by L A Pepper
She took a step back. “Wait. You’re honestly warning me off your father because you think he’s going to…ask me out?”.
I watched the limo go, knowing my father sat behind the black glass, fuming, plotting. “You’re his type.”
She made a dismissive noise and I turned back to her. “Too bad for him. Because he’s not my type.” She used our linked hands to tug me down so she could reach me. “You are,” she said, and kissed my cheek.
Just like that, my day was better.
She had to go back to work and so did I, but I left her on the street and listened to her whistling all the way back to the café. And then I walked back to the clinic, carrying her tune in my heart. I thought of her all day. It was hard to keep my mind on my patients and then, that night, as I was settling into my couch with a carton of kung pao chicken and a show on tv, she called me.
“Hi, Jordan?” Her voice was small, uncertain. Worried, as if I wasn’t hungering for her call. As if I wouldn’t give her anything she wanted. “I don’t do this…like, ever.”
“Oh?” I asked. “Are we back to what you never do? Because I liked what you never did last time. I liked it a lot.”
She laughed and I could tell even over the phone that it was for real. She was for real. “Jordan,” she said, fond. “I like you. And yes. I never call guys. I never ask them out. But this is what I’m doing. I’m asking you out. Can I see you again?”
“Good,” I said. Definitively.
“I– what? That’s not actually an answer to my question.”
“Good. I don’t want you to ask anyone else out. I want it to be only me, Alex. It’s good that you never do this. Because I like you a lot, and I would love to see you again. A lot.”
“Wait. You’d love it a lot, or you’d love to see me…a lot…like, many times.”
“Yes.”
“Jordan,” she said and I could hear the smile in her voice. I wanted to see it on her lips. “Can I meet you for coffee tomorrow?”
“I’d love to.”
Chapter Seven: Alex
“Alex,” Jordan murmured into my ear, which he had just been nibbling, driving me nuts. “Let me take you out, please.”
I felt a fluttering all the way through my body. I never knew a man’s voice could be so erotic. I dug my fingers into his shoulders and didn’t answer. I was afraid to.
“I know you want to take it slow, and I’ve loved spending time with you this month, but I need to be alone with you, without anyone else on the schedule or down the hall or waiting for one of us to show up. I want a real date with you.”
I kept my eyes closed so I could live in my fantasies for a little longer. Just the thought made images of his naked skin against mine replay in my brain. I wanted it so much, but I couldn’t risk it, not while so much was on the line. I gathered my wits together. He nuzzled my neck and my knees went weak. I cleared my throat. “We’re alone now.” I tried to keep my voice light but I wasn’t sure I managed.
He snorted. His breath tickled the hairs at my temple. “We’re in my office before my first appointment. This isn’t exactly romantic. Mira is on the other side of that door, listening.”
I opened my eyes and came back to reality. There were tongue depressors and cotton swabs in jars on the counter. The ceiling had images of birds and butterflies and clouds on it, so that his patients would have something to look at.
Jordan’s fingers clutched at my thighs in my jeans and he pressed himself up along the whole of my body, against the wall marked with feet and inches so he could track the height of growing kids. Jordan’s deep blue eyes were sultry, but then he tipped his head to my ear and murmured, “And you’re going to beg off in about seven minutes so you can go to work, anyway.”
I sighed and let go of the dark silk of his hair, sliding my hands down his shoulders to rest on his biceps. “I’m sorry. I told you I was complicated. You knew that going in. My daughter…”
He let out a short frustrated breath and let go of me. Stepping back. “I know. You don’t have to tell me. You’re a single mom. Dating a single mom is complicated, and I don’t intend to push myself into your life with her. I’m not asking you to introduce me to her as someone you’re seeing, I get it. I get that she comes first…but I’d like to see you outside of business hours. I’m beginning to feel like something you relegate to work hours. Like I’m your water break or something. I’m beginning to feel like just part of your job to you.”
My heart gave an ugly twist and I turned away. I couldn’t tell him the truth, and yet, I couldn’t deny what he said. This was getting too hard. And in my pocket was a pen that wrote perfectly well, but also recorded everything that Jordan said to me and what I said to him.
“I like you,” I said, my pulse pounding, I liked him too much, too much for this. “I like you a lot,” and I didn’t want to admit how much I liked him but at least it wasn’t a lie. “It’s just, it’s been so long since I’ve been involved with someone and I’m not sure I ever really knew how to do it right. I don’t think I’m doing it the right way now.” None of that was a lie. It was all true. I just didn’t tell him the real truth that I was holding him off, that I was afraid to be alone with him, outside of his office, or the café, or a quick bite to eat, or a few moments here and there because…because…because...
“I don’t want to push you into something you don’t want to do, Alex. And I can tell that something is holding you back.”
I opened my mouth to use the same excuse I’d been using, Trini. He stopped me.
“It’s not your daughter, Alex. Do you think I can’t tell that? If you wanted to see me more, you could get your grandmother to babysit, just like the night we met.”
The night we met I’d been working. I’d been working to honeytrap his father. And I’d caught him instead. If he knew that…
“If you don’t want to be with me, then just tell me. I’m a big boy. If it’s not worth it to you, if I’m not worth it, just tell me, because right now, I’m just getting my hopes up. If there’s no hope, then tell me.”
“You’re worth it,” I said, meeting his eyes again. Begging for him to believe me, despite the secrets, despite what I wasn’t telling him. It was worth it. Every minute I was with him was worth it, even when I knew I was working to pry into his life and spy on his business, though I’d found no evidence of anything criminal. And yet, I was still bound to find the connection. It was his father. His family. I knew it. And I knew he was innocent, but I didn’t have evidence of that either. If I could find evidence that exonerated him, maybe then this could work, even though I was spying on him, lying to him, deceiving him. I worked to keep my emotions down, to keep them from rising up and choking me.
He stood there watching me for I didn’t know how long, watching me think. Watching me question myself. Watching me hate myself. I was caught.
“You know you can tell me anything.”
I laughed. “Can I?” I couldn’t. He’d hate me. I couldn’t bear to have him hate me.
“Whatever he did to you, you can tell me.”
“Whatever who did to me?” I blinked, trying to follow his thinking process. I was at a loss.
“Your ex. Trini’s father.”
“Oh.” I couldn’t bear how sweet he was. I reached out and grabbed his hand. “Oh, Jordan, that’s not it. I’m not traumatized by some tragic relationship. We were dating, I got pregnant. He got scared and ran off and I never saw him again. We were both stupid kids. It was what it was, that’s all. Maybe I have some trust issues, but who doesn’t? That’s not the problem. You don’t have to be so damn sensitive with me.” Maybe if he wasn’t I wouldn’t be so torn about this investigation. Maybe if he’d be a jerk a little this would be easier to do. Maybe I wouldn’t be so torn up about lying to him and hurting him.
He frowned down at our linked hands, then looked up at me, his eyes suddenly dark and stormy. “Okay. I won’t be sensitive.” His nostrils flared and a muscle in his jaw clenched. “I
want to be with you. And I want to know that you want to be with me, too. We’ve been playing this game for a month now, where you hold me off, and I don’t think it’s about your daughter anymore. I think you’re putting walls between us because you don’t want to get close, and you’re using your daughter as an excuse. So it’s time to stop playing with me.”
I was finding it hard to breathe. He couldn’t know. He couldn’t.
He took my other hand too, and walked me back until he had me up against the wall, raising my hands in his until he had me pinned against the door, stretched out, my back arching. My body tightened in yearning. I wanted him to press against me and kiss me hard, forget where we were, who we were, what we had to do, and take me.
He didn’t. He stared into my eyes. “I want you to meet me at my apartment tonight, at eight pm.”
“Tonight?” Panic welled. “It’s too soon. I need to get someone to watch Trini.”
He growled angrily. “Call your grandmother. No more excuses. I know you can do this, but I don’t know if you actually want to. I need to see if what we have matters to you the way you matter to me.”
I let out a gasp. I shouldn’t have liked that he was commanding. I should have been outraged that he was telling me what to do. But I wasn’t. I liked it. I liked it a lot. I was at his mercy. I was weak with longing. I was his.
He chased his finger around the arch of my ear then down the side of my throat, sliding over my collarbone and hooking on the neckline of my stupid coffee shop polo shirt. “I want to wine you and dine you and lay you down on my couch to watch the sun set over the river.”
“Your couch is very fancy. Your view is very fancy.” All my sense had gone. All my cleverness fled. Tactics? None. His couch was fancy? My tongue felt clumsy in my mouth. Probably because I was imagining unbuttoning his crisp white shirt and licking down his chest until I got to his fly and then taking him in my hand.
Somehow I knew he knew how much I wanted him. He licked his lips and watched me, still pinned to the door by my wrists. He looked like he liked it. So did I. “I want you to melt into my arms. I want to seduce you. I want to make love to you. I want your undivided attention. I’m selfish, and I don’t want to be sensitive anymore. I want to make you scream.”
I was panting for him, held against the door. My eyes fluttered shut with a shiver. When I opened them again, his blue eyes delved into mine. He was nothing but honest. I hurt inside.
“That’s what I want. You in my bed. I want more than that, to be honest, but I think you’re avoiding making love to me again because if you do, you won’t be able to hold back from me anymore, you won’t be able to keep saying no to me. And you’re afraid.” He leaned in and his lips curved into a sensuous smile. “I think you’re falling for me, and if you let me make love to you again, you won’t be able to help yourself. You’ll be lost.” Those lips moved to my ear. “And I want you to be lost in me, Alex.” His whisper moved through my body and I vibrated with his energy. “Because I’m lost in you.”
Then he let go. He stepped back.
My hands stayed above my head as if they were still locked there by his weight. I couldn’t catch my breath. He’d taken all the air in the room. He’d taken everything. Nothing was left but him.
He turned around to his desk. “My seven minutes are up, Alex. You’ve got to go to work now and my first patient is about to come in.”
There was a faint ding as the bell in his waiting room rang.
“There they are,” he said, easily, as if he hadn’t just torn down all my walls and left me defenseless and pulsating for him. “So, what’s it going to be? Will I see you tonight?”
“Can” I had no voice. I cleared my throat. “Can I have some time to consider?”
He sat at his desk and gave me a bland professional smile. I didn’t like it. I didn’t like it at all.
“You can have until tonight at eight,” he said. “Whether you show or not? That will be my answer.”
“Wh– what do you mean?” Was he breaking up with me if I didn’t go to his apartment?
He lifted one shoulder and let it drop, the professional smile fell. “I’m falling in love with you Alex. I need to protect myself, too. If I’m just a game to you, I don’t want to play.”
* * *
I spent all day in the basement of the coffee shop, going over records and looking for connections. The employees who made coffee thought I’d been hired to “do marketing” but I was quite sure they didn’t buy that. I didn’t care. If anyone came down I growled and snapped at them to leave.
When Agent Long called mid-afternoon, I wasn’t feeling any more pleasant.
“I don’t have anything new,” I blurted out, before he could even get a word in edgewise.
“You’re doing fine, Agent Martin.” I must have been, because when he wasn’t pleased with me, he called me Ms. Martin. “Your goal is to build a relationship with the subject. This is a long-term assignment.”
I restrained myself from either yelling at him or breaking into tears. This was a job and I’d gone into it with my eyes wide open. “I know what my goal is,” I not-quite snapped at him.
“You should be aware that Mrs. Boucher is with her son right now, in his office. This was an unplanned event. If anyone can get Dr. Bellamy involved in the family business, it’s his mother. Remember, the goal is Boucher Industries. Not the doctor.”
“I know that, but…” I stopped. “Oh. Pardon me, Agent Long. I have a new plan.” I hung up before he could ask me to explain, because I had no time. The mother. I didn’t need to entrap Jordan to get to the Bouchers. I could get information through Mrs. Boucher, the unhappily married wife of a man who was cheating on her.
Chapter Eight: Jordan
“Jordan, my beautiful boy. It’s been too long.”
My mother swept into my office, tall and chic and, as always, perfectly put together. My mother was formidable. I kissed her cheek before offering her a seat.
“It’s always a pleasure to see you, Mom.” It wasn’t always, but that wasn’t her fault. It was because of the man she was married to, my father, who had a way of getting under my skin and pushing my buttons. But today, it was just my mom, in her tailored gray dress and suit jacket. Her hair was swept up perfectly and she wore her habitual pearls. Her familiar perfume filled the office. “You look lovely, are you on your way somewhere?”
She sat and waved away my question. “I’m always on my way to somewhere. While I was in the neighborhood, I wanted to see my favorite son.”
I sat on the edge of my desk. “Do you tell your other sons that?”
“Oh, they’ve scattered around the globe. I see them even less than I see you. You’re my last chance to have grandchildren. They’re too busy with the business.”
The business. I felt my smile tighten. The damn business.
“And that’s why you’re my favorite. Michael had a talent for tap dance, did you know that? He could have been on broadway.”
I laughed out loud. The thought of my asshole brother singing and dancing on Broadway was hysterical. I wondered if that would have made him a happier, better person than following in my father’s footsteps had. “As if Dad would have allowed that. He barely allowed me to go to medical school.”
“Oh, he had no choice. As I said, you were my last chance.”
“What? That doesn’t make any sense--”
“Dr. Bellamy,” the intercom buzzed. “Dr. Bellamy, Ms. Martin is–”
The door opened and Alex walked in, dressed in her coffee shop uniform, her hair pulled up into a ponytail with strands falling out. My heart rose at the sight of her. She held out a paper cup of coffee.
“Jordan I–” She stopped short, her eyes going wide as she looked at me, and then at my mother, who had turned to her, her brows raised in interest. “Oh. I’m sorry. Mira told me you didn’t have a patient. ”
“I don’t have a patient. This is my mother. Sonia Boucher.”
Her mouth opened as
wide as her eyes. “Your mother.”
I couldn’t get a read on what she was thinking. Was she horrified at meeting my mother? One of those relationship steps that she was absolutely not ready for? Meeting the family was a big one. Why had she burst into my office without calling? This was unusual.
The last time we spoke, it had been when I gave her an ultimatum. Maybe she wanted to break it to me gently that she had no intention at all of making our date or taking our relationship to the next step. My heart sank. I steeled myself.
“Mother, this is Alex,” I said. “She works at the coffee shop.”
Alex blinked at me, the hurt in her eyes clear, before she covered it up and turned a dazzling smile on my mother. I felt like a jerk. “Yes. I’m Alex. The girl from the coffee shop. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”
My mother smiled dangerously at Alex. It made me nervous. She glanced at me with her brows raised then back at Alex. I could see her getting ideas. My mother was always maneuvering something and I didn’t want Alex to be a part of any of that.
“You aren’t interrupting anything that can’t be interrupted.” She examined Alex head to toe, without any subtlety at all. She could do subtlety but she didn’t want to. “Aren’t you a beautiful girl.”
Alex ducked her head and blushed. “Thank you, that’s kind of you. I can see where Jordan– Dr. Bellamy gets his charm from. I was just dropping by to bring him a cup of coffee. I know how hard he works.”
“You were bringing me a coffee?” I asked suspiciously. She’d never done that before without a discussion first. It must have been an excuse to tell me she wasn’t going to meet me tonight.
She quirked her head at me, eyes hard and glittering. “Why not, Dr. Bellamy? I’m the girl from the coffee shop, right?”
“Alex…”
“Oh, don’t worry, I won’t take up any more of your time.” Were those tears in her eyes? She crossed the office quickly and shoved the cup into my hands, leaning over the desk, too close to me. “Dr. Bellamy.”
