She had the same terrified and pained expression on her face as she did when he found her after the nightmare. He pulled his fingers from her, moved up her body and tenderly covered her cheeks with his hands.
“Samantha, baby …”
“Please … please don’t hurt me!” Her voice was torn and very scared.
“Oh, my God!’ Suddenly all the pieces fell together and he pulled her up against him. She glanced at him wildly, realizing where she was and what just happened. Her hands covered her mouth and she stared at him with agony in her eyes. His eyes were wet with moisture when he looked at her.
“Please tell me it’s not what I think! Samantha, what happened to you?”
“I … I can’t! Please don’t ask that of me!”
“I have to! You took me to the point of no return, and froze up on me. I am in agony where I sit! I have the right to know what I am up against! Tell me, Samantha!” He grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her.
“No, please!”
“Tell me!”
“It’s a dream … it’s just a dream!”
“Bullshit! Don’t lie to me, damn you. I am not a child. Did one of your lovers abuse you?”
Tears were running down her cheeks and suddenly she was so tired, so absolutely tired and having to live with the shame and moreover, tired of being scared and alone. She snapped and screamed at him.
“No, it was not a brutal lover!”
“Then what? What Samantha?”
“I … I was raped. I was brutally raped! There … now are you satisfied!”
He felt as if a hammer had hit him against the chest and he stared at her in shock. She shivered and pulled her legs up to lock her arms around them, the sobs that rocked her body were deep and tortured.
“No … Lord no, not that! Not you! Oh, honey … come here.” He pulled her tenderly in his arms and rocked her like a baby. His eyes filled with terror at what she must have gone through. She clutched at him desperately, as if she would never let him go.
“Nico, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to …”
“I know … I know … shh … it all okay now.”
“It’s just that … I thought you … you always made me feel so warm, so desired … and if you were the one to make love to me, I would be able to forget, to get over my fear … but …”
“But I lost control and became impatient. I am sorry, my baby, but you were so beautiful so passionate … and so hot! I couldn’t help myself.” She covered his lips with her fingers.
“It’s not your fault.”
“Maybe, but if knew, I would have been gentle, less rushed, patient. Don’t you think it is time you talked about it?”
She startled, reached down and pulled the sheet over them, tugging the edge under her arms. She leaned over and switched on the bedside lamps and watched the room softly illuminating, before she looked at him.
For long moments she looked at him, his hair tousled and he suddenly looked much younger than his thirty five years. She reached up to gently stroke his cheek and he leaned into her touch.
“I can’t really remember all that much, only … only ...” She shuddered at the memories and he pulled her in his arms to fold them around her protectively. Her hands stroked his forearms while she gathered her thoughts.
“I remember waking up on the floor. I was inside a lush, very posh apartment in the … the bedroom. He walked in and I was relieved.”
“You knew him?”
“I … I thought I did! But I was wrong, we were all wrong! None of us knew him! He was a monster! And … and I can’t even blame anyone but myself! The look in his eyes … blatant desire and lust … He came over to me and grabbed me by my hair, pulled me up and kissed me. So hard and so … rough that my lips were cut on the inside and the one side of my mouth tore open.” She swallowed, her eyes glazed over.
“I cried and pleaded with him to stop. I couldn’t understand, he was always so kind, a gentleman. He laughed in my face and then ripped my dress from my body. I went crazy and fought him, but I felt so weak and was no match for his strength and the worst of it was, he enjoyed it, he laughed all the time!”
Nicolas’s arms had tightened around her so much she could hardly breathe, but she held on to his arms, drawing the strength she needed from him to continue.
“To my horror he tied my one hand to the bedpost and stood laughing at me as I tried to get loose. He removed his clothes and I was beside myself, I stared in horror at his fully aroused body. I was still a virgin, and it was the first time I ever saw an aroused man and he was so big!” She drew a deep breath, forcing herself to continue.
“He was brutal, intending only on satisfying his own lust. When I cried and told him I was a virgin, he laughed even louder, his excitement increased and he had a wild look in his eyes. I cried and pleaded. He didn’t touch any part of my body, except … except … first he wrenched my legs apart and sat between them so I couldn’t close them and he … he used his fingers. He rammed them inside me with so much force … he … he tore the skin inside my … with his nails. He took great joy in my pain and when he noticed the blood from the scratches, he did it again … and … again …, deliberately tearing my skin with his nails with so much force, I passed out from the pain.” She was breathing haggardly and Nicolas had gone deadly quiet next to her.
“I woke up much later, alone on the bed, my hand was loose and he was gone, but I felt so groggy, I … hurt so much … I could not get up from the bed.”
His voice grated through his lips, dread filled his heart and the anger that shimmered inside him was deadly.
“When … when did this happen.”
She was quiet for so long, he thought she was not going to answer him.
“When I was twenty one.” His arms tightened around her to the point of pain.
“Who? Who was he?”
She pulled out of his arms and turned to face him. “Maybe … maybe you should not …”
“WHO, SAMANTHA!” She winced when he shouted at her. Tears fell unhindered to her breasts.
“You … you and Dad found me … after …”
His whole body turned to stone, his face lost all its color and his eyes filled with hatred, even before she finished the sentence. His hands balled into fists on his lap. His voice was strained and so very soft.
“Jason Wieldman … Oh God!”
He tore from the bed and ran to the bathroom. Samantha leaned back against the pillows her arms tight around her waist, the tears still falling silently down her face. She winced when she heard Nicolas retching in the bathroom, then sobbed when he released a tortured cry that shook the windows. The sound of breaking glass and more cries pulled her from the self-pity and she rushed to the bathroom.
Nicolas was in a rage and threw everything he could get his hands on against the walls, glass shattering everywhere as most of what he found was glass pots and holders. He noticed her as she walked towards him.
“Stop! You’ll cut your feet.”
His eyes were wild, his chest heaving and tears were running down his cheeks. She shook her head and started toward him, but he reached her first. He picked her up and walked to the comfortable chair in her reading nook. He sat down with her on his lap, pulled her close and buried his face in her neck.
Her arms folded around his back and she held on to him, stroking his back, trying to stem the flow of tears. She stroked his hair and she felt the sobs shaking his body, his arms tightened around her and his hands dug into her hips.
“Nico, please don’t. It is over now. I can’t tell how relieved I feel from having talked about it. Please, honey, stop.”
He pulled a ragged breath and breathed deeply to control his emotions. He lifted his head and the look in his eyes were so tortured she took his head in her hands and kissed his eyelids, then dried his tears with her kisses until she settled a tender, soft kiss on his lips.
“We should have listened to you. I should have made them listen to you. Somethin
g bothered me about the whole thing! From when we were told where you were to how we found you. I knew something didn’t add up, but I was so livid finding you in his apartment in his bed, with the clear evidence that you gave … gave … oh God, what a joke … your virginity to him, that I stopped thinking straight.”
He kissed her deeply, his strength seeping into her and she relaxed against him. He pushed her head against his shoulder and he leaned with his head against the back of the chair, his legs stretched out in front of him. He turned her around so that she was laying on top of him, her legs draped over his.
“I’ll never be able to make up for this. Never! But I …”
“Nicolas, stop! It was not your fault!”
“Wasn’t it? You were so upset with me that night for ignoring you after I kissed you, you deliberately flirted with him.”
“You … you knew?”
“Of course I knew. You were still so young and naïve, I should have known better!”
“Please, let’s just forget about this for now. I am so tired … I need to sleep.” He nodded and pulled her closer to him, gently caressing her back until she became lax against him and fell into a deep sleep.
He sat with her like that until the sun was high in the midmorning sky, staring into nothingness, his face a mask of anger and regret. He rose with her still clutched in his arms, walked over to the bed and gently laid her down. He pulled the sheet up to cover her and leaned over to place a gentle kiss on her brow. He stood looking down at her for moments longer, then turned and walked to his room, anger in every step.
Chapter Thirteen
Samantha was disoriented when she woke up. She sat up slowly, stretched her upper body and noticed that the sun was already at mid-morning height. She had hoped Nicolas would still be with her and cringed.
Would he change towards her now? Now that he knew what her irresponsible actions six years ago led to? She sighed wearily and bit her lip until it ached. If he did, she would not be able to blame him. Was that not exactly what she herself did? And in all honesty, there was no denying, if she did not flirt so openly with Jason Wieldman, she never would have ended up alone with him.
She frowned. Now that she allowed herself to open up about what happened, everything all of a sudden became clearer. How did she end up at his apartment? She distinctly remembered that she declined his eloquent offer to rid her of her virginity; as a matter of fact, was highly insulted and told him so. She even apologized for the innocent flirtation!
She shook off the memories, but the questions flew at her from all directions all the time she was under the shower. She dressed in a pair of white jeans and a short loose red t-shirt, which left a considerable span of stomach open. On her feet she wore a pair of flat white thongs and pulled her hair back in a pony high at the back of her head. She decided to leave her face fresh and free of make-up and made her way downstairs.
The whole house was ensconced in silence and she frowned. Where was everybody? She heard voices in the kitchen and headed that way, where she found Mary and Clara in a hushed conversation.
Mary’s face lit up when she noticed Samantha and smiled broadly. “You’re awake! We though you would sleep the whole weekend away and Nicolas threatened us with all kinds of torture if we dared wake you up.”
“It’s only eleven, Mary!”
“On Sunday, love,” Mary said in a hushed tone.
“Sunday! I slept a whole day and night … and half of … my goodness! Why didn’t you wake me!”
“You just missed the part where I said Nicolas threatened us with torture if we did?” she retorted drily and smiled broadly.
“You are looking so much better. The sleep did you wonders!”
“I feel like a new sixpence and I am starving. Is there any chance of some breakfast, Clara?”
Clara, bless her soul, was already busy preparing, by the looks of it, a six course breakfast!
Later, with a full tummy, she prowled through the house and realized that Mary who usually freely shared information had been very closed mouth about Nicolas’s absence. She went to look for her and found her picking roses in the garden.
“Mary, where is Nicolas?” Her expression became closed. “Mary?”
“He has been like a bear with a sore tooth the last day or so, dearie. He left yesterday morning with clear instructions to not disturb you and then left here in a huff. Came back after sunset with a banged up face, hardly ate anything then went to sit in the chair by you bed. He left again early this morning. He had this … quietness within him … an eerie viciousness waiting to be unleashed.”
“A … a … banged up face?”
Mary brushed her concern aside. “Ah no, dearie, don’t worry none about that little swelling on his cheek, it’s his hands that I worried about. It looked as though he beat them against a brick wall; they were so torn and bleeding.”
Samantha’s face went white and dread gripped her heart. “Do …do you know where he went this morning?”
She shook her head, continuing her search for roses to pick. “No and I didn’t ask, but he did mutter something about vermin and leeches … oh goodness, you don’t think we have bugs in the house do you?”
Samantha could not help but laugh at Mary’s expression. “No, Mary, I seriously doubt that bugs could have caused his banged up face and hands!”
Worry for Nicolas turned her insides to churn, especially as his cellphone was on voicemail. Where was he? What was he busy with? Leaving messages did not help, yet she did, the worry clearly discernible in her voice.
Listlessness carried her to the stables after a light lunch and she asked Billy to saddle Stargazer for her. “I am going to the pond on the south side for a swim. I will probably only be back around sunset, so please don’t send a search party for me. Please let Mary know though, she does tend to worry overly much.”
The pond was on the side of a small hill and as beautiful as she remembered with lush green grass, natural large boulders all around and large willow and palm trees, encasing it in a little private paradise. The water was clear and you could see all the way to the bottom. The pond was fishless and perfect for swimming. With all the large trees and palms around a large part of the pond were in the shadows at any time of the day.
She put a purple bikini on under her clothes before she left and now quickly took her top and pants off to dive into the clear cool water. Stargazer grazed undisturbed where she tethered him under the trees.
The cool water and gentle breeze relaxed her soul and she lazily floated on her back, her eyes watching the swaying branches and the little birds twittering and playing in the trees.
She was so relaxed she nearly fell asleep until the birds flew up in distress and she heard Stargazer nickering softly. She dropped her legs and pulled up to turn around. Her breathing stopped when she recognized Nicolas on a big black stallion. He pulled the reins in and jumped easily from the impossibly big horse to tether him next to Stargazer. The two horses nickered at each other and swished their tails, but both dropped their nozzles to graze on the lush greenery.
Nicolas turned around and pulled his shirt up and off his body, his hands dropped immediately to unbutton his jeans and he hardly stopped to pull them off his legs. By the time he hurled his shoes off Samantha was walking towards him on the shallow end, the clear blue water swirling around her knees. His eyes sizzled down her delectable, wicked body and his already aroused shaft tightening painfully in his jockeys at the sight of her near naked body.
They met at the edge of the water and walked into each other’s arms. His folded around hers to pull her frantically close, hers clutched at his broad back and their mouths met in a scorching kiss. He could not get enough of her sweetness and groaned, going deeper, forcing her mouth wider; searching for her soul with his kiss.
His head dropped to bury his lips in her neck and his breathing was haggard. Samantha pulled his head back and her eyes worried over his face, her fingers stroking softly over the purple s
welling on his temple.
“What have you done?” Her eyes searched for answers in his hooded gaze. He shook his head.
“Let us not waste time on unpleasantness. Now, here, and from this point forward I only want good memories for you … for us …”
His head lowered and he set out to make her forget about all the pain she suffered over the years alone. That was what bothered him the most; that she had to deal with what happened alone and with no support from those who were supposed to have loved her!
He drew her to the lush green grass under the protection of a large willow tree, spreading the blanket he brought with him and pulled her down to immediately lean over her and kiss her until her toes curled. He realized very early on how extremely sensitive her nipples were and he set out to reduce her to a puddle of need and lust to equal his own. He had to draw on his control, realizing that the numerous times he masturbated last night were not nearly enough to reduce his need for her. He knew he would have to take his time with her, and needed to release some of the pent-up lust in his shaft. It worked to a degree, until he slapped his eyes on her in those silly triangles that barely covered her body.
Those silly triangles were dispersed of the moment he pulled her on the blanket, his hands searing her body, which by now was sensitized all over and her moans emanated around them, husky, then rugged and finally pleading. He lifted his head and looked down into her eyes, which were half closed and her need for him clear for him to see. He looked around and cursed when he saw his jeans a distance away. He placed a soft kiss on her lips.
“Don’t move, baby, I’ll be right back.” He jumped up and she watched the muscles in his legs and tight bum as he jogged to his jeans, to pull out something from the pocket. When he turned her mouth went dry. He wore black Calvin Klein jockeys that molded to his hips; his arousal bulging large against the confining material and she watched it jolt when he came closer and noticed her gaze fixed on his crotch.
Love me if you dare Page 12
