me. “Then I thought that instead of calling you, I would come here and ask you out in person. Cool idea, right?” He is so proud of himself. He is trying to one-up me for my goodbye last night.
“I’ll have to talk to my mother about how freely she gives out my information,” I say, narrowing my eyes at him.
“Your mother loved me the moment she met me. Must run in the family. I can’t help it—it’s part of my charm.” He’s on a roll now.
“Well, thanks for coming,” I say as I take the tray full of drinks and walk toward my table. I know he’s screwing with me, and to my surprise, this time I am enjoying it.
Jayson sits at the bar, nursing his beer and cracking jokes with Sam. I go about my business trying to pretend he’s not there so I can focus, but I keep stealing glances when I can. He is so hot. There’s no better way to describe him. Every woman in here has stopped to look at him, and I know he likes it. I notice he has another beer, so I guess he’s planning to stay for a while. I finish up with the few tables I have left and sit down across the bar to count out for the night.
He waits a minute and then comes to sit next to me. Sam brings me a glass of wine. I take a sip and finally look up at Jayson.
“So, this is our date?” I ask.
“Oh, no. I told you what a real date with me would be like. I also don’t want to be ‘the other man,’ so I’ll wait until you decide to leave your boyfriend” He’s giving me a hard look and I realize he’s serious. Shit. I never told him the truth about me and Michael.
“We… broke up,” I sheepishly reply. I hate saying it out loud.
Jayson smiles. “Well, that’s convenient.” Then he flashes me a look of concern. “Are you okay? I honestly didn’t believe there was a real boyfriend, but I can see you’re hurt.”
“I am. He cheated. It’s over. I ended it when I found out, which happened to be the day we had dinner at my mom’s house.”
Jayson looks like he doesn’t quite believe me when I say I’m all right, but then he smiles. “His loss, my gain. I guess I can ask you on a date, now that you’re single.”
I smile back. “I guess you can.”
We sit for a moment, each taking a long sips of our drinks. I’m twirling my glass in my fingers.
“Well?” I prompt him.
Jayson’s eyes are glittering in that devilish way again. “Well what?”
My face and ears are burning. “Are you going to ask me?” Jayson rolls his eyes in mock annoyance and gets off his stool. He stands in front of me and takes my hand in his.
“Ashley Porter, will you have dinner with me?” he asks as he kisses the top of my hand, overselling the concept of him being a gentleman.
I roll my eyes right back at him. “I guess so.” I know that secretly, we’re both enjoying the banter. I have to admit that Jayson’s sense of humor is starting to grow on me.
We continue to talk and joke with each other as we finish our drinks and I get my shift work done. There are no more patrons left, just us and Sam and a couple of other employees who are getting ready to leave. Jayson excuses himself and goes to the men’s room. Sam walks over to my side of the bar.
“You look like you’re having fun,” he says.
“I think I am.” That reply surprises even me.
Jayson is striding back to the bar, so Sam goes about cleaning the last of the mess that’s left. I slide my glass to him so he can rinse it and be done. We toss the beer bottle in the recycling bin and I say goodnight to the few coworkers left. Jayson and I head to the door and exit into another beautiful summer night.
“Okay, well, thanks for coming to see me,” I say. It’s always awkward trying to end a night around this guy. I know he wants more.
“You know I’m walking you home, Ashley, so don’t think of trying to ditch me now. It’s not going to work,” Jayson answers, and without any debate, we start walking toward my apartment building.
“So, when are we going out?” I ask. It sounds a little pushy or desperate, or something, but I’m excited—so sue me.
“I can make myself available any night this week. One of the benefits of being the boss,” he answers and winks at me.
“Well, unfortunately I don’t, so it would have to be Thursday or Saturday night. I have classes during the day and usually work Saturday nights, but this coming one I’m on the lunch shift.”
“I don’t think I can wait that long. It will have to be Thursday, if that’s the best you can do.” He’s teasing me. It’s equal parts infuriating and hot as hell.
“It is the best I can do. You’ll just have to be patient, I guess.” What I don’t tell him is that I’m looking forward to it, and that means that I’ll have to be patient, too.
We are back in front of my building and I envision the night before when Jayson and I kissed, right here in this very spot. My heart skips a beat, but I need to ignore it for now. We have a date and I will wait and see how that night goes before I get any more involved in this strange thing we have going on.
Jayson turns to face me and I know he is going to kiss me again. He smiles at me as his bright hazel eyes glow in the moonlight.
“Have a goodnight, Ashley. I can’t wait to see you again.” He leans over and kisses me gently on the cheek. “Now, go inside so I know I got you home safe.” Then he steps back, gives me a mock salute, and stands and watches as I walk to my lobby in a daze.
That was definitely not the kiss I was expecting. I look back at him
before I open the door and he is still standing there, waiting for me to enter. I go in, say hi to the doorman, and press the button for the elevator. Dammit, he really knows how to play the game.
Maybe even better than I do.
10
JAYSON
This woman may be the death of me. I need to have her, and I am going to do whatever it takes to prove to her that how I feel runs deeper than it has with any woman before her.
Ashley’s right—I’m a player. I always have been and thought I always would be—until I met her. When I’m with her, I don’t even think about other women. I don’t need to, and I don’t want to. I see chicks looking at me as I pass them by, checking out my body, offering themselves to me with their eyes. I just don’t care anymore. I only want Ashley. I need her to see that and I need her to believe me when I tell her she’s the only one for me.
When we kissed in front of her building last night, I felt something that I’ve never felt with anyone—and never from just a kiss. Just feeling her up against my body was enough to drive me wild. I wanted her. I wanted to be inside of her. But I also respected her enough to hold back. I don’t mind taking my time. She is worth it.
Seeing her at work tonight, dressed in her uniform with no makeup on, plain as could be, made her so much more real to me. Sitting at the bar and laughing together about nothing just felt right. She makes me feel like I can be myself. I can joke and be inappropriate and she just gets it. She gets me. She may not want to, but she does.
I have always thought things like “love at first sight” or “meant to be” were complete bullshit, but now I feel differently. I care about Ashley and I want her to care about me. I want to know everything about her and make her happy in every way.
These feelings are new and scary and completely out of character for me—but they are real. I’m going to show her just how real on Thursday. I’m going to do all the things I told her I would, and then some. I will wait as long as she wants, but as soon as she gives me the okay, I am going to rock her fucking world.
