Jessica laughed. She really hadn’t gotten into all of the fancy coffee drinks, since her grandmother’s farm in Tennessee had been about as rural as you get and much less modern than Claremont or Stockville. Even though they were small towns, the quaint coffee shop proved they’d kept up with the times. And Jessica was still catching up. “What do you suggest?”
Chad scanned the list of specialty drinks scrawled in fluorescent chalk on a neon-trimmed standing blackboard. “How about the white chocolate mocha?”
“Okay, I’m game,” Jessica said to the waitress.
“And for you, Mr. Martin?”
“Just coffee, regular, please.”
The waitress nodded and left to retrieve their order while Jessica gaped.
“I thought you said I should get something more special than regular coffee.”
He smiled. “Because I think you’ll like it. Not me, though. I’m a regular coffee kind of guy.”
“And how do you know I’m not a regular coffee kind of girl?” she asked, as the waitress put two oversize mugs on a tray and headed back to the alcove.
“Because,” he said simply. “You’re special.”
Jessica could feel her cheeks heating and tried to figure out the best response for his flattering statement, but Chad saved her from the task when he continued talking.
“So, I figure we have about fifteen to twenty minutes left if you’re wanting to get back home in time to tuck your little guy in.” He lifted a shoulder. “I’m afraid Lainey goes to bed too early on my late class nights for me to get a chance to tuck her in, so I’ll just have to make tomorrow night’s good night hug extra special.”
“Where does she go when you’re teaching late?” Jess asked and wondered if she was about to learn that his ex-wife was still local.
“My mom comes over on Tuesday and Thursday evenings and takes care of her. It’s a good deal all the way around. Mom wants more time with her, and I have to work late two nights per week.” He paused to accept his coffee from the waitress then waited while Jessica got hers. “What about your son? I’m assuming he’s with your folks while you’re here.”
Jessica sipped the hot drink, which was amazingly rich and sweet, then answered, “Yes, he stays with them. Of course, that’s pretty easy since I’m still living there for the time being.”
“You said his name is Nathan?” Chad asked, and she could tell he was working hard to make this conversation seem normal, instead of what it was, more of a joint interrogation. They both were dying to know everything about what was going on in the other’s world, and there was way too much to catch up on than could be handled in a mere fifteen minutes.
“Yes, it’s Nathan. It means ‘God has given,’” she said, then added, “but I didn’t know that until this past Sunday, when Brother Henry told us at church.”
He sipped his coffee. “I saw Brother Henry there a couple of weeks ago.”
“You did?” Chad had never been a churchgoer growing up, not until he met Jessica and that became one of the ways he could see her more often. She’d hoped the visits to the church had an impact, but she wasn’t certain that he’d kept it up after she left.
He laughed. “Don’t look too shocked. I’m not a regular, but I’ve actually been back a few times since high school, usually around New Years each year. You know, resolutions and all. I made the same one this year, which was why I went back Sunday before last. But this time it’s different. I’m more interested in going back regularly again.”
“Why is it different now?”
He looked thoughtful, his mouth crooking to one side as he formed his answer.
Jessica waited, sipped more coffee. Maybe this wasn’t something he wanted to share with her. Maybe they weren’t as close as she thought or time had destroyed the closeness they once shared. “You don’t have to tell me.”
“It isn’t that. I’m just trying to think of the best way to explain it.” He paused, then said with a shrug, “Things change once you have kids, don’t you think? You start looking at the big picture, at the future and all. And I suppose you hope things will be a little better for your child. You want to do whatever you can to make life a little easier on them, right?”
She nodded, understanding exactly what he meant.
“Because of Lainey, I want to stick to the resolution this time. I want her to grow up going to church. My mom stopped after my dad left, so Becky and I didn’t get the chance to go. Then when I got old enough to drive myself, it didn’t really seem like something I wanted to do.” He took another sip of coffee. “Until I met you.”
“I think it’s good for kids to grow up in church. They need to know that there’s someone always in their corner and that He understands life is tough and they’re going to make mistakes. They need to know that even when no one else seems to, that He understands.” Jessica didn’t know how she’d have made it through that lonely time when she left Claremont if she hadn’t had her faith. She’d missed Chad, her parents, her home. But God hadn’t left her then, and he’d given her Nathan, the beautiful baby who truly had been sent from God.
Then she recalled how often she’d talked to Chad about her faith back in high school, when she wanted him to come to church with her. She’d thought that was what was missing in his life, and she’d wanted his world to be better. He’d been dealt a rough road, with his father running out on them when Chad had barely started school. His mother, Chad and Becky had struggled financially, and they’d struggled spiritually. So consequently, a lot of her conversations with him back then had involved her beliefs.
Evidently, he remembered.
“We promised each other that our kids would go to church,” he said softly, as though he wanted to make sure none of his students were eavesdropping on this part of their conversation.
“Yes, we did,” she said, remembering those quiet conversations they’d shared when they’d thought they were planning their future. Before that night when she’d learned about his scholarship and left him to have their son.
“I didn’t make it to the church last Sunday. Mom woke up with a stomach virus, and I went over there to take care of her. But I saw your folks there Sunday before last, when Lainey and I went.”
Jessica recalled her mother’s thorough examination of the auditorium after Brother Henry’s sermon and now realized who she’d been hoping to see.
“I asked them how you were, and they told me you were doing fine, but they didn’t say you were moving home. And they didn’t mention that you’d had a son.”
Jessica knew why they hadn’t said anything. She’d told them she’d tell Chad herself, in her own time, when she believed the timing was right. Thankfully, they’d respected her wishes.
“Mom always said she wouldn’t turn a deaf ear to gossip, but she’d do her best not to be the one starting it,” Jessica said with a laugh, and she hoped that explanation would fly. “Maybe she’s holding true to that.”
“I guess she is,” he agreed. “So, how old is Nathan?”
Her pulse quickened. “He’s five, in kindergarten at Claremont Elementary,” she said. “He likes school, I think, but I was a little nervous about him changing schools in the middle of the school year. Even though it’s kindergarten and the curriculum is probably fairly similar from one school system to the next, I didn’t know how it would affect him to be uprooted in the middle of his first year. Didn’t know how he’d feel leaving his friends in Tennessee and being faced with the challenge of making new friends and all.”
Her words came out rapid because she was praying he wasn’t trying to determine exactly when she’d become pregnant. Nathan was actually closer to six now than five, but she wouldn’t explain that now. Not until she decided whether she’d be telling Chad about him tonight.
And something about this place, the coffee shop, with several of his students around, made it seem like the wrong place for sharing that news. They needed to be alone, completely alone. Or maybe with Nathan. Maybe if she had Natha
n with her, telling Chad would be a little easier. Or at least make it harder for him to become openly upset.
“Jessica?” he asked, and she realized that she’d been so lost in her thoughts that she hadn’t heard whatever he’d just said.
“Sorry. I’m afraid my mind was wandering for a second there.” She cleared her throat, sipped more of the deliciously sweet, warm drink and asked, “What did you say?”
“I asked about Nathan’s father.”
She honestly felt the color drain from her face. Maybe she wasn’t going to have a choice about when she told him after all. “What about his father?”
“I asked why you didn’t marry him.” He took another swallow of coffee, tilted his head apologetically. “Listen, you don’t have to tell me, but I’ve never held back when I wanted to know something. You know that. And specifically, I never held back when I wanted to know something from you. We were close, Jess, close enough that I know if you didn’t marry the guy who fathered your child, there must have been something wrong. What happened? What did he do? Why didn’t you marry him?”
She steadied her hands around the mug, took it to her lips and made herself drink. God, help me get this right. I don’t want to lie to him, but I just can’t tell him tonight. “I didn’t marry him…because he never asked.”
Chad’s eyes widened, and the deep forest-green seemed to darken even more as he absorbed her response. She knew that wasn’t the answer he’d been expecting, but it was the truth, even if the only reason he hadn’t asked was because she never gave him the chance.
“You loved him, though?” Chad continued.
An easy question, an easy answer. “With all my heart.”
I still do.
His mouth tightened, and Jessica was mentally prepared to tell him everything. Apparently tonight was the night to get it all out in the open and to hope that he could forgive her.
She took a calming breath then slowly let it out.
“Okay,” he said, before she could start. “Okay. I know this is probably not the smartest thing I’ve ever done but it’s the only way I know how to be.”
She blinked, set her mug on the table. She hadn’t even noticed the ceiling fan above them earlier, but its gentle breeze was suddenly too cold. Chilling her to the bone. Or was that her nerves getting the best of her? “What do you mean?” she asked.
“Honest. That’s the way I am, and I’m just going to lay it all out.” He placed his mug next to hers and moved a little closer to her on the couch. Then he tenderly placed his fingertips against her cheek and pushed a wayward lock of hair away from her face. “Listen, Jess, I know I’m the reason you left back then.” He glanced around, apparently making sure no one was close enough to hear his next words. “I know that it was because of what happened between us that you felt you couldn’t stay around.”
The room grew blurry around him. Jessica was so focused on his face, on his eyes and on his misconception of what happened back then. She barely heard the low rumble of voices from the groups at the other tables, hardly noticed the frosty breeze from the fan. Yes, she left because of what happened between them but not for the reason he thought. And here he was, being honest with her, when she’d started it all with that lie. “Chad, no, that’s not…”
He held up a hand, then he took his palm to her hand and squeezed it softly. Warmth rippled through her from his compassionate touch. “Hear me out. I know that things went wrong for us back then, that you couldn’t forgive yourself or me for what happened that night. And I understand that after you left Alabama—after you left me—you eventually met someone else, fell in love and had a child. I don’t know what happened that caused him not to want to marry you. In fact, I’d have to say that the guy is a fool.”
“He’s not. Chad, if I would have just told—” she started, but again, he shook his head and halted her words.
“I don’t want to hear about him,” he said. “Really, I don’t. Ever. I don’t want to know anything about anyone who left you, anyone who hurt you in any way. The thought of you being alone with your baby—” he shook his head “—Jess, I want you to know that in spite of the fact that I did love my wife when I married her, the truth is that you were my first true love, and you always will be. Back then, I wanted to be with you forever, and when you left, all I could think about was finding you and proving to you that I could really wait for you for as long as it took.”
Jessica’s mouth trembled, and the back of her throat pinched tight, anticipating oncoming tears. “Chad, I’m sorry about leaving the way I did.”
He sighed. “I drove to your house every day for an entire month after you left. Becky went with me. Your parents said you’d left and that you didn’t want to see anyone, didn’t want to talk to anyone.”
Because Jessica had told them that, and she’d meant it. But her parents hadn’t told her that Chad had come over. Then again, she’d asked them not to mention him to her because it hurt so much to know she’d left the father of her child. That she’d left the one she loved. Now she wished she hadn’t been so adamant about that request. She didn’t realize that he’d tried so hard to find her. “I didn’t know,” she whispered.
“I even drove to Tennessee,” he said softly. “But I didn’t really know where to go. All Becky knew was that your grandmother lived in the mountains in the northern part of the state.” He smiled. “Tennessee is a big state, and believe it or not, there are more than seventy women named Pearl Bowman who live there.”
Jessica’s chest clenched, her heart aching for what she’d put him through back then. She had no idea what he’d gone through to find her. “Chad, I had no idea.”
“But I never found you, and we both went in different directions,” he said.
“Can I get you anything else? Or are you ready for your check?” the waitress said, and Jessica jumped. She hadn’t even heard her approach, and from the look on Chad’s face, neither had he.
He glanced at his watch. “I’ve kept you too long,” he said. Then he said to the waitress, “the check please.”
The girl fished the check from her pocket, handed it over to Chad and then looked at Jessica, making her wonder just how much she’d heard.
But Chad no longer seemed to care and was focused, again, solely on Jessica. He took her hands in his, looked at her with those intense green-gold eyes.
“I can’t believe that we weren’t meant to run into each other on campus the other night,” he said.
“I know. I’ve thought the same thing.”
“I understand that you love your son’s father, that you always will. There’s a bond there that won’t be broken. I do understand that because of what I have with Lainey. No, things could never work out between myself and Kate, but I will always care about her, if for no other reason than the fact that she’s Lainey’s mother. But if you aren’t going to be with his father, and if you’re willing to try at another relationship,” he said, then audibly took a deep breath and continued, “then I want you to try—with me.”
Jessica’s world seemed to tilt off balance. Chad wanted a relationship with her, and she truly wanted one with him. But he didn’t know the truth about Nathan, and she still couldn’t gather the courage to tell him. “I don’t know what to say,” she whispered.
“Just say yes.” His smile made the situation seem less dismal, especially when that perfect dimple flashed, and she couldn’t help but picture that very same smile, the very same dimple…on their son.
“Yes.”
Chapter Five
Jessica entered the day care center Wednesday morning with Chad’s words still echoing through her mind.
“If you’re willing to try at another relationship, then I want you to try—with me.”
He’d made the statement, then paid for their coffees and walked her to the car. There was a moment of awkwardness where he opened her door, leaned in and told her good-night. Jessica thought he might kiss her, but Chad surprised her, placing his fingertips against h
er cheek before gently brushing them down her face. Then he’d told her he would call her today so they could plan a real date.
Thankfully, they’d remembered to exchange cell numbers, and she’d already received a text message from him this morning.
I’m glad you said yes.
She couldn’t stop smiling, and her coworker noticed.
“Okay, what’s his name, and does he have a brother?” Angie, the toddler room teacher, asked.
Jessica completed her current task of straightening the tiny jackets hanging along the wall hooks, ran her palm over a fuzzy pink pom-pom that embellished one of the little hoods and laughed. “Am I that obvious?”
“You’ve met someone, and from the look on your face, he’s made quite an impression.” Angie moved around a table filled with toddlers, their faces expectant as they waited for her to distribute their morning snack. She handed each of the tykes a muffin, then nodded toward the sippy cups. “Can you start those?”
“Sure,” Jessica said, and followed behind Angie to hand out the apple juice.
“I thought you’d just moved back here,” Angie said, grinning as she gently steered one little boy’s hands back to his own muffin, since he appeared to be making more of an effort to pick the blueberries off of his neighbor’s food than to eat his own.
“I did.” Jessica helped one of the little girls break her muffin into manageable pieces. She’d wrinkled her nose at hers and was more interested in poking her fingers at the blueberries than consuming any.
“So how did you meet a Mr. Wonderful so quickly? I mean, Claremont doesn’t have an abundance of party places or social hangouts for people our age.”
Angie was probably ten years older than Jessica, but Jess understood what she meant.
“I’d known him before I left,” she said and couldn’t hold back an even bigger smile as she thought of Chad, their past relationship and the one they were starting now.
“Well, it looks like you two are catching up rather nicely.” Angie placed the extra muffins in a Tupperware container and stored them in the wooden pantry.
Her Valentine Family Page 5
