by t. h. snyder
“Okay well don’t be a stranger Chloe, we love you.” She says giving me a tight squeeze.
“I love you guys too. Take care of my baby sister Riley.” I say with a punch to his arm.
“Will do Chloe. Give me a wink next time you’re on the air.” He says with a big grin.
I giggle at his comment and nod my head.
Derrick and I walk out to my car once again in silence. Ever since our moment in the shower the other day things have been different between us. I hate to mention anything and have it blow up in my face while he is here, but the anxiety is eating at me.
When we get back to my apartment I head into the guest room and try to busy myself cleaning up after Char and Riley. This is how I calm myself when I don’t want to think about the present, I keep myself busy with chores.
I walk through the living room to get to the laundry and see Derrick sitting on the couch watching a movie.
“Are you going to clean today or come and talk to me about what’s going on Chloe? I know you and can tell what you’re doing.” He says as I walk past him.
“I just want to get this stuff started so I don’t have to worry about it later.” I reply keeping on my mission to avoid a conversation I don’t want to have.
Derrick follows me into the laundry room and takes the basket from my hands.
“Chloe we need to talk. We should have talked about this the other day. It can’t wait any longer. I’m breaking the silence before it eats us both alive.”
The look on his face is the same look I saw years ago before I left for college. But this time it feels like we’re saying goodbye…not see you later.
The visit to LA has been both an adventure and lazy…if those two things are even possible together. Chloe has slammed so many sightseeing and extreme sporting activities into this week I think we all deserve to be lazy for the rest of the vacation.
After we get back from rock climbing Charlie and Riley pass out on the couches while I follow Chloe back to her bedroom to take a shower. She seems to be a bit off when we’re alone together, but I know that if I can connect with her physically we’ll both remember why we mean so much to one another. It’s not just about the sex, which is always great, but about the actual way our bodies connect like a puzzle.
The past has been a challenge for us, but this distance is almost too much to bear. I need to be with her as much as possible and get my fill of Chloe when I can.
I knock on the bathroom door and ask, “Can I come in love?”
Chloe responds and I don’t hesitate to open the door and strip myself of my clothes. I open the shower curtain and stare at Chloe as the water cascades down her body. Chloe is fortunate that she doesn’t have to do much to keep up with her sexy physique. She has a tone belly, perky tits, and a set of legs that I wish were attached to my waist at all times.
Our kiss starts off slow while her and my body come against one another. Immediately I feel like I’m on fire from her touch. I nibble her lower lip waiting for her to open her lips and welcome my kiss a little deeper. I run my hands from the top of her shoulders down to her hands locking them behind my neck for support. I grab her sweet little ass and lift her up so that her legs are around my waist. I push her back up against the shower wall and kiss her like it’s the last time we’ll be like this together.
“I want to be with you now Chloe, not later. I’m tired of waiting to be one with you. This is killing me angel.” I say looking into her eyes.
“Derrick I want you with me now. We’re together now, I need you so bad.” She tells me and then crashes her mouth onto mine.
We share our love for one another like only we know how. I grab onto my cock and push into her heat. Her body tenses to the sudden push, but once I’m fully inside of her she picks up a rhythm of her own.
She is warm and tight, I know I won’t last long like this.
I pump myself in and out of her body bringing myself closer to my breaking point. The sounds of Chloe’s moans encourage me to move faster. I look down at her and see she is watching my movements sliding in and out of her body. We both watch the connection we’re sharing in this moment and with a loud groan I let myself fall to pieces inside of my angel. She looks up into my eyes and I see something I never thought I would experience with her…goodbye.
The silence and the lack of the connection we always shared. Something is happening and I’m scared to find out what’s going on between us. Since the shower the other day we really haven’t spoken more than a few words to each other. We haven’t even touched each other more than holding hands or a kiss to the cheek.
We’ve just taken Charlie and Riley back to the airport and the first thing she does when we get back is start cleaning. I can’t deal with this anymore, one of us has to start this conversation and at this point no matter what the outcome I’ve got to get these feelings off my chest.
She walks past me through the living room into the laundry. I get up off the couch and follow her, it’s now or never. We need to talk.
I grab the wash basket from her hands and set it on the washing machine.
Lifting her hands to my lips I give them a kiss and tell her, “Chloe we need to talk. We should’ve done this the other day. I can’t wait any longer. One of has to break the silence before it kills us both.”
A tear falls from her eyes onto my hand. I take her into my arms and hold her.
“Derrick I can’t live without you in my life. You’re my soul mate; we have to make this work.”
“Chloe I want nothing more than to be with you forever, but we can’t do this anymore. It hurts too much to be away from you. I respect your choice to move here for your career and I’m so proud of you for how far you’ve come.”
“But….” She says in response.
“It’s not fair Chloe. We have two separate lives hundreds of miles apart from each other. I want to marry you. I want to start a family with you. How can we do that living on opposite sides of the country?”
“Derrick, I want those things too.”
“No Chloe. You may think you want them, but not as much as I do. I’m sorry Angel, but I just can’t be with you and still be apart from one another like this.”
I can feel Chloe’s body become limp against mine and I ease her back into the living room.
Holding hands we sit on the couch and stare into space. The only sound that can be heard is our breathing and the cries that come from both our hearts.
Sobbing she looks at me and asks. “What does this all mean Derrick? Where does this leave us?”
I look back over at her and into her big brown eyes as a tear falls down my cheek.
“Chloe you were my first true love. And I’ll always love you. Maybe in time things will change and I hope that we will still be open to have each other in our lives. It’s just not good for either one of us to keep trying to make this work the way things are now. I’m going to book an earlier flight out for tomorrow morning. There’s no reason to prolong this week when we both know and feel things are not the same as they’ve been in the past. I love you Chloe and will forever.”
I let go of her hand and walk back into the extra bedroom. Closing the door I slam my back up against it and slide down to the floor. Tears pour from my eyes and my heart breaks into a million pieces. I never thought this day would come. We’ve just broken the strongest bond anyone could ever have. I know this is the best for both of us, but I just don’t know why it hurts so badly.
I pull out my phone and through tear blurred eyes I scroll to my flight app and book a plane back home to Boston.
Chloe insists she come to the airport with me. I know it’s not the best idea, but selfishly I say it’s okay. She walks me to security and I stop just before having to walk through the screening booth. I bring her in close to me and kiss her on top of her head. My hands run through her long dark hair and the smell of her mango shampoo sends thousands of memories through my mind. The last piece of my heart has just broke and tears pool i
n my eyes. I’m doing my best to hold myself together for her sake, but it really is pointless. My heart is now completely shattered and the love of my life is about to walk away from me for good.
I pull away from her and look into her eyes. She really is the most beautiful woman in the world and I’m so glad she was mine.
“Derrick, I love you so much.”
“I love you too Chloe”
I let go of her hands and walk up to the security check. Turning around I see her still standing there with her arms wrapped around her waist.
She wipes away her tears and she mouths “goodbye love”.
And then she turns and walks away.
As I walk back to my car the tears begin to flood my vision. Time away from one another is something we have dealt with for years, but taking time to be apart is something I never thought we would have to deal with. The realization of what just happened in the airport is kicking in…no longer are Derrick and I a couple…it’s over.
I just don’t understand how this all happened, we were always so happy. No matter how far apart we were from one another we always found a way to make us work. Now I feel like we have just given up on something that was so special to both of us.
I don’t know what I’m going to do.
While wiping away the tears I get into my car and pull out my phone. Hoping there would be some sort of message from Derrick, I sigh when my screen is blank. My whole life has been about me and Derrick and now I’m a hot fucking mess.
Without another thought I push send on the phone hoping the other line will pick up.
“I already heard.” She says before I can even get a word out.
“But how, I mean why, did he call you the minute I walked away from him?” I ask sobbing into the phone.
“Chloe you have to understand his side here too. I love you both so much, but it wasn’t easy for him when you chose NYU over Harvard or when you took the job in LA. I can’t imagine what it’s like to only see one another every other month or so. How long did you think this would go on before one of you decided to make a decision?”
“God damn it Char, can’t you be on my side here for once? My heart is breaking and you’re telling me you knew this would happen. Don’t you think I know that my choices are what pushed him away? Here I thought we were going to spend a great week together and all it turned out to be was a romantic goodbye.”
I can barely breathe let alone speak. It’s so hard to believe that today was the last time I would hold him, kiss him and tell him I love him.
“He’s the love of my life Char, how am I supposed to be okay with all of this?”
“I don’t know Chloe. All I can say is give it time, just like you told me a few months ago. If you two are meant to be you will find your way back together.”
“As insightful as you sound right now it doesn’t make me feel any better.”
“I know, keep yourself busy and focus on the reason you moved to LA.”
“Yeah, okay. Thanks Char, I’ll call you later this week.”
The line goes dead, no I love you Chloe…be strong Chloe…nothing. She is totally on his side through this and that is exactly how it should be. I’m the one that did this to us. It was my decision to choose a career over the love of my life. Now I just have to deal with it and pretend like I am not nursing a broken heart.
The next few weeks fly by and I feel like I’m living in a daze. I put on my best face when I’m at work and in front of the camera, but it takes just about all I have through the day not to break down and call Derrick. I’ve kept in constant touch with Char and can’t believe she answers the phone when I call. She’s been helping me get through this, but I worry that my emotional state will make her refuse my contact soon. All I really know right now is that Derrick has drowned himself in some pretty big cases at work and goes out with Riley when he can. I’m happy he’s still living but it kills me that he’s surviving without me.
I need to pull my shit together somehow and either focus on my career or pack it all back up and move home. But I know I can’t do the latter choice, I’ve come too far in my career to give it all up.
The thing that sucks is that I finally landed the job of a lifetime, this is all I’ve ever wanted to do and staying here doing what I love cost me the one person in the world that matters more to me than anything.
The next few weeks at work are a big deal for me professionally. The freaking Super Bowl is coming up and I’ve been interviewing a rookie quarterback that will probably take his team all the way. I can’t screw this up, I have to get my head back on track, build a schedule and give ESPN all that I can.
I’m pulled out of my trance by a knock on my door. I look up and see my co-host Trent. With a professional smile I take in a deep breath and stand to walk his way.
“You okay Chloe? We’re on in a few minutes and I thought I should come and look for you. It’s not like you to be in the office ten minutes before we are live.”
“Yep I’m coming, umm, just wanted to check on some things before it was time. Guess I was in here longer than I expected. Thanks for coming to check on me.” I tell him refusing to make eye contact.
Trent has been one of the crew members that always seemed to be there when I started to get homesick. He too is far away from home and chose career over love so of course he knows what I’m going through. Wait no correction, what I was going through. I haven’t had it in me to share the news with my friends. I really don’t want to talk about it with anyone.
He puts his hand on the small of my back and guides me out the door and over to where our shoot takes place every day in the EPSN studio.
“You know a bunch of us are going out after work tonight if you want to come. I think it would be good for you to get out. You haven’t been the same since Derrick went back home.” He says taking his seat on the stage.
“We’ll see. I’m not really up for going out tonight.”
“Chloe Taylor, get your head out of your ass and come on out with us tonight.” A voice sounds from behind the green screen.
“When you put it like that Andrew, how can I refuse?” I tell him with a smile.
Andrew Lock is a rookie quarterback for the Allentown Colts and will be on our show again tonight. He’s been the prime time athlete on majority of shows for the past few months because of his strong ability to take his team to the Super Bowl in a few weeks.
“It’s not every week I’m in town and can spend a night out with my favorite sport’s analyst.” He says with a wink.
“Cool it Lock, you know Chloe is well spoken for back home. Lay off the pretty boy smirks.” Trent says moving to stand.
“Whoa boys settle down. Chloe isn’t going home with anyone tonight. It’s just drinks, relax Tarzan.” I say in Trent’s direction giving him the evil eye.
“Well word on the street says that Chloe isn’t spoken for anymore so I say we see how tonight goes and take it from there.” Andrew says looking right at me, my mouth gapped wide open.
“Chloe what the hell is going on and what does Lock know that I don’t?” Trent says sitting back down.
“Ugh never mind Trent, we are on in like 30 seconds.” I tell him while organizing my notes in front of me and placing my glass of water directly to my left.
Watching her walk away from security was like ripping out my heart.
This past week was painful in more ways than one and the feeling I had told me it was time to leave. After Charlie and Riley left on Saturday I thought for sure Chloe and I would be on cloud nine. We planned on spending a lot of time in the apartment so that no moment would be lost. The problem was that when we were alone something felt like it was missing or that we were forcing one another to do things that used to come so naturally to us. It got to the point that I couldn’t bare it any longer and I had to break the silence.
I told the only woman that I’ve ever loved that the distance from her was too hard to bear. Every spare moment I had I was obsessing about her and wha
t she was doing. I hated that she had a life so far away from mine and I too was creating a life without her in it. It wasn’t like I wanted to see other people. She’s the only one I could ever love. I just can’t consume myself with a future we both know is not going to happen.
After our talk at her place we both decided it was best to take some time apart.
So I decided to book and earlier flight and leave Sunday morning…four whole days before I was supposed to head home to Boston.
Now I sit here waiting to board a plane and all I can do is pray I don’t regret the decision we just made.
I pull out my cell and am so tempted to send her a text to tell her how sorry I am and that it will be okay. But I can’t…because it won’t.
Instead I call Charlie and let her know what just happened.
“Hey Derrick, what’s up? You guys bored without us already?” Charlie says.
“Umm not really, I’m actually at the airport waiting to catch a flight.” I reply.
“What?” She screams in the phone.
I can hear her telling Riley that I’m on my way home. And in the background he’s asking her why.
“Look Derrick, whatever happened it will all be okay. When do you fly in? We’ll come get you.” She says in between telling Riley to shut up so she can hear me.
For a second a smile creeps on my face. Those two are nuts.
“I don’t think it will be okay Charlie, but thanks anyway. I’ll tell you about it when I get there. Pick me up around six. Oh, and Charlie, thanks.”
I hit end on my phone and then shut it down. I need to distance myself from everyone.
Boarding the plane was simple. It was realizing why I was on the plane that killed me inside.
For eight years Chloe Taylor was my world. She was the reason I wanted to be a good man, have a great job, and find a way in life that would support both of us as we built a family. Now all those dreams are gone. I know in my mind we made the right decision, but I can’t convince my heart and now its breaking.
A tear begins to roll down the side of my face as I punch the pillow and lay my head up against the cabin wall.
