by L A Pepper
I massaged her and she writhed below me, moaning. “Oh, I love the way you sound. Your voice, your voice is so sweet.” I nipped at her rounded thigh with my teeth. “And your curves are so lovely.” I descended on her center with my mouth. “You taste so good. Moan for me again.” She did and I devoured her. I brought her higher and higher until she lifted off the bed with the force of her climax, crying out. Nothing was ever so good. I brought her back down with little kitten licks until she was weak and panting on the bed, reaching for me to pull me into her.
I stripped my jeans and boxers off and ran my hands over her naked skin. I still couldn’t get enough of her taste and kissed my way back up her body. Every curve, every dip, every rounded bit of her glorious body was as sweet as the most delectable treat. She was what I couldn’t do without. She was my heart.
When I reached her lips, she grabbed me, holding me tight, “Jordan, oh, oh, Jordan,” and she kissed me. Her lips, her tongue, her little sighs and moans, the fluttering of her hands over my skin, the taste of her breath, so precious, it told me she felt the same way I did. That this thing between us was real and true.
“I love you, Alex.” The words were barely audible but I knew she heard. Her breath expelled against my ear, full of what she could not say yet.
I spread her legs before me and she urged me into her. She drew me into her and we both moaned with what we had waited for so long. This was so much more than before. This was so much. This was a truth that we’d been trying to avoid, trying to ignore with every glance we’d shared and every coffee we’d drunk and every flirtatious word we’d exchanged on our way to or from work for the last month.
There were no words now. It was just connection, hard flesh meeting soft, her heart, and mine. This was love. And we rose into our love together, holding onto each other, trying to get inside each other, wanting to never let go, until we came, explosive, together.
Fireworks burst inside my eyelids, whiting out the world around us. I collapsed onto her and she held me tight. I loved the feel of those strong, curvy thighs locked around me, and the soft arms, her hands clutching at me, wanting to keep me.
“I’m yours,” I said when words finally came back to me. I moved to roll off of her, not wanting to crush her under my weight, but she wouldn’t let me go.
“No,” she cried brokenly. “No.”
“No, what, sweetheart? I don’t want to crush you.”
“No, don’t go. When you go it’s going to be over.”
“Just this round. We can go again. You’re so hot it won’t take me that long.” I laughed but it was true, her very softness and strength were stirring me again.
“No.” She clutched at me and I slowly realized it wasn’t just the after-effects from making love. I felt hot tears on my neck.
I leaned up on my elbows. “What is it? Alex, are you okay? I didn’t mean to pressure you.”
“Dammit, Jordan. Stop being so sweet. Please be a jerk to me.”
“No.” I took her shoulders and pried her from my neck. “Tell me what’s going on.”
She covered her face with her hands. “I wanted to go to bed with you so much, and I shouldn’t have. It was such a mistake. And you love me.” She dragged in air through her fingers.
“Sorry to inconvenience you.”
“Yes.” She dropped her hands from in front of her face and sat up, shoving me off of her. “Be snarky. Give me attitude. Be slick or act like one of those guys at that bar the night we met.”
“Those guys are dicks, Alex. I hate that place. I don’t even know why you were there.”
Her face went flat. Her warm brown eyes hardened like amber. Her shoulders dropped and she looked me dead-on. “I’m not the coffee shop girl.”
I scoffed. “I know that. I told you, I’m sorry about that. Do you want me to be that dick again?”
“I’m not the coffee shop girl, Jordan,” she repeated, frustrated, upset. “I’m a private investigator.”
“What?” This didn’t make sense.
She rolled her neck like she was getting ready for a fight and pulled the sheets up to cover her naked breasts. “I’m a private investigator who is hired to do honeytraps by wives who think their husbands are cheating on them. I was in that bar that night on a job. That’s why I was dressed like that. That’s why I called myself Alexandra. It’s a role I put on to honeytrap cheaters.”
There was a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I suddenly knew. “Don’t say it.”
“Because I was the mark’s type.”
“Fuck, Alex. Don’t say it.” I scrambled out of bed and stood there staring.
“I was your father’s type. I was there to entrap him and get evidence of infidelity for your mother so she could divorce him and keep her money.”
“No.” It wasn’t true. “She didn’t recognize you when she met you at my office. She’d never met you before…had she?” A terrible thought went through me that my entire life was a trap.
“She hadn’t. She dealt with my boss, not me. I was just there to honeytrap and get the evidence. I was wearing a camera.”
“He didn’t show up, though.”
“My boss called me to cancel the job.”
“Because my dad canceled on me. He didn’t come to the bar. We both got stood up. By the same person...”
“I was getting ready to go home, Jordan. When you hit on me. And you were cute.”
“You didn’t know who I was? This wasn’t some trap for me?”
She dragged in a deep breath. “I didn’t know who you were.” She shrugged and looked up at me helplessly. “I just liked you, Jordan. That was all. I hadn’t been with anyone in a long time and Abuela was watching Trini so I had the whole night off…”
“No,” I said. This didn’t make sense. I backed up and found my jeans on the floor. I felt too vulnerable. “No. Your daughter.” I pointed my finger at her accusingly. “You brought your daughter to the clinic!”
“She was sick when I went to pick her up, and Abuela made an appointment at the clinic down the street. Your clinic. That was a complete coincidence. Her apartment isn’t far from here. You’re neighbors. I had no ulterior motives. I was just as surprised to see you as you were to see me.”
“Coincidence.” I’d thought it was fate. Man of science? I laughed a very unamused laugh. “But you’re not the coffee girl. You’re an investigator. So then how did you get behind the counter at the coffee shop down the block from my clinic?”
She wilted in front of me. Her head shook back and forth again and again. “That was not coincidence.”
My father had taught me. Everyone was an enemy. I had refused to listen. I picked up a flannel shirt draped over a chair and put it on. “Tell me.”
“The FBI came to me. They’re investigating Boucher Industries and apparently, no one could get inside the family to get the information they needed.”
“But you found your way in.” There was an electric current running up and down my spine. None of this could be real. “Through me.”
Her chest heaved. “They offered to make me a federal agent. I’m a translator, Jordan. I’m fluent in six languages. I can’t raise my daughter as a single mom trying to entrap cheaters in bars. A job with the government means healthcare and benefits and a retirement plan.”
“So you pretended to like me.”
“No!” She came to her knees, clutching at the sheet to hold it against her. “No. I never pretended. I like you. I– I love you.” She looked like she was begging.
“Don’t!” I took swift steps towards her and grabbed her shoulders, bringing her up against my chest. “Don’t tell me you love me when you’ve been lying to me, and keeping secrets the entire time!”
She didn’t pull away. She swayed into me. She didn’t deny that she’d been lying. “He’s trying to entangle The Good Friend Foundation with his pharmaceutical business so he can distribute counterfeit drugs in the United States,” she said, her voice weak. “He thinks that once
it’s done, you won’t be able to get away from it without incriminating yourself, and you’ll be back in his clutches. He’s trying to drag you into the business and leave you no choice.”
“He wouldn’t do that.” But now I was lying. He absolutely would do that. I’d refused him, and he hated anyone denying him what he wanted. I pushed away from her and she fell back onto the bed. The sheets fell away and she crawled towards me.
“I had a listening device in your office. I heard him on the phone today. He put a keylogger on your computer so when you access your business accounts he can steal your passwords and begin transfers. He thinks you won’t even notice until it’s too late and you’re already involved. And he–” she stopped and shook her head like she didn’t want to tell me something worse. As if there could be something worse than this disaster.
“And what?”
She waved her hand. Waving it away. “And I’m sorry. I don’t deserve you. And you don’t deserve to have him as a father. I didn’t want any of this to happen. I’m sorry, Jordan.”
I sat down heavily on the bed. This couldn’t be real. And yet I knew it was. My parents lured me back to New York City with the foundation and my father wanted to use it to distribute counterfeit pharmaceuticals, of course he did. The FBI wanted to catch us, because of course they did and of course, the only way in was through a family member because my father was a paranoid asshole who didn’t trust anyone, not even his family unless we were complicit in his plans, so he was trying to entangle me in his crimes, which made me a target of the FBI, and this beautiful deceitful girl. It was so typical of my family that I knew she was telling the truth.
But what hurt the worst was that Alex was involved. Now it was clear that my feelings for her went even deeper than I had thought they were, because her betrayal was destroying me. My father, I could expect this from, but Alex? I’d had hopes. Real hopes. Hopes that could last a lifetime and give me something real. I felt like a fool. I grit my teeth together to keep from yelling. Hitting something. Breaking into sobs. “You put a listening device in my office. When? And where?”
“This morning when your mother was there. I was told she was meeting with you, so I planted a bug. Underneath the lip of your desk. I put it there when I gave you your coffee. I can show you. I can remove it if you want.”
“I don’t want you near my office. I don’t think I want you near me.”
She swallowed heavily and looked ready to cry, but she didn’t. She nodded, accepting what I said.
“So you didn’t just show up to give me a coffee. I knew that was odd. You did have an ulterior motive. Not to see me. To plant the bug.”
“Yes.”
It was all part of her plan. Something within me felt frozen and hard. “Are there any more bugs?”
She looked down, her lashes brushing her cheek with dark shadows, then she stood, wrapping the sheet around her like a gown and left the bedroom. I stared after her, not really knowing what to think. Every bit of her I had known had been an act. I felt betrayed. It felt like she had ripped my heart out of my chest and left a gaping hole. The winter winds were blowing in the space she’d left.
When she walked back in with her purse, I could only stare at her thinking, how could you? But I didn’t say anything. She took a pen out of her purse, walked close to me and untwisted it so I could see the listening device within. How could you? my heart said. She flicked the switch.
“It’s off now.” She put it in my hands.
How could you? I snapped the bits of plastic and let it fall to the floor. “You’ve ruined your investigation.”
She shook her head. “You’re innocent. I don’t have evidence on your father, but I had evidence that he was setting you up and you weren’t involved. All I care about is you.” She reached out for me.
I stepped away from her. “I’m a Boucher. We’re never innocent.”
Her brows drew together and her face clouded over. “There is no evidence that you are at all involved with the crimes of Boucher Industries. You’re a doctor. There was nothing. You don’t even talk to your father. He’s trying to involve you because you’re not involved. I can keep you out of it. I can keep you safe from him.”
“My clinic is paid for by Boucher Industries. So is this apartment. My foundation. That Cezanne painting. I am a Boucher. We’re all corrupt.”
She was shaking her head, as if she actually knew me, knew what I was capable of, knew who I was. A stab of sorrow went through me.
“Everything about us, Alexandra...” I stood. I turned to look at her. “Has been a lie. This between us? Fake.”
“No. I tried. I tried, Jordan, I did. I tried to keep it business, you know I did. But I couldn’t help it. I fell in love with you. I didn’t mean to. It’s real.”
I just stared at her. “Get dressed. And get out.”
The color drained from her face. “Jordan. Please. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“I suppose you’re going to say you love me. And you don’t want to lose me.” The sarcasm dripped from my mouth like blood from a knife.
“I won’t say it, although it’s true. I don’t expect to be forgiven. I don’t expect to–” her voice broke on tears. “–get to keep you.”
“Oh come on now, investigator. You were doing so well. No weepy eyes. No poor heartbroken girl act. I bet you know how to turn those tears on when you need it. And I’ve noticed that you’re still naked. I bet that works, too. How many times have you used that body to get what you need?”
Her face stilled. “Okay.” She dashed the burgeoning tears from her eyes. “I deserve that. There’s nothing I can say that can make up for this. No begging. I owe you that. I’m sorry. I’ll leave now.”
She just stood there, casting her eyes around the room. Neither of us moved.
“Why are you still here!?” I yelled.
She swallowed. “I don’t know where my clothes are.”
I picked them up from where I’d tossed them not too long ago and then I threw them at her. She caught them, her pink lace panties falling to the floor at her feet. Dammit.
I felt the fury rise. “Get dressed. Get out.”
I left the bedroom. I couldn’t look at her anymore. I was so angry at her. Felt so betrayed. And still. Still. I just wanted to hold her. I was angry at myself for feeling that way.
I sat on the couch watching the dim twinkle of the stars over the river, a bottle of tequila in front of me. When she finally came out of my bedroom, I didn’t look at her. She picked up her shoes and put them on.
“I’m leaving, Jordan.”
If she was waiting for me to turn around to look at her, she’d be waiting a long time. I didn’t know what I’d do if I looked at her.
“I want you to know that I regret lying to you. I regret betraying you so much, and if I had it to do over againI wouldn’t. But I don’t regret falling in love with you.”
I didn’t respond. I didn’t move a muscle. I could hear her shifting on the marble floor. Waiting for something. She wasn’t getting it. Not from me.
Her heels clicked along the floor and I heard the chime as she pressed the elevator button. I waited for it to come. Waited for her to say something else, something that could make this better in any way. But she didn’t say a word. Because she and I both knew there was nothing that would make any of this okay.
The elevator came, swallowed her up and Alex left my life.
Chapter Eleven: Alex
The first thing I did when I left Jordan’s house was to call Abuela and ask her to take Trini for the whole night.
“Ai! Finally,” she said. “It’s about time you let yourself be with a man.”
“No, Abuela, that’s not it. I have to work tonight.”
“Work? You said you were on a date with your doctor.”
“I was.” How could I explain this to her? My throat closed up just a little bit. I wasn’t going to cry. It was too raw, too painful still. I decided I wouldn’t even try to explain it to h
er. What was one more lie? “I got called into work. I have to...follow someone.” I was afraid it wouldn’t be a lie at all before this night was through.
Abuela sighed, disappointed. “Oh, well that’s too bad. I thought you might be falling in love with your doctor.”
I laughed, or at least I hoped she heard a laugh, because it felt closer to a sob. “I just have to work. Nothing like that…” my voice died.
“Well, of course, mija. You know I’ll always watch Trini. She’s my favorite great-grandchild.”
“I know that.” And I did. It had always only been an excuse I’d used with Jordan, saying I couldn’t spend the night away from Trini, because I was afraid to be alone with him. Afraid to open myself up to what I really felt. Afraid of truths coming out. Afraid of how it would all fall apart when those truths did come out. It didn’t matter how I’d tried to guard my heart or what kind of roadblocks I’d put in our way, I loved him, and it had all become a mess.
Tonight everything had gone sideways and I didn’t know which way to turn. I said goodbye but before she hung up, her voice softened.
“I want you to know that you are allowed to have something for yourself, Alex. Just because you’re a single mom and you’re trying to raise your daughter all by yourself doesn’t mean you don’t deserve happiness. I think this man makes you happy. You don’t have to hide from him.”
It was hard to fight back the sob, but I did and thanked her and told her I would remember that. But right now, I had a bad feeling that everything was about to go even worse than it had for me up in that penthouse, and I had to get to work.
With dread in my stomach, I found myself a doorway to stand in and took out my phone. I knew that no matter what happened with this investigation, and I was probably going to be removed from the case, I needed to make sure there was no shadow of a doubt that Jordan was innocent, before his father sucked him in more. I turned on the app I was looking for and plugged in my earbuds so I could listen.
