Then Mitch said something about Carrie not coming home for the holidays and Austin funneled all his anger into action. He’d been waiting for her to realize she missed him and return to Holloway on her own. But, damn, women could be stubborn, especially this one. This coming-to-her-senses thing was taking her forever.
Her lack of a reaction left him with few options. After all, a guy had to have some pride. Racing after a woman and begging her to come back carried the stink of desperation. Not his style. Yeah, he missed her like hell, but he was not about to lick her shoes and cry like some neutered stooge.
Visiting her now was a totally different thing. Not lame at all, or so he kept insisting in his head. The plan was simple. He’d remind her of what she was missing. Seeing him might jumpstart something. Get the clock moving again. Unless he went bankrupt first. The amount of money he’d had to pay to get the permit for this site made his head pound. The cash came out of his pocket because he couldn’t ask his brother and Mitch to front it. But when Carrie returned home and got settled it would be worth it.
“If she calls the cops on you for stalking, you’re on your own.” Spence jumped to his feet and reached for the nearest tree. “I don’t have extra money for bail, so don’t ask.”
“I’m not stalking.”
“You crossed state lines to hunt her down then set up shop outside of her window.” Spence shook his head. “What would you call it?”
Austin had to admit pieces sounded bad when Spence laid them out like that. “She’s hiding. If she were really over me, she wouldn’t do everything she could to keep from seeing me. She’d meet me head-on.”
“Your logic is nuts.”
No, he’d worked it all out in his head and it made sense. “Her pride is in the way. Once I get around that we’re good.”
“Now you sound like an egotistical prick.”
Austin’s confidence took a kick but he didn’t even flinch. “I’m being realistic.”
“If that were true I’d be at home right now.”
“Look, this will only take a few days then you can get back to the nursery.” Austin had to believe that was true. If he entertained the idea of life going on as it had since she left…well, it couldn’t happen. It was that simple.
“She broke up with you,” Spence said, as if he read his brother’s mind.
“Yeah, I got that.”
“Several times. I’m not even talking about this time. There was that month when you were in college and she still was in high school. Then that other—”
“Are you done?”
Thanks to Carrie his family had joined in on drilling the break-up point home. But he knew what they didn’t. That they’d never really separated, not until she picked up and moved here. Even then she stared right at him and begged him to go with her. Instead of asking her stay or saying anything, he told her to leave if she had to and then fell into a drinking stupor when she actually listened and did it. Spence held the trunk of a five-foot pine and shot Austin one of those annoying older-brother looks. “The woman isn’t exactly being subtle here. That has me wondering how slow you are.”
When it came to Carrie, glacial. “She wants to be with me.”
“She’s hiding it well.”
“She needs to get the D.C. thing out of her system then we can get back to where we were before.”
“You mean before she took off.”
“Don’t make me kick your ass out here on the street where everyone can see you cry like a little girl.”
“Just saying love is making you stupid.”
Austin dropped the branch and let the tree he was holding fall back to the ground. “She ran because she was scared, not because we’re over.”
“Does she know that?”
“Give me one week.”
Spence snorted. “I already bet Mitch you’d be back in two weeks, all alone, so I’ll spot you an extra one.”
“Thanks for the support, man.”
“I love Carrie. I think you’re great when you’re actually together. Hell, I did a dance when she moved into your bedroom for those few months after Dad claimed the caretaker’s cottage as his new residence.” Spence shook his head. “And speaking of Dad, he keeps asking who’s going to take over the farm and nursery operation when he’s gone.”
The comment knocked Austin mentally off stride. Dad had been grooming them ever since he insisted they major in environmental science and business if they wanted to have jobs to come home to after college. “Other than us?”
“He’s on the hunt for grandchildren and told me twice to get serious ‘because thirty is long enough to fuck around’—yeah, he said that.”
The rough-edged voice played in Austin’s head and he laughed. “I can almost hear him.”
“I’d throw you a damn party if you could get Carrie down the aisle. Would take some of the pressure off me.”
Since that was the plan, Austin didn’t argue. “Happy to help whenever I can.”
“Bottom line is no one is cheering harder for you than me.” Spence’s words tumbled to a halt. He stood there, staring off into the distance for a full thirty seconds before turning back to Austin. “I just think you’re missing the signals here. I’d rather see you go back home and find someone who’s not going to rip you apart.”
“I’m fine.”
“Yeah, well, I’m the one who fished you out of the ten-day bar binge after she left six months ago. The one who had to call Dad when everything went to shit.”
Every day of those lost two weeks fell into a mental black hole. Austin remembered the beginning and turning to a bottle of scotch before working his way through a case. He drank at home and at work. He’d stayed in the town’s only bar until it closed and waited in desperation until it opened again the next day.
Losing her had carved out a piece of him the liquor couldn’t fill, though God knew he tried. If he was a different guy, and if he’d listened to Spence’s advice back then, he would have screwed his way out of his anger over Carrie’s decision to go. Let a long line of faceless women wash away her memory. Instead he’d turned to the bottle.
Or he had until he ran the tractor into the property’s pond and sank it to the bottom. It didn’t matter that he was twenty-eight and a grown man, or that he worked in a dangerous occupation, spending most of the day at the top of trees. He drank for ten solid days and kicked around in a haze for four more before that. But on that last drunken day, with his car keys in his hand, he headed toward his truck. Only a flash of common sense sent him to the barn instead. He saw the tractor and decided it would be brilliant to race it all over their land, saving him from hurting someone else.
He’d never driven drunk in his life, not even as a teenager. Thought people who did were irresponsible jackasses. But for a few seconds as an adult who should have known better, he’d toyed with the idea. The reality of how close he’d come to screwing up and taking his truck on a public road in that spaced-out state scared the shit out of him. And opening his eyes in the hospital to see the disappointment written all over his dad’s face pulled Austin back from the edge of stupidity.
“Man, I promised you before. That’s not going to happen ever again.” His voice cracked on the words. He’d made a vow and he would not break it.
Spence’s white-knuckle grip on the tree didn’t let up. “It was fucked up. That’s all I’m saying.”
“I’m not arguing. That’s why I’ve kept my drinking to an occasional beer since and limit even that to the house.” And when he did, three pairs of eyes watched him. Even Mitch joined in.
For weeks after the accident Austin would find his office at the nursery a bit too perfect. Straight stacks of paper and unlocked file drawers. As the business manager, Mitch had a vested interest in conducting alcohol sweeps. When Austin assured Mitch he wasn’t an alcoholic and made a promise to refrain from drinking in return for Carrie never hearing about those days, the covert searches ended.
“Ever tempted to lose control
like again?” The tree shook in Spence’s hand.
“No.”
“That was a quick response.”
“I don’t need to think about it.”
“It’s just that…” Spence kicked the turf under his feet as his gaze turned down.
“I get it.” Austin wrapped a hand around his brother’s biceps. “I do.”
He’d put them through hell and done a number on his body. Even now he’d head to the fridge during a game and all conversation would cease. It was like a collective breath holding until he returned with a soda.
“Despite all that other shit, I want this to work for you,” Spence said.
Part of Austin wondered if his brother blamed Carrie for the death spiral. Austin refused to go there. He shouldered the guilt alone. He’d ordered the drinks and stumbled down that driveway. He had no one to blame for his stupidity but him. But he wasn’t sure Spence saw it that way. “Is that why you agreed to come with me? A combination of babysitting and support?”
“You’d do it for me.”
“Then you need to know I’m not leaving until she agrees to come home.”
Spence shook his head. “You better work on your skills because I’d give you a D so far.”
“Hey, I’m just getting started.”
Nine hours and three cups of coffee later Carrie sat at her desk and tried not to stare outside. It wasn’t her fault the window behind her computer monitor had a clear view of the tree lot across the street. Well, it did if she slouched down, ducked her head a little and peeked in the space between her clock and her pen holder. She also had to squint a bit, but she didn’t have any trouble making out Austin as he walked around under the lights.
The slow stride of his legs. The confident way he stood with his shoulders back and his hands tucked into his back pockets. He talked and the broad smile never left his lips. She had to guess at that last part, but knowing him the smile was guaranteed. He buzzed around the lot, greeting all the customers and shifting trees from piles to cars without resting.
She’d missed so much about him. She could watch him work for hours, listen to his deep voice forever.
But she had other priorities now, ones he refused to appreciate and share. Despite long hours, the piles of work never seemed to go down. She glanced at the open file in front of her. She had to finalize the museum’s summer education programs and get the contracts out to the artists and instructors who would fill the calendar. Too much procrastination and the deadlines stacked up. She had to get the agreements out, get the pamphlets printed and set up the advertising. The museum depended on the extra income, along with donations and grants, to pay for special exhibits.
Yeah, no pressure.
The black ink blurred on the pages in front of her. She rubbed her eyes, hoping to jumpstart her concentration. But her gaze wandered back outside and her stomach flip-flopped.
He was determined now, chasing her here and staying close, but how long would it last? She’d given him the chance months ago to come with her and live out her dream, and he told her to go alone. Being here now could be a mix of ego and loneliness, and she didn’t want a part of either.
He had work and a life two hours away. From what she’d witnessed that morning, he didn’t seem one inch closer to accepting the part of her life he didn’t understand. He thought he could wait her out and believed he was being so subtle with his plan. About as subtle as being hit in the head with a brick.
But he was here. All six irresistible feet of him. And the months apart hadn’t done anything to put out the fire inside that burned without end for him. She knew the sad drill. He wouldn’t change, would get sick of waiting, would leave and her heartache would spike all over again. Her only choice was to ride this out and not believe in the show.
He hadn’t changed and she wasn’t ready to come home on his terms. That left little room for compromise. Not that he even understood the word.
She eyed her cell phone. Four calls to her scheming brother for an explanation about his role in this mess and all had gone to voice mail. Mitch was hiding. The coward. She’d see how he liked it if she called every hour until he answered.
She picked up the phone and her finger hesitated over the camera icon. She clicked. Her photos scrolled until she found the one she wanted, the one she stared at almost every day. Austin in his safety harness, what looked like miles above the ground in a tree.
She traced the outline of his body and smiled as she remembered that spring day. He sang some stupid made-up song off-tune as he shimmied up there. The carefree act eased her jumping nerves and made her forget about the danger, which had been exactly his plan. But that’s what he failed to get. She accepted this side of him. She just wished he would do the same for her.
Chapter Three
Spence finished locking up the trees on the right side of the lot before wiping his hands on his pants. “She never came back today.”
“Thanks for highlighting the obvious.” As if Austin needed that newsflash.
On one level he knew just seeing him wouldn’t be enough to make Carrie realize she’d made a mistake and come running back to him…but a guy could fantasize. God knew he did that a lot when it came to her.
He dragged a net over the last tree on his side and dropped to his knee to rope the wire around the trunk then clicked the lock. Since he didn’t plan on sleeping outside in the cold, he had to make sure he secured everything for the night. The two guards walking the outline of the lot would take care of the rest.
With the final close-up work done, he stood up and glanced at Carrie’s apartment building. He hadn’t been inside and had no idea which window belonged to her, but the restlessness kicking in his gut over the last few months wound down. Being close to her helped ease the anxiety pounding through him. She hadn’t taken him back, but she would. He just needed time to convince her.
“It’s not too late to cut our losses and get back home.” Hope echoed in Spence’s voice as he took up a position standing next to his brother.
Austin shot down that line of thinking before it took hold. “This is only the first day.”
“I’m not convinced the rest of the days are going to go any better.”
He treated Spence to a side-scowl. “You’re not great with the brotherly support thing.”
“How about this?” Spence turned around, blocking Austin’s view of the building. “Why don’t you go up to her apartment, apologize for being a giant ass and end this torture?”
“She needs romance.”
Spence’s eyes widened. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“Women like that shit.” It made Austin’s head pound, but a guy had to take a hit now and then to make his woman happy. Maybe this was the price he had to pay for being so flippant when she asked him to move to D.C. with her.
Spence folded his arms across his chest. “Define romance.”
“Yeah, that’s where my plan gets fuzzy.”
“That’s what I thought.”
Austin ignored his brother’s smirk and stayed on topic. “She thinks I don’t care. I need to show her I do.”
Spence threw his head back and laughed. “Priceless.”
Yeah, his brother was going to die if he kept this up. “What?”
“Seeing you knocked on your ass by a woman.” Spence shook his head, adding a tsk-tsking sound as he did. “After months of having every eligible woman, and some not-so-eligible, in Holloway knock at your door, now you’re getting the cold shoulder.”
“Do you want to be knocked on your ass?”
“I wish Mitch was here to see this. He’s your best friend. He really should have a front-row seat.” Spence pulled his cell phone out of his back pocket.
Austin grabbed Spence’s arm. “Press any button and you die.”
“What, this?” Spence shook his phone. “I was looking up romance for you on the internet. Trying to help.”
“I got this covered.” Or Austin vowed he would once he spent a
ll night thinking about formulating a plan.
Something or someone thumped against her front door early the next morning. At the sound, Carrie jumped and a black smudge of mascara slashed across her cheek.
“What the hell?” A glance at the small clock on her bathroom counter told her it wasn’t seven yet.
After barely sleeping and hours of trying to kick the image of Austin’s ridiculously handsome face out of her head, she’d showered and gotten as far as drying her hair and throwing on a robe before the thud. Thanks to the scare, the make-up application was a bust and would need a second attempt.
But first, the door. She wiped off the smear and dropped the tube into the sink. Stepping into the entry, she cursed under her breath and generally worked her nerves into a full-blown fury as she went. There were twenty apartments on her floor and if someone had wandered to the wrong door she’d scream. She glanced through the peephole and her planned unreasonable explode-on-a-stranger rage fizzled. A whirring mix of anxiety and unwanted hope spun around in her belly. The sound of whistling hit her a second later.
No, no, no.
She’d thought about Austin nonstop and now he appeared at her door and…she was a dead woman. No way would her shaky control withstand this. Staring at him through the safety of a window and from six floors up last night made her twitchy enough. Smelling him, seeing him, hearing him, being inches away from touching him. It was all too much.
To keep from bending, she focused on her frustration over his stubbornness. He pretended to listen to her talk about her job but he didn’t really hear her. The anger at his refusal to see her as more than the woman who’d always been there for him washed over her. She let it fuel her until it pounded in her ears.
She threw open the door and glared. “How do you know where I live?”
“Uh, hello?”
How the man could look so yummy so early in the morning was a mystery. Hair ruffled from the air and a chill on his skin that swept over her from two feet away. The faded jeans and checkered shirt hanging open over a gray tee added to the scruffy, just-out-of-bed look that never failed to make her jaw drop.
It's Not Christmas Without You (The Holloway Series) Page 2
