by t. h. snyder
Chris and Tony get up and walk over to Pete. They’ve been here ever since they brought me and I’m sure they want to get home to their families.
I decide to sit back further in my chair and rest my head on Derrick’s shoulders. The comfort of him here with me makes me feel at ease and my eyelids begin to droop till they close. I feel a warm hand touching my face and recognize the caress as something Derrick would do to help me fall asleep or relax.
I must have dozed off for a bit and when I wake up I see that the room has emptied quite a bit. In fact the only people in the room are me, Derrick and a few other people I don’t know.
“Hey sleepy, how are you feeling?” Derrick asks brushing a few stray pieces of hair from my eyes.
“I guess I was a more tired than I thought. Sorry for passing out like that. Where is everyone?” I ask.
“Your parents went up to see Char and everyone else went home.” He replies.
“Can we go up to see her?”
“Of course, let’s go.”
Derrick stands first and grabs both of my hands to help me up. We walk hand in hand to the elevator and he doesn’t let go. Since Char is in the ICU unit, we all can’t go in at the same time to see her. When we get up to her floor Mom and Dad are sitting in the visitor’s room and smile as soon as we walk in.
“How is she? Did you get to go in and see her yet?” I ask sitting next to mom.
She nods her head and a smile crosses her face. “We were just in to see her and she’s still asleep. She looks so peaceful lying there. I didn’t want to stay too long since Riley wanted to be with her. I’m afraid that boy won’t leave her side till she wakes up.”
“I’d really like to go in and see her Mom.”
“You can, it’s okay if she has two visitors at a time. Dad and I are going to go home and get some rest, but will be back first thing tomorrow morning. I suggest after you sit with her for a bit you do the same.”
“I know, I will. I’m pretty tired from the flight but the nap I just took sure helped me feel a little better.”
“Good, I’m glad sweetie. Do you want us to leave the door open or will you be going back to your house with Derrick?”
I look between the three of them, my mom, dad and Derrick. They all seem to assume I’ll be staying with Derrick and have smiles on all their faces.
“Geez guys, I can only assume you want me to stay with Derrick and I surely won’t argue. You can lock up tonight. I think I’ll be fine.”
“Okay honey, we’re going to go, but call us if you need anything.”
I stand with my parents and give them both a big hug whispering into my mom’s ear that I’ll be fine and that I love her so much.
Derrick and I walk them to the elevator and then into the hallway leading to Char’s room.
“I’ll be right out here when you’re ready to go. Take your time, no rush.”
He pulls me into his warm body and holds onto me tightly. The feel of him against me is overwhelming. I’ve missed his touch too much. We pull apart and he kisses me on the lips. I can taste his minty breath and for a brief moment I’m absorbed into him and only him.
I blink a few times and pull myself out of my la-la-land remembering that I’m about to go in and see my sister.
“I won’t be too long. Then we can go home and spend some time together.”
“Sounds good angel, I can’t wait.” He says and lets go of my hand.
I walk through the two tall doors and down the hallway. I can see the top of Riley’s head and make my way to her room. He’s sitting up against her bed and has her left hand in his. His head is down and he doesn’t see that I’m in the room.
“Hey Riley.” I whisper. “I didn’t want to scare you, but is it okay that I sit with her for awhile?”
He gets up from his seat and pulls me into a hug. Riley and I have only met a few times, but we seem to have found an instant connection to one another. He’s a good guy and the best fit for my little sister. He makes her happy and that in turn makes me even happier. I don’t mind him marrying her, even if it means I have to deal with his sarcasm for the rest of my life.
“I’m going to go get some water, be good to my girl while I’m away.” He looks down into my eyes and I can see that his are filled with tears. “She’ll come back to us soon, she just needs her rest and when she’s ready those amazing eyes will open again.”
Riley moves behind me and exits Char’s room closing the door behind him.
I look back over at my baby sister. We’re only a few years apart, yet she’ll always be my little sister. She looks so small lying there in the hospital bed. Her long dark hair is pulled up and some is matted to her forehead from the gauze. Her face looks pale, which for her is different since she has an amazing complexion.
Sitting down in Riley’s seat, I take Char’s hand in mine. I look at her hand, her nails and then back up at her face. Tears begin to fall from my eyes and onto the blue blanket covering her body.
“Oh Char! I’m so sorry you’re lying in this bed. If there’s any way I could change places with you I would, I swear I would. This whole thing shouldn’t have happened to you and Riley. Today, well I assume, was going to be a special day for you guys…and it got shot to hell. I’m sorry for being a lousy big sister. I’m sorry for moving away from you and Derrick. I screwed up Char, I screwed up big time. I’m grateful that he wants to take me back. Yeah can you believe it…me either? He’s such a great guy and I’m so lucky to have both of you in my life. I need you to wake up Char, if you can hear me wake up. I need you Char. I need to have some girl time with you and need to talk to you about some stuff. Damn it Char please wake up. I need you…we all need you.”
I get up from the chair and walk around the room. I need to get this off my chest. Derrick is the one that should hear what an awful person I really am, but not just yet, not right now. I look over at Char’s sleeping form and wish I’d have done things differently. If I would have just kept to myself and stayed away from him, I wouldn’t feel this guilt.
I just hope when they know, they won’t all hate me.
The visitor’s room outside the ICU has completely cleared out and for right now I have some peace and quiet. Today has been the day from hell and it seems to be lasting forever. As happy as I am that Chloe is home and back in my life, I’m still feeling uneasy about Charlie in the hospital.
She’s a tough cookie and I know she’ll pull through this. I just wish it wasn’t her that had to be in that room. Of all people Charlie is the most selfless, caring and compassionate person I know. She deserves to be enjoying her engagement to Riley right now, not knocked out in a hospital room.
I see Riley walk out the doors and look over in his direction. His arm is in a huge cast and he looks like he could use a break. He walks over in my direction and has a seat right next to me.
“This sucks man.” He says running his hand through his hair.
“I know pal, but she’ll be okay. This is Charlie we’re talking about. She’s too stubborn to let a little head injury get her down. Plus if she knew we were worrying about her she’d kick our asses.”
“She’s going to be okay Derrick. She has to be, I can’t live without her.” He says with a look of panic across his face.
“No worries Riley. She’ll be good as new in no time.”
“Yeah I guess. The doctors and nurses keep saying her vitals and other activity are impressive considering her injury. I just want her to open her eyes. She means the world to me and I hate that there’s nothing I can do to help her right now.”
I can’t even begin to imagine what he feels like right now. The love of his life is lying helpless in a hospital bed and there’s nothing any of us can do to wake her up.
“Ya know she needs her rest and when she’s good and ready she’ll get up. Charlie is miserable if you wake her before she’s ready, so let’s just give her some time. Why don’t you go home and get some rest. I’m sure the nurses will call if anything
changes. You need to be awake and alert when she comes out of this.”
“No way in hell Derrick. You can’t ask me to leave her side for that long. What if she wakes up and I’m not there. She needs to see me when she wakes up.” He says getting up and starts pacing the room.
“Okay man I get it. Chloe and I are going to go back to the house when she gets out. You want me to bring you anything back.”
“So I guess you two are okay now?”
“I don’t know what you mean by okay, but I’m going to do whatever I need to do so that we can be happy again. I think we have a lot to talk about. I can guarantee she’ll get the job with the Red Sox and soon after I’ll have her moved back in to our house.”
“You’re going to tell her about you and Trisha, right?”
“Hell man, like I don’t know I have to do that bad enough. If I’d have known Chloe and I had any chance at getting back together. I never would have went over to her house. I’ll tell Chloe when we talk, but I hope to fuck it doesn’t’ change things between us. It would fucking break me if it ruined our chances to be together again, it would destroy me Riley.”
“Yeah, I get than man, but you have to come clean…both of you. I’m sure she’s got some secrets to share too. Regardless of what you two did you have to know before going into things again. It’ll only get worse if she finds out later.”
“Alright, I hear you. She’s going to come back to my place tonight and we’ll talk, but believe me talking with her is the last thing I want to do. I’ve missed her for months Riley. This is going to fucking suck.”
“No more than my life sucks right now.” He says sitting back down next to me.
Riley’s words hit home hard and I hate that I’m complaining about my issues when Charlie is knocked out.
“I’m sorry man that was wrong of me.”
“Nah, no worries Derrick. I know it sucks for both of us.”
Chloe comes walking out of the double doors and into the visitor’s room. I watch as she walks over to us with tear stained cheeks and a wad of tissues in her hand. Pulling her into my lap she lets out a sob and I do my best to comfort her.
Riley pats me on the back and gets up from his seat.
“I’m going back in to sit with her. Bring me back some clean clothes when you guys come back tomorrow.”
“You got it. Let me know if you need anything else.”
He nods his head and walks out of the room and back to his girl.
I rub my hand up Chloe’s back and grab her chin in my fingers.“Hey angel. She’s going to be okay. Let’s get home and rest. We’ll come back tomorrow.”
I help Chloe get to her feet and hold her by my side the entire way to the car. The entire ride to our house is silent and I’m growing nervous the closer we get. I know that we both agreed on our breakup and in reality I didn’t do anything wrong, but the guilt I feel is really starting to eat at me.
“Do you want me to get you something to eat before we get home?” I ask to break the silence.
“No thanks. I really just want to get into bed and sleep.” She says laying her head against my shoulder.
“Okay angel, then we’ll get you home showered and in bed.”
She nods her head and I continue on our way home.
No matter how much it’s going to suck to have this conversation, we need to do it. And I’m willing to do just about anything to keep Chloe as my girl.
The silence between us is driving me nuts and the closer we get to his house, I mean our house the sooner I’ll have to tell him everything. My stomach is tied up in knots. Derrick asks me if I want anything to eat and I start to feel the bile creep up my throat. I’ve never felt like this before. The guilt of what happened between Andrew and I is eating me alive and the fear of not knowing how Derrick will react is even worse.
I know that Derrick and I were broken up, but it doesn’t stop the feeling that I did something wrong. What I did was wrong…right?
God this is going to kill me. The sooner I come clean and tell him the faster I’ll know his reaction. If this destroys my chances to be with him again, I’ll never forgive myself. The anxiety of not knowing how he’ll react is killing me. I just want to spit it out and get it over with.
We pull into the driveway and a million memories come flooding back into my mind. Derrick takes my hand and pulls it to his lips, he places a gentle kiss to each of my knuckles and stares into my eyes.
“Come on angel, we’re home. I can’t wait for you to see some of the things I did inside. Everything we wanted to do has been a work in progress, but I know you’ll like the changes.”
I smile at his excitement and tell him I know I’ll love it.
He gets out of the car and tells me to wait. Being the gentleman he is he comes around to my side and opens the door.
“Oh shit!” I shout.
“What? What’s wrong?” Derrick asks with a confused look on his face.
“My bags. I left them in Pete’s truck.”
A smirk crosses Derrick’s face as he walks to the back of his car and pops the trunk.
“Nope, I have them right here.” He says pulling them out and dragging them up the driveway.
I just shake my head and follow him up to our front porch. He pulls out his keys and unlocks the door walking into our home.
“Emma is going to stay over at Riley and Char’s tonight to keep an eye on Manny.”
“Okay.”
“So….are you sure you don’t want to eat anything?’ He asks putting my bags by the stairs.
I walk around and take in everything Derrick has done to upgrade our home. In just a few short months he’s done so much and I love it all. I walk back out to where he’s standing with his hands on his hips looking damn proud of himself...for good reason.
From head to toe Derrick is an incredibly good looking man. I’ve really taken him for granted throughout the past few years and I know now more than ever how important he is to me. I walk over to him and he stretches his arms out to me. I walk into his embrace and lean my body tightly up against his.
“Chloe, please tell me I’m not dreaming all of this.”
I let out a giggle.
“No Derrick you’re not dreaming. I’m here, in our home and in your arms. It’s exactly where I want to be.”
“Exactly where you should be angel.”
We stay linked together for a few minutes and then begin to part. I look up into his baby blues and want so badly to kiss him, to touch him and to make love to him. But first we need to talk and I’m so afraid it will change everything. I don’t want it to ruin this moment, yet I can’t wait another second.
“Derrick, we need to talk.”
I turn my body from his and walk toward our living room. Sitting down on the soft couch, I pat the cushion next to me indicating that I want him to sit down.
“Chloe, I know we need to talk. I have some things I need to tell you too, it’s just….”
I stop him. He can’t be the first to tell me what he has to say. I have to do this, no matter what happens…he has to know.
“No Derrick please let me go first.”
He nods his head and sits down next to me.
“I want you to know that I’m so happy to be here with you right now. There’s nowhere in the world I’d rather be than in your arms. I just need to let you know about something that happened while we were apart.”
Derrick is staring intently into my eyes and a huge lump begins to form in my throat. My hands are sweating and my knees are shaking. I feel like I’m about to have an out of body experience in my own god damn living room.
“Relax, okay Chloe. We were apart and neither one of us knew we’d be back here together. If you don’t think you can talk about it yet we can wait.”
I shake my head. “No, I want you to know everything. It’s the only way I’ll feel right moving on with us. I don’t want to feel guilt like this again. It’s tearing me up inside.”
“I know, I feel
the same way. So let’s just get everything out and see how we feel about it…okay.”
He runs his hand down along the side of my face and I lean into him. How did I ever get lucky enough to have this man in my life?
“I stayed to myself for the most part, but then I just couldn’t sulk anymore. A good friend and my co-analyst Trent urged me to go out with the crew a few times.”
I look up at him and he nods his head encouraging me to continue.
“Well then I started working closely with a certain sport’s figure and after tapings he’d come out to the club with us. I pushed him off for quite awhile and then I let all my walls crumble.”
I put my head in my hands and begin to cry. “I’m so sorry Derrick. I’m so sorry.”
I hate to see her cry, but I know that she needs to release the guilt she feels. Shit the guilt we both feel.
This is fucking crazy, neither one of use should feel guilty. We both walked away from each other that day at the airport. Who knew we’d be together like this again?
In my heart I knew she’d always be the one, but to be together like this…I didn’t think it would ever happen again.
I have a good idea I know exactly who the certain sport’s guy she’s referring to and it pisses me off to know he had his hands on my girl. I want to comfort her, but at the same time it kills me that she let those walls down to another man. I really don’t even know that I care to know how far she let him go, but I have a feeling she needs to tell me.
We sit here in silence on the couch we bought together, in the living room that holds so many memories of us in, and in the house that we bought to be our home. There are no words to really describe the pain we’ve gone through and the hurt we may have to bare while we continue our talk.
Right now, I know I’m the emotionally stronger person out of the two of us, so I just come out and ask.
“Did you sleep with him?”
