He wanted to lean down and taste them. To see if they were as delicious as they looked. Gathering his courage, he brushed her hair off her shoulder. It felt as soft as he had hoped. Like silk sliding across his fingers.
“Katherine,” he whispered.
“Dryer,” she said.
“What?”
“I have to check the dryer.” She jumped up and all but ran for the basement.
Jack leaned on the table and dropped his face into his hands. “I am so stupid.” He could still feel the texture of her small hand under his. It made him wish he either hadn’t touched her at all or had closed his hand around hers so he’d have the memory of holding her hand the way he wanted to. “I blew it,” he told Archer.
Archer, still guarding the popcorn bowl, looked at him.
He knew what he had to do, but backing away to give her more breathing space was the last thing he wanted to do. In fact, he'd prefer to jump right in and save her. She might be more newly single than he thought, and she might not have recovered. If she was involved with that blond guy somehow, that was another wrinkle. He knew she wasn’t dating him, but they might be dating in a sense she didn’t admit to herself was dating. Hanging out was dating in some circles, and casual sex was not dating in others. If she didn’t want to upset her mother, she might be not-dating Randy while seeing a lot of him.
His grandmother would never forgive him if he didn’t move gently. He collected the Jenga blocks and put them away before he climbed up on the couch. Her shark show had ended. It hadn’t seemed important a minute ago, but now he needed something to do so he started flipping channels, searching and promising himself he’d be good. He picked up the popcorn bowl and balanced it on his lap.
* * * *
Katherine leaned against the dryer. It was nowhere near finished, but she’d had to move away before she did something stupid like kiss him. He was her tenant and a firefighter. She shouldn’t be kissing him. She shouldn’t be sitting next to him trying to play a game and having trouble concentrating. Now she had wet clothes and couldn’t leave. This was a mistake, and it had been the moment she agreed to it.
But she wanted more than anything to be near him.
Sighing, she folded her arms. She’d let herself in for it by asking why he was a firefighter. He gave the answer she expected, and the last one she wanted to hear. She looked around her hideous basement. The low ceiling. The plentiful spiders. The uneven floor. At least she'd fixed the leaky walls. It felt as if she'd been living the last couple of years in this basement, maybe not literally, but in her mind. Stooped, jumping at shadows, stumbling over her own feet. And Jack was upstairs. Upstairs where the kitchen, the heart of the house, was.
I read too much into things.
Still, if the analogy wasn’t perfect, it was close enough. She walked to the foot of the stairs. What was she going to do when she got upstairs? Tell him what was going on in her mind? That would be too awful. Try to pretend nothing happened? Would he allow that? He was one of those hero types who liked to face things head on. Wait and see what he did?
There’s a thought.
Katherine took a deep breath and walked up the stairs.
Jack had sprawled on the couch flipping channels. “Your shark show was over.”
“Oh.” She sunk down in the chair and looked at him. He lounged back with the popcorn bowl resting on his lap. “Tired of games already?” she asked and then she cringed inwardly, wondering how he would take that question.
He glanced at the game and back to the TV. “Maybe later. It’ll still be there.”
Katherine bit her lip before she could say, ‘but will you be?’ Of course he would be. He wasn’t on duty until Tuesday.
“Dryer not finished?”
“No. I was mistaken.”
He nodded. “Popcorn?”
“No, thanks.” She stared at the box on the table. Maybe for some reason he was waiting for her to make the first move. Or maybe her first assessment had been right, and he didn’t have a care in the world. Just because she had a rather startling surge of hormones did not mean he had. Just because she thought his voice had deepened with emotion when he said her name a moment ago, didn’t mean it had. She’d been living alone somewhat longer than the four years since Gary died, and couldn’t judge.
He settled on a documentary about the Civil War.
Archer started to snore. Jack nudged him, and the dog shifted.
A siren went past the block, and Katherine turned to look in the direction it had gone.
“Police,” Jack said without taking his eyes off the television.
“I know.” She leaned back in the chair. How many years had that sound instilled fear in her? How many nights had she sat bolt upright in her empty bed because she heard a siren? She couldn’t go through that again. No matter what she thought she felt for Jack, she couldn’t.
And why did the thought make her want to cry?
After what seemed like an eternity, the dryer buzzed in the basement and she went back downstairs to deal with her laundry.
Chapter 6
Jack looked down the driveway. A police cruiser rolled to a stop at the bottom, blocking it. An enormous black officer got out and started toward the garage, scowling. His round face looked as if it would be more comfortable smiling, but Jack had no illusions about his mood changing soon.
“What’s going on?” Lew asked, crouching back on his heels.
“I don’t know. I’ll take care of it.” Jack made his way to the ladder. Kevin and Dan had started ripping off the old shingles on the other side while he and Lew patched the hole. After that incident on Sunday, he;d been trying to keep a low profile. Katherine had been quiet and melancholy while she finished her laundry. He hadn’t seen much of her Monday, and he’d been on duty all day yesterday. He’d been hoping a little time would smooth over the awkwardness. She hadn’t frozen up, but it still hadn’t been a good evening. The cops showing up wasn’t a good sign.
“Hi. Can I help you with something, Officer…” Jack gleaned his name off his tag. “Howard?”
“What are you fellas doing up there?” Officer Howard stood with his hands hanging at his sides as if he wanted to be able to draw quickly.
“Fixing the roof.”
The officer glanced down the driveway and across the street at the collection of cars his friends had arrived in. “What’s your name?”
“Jack Conley.”
“Are you a professional roofer, Mr. Conley?” The officer’s voice held a distinct ring of doubt.
“No, I’m a firefighter. I just need to fix the hole in my garage roof. Do I need a permit or something?” Jack wanted to stick his hands in his back pockets to do something with them, but he also didn’t want to make any sudden moves.
The cop rested one hand on his gun and moved one foot back. His scowled deepened. “Okay, pal, what’s the story?”
“I told you. I’m fixing my garage roof.” Jack stepped back. He didn’t know many cops, but he recognized a firing position when he saw one. Was this guy going to pull his gun because they were fixing the garage roof? Over the officer’s shoulder, Jack noticed a police van glide to a stop across the street.
“It’s not your garage roof. This house is owned by Katherine Pelham,” the officer growled, snapping Jack’s attention back to the big man in front of him.
“Well, yeah, she’s—”
“Vince!” Katherine's door banged against the railing. Her voice rang so sharp Jack nearly flinched. The cop did. His expression lost all confidence. Jack heard a hammer clatter behind him. He glanced back and saw Kevin and Dan scrambling for the tool as it slid off the roof into the weeds at the property line. Katherine noticed none of this because her eyes were fixed on Officer Howard. “What are you doing here?”
“I thought something fishy was going on.” The officer seemed to shrink. His voice developed a minor whine.
Katherine walked down the steps and planted herself between Jack and the officer.
“Your response time is slipping. I called you over a year ago.” Jack thought he heard ice shattering in her voice.
“Yeah, about that.” The officer pulled his feet together and shifting his hands away from the gun. His shoulders slumped. He looked more like a kid in trouble with every passing moment. “I meant to get back to you.”
“I’m sure you did.” Katherine folded her arms. “But as you can see, I’ve got it handled now.”
“Listen, I’m sorry I didn’t get back to you.” The officer fidgeted. “I kept meaning to call and things kept getting in the way. I didn’t hear you got engaged again. He’s a fireman?”
“I didn’t.” Jack heard a crackle in her tone. “And it’s firefighter.”
“You—ah…” He glanced over her shoulder at Jack. “So he’s not…?”
“He’s my tenant, if it’s any of your business. I had to rent out the bottom half of the house.”
The officer scratched his head. “I’m sorry about that, Kathy.”
“I’m sure you are. You seem to be sorry about a lot of things.” She shifted, and Jack read contempt in every muscle in her body. “Maybe it would be easier if you kept the promises you made. Or is this how this brotherhood thing works? The promise is to the brother, and once he’s gone, it doesn’t count anymore?”
“Kathy, that’s not fair. I miss Gary as much as you do.”
“That isn’t the issue. When Gary was alive, I never said anything about the amount of time he spent with his buddies. I never complained about the weekends I spent alone because he was at a gun show or the shooting range. I didn’t even complain when you sainted Gary after he was killed. I will complain about promises not kept. You got your war hero, and I was left with a house I couldn’t afford, a pile of bills taller than me, a leaky garage roof,” she gestured toward the garage.
Jack had to hop back a step to avoid being backhanded.
“And nobody to turn to. You said you would help me, and you didn’t.”
Vince’s eyes went from Katherine to Jack to the garage and back to Katherine. His expression set and hardened. “Well, I’m glad you feel so martyred, Ms. Pelham. And if you think the Fire Department is going to be any better, you’re wrong.”
He turned and walked down the driveway to his patrol car gesturing to the other officer who had stepped out of her van.
Katherine stood watching. Jack wanted to reach out to her, but he didn’t know what kind of reception he’d get. She looked as if she might explode if jostled. When both vehicles disappeared behind the neighbor’s pine tree, she turned, keeping her back to Jack, and bolted into her apartment.
Jack turned back to the garage open mouthed. Dan and Lew stared. Kevin waved him toward the house. Swallowing hard, Jack walked up to Katherine’s door and knocked.
“It’s open!” she shouted.
He moved through the door as if he expected the floor to collapse and looked up the narrow staircase. She stepped out of a doorway at the top of the stairs.
“Do you need something?” she asked.
“I wanted to know if you were okay.”
“Okay?” She smiled, but he saw a trace of bitterness. She folded her arms. “As okay as I am ever meant to be.”
Jack walked up the first four steps. “Are you sure? I thought you might want to talk. That seemed like kind of an ugly scene out there.” He sensed a little coldness but wasn’t sure if it was directed at him or left over from Officer Howard.
She shrugged. “It was coming. I knew he’d call or come over eventually. It’s not like he didn’t know where I lived. He was here three or four times a week before.”
Jack climbed two more steps. She seemed far away, and he didn’t know if he could close the distance between them. But this wasn’t like when she withdrew from him. It felt more as if she were lost and he had to find her if he could. “So. Your fiancé was a cop?”
“Yes. We got engaged right after he joined the force.” She glanced over her shoulder at the pictures on the wall.
Jack climbed the last three stairs. “Is this your engagement picture?” Now she stood only an arm’s length away, and he still didn’t think he could reach her. He focused on the picture on the wall. She looked very young and happy in her burgundy dress displaying her ring for the camera. Next to her stood a muscular guy wearing a police dress uniform. Jack couldn’t quite make out his face because the bill of his hat shaded what it didn’t cover. “You look beautiful.”
She folded her arms. “It was a long time ago.”
“Some things don’t change.”
She bit her lip.
Jack made a pretense of studying the other pictures. There was a snapshot of Katherine with a woman who could only be her mother at Katherine’s college graduation. Another of Katherine on a beach in bikini. And one of Gary beside a car. Jack could see the other man’s face there. He had a strong jaw and dark eyes. He could understand how a woman would be attracted to a guy like him, but Jack still couldn’t understand why he hated dogs.
“Are you guys going to finish today?” She stepped backward into the room behind her.
“Sure.” He looked over her head into her kitchen. “Shingling won’t take any time at all.” Her kitchen was carpeted in a tan Berber carpeting and seemed crowded, but he supposed it had been a bedroom before the remodeling. The faucet dripped into a coffee cup.
“I’m sure your friends are waiting for you out there. You shouldn’t keep them waiting.”
There was more dismissal in her tone than he was used to, and it made him want to hang around. He studied her face. Fury, like an impending thunderstorm, gleamed in her eyes. But her jaw, though clenched tight, shivered with tears.
“Kate,” he said.
“I’d like to be alone, if you don’t mind.” She spoke through clenched teeth.
He nodded. “You know where to find me.” He walked down the steps, hoping she would change her mind, but she didn’t.
They had all gotten back to work, but stopped when he climbed on the roof.
“Did he say her fiancé was Gary Ringer?” Lew blurted out.
Jack nodded. “His name was Gary. Why, do you know who he was?”
“Oh man, yeah. You don't remember?”
Jack leaned forward. “What?”
“When her fiancé died.”
“What do you know, Lew?” Kevin settled on the peak of the roof.
“A couple of years ago, Gary Ringer was shot by another cop. My cousin’s a 911 dispatcher, she saved all the articles.” Lew looked at the house and shook his head. “Man, that was awful.”
“I remember that,” Dan said. “It was all over the papers for weeks. There was an inquest and everything. She was that guy’s fiancé?”
“She’s gotta be. I’ll get the articles from my cousin.”
Jack looked at his hands. He remembered reading about Officer Gary Ringer being shot, but it had been years ago. He recalled some kind of scandal, but not the details or the pictures in the paper. It didn’t seem important at the time. Tragic and difficult, but he hadn’t matched up the name until now. If she had been engaged to Gary Ringer, it explained a lot.
* * * *
Katherine sank down on the top step. Fat tears slid down her cheeks. She heard the pounding resume on the garage roof. At the rate they were going, it would be finished before long, and Jack would be waiting around for her to open up. It would be so easy. She’d already found herself telling him things she never told anyone. He cared enough to make sure she was all right. It had taken all her will power not to sink into his arms and let him kiss it all away. From the look in his eyes, he would be more than willing. Gary had never been this much of a true companion.
‘If you think the Fire Department is going to be any better, you’re wrong.’
Vince was right, of course. She couldn’t leave herself open for that again. No matter how much she cared for Jack. No matter how much she wanted him. No matter how her heart ached for him, she couldn’t have him. He was off l
imits. She pressed her forehead against her knees and sobbed.
* * * *
Jack walked to the station on Friday in a black mood. He’d stayed home all of this week just to see Katherine, but on Sunday had been the awkward laundry thing and then Wednesday the cops showed up. She hadn’t left her apartment all day yesterday. Once, while he was in the backyard with Archer, he saw the curtains twitch in the room beside her kitchen, but other than that—nothing. He’d even kept the stereo off to hear the sound of her footsteps. He’d spent an hour yesterday lying on the couch staring at the ceiling, willing her to come talk to him. He hadn’t left the house in case she came down.
But she hadn't. She’d stayed sequestered in her apartment.
“Hey, I got that stuff from my cousin.” Lew leaped up as soon as Jack walked into the locker room. He reached into his locker and pulled out a scrap book. “I can’t believe I didn’t recognize her. She was all over the papers.”
Jack opened the first page of the scrapbook and found a newspaper clipping about a robbery at a convenience store. He looked up at Lew.
“Beth is kind of a police groupie. It’s back here further.” Lew flipped through several pages before he stopped. “Here.”
Jack looked at the picture before the headline. She wore a navy blue dress he recognized, and her hair was pulled up. The picture had been taken from above, but she had her head cocked back as if she were staring at some high point on the church wall, and he could see her face. She looked serene. To an outsider she seemed calm, but Jack could see how tightly she held her jaw and the tension around her eyes. An officer in dress uniform sat next to her, but he had his head tilted forward and all Jack could see was the top of his head and his large black hands clasping hers. Vince Howard. Surrounding them on all sides were police officers in dress uniforms leaving her pale face floating in a sea of blue. He wanted to go home and hug her.
“Officer Ringer’s fiancée at yesterday’s service,” Kevin read the caption. “Officer Ringer, photo supplied by Arden Police Department,” he read under the picture beside it.
Jack didn’t even look at the picture of Gary. He couldn't tear his eyes from Katherine. She looked so strong and steady and calm. He turned the page and immediately wanted to punch the photographer who took this picture. In this one, Katherine was being carried down the church steps by Howard and another officer, her face crumpled with grief.
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