“You said Becky told you that I’d married,” he said.
“She did.” His sister had actually told her a few days before Chad’s wedding, when Jess had returned to Claremont to tell him about Nathan. After learning about the impending wedding, she’d returned to Tennessee without telling him anything.
He took a deep breath, eased it out. “It took me a long time to get over you leaving, Jess. I went to Georgia and pretty much got consumed with becoming a doctor. I studied nonstop, got my premed degree in three years and then started at Emory. I didn’t date, not once, throughout those first years at Georgia. But after I graduated, and after I moved to Atlanta, I met Kate. She worked at the hospital as an office assistant, and I met her at the corporate picnic. I still remember how interested she was in my plans, how she truly seemed interested in me.”
“Women are naturally interested in you,” Jessica said, smiling. “You just don’t tend to notice.”
He smiled at that, and she was glad to get a smile out of him. She could tell this conversation wasn’t easy.
“Kate and I dated a year, and during that year, we couldn’t see each other enough. I’d been on my own for so long and hadn’t even realized how much I missed being with someone, caring for someone…and having someone care for me.”
Jessica swallowed thickly. She’d been the reason he’d been alone and the reason he’d had to miss someone caring for him during that time. She had cared for him, thought of him, each and every day they were apart, particularly when she looked at their son, but he hadn’t known.
“I fell for her—” he paused “—fell in love with her, pretty fast, and that December, I asked her to marry me. I was busy in med school, naturally, but she didn’t seem to mind. She was also busy, planning the big wedding and the honeymoon. She started making friends with the doctors’ wives at the hospital, even though I was still in school. She wanted her place in the medical society to be ready for her when the time came.” He shrugged. “At the time, I thought that was cute.”
Jessica didn’t know what to say to that, so she remained silent and let him sit for a moment gathering his thoughts.
“After the wedding, when she didn’t have anything to plan, Kate wasn’t happy with the long hours I spent in class or studying. I spent every moment I could with her. I loved my wife, and I wanted her to be happy. But she couldn’t stand the thought that she was working full-time while I was taking out student loans to get through med school. She said she was working herself to death while I ‘merely went to class.’ So I got a job working in a pharmacy on campus.”
“Which meant you had even less time together,” Jessica reasoned.
He nodded. “She’d loved the idea of being a doctor’s wife. She just wasn’t so crazy about being a med student’s wife.” He chuckled, but there was no humor in the sound.
“I’m sorry, Chad,” Jess said, and she slid her hand across the swing to lay her palm on top of his. “That had to be hard.”
He visibly swallowed. “What was hard was receiving a phone call from her best friend, all worked up and in a frenzy because she thought I should know that Kate was pregnant.”
Jess tried to put that together. “Her friend told you that you were having a baby? Kate didn’t tell you?”
Chad’s head shook slowly. “No, and the only reason I found out from her friend was because Phoebe thought I had a right to know that my—” his voice broke “—that my wife had decided to end her pregnancy and was headed to an abortion clinic.”
Jessica gasped and immediately saw Lainey, her beautiful blue eyes, soft blond curls and sweet, innocent smile. “Oh, Chad!”
His jaw was firm and tense, mouth was a straight line. The ache in his soul was palpable. “I’ve never driven so fast in my life, trying to get there in time to stop her.”
“But you did stop her,” Jessica whispered, again thinking of adorable little Lainey and the way she smelled like baby shampoo and the way she loved to be read to. And the way she felt, snuggled up close and sleeping in Jessica’s arms.
“I begged her, with everyone there watching me cry. I begged her not to give up our child. I begged her not to take that baby away from us, away from me.” His mouth rolled in, and he bit his lip. “She screamed at me then, said she didn’t want the baby and that she no longer wanted me and all of my schooling.”
Jessica shook her head, disbelieving that anyone could be so hateful, so cruel. So willing to end a life. “How did you stop her?”
“I told her nothing mattered, not school or my career or my dreams or anything, as much as Kate and our child. I promised her I’d quit med school and get a job that would put me at home more with her and the baby. I told her I’d teach or something else—anything that would make her happy and make her want the baby.” He paused, swallowed. “And me.”
Jessica moved closer to him on the swing. Her tears burned as they pressed forward and fell onto her skirt. Chad had been through so much and had given up so much for his wife and child. But Jessica knew that he would have done anything,—anything—for his wife and for his child. Especially after growing up the way he did, without his father, and seeing his mother struggle through raising him and Becky. Like he had vowed in high school, he had married for life. For better or worse, Chad had married for life.
Yet he and Kate still divorced. Now Jessica wondered even more…why?
“She told me in that clinic that she didn’t want to be a mother, at all,” he said, his voice raspy and raw. “Even though we’d talked about having kids the entire time we were dating, she didn’t want to go through having to care for a child. So I promised her I would get up at night, that I’d take care of the baby’s needs, that I’d do everything if she wouldn’t give up our child. With all of those promises, Kate finally relented and said she would continue the pregnancy. And seven months later, Lainey was born.” His face lit up when he said his daughter’s name. “I was probably stupid for thinking that once Kate saw the baby she’d change.”
“But she didn’t.”
He shook his head. “I was thrilled with Lainey, her blue eyes and blond hair. She looked, well, she looked just like Kate. And she was a part of us, a product of the bond we had shared before Kate decided that she didn’t want to be a part of ‘us’ anymore. I was hoping that Lainey would help Kate see that we were good together and that we’d created something good together.”
“Holding Lainey, seeing Lainey, didn’t cause her to bond with her?” Jessica asked and couldn’t hide her shock. She had bonded with Lainey in the short time she’d known the adorable little girl. How had the child’s own mother not been as drawn to her as everyone else?
“No,” Chad said. “There was no bonding at all. Kate resented the baby and the time she required. She was miserable and didn’t mind telling me so, continually. It didn’t matter that I took the bulk of caring for the baby or that I took the teaching position at the community college here so that Mom could help out. In fact, Mom came over almost daily so that she could not only help take care of Lainey but also clean the house, cook, everything she could do to help me keep Kate content.”
“Your mother knew about what happened?”
“I had to tell her because she’d known how much med school meant to me and needed to know why I was giving it up.”
“And when you told her?”
“Oh, I know she was disappointed in Kate, but she never said one negative thing. If I made the decision to stay married to her, then she made the decision to support the marriage, too. Of course, I don’t know what she would have done if Kate would have actually gone through with the abortion. But thankfully I’ll never have to find out. I mean, if I hadn’t gotten there in time—” he shook his head “—I can’t imagine life without Lainey.”
Jessica blinked back tears. “Of course you can’t.”
“Everything seemed like it was going okay for a while, thanks to Mom coming over as much as she could and Kate basically not having to do a thing for her ch
ild. And some part of me still hoped that maybe after the diaper stage or maybe when Lainey was a little bigger and could feed herself then Kate would come around. I’d heard that some women just didn’t care for the whole baby stage but they loved having toddlers. I guess I hoped that might be the case for Kate. But then Lainey got colic. It was bad. She cried a lot, and she wouldn’t sleep. We tried everything, all of the medicines that should have worked. None did. We drove her in the car, put her in her baby carrier on top of the dryer, rocked her, held her close, you name it.”
Jessica remembered Nathan’s problem with colic and how she felt like she was spending nearly every penny she earned on the Mylicon drops that settled his aching tummy. It was worth every one of those pennies to help him feel better, and thankfully those drops did help. She also remembered how much it upset her to see him hurting and hear him cry.
“One night, her colic was worse than it’d ever been, and she screamed for a solid hour. Kate and I had already been arguing that night.” He shrugged. “I don’t even remember what we were fighting about, but when Lainey was in my arms, her stomach so tight it felt like a hard ball against my side, and when she was screaming her tiny lungs in my ear, Kate screamed something, too. She yelled out the truth about the baby in my arms.”
“The truth?” Jessica asked, bracing herself for what he was going to say and fearing that it was even worse than what Chad had already told her.
Her fears came true with Chad’s next words.
“She told me that Lainey wasn’t mine.” Thick, heavy tears fell down his face.
Jessica’s heart clenched in her chest, his anguish riveting through her as he relived the horrific pain Kate’s words inflicted.
“She said that Lainey wasn’t mine, that she didn’t want Lainey and that she didn’t want me. Then she told me that she’d met a doctor—a real doctor—and they were in love.”
“Oh, Chad.” Jessica slid closer to him, her side against his, and attempted to transfer the depth of her compassion to his soul. “I’m so sorry.”
He looked straight ahead, as though looking at Jessica would push his anguish over the brink and he might not be able to finish telling her what happened. “After the divorce, I didn’t want to go back to med school. The required hours would have kept me away from Lainey too much. She’d already lost her mother, I wasn’t about to make her lose me, too. So I kept working at the college and taking care of Lainey.” He paused, and his mouth relaxed into a soft smile. “I love my little girl, regardless of the fact that we don’t share the same blood. In my heart, she’s mine, and I’ll take care of her until the day I die.”
“I know you will.”
He shifted toward Jessica, turned the hand touching hers so that their palms met and their fingers automatically intertwined. Then he looked directly into her eyes, into her soul. “I wanted you to know about what happened with Kate because that’s the only way you can understand how much this means to me. How much you mean to me, Jess. I loved you in high school, but I’ve learned so much since then about people and relationships.” He gave her hand an affectionate squeeze. “You were good, the best person I’d ever known. Not only were you my best friend and the person I trusted with all of my most heartfelt feelings but you were the first girl I ever gave my heart to.” He looked at the wooden floor of the gazebo and the corners of his mouth dropped. “Jess, you were truthful and honest, every moment of our time together. Even on the day you left, when you told me how you couldn’t stay in Claremont after what we’d done, that you couldn’t live with the fact that we gave in to temptation.” He paused. “I know that was hard for you to say, hard for you to do, but you did it. I didn’t want you to go,” he whispered. “It tore me apart. Even more because I knew it was my fault.”
Jessica’s throat clamped shut. She attempted to swallow, but couldn’t make it happen. She hadn’t been honest back then; she’d lied. On that last night together, she’d said she couldn’t live with what they’d done, but the truth was that she was still living with the reality of that one time together, when they let their desires take control. Still living—and loving—their son.
“Chad, no, you don’t understand. I need to tell you…”
“I do understand, Jessica.” Those green-gold eyes glistened with tears barely contained. “I understand how much your honesty means, how much it says about you that you want to do the right thing, even when it hurts. I know that when you say something, you mean it. When you do something, it’s because you’re convicted to your very soul.” He cleared his throat, swallowed. “I trust you, Jess. I did back then, and I do now. After what happened with Kate, I truly didn’t think I’d find that ability again, to believe in someone, to trust someone, to love anyone again.”
“Chad, I need to tell you something.”
“Okay, but let me finish first. I need you to know.” His voice was warm, tender. “I loved you back then, Jess, but after being hurt so much, I realize just how lucky I am to have someone I can not only love completely but also trust with every ounce of my being. Lies and deception have no place in a relationship, and once you’ve been in one that’s consumed by both, you appreciate the beauty of one that is consumed by truth and love.” He brought his hand to her face, brushed the backs of his fingertips down her cheek to wipe away her tears. “I don’t know if I could have ever given my heart again to anyone—but you.”
The tears continued to press forward, and Jess simply couldn’t speak. He could only give his heart to a woman he trusted, and she’d lied to him. For six years.
He edged closer, his face moving to hers as he spoke. “Don’t cry, baby. Please,” he whispered, his mouth against her cheek as he kissed away her tears. “Tell me now, Jess. I need to hear it, because I know from you it will be true.”
Jessica’s mind reeled. He wanted her to tell him? Now? How could she tell him the truth now?
He kissed her, softly, tenderly. Truthfully. Then he looked into her eyes, straight into her soul, and asked again. “Tell me, Jess.”
She swallowed, opened her mouth to speak.
“Tell me that you love me.”
Jessica knew she should say more, much more than what he’d requested. She should give him everything he deserved, the truth of what had happened back then and the truth of the little boy with eyes just like his. But she couldn’t. Instead, she gave him the only truth he’d asked for, and something she could say honestly, without a doubt, for eternity.
“I love you.”
Chapter Ten
Jessica’s father entered the kitchen, grabbed his favorite mug and poured himself a large cup of coffee. He then took a bright yellow mug with a smiley face on the side out of the cabinet and poured another cup. As usual, he left his black, but he added a healthy dose of French vanilla cream and sugar to the second cup. Then he brought both to the table and slid the happy-faced one toward Jessica.
“Thought you could use a smile.”
“Thanks, Dad.” She’d been sitting in front of a bowl filled with orange slices ever since her mother and Nathan had left for Walmart. This was the first glimpse she’d had of her father today, since he’d left early this morning to go fishing with one of the men from church, but Jessica had no doubt her mother had filled him in on what happened last night.
Jess couldn’t sleep after Chad brought her home, and when her mother got up for her traditional two o’clock glass of water, she found Jess crying on the couch. After an hour of sharing what she’d learned about Chad and allowing her mother to hold her while her tears subsided, Jessica finally fell asleep on the sofa.
Which was where Nathan found her bright and early this morning proclaiming he wanted to go buy plenty of bread to feed the ducks at the park. He’d also reasoned that while they were out, they could get his new Superman pencils and notebooks. Thankfully, her mother had offered to take him, giving Jess a little time to prepare for the rest of the day, which she prayed would be better than she anticipated.
“So,” her
dad started, then took another sip. “Chad’s been through a hard time.”
A major understatement.
“Yes, sir.”
Her mother had definitely filled him in, which was good. Jess didn’t want to go through the whole thing again. She didn’t think she could.
She allowed herself a swallow of coffee. The oranges her mother had placed before her hadn’t been all that appealing, but the coffee was actually soothing. Warm and rich and sweet, exactly what she needed. Somehow, her dad had known.
“Enough cream?” he asked.
“It’s just right.”
He gave her a sympathetic smile. “Want to talk about it? I mean, do you want to talk to me about it?” His mouth edged to the side, the way it always did when he was pondering the exact words he wanted to say. “Your mother told me about his little girl, that she isn’t his biological child. And she told me about everything his wife, or rather his ex-wife, put him through.” His head shook slightly as he spoke, as though he couldn’t believe it all either. “Don’t know how some people can be so mean-spirited.”
Mean-spirited. An accurate way to describe the woman who had ripped Chad’s heart into pieces and destroyed his ability to trust anyone—but Jessica.
A low, guttural moan filled the kitchen, and Jess realized it’d come from her. She moved her hands to her forehead, pushed away her hair and rubbed her temples. “Daddy, what am I going to do? He’s going to know. The minute he sees Nathan, he’ll know. And we’re taking Nathan and Lainey to the park—” she glanced at the clock on the stove “—in four hours. I’m the only woman he thinks he can trust. He said so. It’s going to kill him when he finds out what I’ve kept from him.”
His mouth moved to the side again, and once more, he paused to think through what he wanted to say. Jessica started to think he wasn’t going to offer any additional conversation on the dismal subject, but then he asked, “Have the two of you ever talked about Nathan? Did Chad ask you anything about who his father is?”
Her Valentine Family Page 12
