by TJ Nichols
Edra might not be home. He should’ve called first.
His phone buzzed, and he picked it up and dropped it, his hands nowhere near steady. He had to scrabble around on the floor to retrieve it.
Why are you out front?
I need to see you.
You shouldn’t be here. Apartment 9.
Jordan pressed the phone to his lips. He had to go up now or it would look weirder. He got out, hating every step as he walked up the stairs. Number nine was on the third floor, and there were four apartments on each floor. The building wasn’t that big, so the apartments must be tiny.
He knocked, and Edra opened the door. He was still in his suit, but his feet were bare and his tie was gone. Jordan stepped in and kissed him, hungry for a taste, needing more than a kiss. He was tired of waiting. Edra’s tongue dipped into his mouth. His tongue was amazing, and Jordan wanted to feel it everywhere. He flicked open a couple of buttons on Edra’s shirt.
Edra took a step back, his blue eyes dark. “What did you come here for?”
“I needed to see you.”
“I got that. It’s just….” Edra glanced over his shoulder.
Jordan tried to peek into the apartment. Did he have someone else here? “What?”
Edra stepped aside, but he didn’t look at Jordan as he crossed the threshold. The apartment was empty except for a small table that was pushed up against a wall, and a sofa near the window. The kitchen couldn’t even be called that. There was no one else there, unless they were hiding in the bathroom, which Jordan doubted.
Edra shut the door.
Jordan turned. If not for the cups in the sink or the clothes hanging out of a box that must be the laundry basket, the place could’ve been empty. “You live here?”
“There is a fold-down bed. I don’t sleep on the floor. Have a seat.” Edra indicated the sofa.
Jordan dropped onto it. It wasn’t soft, and he didn’t want to know what the cloth over it was hiding. He fisted his hand. He should’ve gone home. He could ride it out. But he needed to be touched. He needed…. He watched Edra, at the sink getting water, but even the sight of him wasn’t enough. If they fucked all night, it wouldn’t be enough.
Edra handed him the glass. “What’s the problem? If you wanted to watch TV with me, we’re in the wrong place. Coming here. This isn’t like you.”
Jordan’s hand shook as he took a drink. “Something’s wrong.”
“I can see that. I knew that the moment I saw your car parked out front.”
Jordan worked his teeth over his lower lip. He felt as though he were getting the flu while being exceptionally horny, but he didn’t want to say it. If he admitted it… what then? He’d been enjoying the “take it slow, get to know you” thing they had. He didn’t want to end it, but he didn’t know how it would work. He stared up at the water stain on the ceiling.
Edra squatted down in front of him. “It’s the Bliss, isn’t it?”
“I need it. I can’t stop thinking about it.” He looked at the glass and the way the water wobbled. “There’s not supposed to be side effects.”
“You’re human.”
“There were humans in your world.”
Edra nodded. “Some. You’re just feeling lusty.”
It was something more. Jordan shook his head. “You don’t understand.”
“Really?” He put his hands on Jordan’s thighs and leaned in as though to kiss him. Jordan leaned closer, but Edra kept his distance. “Tell me how I don’t know what it’s like to want something but be unable to take it.” He drew back.
This wasn’t helping. “I tried to take the edge off this morning after you left. It didn’t work.” He closed his eyes. “Has your mating thing messed me up?”
A flicker of a smile passed over Edra’s lips. “Do you want me or do you want Bliss?”
It was a simple question, and Jordan should be able to answer it. He wanted Edra—he wasn’t sure about the mating-for-life thing—but the need for Bliss was in his bones and chewing the marrow in the centers.
Edra looked away and shook his head.
“I think I’m addicted.”
“You are.” Edra got up. He did something to the wall, and a bed appeared like magic, folding down, made and ready to be used. Jordan’s body gave a jolt of need. “Get comfortable.”
“Why?”
“So you can have a dose.” He went to the kitchen and rummaged through a cupboard.
“Shouldn’t you be telling me not to use? Reminding me that it’s not addictive?”
“Bit late for that. I did warn you that everything else would pale and that all you’d want would be Bliss. You can’t just use Bliss. It’s not meant to be used on its own. It’s a stimulant, and your body wants sex… with another person.”
Edra had warned him, but it had already been too late. When he started going more frequently to the den, risking his career, he should’ve realized he was in trouble. He’d picked up in clubs since he started using, but it wasn’t very often and it wasn’t the same. There was no doubt and no nerves with Bliss. Had Bliss ruined sex forever? “I don’t want to be an addict. Have sex with me instead.”
Edra turned, red powder in a bag in his hand. “Really?”
For a moment Jordan thought Edra was going to get naked with him. “Yes? That will stop the craving.”
Edra closed his eyes as he took a breath. “No. I’m not mating with you just to stop the craving. I don’t want to be giving Bliss to you, but it’s safer for everyone this way. So this is what’s going to happen. You’ll take regular smaller doses until you’re weaned off it.”
“You’ve been giving me smaller and smaller doses. That’s why I keep craving it.” Anger bubbled, but he knew the words were wrong. He craved it—not because of the smaller doses but because he was addicted.
Edra shook his head.
Jordan unclenched his hands. “I want to stop. I can’t keep using.”
But even as he protested, his gaze was glued to the bag. He licked his lips, already wanting the sweet taste on his tongue.
“I agree. You could go without, but you might rub yourself raw trying to find release.” Edra poured some Bliss onto a teaspoon and walked over.
“You could help me.” Jordan smiled.
Edra didn’t.
“I want you.” Jordan toed off his shoes and walked over to the bed. He wanted Edra’s hands on him.
“You came here for Bliss.” Edra held a teaspoon loaded with red Bliss, his favorite.
Jordan’s mouth watered, and he swallowed hard. He looked at Edra and then at the Bliss.
He wanted Edra, but that was a lifetime of commitment. Bliss was a moment of pleasure. It should be an easy choice. He liked Edra. He was honorable and just a little sneaky and fearless, and Jordan couldn’t imagine not having him in his life… but all relationships started that way. His hand shook as he reached out.
Jordan took the offered spoon and let the powder dissolve on his tongue. The rush was instant—heat twisted through his blood even as he licked the spoon and handed it back. The ache from being hard intensified.
He closed his eyes and lay back on the bed. It smelled like Edra, like his soap or his deodorant or something. Jordan rubbed his cheek on the sheets and undid his pants, trying to be comfortable, wanting Edra to join him. The bed dipped, and he opened his eyes and reached for Edra, but Edra sat with his back against the wall, watching.
“Join me?” Jordan ran a hand up Edra’s calf.
Edra grasped his hand and kissed his knuckles. “No. I shouldn’t have joined you last time you Blissed.”
“What do you mean?” It was hard to hold the thought together when all he wanted to do was get Edra naked and suck on his cock. He hadn’t done that—couldn’t—because they were waiting. But waiting seemed like such a stupid thing to do.
“Doesn’t matter. Enjoy the Bliss.”
Jordan moved closer and crawled over Edra. He needed to feel Edra against him. To hell with waiting. He wante
d Edra naked and beneath him. “Tell me.”
Edra pushed Jordan to the side and curled behind him, so Jordan found himself being held, but that was all. The length of Edra’s cock pressed against him, and Jordan tried to rub against it, even though he didn’t usually bottom. He could if that’s what Edra wanted.
Edra put a gap between them. “The only pleasure you’ve been getting is on Bliss.”
“Not last night.” Jordan tried to squirm closer, but Edra was far stronger than he looked.
“For how long has Bliss been your substitute for sex?”
Jordan bit his lip and closed his eyes. “It wasn’t a substitute, not at first.” But it was easier. “A year… fourteen months.”
“It’s not meant to be used instead of sex, but to amplify desire.” He sighed. “Then we started…. Maybe you’re also affected by the bond—”
“Dragony chemistry.” It pulled him toward Edra like a siren lured ships toward rocks.
Edra caressed Jordan’s arm. “Yeah. But the bond is now messed up with Bliss, and your body doesn’t know what it wants.”
“It does.” Jordan reached a hand behind him to try and rub Edra’s cock.
“Not while you’re like this. You’d do anything to get off. I shouldn’t have given in and touched you last night.”
“What do you mean?”
Edra sighed. “That nothing more happens until you’re clean.”
Jordan tried to turn over to face Edra, lust tumbling through his veins, but it had turned cold and sharp.
“Shh. Relax, like you’re at the den. I’m not going to leave you. I like to see you Blissing.”
A moan slipped past Jordan’s lips as a wave of pleasure flooded him and his body obeyed the drug. “I did want to see you.”
Edra stroked Jordan’s hair and kissed the back of his neck. “I know. I wanted to see you too. But we have to do this differently.”
“I just wanted the Bliss more.” His voice broke as the pleasure peaked. He knew his cheek was wet, and even as the chemical lust tore through his body, he hated it, hated who he’d become.
Chapter 13
IT WAS after midnight when Jordan left, unsteady on his feet and unable to look Edra in the eye. Edra had been tempted to ask him to stay, but that wasn’t what either of them needed right then. He needed to breathe and stretch his wings and work out what in Hel’s name he was doing.
He should never have mucked around with Jordan while Jordan was using Bliss. Sure it was fun and he loved the way Jordan looked at him, but he didn’t want Jordan to only look at him like that when he was Blissing. He didn’t want Jordan to remember him as just another part of Bliss either. If Jordan was affected by the mating bond, it was now intertwined with his Bliss cravings, and that only made everything messier.
One fuck would solve some of Jordan’s problems but would create a raft of others—he didn’t even know what it would do to a human. The repercussions would soon reach beyond the two of them. How long before everyone found out? If Jordan couldn’t introduce him to his friends, Jordan wasn’t ready to be a mate. And Jordan was in no state to be making decisions that changed everything.
They had time.
He’d had Jordan in his bed and had done nothing. He deserved a medal for that, but he wouldn’t get one. No one would truly appreciate the self-control it took when all he wanted was his mate. But just because Jordan could become his mate, that didn’t mean either of them had to follow that path.
He bore part of the blame for Jordan’s craving. He’d kept him supplied with Bliss, thinking it was harmless, and maybe it would’ve been if they didn’t share an attraction. But it was now his responsibility to help Jordan get past it. If he didn’t, they stood no chance together.
Edra leaped off the roof and into the air. He didn’t bother about visibility this late at night, and besides, he had permission to fly over the city as required. He usually chose to be invisible because fewer witnesses would see where he was going.
He hoped Jordan hadn’t added anything in his reports about silver lesser dragons becoming invisible. That would complicate matters. He flew over the bay, over Alcatraz, and for a bit he tracked the glow of the mermaids as they swam. Then they converged on something, and he realized they were hunting. He wheeled away, not wanting to know what their prey was. After the storm he was going to have to go back and talk to them about the boat, the diver, and the stolen goods.
He settled on top of the bridge, where he could watch the city and the fires. The wind buffeted him, but he wasn’t afraid of heights. He liked them. So he shifted to human on his perch, still able to feel the wind currents that called for him to fly. He loved coming here. At night the city glowed in a way his old one never had. Cars buzzed along the streets at all hours. There were always people around, mytho and human. If anyone walked along the bridge and looked up, he was sure they’d call the cops to rescue him. But no one could help him. He was halfway to being mated with a human who was addicted to Bliss.
When Jordan sorted himself out, would he still want Edra?
How long until Jordan was tired of dealing with mythos?
Edra wrapped his arms around his knees and stared out over the city. Beyond it the fires burned. He didn’t know how Narv had gotten out there or taken the eggs, and it was even more of a puzzle that they’d been returned. Though why they’d been taken in the first place, he didn’t know. Mermaids didn’t steal another’s young. But once an item was in a mermaid’s possession, it was considered lost forever. While returning the eggs was the right thing to do, it wasn’t the mermaid thing to do.
He was missing something.
The longer he stared into the night, the less he knew about anything. If he had anything of value, he’d go see the Strega so she could tell him how to untangle his life—not something he would do lightly, as the solution might be quite distasteful. He sat up straighter and blinked. He did have something of value—the suit from the vampire—and Helena knew where the Strega lived. He’d ask her for direction and get his life sorted, and then he’d be fine. He should’ve fucked Jordan the first time instead of drawing out his attraction.
Loving someone didn’t make them a good mate.
But he couldn’t imagine a life in which he didn’t see Jordan, and seeing him only professionally would cut… unless he had another mate. Could there be another? A mytho? The Strega could show him that. Right now he was so far gone that he didn’t want to think of another option. He wanted Jordan. But he wanted him sober and honestly and with the understanding of what it meant to be a dragon’s mate.
With a human, there’d be no shared flights, no tumbles in the sky.
But there’d be other things, like sausages on the patio with the cat and watching TV and going to parties. He did want to be part of that. Passing as human gave him access to human society, and Jordan opened doors for him that he could have never pried open on his own. There were things he liked about the human world.
What if the Strega warned him away from Jordan?
What if his future was something he didn’t want?
But he didn’t know what he wanted, so what did it matter?
He stood and the ashy breeze buffeted him. His toes curled against the cool metal and the night air filled his lungs. Then he closed his eyes, opened his arms, and pitched forward.
Adrenaline spiked as he fell headfirst toward the water. He breathed out as his body rearranged itself, his fingers lengthening into wings, and his belly skimmed the water before he took to the air.
“Show-off.”
Edra turned. The water dragon sat on the concrete footing, leaning against the metal leg of the bridge. Edra wasn’t going to sit at water level with Narv. Light flickered in the dark water, and the mermaids had tasted far too much human blood lately. He didn’t want them getting a taste for dragon.
He settled on one of the beams above Narv and shifted to human. “Didn’t know I had an audience.” It had been a long time since he’d tested his flight re
flex and trusted his body would act to save him. The first time he’d done it after collapse, he wasn’t sure he wanted to survive. Maybe the first half dozen times….
“Just watching the fires and the moon, like you,” Narv said.
“It’s a good night for thinking.” The metal was cold on Edra’s butt. He was wishing he’d stayed home, curled up against Jordan. But Jordan had wanted to go, and Edra couldn’t make him stay. “Thank you for returning the dragon eggs. They were most grateful.”
“It was the right thing to do.”
The right thing would have been not taking them in the first place. “Why did you take them? The nest was a long way from shore.”
“She asked me to.”
“And if she asked you to jump in a fire, would you?” People did all kinds of weird things for love, himself included.
“What do you know about love? You’re a dragon and your mate is a human.”
“I have been in love.” Dragons fell in love, but it happened after they had a mate, not before. Lyo’s face, which had once been so clear in his mind, was now nothing more than an impression, no matter how hard he tried to remember. “And the human’s not my mate.”
Narv stared up at him. “If you believe that, you’re a greater fool than you appear.”
Edra wasn’t there to be quizzed by an egg thief. Eggs. That’s what had been wrong all along. “Eggs and armor—she has you stealing things that aren’t shiny, things that can’t be replaced easily. Mermaids like shiny metal.”
“She’s different.”
“She got a merman too?”
“Maybe.” Narv crossed his arms. “I don’t care.”
“To each their own. You like mermaids. I like humans.”
“I’ve walked around the city. It’s nice to appear human.”
“Yeah. Before you were here, did you see many other lesser dragons or water dragons?” He tried to be more conversational so he could worm a little more out of Narv.
“Nice try. But no. There’s not that many mermaid colonies either. Not that I’m game to go too far from the coast.”
