by Chant, Zoe
Mr. Varnham also seemed much happier than he’d been when he’d come in. “I enjoyed it too. Your animals are well-cared-for, well-trained, and happy. My report will have all the details, but just keep up the good work and you have nothing to worry about. In fact, I’ll come back too. I’d like to see the show from the audience.”
“We change our acts a fair amount, so people can see it again and again and never get bored,” Merlin said. “So next week’s show won’t be exactly the same as this one. Just so you know.”
“But you’re keeping the flying scarf, right?” asked Mr. Varnham.
Tirzah, overhearing, said, “That’s up to the spirits.”
Once the inspectors and audience had left, the circus company and Merlin’s team gathered in the ring for a meeting. Janet, back in human form, carried in the birdcage containing a furiously chittering Fausto.
An uproar immediately began at her entrance, but was quelled when she raised her hand, looking around the circle with what Dali now recognized as her alpha stare.
“News travels quickly,” she said. “I know you’re aware of two pieces of news, one very good and one very serious. First of all, you were all amazing. We pulled together, we put on the show of a lifetime, and we saved the circus!”
A cheer went up, from which the Fratellis notably abstained, glaring at Janet and Merlin.
“Secondly, Fausto put something in Merlin’s coffee,” she went on. “Normally, I’d assume this was a prank. But he fled the scene instead of laughing it off, and no one who’s smelled the coffee can recognize what’s in it. There was also a previous attempt on Merlin’s life.”
The Fratellis began shouting angrily, but were again silenced by her stare.
“I’m sending the coffee to a lab for chemical analysis,” Janet said. “We need to find out what’s in it before we make any decisions. They should have the results by the end of the day tomorrow. In the meantime, I’m keeping Fausto under house arrest, since he’s already tried to flee.”
She opened the cage. The squirrel scrambled out, and immediately became a very angry, very naked man.
“I didn’t do anything!” Fausto yelled. Pointing at Merlin, he said, “I never touched his coffee! I never even saw his coffee! And I never ran away! He made it all up just to screw with me!”
“You were right there,” Merlin protested. “In the stage left tunnel. I caught you when I exited after my acrobat performance.”
“I was never in the stage left tunnel in this entire show!” Fausto shouted.
Dali, Caro, Zane Zimmerman, Larry Duffy, a pigeon teenager, and Janet all spoke simultaneously. “I saw you.”
Fausto stared at them, his mouth open. He looked utterly shocked. “But...”
“That’s enough,” said Janet. “Fausto, put on some clothes. You’re under house arrest in your room. Once we find out what was in the coffee, you’ll get a chance to give your side of the story.”
Fausto angrily pulled on a pair of jeans, then was escorted out. The rest of the company broke off into groups and began to wander out or clean up, talking excitedly.
Soon the only people still in the ring were Merlin and his team, Dali, Caro, Janet, Kalpana, and the magical pets.
Merlin hugged his mother. “We did it! We saved the circus!”
“Son, you did good.” Her bright, bird-like glance took in the rest of them. “So did you all. Thank you for helping out. We couldn’t have done it without you.”
“It was our pleasure,” said Roland.
“Speak for yourself,” muttered Carter. Then, catching Janet’s eye, he said, “That is, of course I’m always...” he seemed to choke on the next word, then finally managed to get out, “...happy to help a teammate.”
Janet chuckled. “Not everyone’s cut out for the circus. It means even more that you stepped up when it wasn’t something you’re comfortable with.”
“I’m glad I could help,” said Pete. “And I’m also glad that Dad and his dad bod are retiring to the zoo.”
Caro burst out giggling. “You don’t want to ride a unicycle again? Or waltz on your hind legs?”
“Never again,” said Pete with feeling. “And next time you need to ask permission for something, try to do it when I’m not a bear.” Then he patted her shoulder and said, “I watched your trapeze act from the wings. You were fantastic.”
She beamed. “Thanks, Dad.”
“We’d love to have you and your pegasus step in, any time,” Janet said. “But do ask your father first. And, Ransom, if you ever want to try a new career, we’d love to have you as a juggler. I’m serious.”
He looked at her, his dark eyes wide and startled, seeming to seriously consider it.
“Where’d you learn to do that?” she asked.
A shadow came over his face, and he retreated back into himself. “Nowhere as nice as here.”
“And Dali,” said Janet. “You were marvelous.”
“You really were,” Kalpana said. “Normally Janet runs things backstage, but you stepped into her shoes like you’d been wearing them forever. And they’re very big shoes. Metaphorically, I mean,” she added quickly, casting a glance at Janet’s average-sized feet.
“I do mean to retire, eventually,” Janet said. “Not from the circus, of course! Just from everything but Madam Fortuna and the talking parrot act. So Kalpana’s been looking for someone she can train to run backstage. If you’d like to join us, you’d be very welcome.”
Dali fought down a wave of emotion that threatened to overwhelm her, and managed to get out, “Thank you.”
Merlin, giving her a worried glance, said, “Mom, we’re all tired. Let me take Dali home. We can come back tomorrow.”
They walked to the car in silence, with Cloud in her purse and Blue ambling at Merlin’s heels. Or maybe Merlin said some things, but Dali couldn’t hear them. Her mind and soul and heart felt like they were tearing themselves apart.
Say yes, urged one part of her. Join the circus and stay with Merlin. Maybe you’ll like the life more than you think. You know you loved tonight!
Say yes, said another, darker part. Make him happy. It’s not the life you want, but his happiness is more important than yours.
Yet another dark part said, Say no. Tell him you’ll only stay with him if he stays here in Refuge City. He always puts other people ahead of himself. All you have to do is ask, and he’ll sacrifice his happiness for yours.
“No!” Dali spoke aloud without meaning to.
They were standing in the dark and empty parking lot in front of his car. Merlin already had his keys in his hand.
“Dali, please just tell me what’s going on,” he said.
She wanted to delay, to beat around the bush. At the very least, she wanted to wait until after the car ride. But she’d have to tell Merlin to drive her to her own home, not his, and then he’d know anyway.
“I want to break up,” she said.
CHAPTER 23
Merlin had been riding high on saving the circus, finding out who’d tried to kill him, and having a wonderful night with Dali by his side. Her words brought him down to earth like he’d fallen off the tightrope without a net to catch him.
“What?” he said, though he’d heard her perfectly.
“I want to break up,” she said. “I’m so sorry, Merlin. You’re a great guy. But this isn’t working out for me.”
No no no! His raptor sounded frantic. She’s our mate! She’ll always love us! This can’t be happening!
His raptor was right: this couldn’t be happening. Merlin’s mind raced, seeking a problem he could solve. Was she worried he’d run away with the circus, leaving her behind?
“If it’s because of the circus...” he began.
“It’s not because of the circus,” she said.
Her voice was tight, her lovely dark eyes brimming with tears. But she had to be telling the truth. Dali was honest down to her bones; hiding the existence of shifters and magical animals was as far as she’d go with de
ceit. Merlin couldn’t believe she’d lie about something as important as their relationship. If she said it wasn’t about the circus, then it wasn’t about the circus.
“Then why?”
She dashed the tears from her eyes with an impatient gesture. “We’re too different. You’re funny, and I’m serious. You love excitement, and I love pushing papers.”
“What you do involves way more than pushing papers,” Merlin said. “And it is exciting—weren’t you excited tonight?”
He’d meant to go on that they were different in a good way. That they balanced each other like a pair of trapeze artists. But before he could say anything more, she looked as stricken as if he’d stabbed her in the back, then burst out, “Stop arguing! You’re only making this harder—” She gulped down tears, but he knew what she’d meant to say: harder on me.
Merlin felt like someone had taken a sledgehammer to his heart, smashing it into a million pieces of broken glass. The fragments cut him inside. But he couldn’t make it harder on her. This obviously hurt her too.
He swallowed. “All right. Should I drive you to your apartment?”
“Yes, please.”
“Pete can take over protecting you. He and Tirzah will already be there. Just call him, all right?”
“I don’t want Pete,” she began, then gave a sigh that sounded halfway to a sob. “I mean, I don’t need protection. We know who dropped the trapeze on us, and he’s locked up. And whoever was after Cloud must’ve given up by now.”
“We don’t know that,” Merlin said. “Maybe they just haven’t made their move because I was guarding you. Call Pete, okay?”
“All right.” She wrapped her arms around herself and shivered. They were still standing beside the car, and her breath made clouds in the air.
Merlin took off his jacket and handed it to her, then opened her door for her while she put it on.
The drive to her apartment felt longer than any drive he’d ever taken in his life. The whole way there, neither of them said a word.
CHAPTER 24
She’d done the right thing. So why did it feel so wrong?
Dali locked her apartment door and released Cloud from her purse. The kitten flew out, yowled, and swatted Dali across the cheek before landing on the floor, folding her translucent wings, and skittering under the bed.
“What’s with you?” Dali asked.
All she could see of Cloud were a pair of gleaming sapphire eyes. The kitten hissed, then retreated farther under the bed.
Her apartment had never felt so lonely. She and Merlin had never gotten around to painting her dishes, and they hadn’t spent much time there so he hadn’t left anything at her place. The only trace of him in her cold white room was the jacket she’d forgotten to return when he’d dropped her off. She’d have to give it to Pete or Tirzah to pass on to him.
That reminded her that she ought to call Pete. But between his presence and Tirzah’s electronic monitoring, she was perfectly safe in the apartment building. And she couldn’t bring herself to explain why she was calling.
If she’d done the right thing, then why did she feel like she’d just stabbed herself in the heart?
Dali wasn’t sure how long she sat in her chair, staring at the wall, alternating between an icy numbness and utter misery. And guilt. The look in Merlin’s eyes when she’d told him she was breaking up with him would haunt her for the rest of her life.
It’ll haunt me, but he’ll get over it, she told herself.
If she’d set them both free, why did she feel so trapped?
The knock at the door nearly made her jump out of her skin. Instantly, she regretted not calling Pete as soon as she’d gotten in. Cautiously, she went to the door and peered through the peephole.
It was Merlin.
A rush of love and regret and uncertainty nearly swept Dali off her feet. She opened the door and let him in.
“Merlin...” she began, then stopped, not knowing what to say. I’m sorry? I take it back? I need more time to think?
“Come with me,” he said. “We need to talk.”
It sounded more like an order than a request. That wasn’t like him. She must have really knocked him for a loop. He even moved differently, his usual light-footed grace changed to the slightly awkward body language of your average civilian with a desk job.
She’d done that to him. Guilt overwhelmed her.
“Of course,” she said.
Cloud hissed and spat from under the bed, then scrambled out and flew at them, wings buzzing like a chain-saw. Merlin ducked, and Dali snatched the kitten out of the air and stuffed her into her purse.
“I don’t know what’s gotten into her. She swatted me across the face earlier.” Dali touched her cheek, and withdrew blood-stained fingers. “Look at that. She actually drew blood!”
Merlin glanced at her cheek. “Those magical animals can be temperamental. Bring her along. Maybe a ride will calm her down.”
Dali left with him, keeping the struggling Cloud inside her purse. They walked down the hallway and took the elevator in silence. With every instant, Dali’s misery grew. They moved out of sync, not touching, their usual camaraderie and sexual awareness of each other gone. Merlin could have been any man. He could have been a stranger.
Dali wished she hadn’t agreed to come. But why wouldn’t she? Even apart from the romance they’d shared, Merlin was a friend. And she was the one who’d ended their relationship. She at least owed him an explanation.
He took her to a rental car, as ordinary and anonymous as the ones Ransom used, and clicked to unlock it.
“Where’s your car?” Dali asked.
“I totaled it. I was upset over our breakup, and thinking about it distracted me. I went off the road and into a tree.”
Dali stared at him, horrified. She’d not only broken his heart, but she was responsible for the destruction of his beloved car! “Oh, Merlin, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have let you drive.”
“Yeah,” he said. “I guess you shouldn’t have.”
He got into the driver’s seat and started up the engine, then gestured to her to get in. She scrambled inside, Cloud hissing like a teakettle from within her purse, feeling like a fool for having expected him to open the door for her. She wasn’t his girlfriend anymore, so why should he?
“You’re not hurt, are you?” she said uncertainly. There wasn’t a scratch on him, but not all injuries were visible.
“No.”
“And Blue—is Blue okay?” As soon as she asked, Dali once again felt like a fool. Of course Blue was fine. If he wasn’t, Merlin would never have left his side.
“The bugbear’s fine,” Merlin said indifferently. “I left it at the house.”
Dali should have felt relieved, but the sense of surreal wrongness only grew. Why was he calling Blue “it” instead of “he?”
Just moments after she’d broken up with Merlin, he’d opened the car door for her and offered her his jacket.
She glanced in the rear-view mirror. Cloud’s scratch was shallow, but it had left a line of blood across her cheek. Why hadn’t Merlin remarked on that the instant he’d seen her?
He’d been so insistent that she call Pete for protection, so why hadn’t he checked on that? If he’d called Pete himself, Pete would have told him he hadn’t heard from her. If he’d assumed she’d made the call, shouldn’t he have expected her to call Pete to inform him that she was leaving with Merlin?
At the moment she’d hurt Merlin most, the moment when he’d have been most justified in blaming her, his first instinct had instead been to protect her. He’d spoken up when he’d thought she was putting herself down, and he’d stopped arguing when she’d said that was making it harder on her. Could a few hours to stew over their breakup have changed him enough to make him blame her for him crashing his own car?
Cloud squirmed under her hand and nipped her fingers with needle-sharp teeth.
“Ow!” Dali exclaimed, then said, “Sorry. Cloud bit me.”
Merlin glanced at her. “Doesn’t that purse zip up? If you leave a little opening, it won’t suffocate.”
At that, Dali’s doubts coalesced into horrified certainty.
“I don’t know who you are,” she said. “But you’re not Merlin.”
CHAPTER 25
Merlin’s raptor hadn’t stopped yelling at him since he’d dropped off Dali, shouting stuff like Go back and bang on her door and Buy her a sofa and deliver it yourself, and Call her call her call her call her and Make her homemade marshmallows and present her with a box of five hundred and Make her homemade truffles and present her with one box and a certificate for a lifetime supply. Merlin was getting a splitting headache to go with his crushing heartache.
More to make his raptor shut up for thirty seconds that because he thought it would help, he said, “Fine. I’ll make her truffles.”
But Blue was underfoot the entire time he was getting the ingredients out, whining and making barking grunts and grunting barks, banging into Merlin and even nipping him a few times. He probably missed Cloud and Dali. No amount of petting calmed him down. Merlin finally had to shut him in the bedroom for fear that he’d knock down a pot of molten chocolate over himself.
The truffles demanded enough focus that they worked as a distraction. But not enough to shut out all other thoughts. The house felt so empty and silent without Dali.
How can your mate break up with you? Being mates was supposed to mean you’d love each other forever.
That was when Merlin remembered that he’d never had a chance to tell Dali that they were mates. He’d never even told her he loved her!
Was that why she’d broken up? Had he somehow failed to convey the depth of his feelings? Did she think he saw their relationship as a passing fling, not something true and deep and forever?
