by Ben Miller
‘Sorry, everyone,’ said Harrison to the annoyed-looking people in the queue. ‘Careful!’ he hissed down at his brother. ‘We don’t want to get caught out. Come on, let’s find the loo and get out of this coat.’
He spotted a woman pushing an elderly gentleman in a special airport wheelchair. She was wearing a badge that said: Chris Difford, Special Assistance. ‘Excuse me,’ he said to her. ‘Where’s the loo?’
‘That way,’ the woman said, pointing down a busy corridor to their left.
‘Thank you,’ said Harrison. And they began to head slowly away, trying their best not to bash into anything else.
As soon as they were safely inside a cubicle in the loo with the door locked, Harrison tied his black hole to the loo seat, and began to unbutton the raincoat. When he got to the third button, Sonny’s hair appeared, and by the time he reached the fifth, he could see his brother’s red and sweaty face.
‘We made it!’ hissed Harrison, in great excitement. ‘I’ve got my boarding pass, look. Now I can get on the plane.’
‘Not quite,’ replied Sonny. ‘We need to get you and your black hole through the security scanner first and I’m not sure how it’s going to cope with that. What if they want to take it from you to examine it?’
Harrison’s heart began to race. If the scanner people took his black hole, he’d never get his parents back! He suddenly felt Very Scared Indeed. And because he was scared, he started to have a meltdown.
‘I don’t want to go on a plane!’ he blurted.
‘Sssh!’ whispered Sonny. ‘Someone will hear!’
‘It’s a stupid idea! You can’t make me!’ yelled Harrison. His legs wobbled and his arms flailed, as if they had minds of their own.
‘Get a grip!’ said Sonny, clamping his hand over Harrison’s mouth. ‘If you pull a Code Red, we’re finished!’
A Code Red! Now Sonny was using that horrible phrase his parents did! Urgh!
But, suddenly, Harrison had a revolutionary thought. What if he didn’t lose his temper? Just like with Shelley’s grandmother back at the lab, when he’d managed to make her listen to him. What if, instead of kicking off, he imagined putting his problem in the black hole and . . . making it disappear? What if he just told Sonny that he was worried, not angry?
And, for just a moment, he relaxed.
‘What’s the matter?’ asked Sonny. ‘Are you all right?’ He still had his hand over Harrison’s mouth.
Harrison tried to speak, but it came out muffled.
‘Sorry,’ whispered Sonny, and released his hand.
‘I’m scared,’ said Harrison in a small voice.
‘That’s okay,’ said Sonny with a smile. ‘So am I. But we are not going to let this thing beat us. We’re going to think, and we’re going to come up with a plan.’
There was a pause, while the two of them did just that . . .
Harrison considered various options, including squirting all the security people with a water pistol so that they ran away, or setting off the fire alarm, like Hector Broom had once done at school. Unfortunately, he didn’t have a water pistol and he had no idea if airports had fire alarms. He was just considering a third option that he liked to call ‘Giving Up’, when his eye caught a notice on the door in front of them. It said that the toilet they were in was ‘Accessible’ and showed a little stick man sign of a disabled person.
‘What if I was in a wheelchair?’ Harrison asked. ‘Like the old man we just saw. What would they do at security then?’’
‘I think they’d wave you straight through,’ said Sonny. ‘But you’re not in a wheelchair, so that’s no good . . .’
‘What if I pretended?’ whispered Harrison, a note of excitement in his voice. ‘I look really tall sitting on your shoulders. What if I say I’ve had a growth spurt, and it’s given me really bad growing pains?’
‘Harrison,’ said Sonny, with the air of someone breaking bad news. ‘Impersonating a disabled person is wrong. And no one, I repeat, no one, is going to give you special assistance because you’ve got growing pains.’
‘Bring him straight through, Chris.’
The security guard was beckoning, so Chris Difford from Special Assistance pushed Harrison/Sonny’s wheelchair through a tall grey rectangular arch, which Harrison guessed must be some sort of metal detector. It was like being invisible. No one searched him, and no one questioned the fact that he was holding what looked like a large black party balloon on a piece of string.
That wasn’t even the best bit. Once they were through security, Chris helped Harrison onto a special silver-and-yellow mini-truck and drove through the airport like a maniac, all the way to the boarding gate. Then she helped Harrison/Sonny back into the wheelchair, and pushed him down a long winding corridor, right to the door of the plane.
‘Here you go, my friend,’ said Chris, parking the wheelchair and ratcheting the brake with her foot. ‘End of the line.’
‘Thanks,’ said Harrison. There was a porthole in the wall, and he could see a huge jet engine spinning on the wing of the plane.
There were two flight attendants waiting inside, a man and a woman. They both smiled brightly.
‘Look after this one, please’ Chris told them. ‘Teenager. Growing pains.’
‘Right,’ said the lady flight attendant, slightly mystified. ‘Welcome on board, sir. May I see your boarding pass?’
Harrison handed it over, and she studied it carefully, as if she was looking for some sort of mistake. Then she smiled.
‘You’re at the back,’ she said. ‘Row twenty-six.’
As soon as Harrison reached his seat, Sonny started poking him in the ribs. Harrison checked to see if the flight attendants were looking, then undid the top few buttons of his coat.
‘Unbelievable,’ said Sonny, peeping through the gap. ‘We made it.’
‘What do we do now?’ asked Harrison. It felt very strange talking to his chest.
‘Somehow, I need to get off this plane,’ Sonny replied. ‘I’ve got to get back so I can look after Lana when school’s finished. Otherwise she’ll be all on her own, or worse, someone will find out that Dad and your mum are gone.’
The first few passengers were making their way down the plane towards them, so they needed to move fast. Making sure his black hole was securely tied to the armrest of the seat next to him, Harrison unbuttoned his coat and carefully climbed off his brother’s shoulders.
Sonny was now looking very red in the face and his quiff was squashed.
‘Right, little brother,’ he said, standing up and putting his hand on Harrison’s shoulders. ‘You’re on your own from here. Good luck!’
And then he was gone.
‘You sure you got the money for this, kid?’
The taxi driver turned off the highway, and the road began to wind upwards into the Atacama Desert.
‘Absolutely,’ said Harrison. ‘My brother gave me a whole load of dollars. Like, two hundred. And you said this would cost sixty. So I’ve got plenty.’
‘Did I say sixty?’ said the taxi driver. ‘I mean seventy. Or maybe eighty. It’s hard to tell. Depends on the meter.’
‘But your meter isn’t on,’ Harrison pointed out.
‘I know,’ replied the taxi driver. ‘That’s why it’s hard to tell.’
Harrison gave his black hole a nervous glance. It was tied to the door handle, and if he put his head out of the open window and peered upwards, he could see it leaning into the wind, way above him. The problem was, it was shrinking rapidly. After two plane journeys, with nothing to eat but an in-flight magazine and some of Harrison’s plane food, it had dwindled to the size of a grapefruit.
As soon as he got to the telescope, he would have to feed it, but for now, all he could do was watch the desert glide by.
Harrison had never been to Mars, but if he ever got the chance to go, he imagined it would look a lot like the view that was unfolding outside his window. Everywhere he looked was red. Red dust lay in drifts by the side of
the road, red boulders roasted in the sunshine and red mountains pierced the bright blue sky.
And what made it even more like Mars was that there seemed to be no sign of life. That morning, he had flown over lush green fields to land at Santiago Airport, and as he’d climbed down the steps of the plane, the air had felt hot and damp, like the inside of a greenhouse. From there, after claiming to be very small for his age, he had got on a much smaller plane and flown to a much drier, dustier place called Antofagasta. As the taxi left the airport, Harrison had seen a row of wilting palm trees, lining the highway. But the Atacama was so desolate, it made Antofagasta look like a tropical oasis.
‘Are there any animals up here?’ asked Harrison.
‘Nn-nh,’ replied the taxi driver, shaking his head. ‘No plants, no animals, no nothing. This desert is the driest place on earth. It never rains.’
‘Never?’
‘Never.’
Harrison felt his ears pop. The taxi crested the top of a hill and an enormous, dry valley opened out before them. A tall, dark mountain loomed at the other side of it, and at its summit was a flash of silver.
‘There she is,’ said the taxi driver. ‘Mount Paranal. That’s the telescope on top.’
Harrison felt the hair on his neck stand on end. Finally, here it was: the place he had travelled halfway across the world to get to. He felt excited, scared and determined, all at the same time.
As they drew closer to the mountain, Harrison realised that the flash of silver belonged to four giant silver cylinders. He pulled Shelley’s postcard from his pocket: the picture on the front was exactly the same. Part way up the mountain was a cluster of large white buildings, and directly ahead of them was a huge security barrier.
Shelley must be in there somewhere, thought Harrison. But where?
‘You want the living quarters, right?’ asked the taxi driver. ‘I usually take people through security and drop them there.’ He glanced at Harrison in the rear-view mirror. ‘That’s if they’ve got the right papers.’
‘And if they don’t?’ asked Harrison, in a higher voice than he had intended.
The taxi driver shrugged. ‘Then I drive them back again.’
Harrison suddenly felt much more scared than he did excited or determined. What if the security guards wouldn’t let him in?
‘Actually,’ he said suddenly. ‘Why don’t you let me out here? I can walk the rest of the way.’
‘Whatever you say,’ said the taxi driver, and skidded the car to a halt.
Harrison counted out sixty dollars. But as he handed over the money, the taxi driver gripped his hand and looked him right in the eye.
‘What’s your name?’ he growled. Harrison told him.
‘You’re not thirteen,’ he said, narrowing his eyes. ‘You’re like, maybe, eight, nine, at the most.’
Harrison gulped. Was he about to get found out?
‘So, what are you doing here? Really?’ the taxi driver pressed.
Time was ticking, so Harrison decided to tell the truth.
‘I’ve come to get my parents out of a black hole,’ he said.
There was a long silence, while the taxi driver ran his tongue around his teeth, his eyes twitching with thought.
‘I put my parents in a black hole too,’ he said.
‘Really?’ asked Harrison.
‘When I was young, I did some bad things. My parents found out and reported me to the police. I went to prison. For a long time, I was mad at them. Didn’t speak to them, see them.’ He looked Harrison in the eye. ‘I put them in a black hole.’
‘And what happened?’ asked Harrison. ‘Did you manage to get them out again?’
‘No,’ said the taxi driver. ‘By the time I forgave them, it was too late.’
‘Oh,’ said Harrison. That didn’t seem like a very happy end to the story.
‘Don’t make the same mistake I did,’ said the taxi driver earnestly, twisting in his seat so they were face to face. ‘Let them out before it’s too late.’
‘That’s why I’m here,’ said Harrison, not entirely sure that he and the taxi driver understood each other. ‘There’s someone who can help me.’
‘Good,’ said the taxi driver. ‘I found someone like that. After I left prison. A priest.’
Now Harrison was absolutely sure they didn’t understand one another.
‘I’m looking for an astronomer,’ he said. ‘She’s called Shelley.’
‘Whatever it takes, little man, whatever it takes.’
There was a long pause while the taxi driver looked out at the desert and Harrison wondered how he was going to get through the gate.
‘Eduardo, the security guard? He’ll never let you in without papers,’ said the taxi driver. ‘Fact.’
‘But I haven’t got any papers,’ admitted Harrison.
‘Then you’d better get in the trunk,’ said the taxi driver.
Harrison had never been in the trunk of a Chilean taxi for any length of time before, and there was very little about the experience that he ever wished to repeat. Luckily, thanks to a very large dent, the hood didn’t shut properly and there was a crack just big enough for him to peep out of. At first, all he could see was red sand, but then the taxi slowed to a halt and he glimpsed a pair of black polished boots that he assumed must belong to Eduardo, the security guard the taxi driver had told him about.
The car stopped and Harrison heard the taxi driver and Eduardo having a conversation in Spanish. Harrison held his breath, hoping for the best . . . then the car started moving again. Through the crack, Harrison saw the security gate closing and Eduardo returning to his hut. They were in!
The next thing Harrison knew, the taxi driver was helping him out into blinding sunlight. On one side of the road were the large white buildings that he had seen from the entrance; on the other was a huge glass dome.
‘That’s where everyone lives.’
‘Really?’ asked Harrison, as he untied his black hole from the door handle. It had shrunk even more, and was now barely the size of an orange. ‘It looks very empty.’
‘That’s the roof,’ replied the taxi driver. ‘It’s all underground. If your astronomer Shelley is here, that’s where you’ll find her. Good luck. Can I give you some advice?’
‘Yes?’
‘Trust the process.’
And with that confusing sentence, he disappeared in a cloud of red dust.
There was no time to lose. Harrison took a firm grip of his black hole and headed into the building. Two smoked-glass doors slid open and he found himself on a huge balcony, looking out over an enormous swimming pool, under a domed roof that was crowded with giant palms and tropical plants.
‘Can I help you, sir?’
Harrison turned to see a very official-looking lady, standing behind a high reception desk.
‘I’m looking for Shelley,’ said Harrison, in his loudest, clearest and bravest voice.
‘I see,’ said the receptionist. ‘Shelley who?’
‘Um, I don’t know, exactly,’ said Harrison. ‘But she’s got pink hair and she sent me this.’
He handed her Shelley’s postcard.
‘So, Shelley is a friend of yours . . . ?’ said the receptionist, looking it over.
‘She’s sort of my enemy,’ said Harrison, taking the postcard back and tucking it safely in his pocket. ‘She gave me this black hole, which was fun at first, but has actually turned out to be quite a lot of trouble.’
The receptionist gave him a hard look, then nodded and reached for a telephone on her desk. ‘Hola, I have a young man here and I think I might need your assistance . . . Si . . . Si . . . He’s looking for someone . . . He says they’re his enemy.’ She glanced up at Harrison and smiled. ‘Yes, I think you’d better. Gracias, Eduardo.’
Harrison’s blood ran cold. Eduardo was the security guard! The receptionist had told on him!
‘Thank you, sir. If you’d like to take a seat, someone will be with you very shortly,’ she said, in
dicating a nearby sofa.
‘Thank you very much indeed,’ said Harrison, keeping his cool and thinking quickly. ‘I don’t suppose I could use the bathroom?’
‘Yes, of course,’ she said. ‘It’s just along the corridor.’
‘Thank you,’ said Harrison. ‘I’ll be right back.’
But of course he wasn’t. As he reached the door to the toilet, he heard raised voices in a room further along the corridor. He glanced back to make sure the receptionist wasn’t looking, then he rushed headlong into what turned out to be a canteen.
His heart leapt! It was crowded with scientists of all shapes and sizes.
Shelley has to be here somewhere, he thought.
There was a long queue at the serving counter and tables full of laughter and chatter, but Harrison couldn’t see any sign of Shelley’s pink hair. There were chalkboards dotted around the room and a bearded man was in full flow, drawing a picture of what looked like an upside-down mountain.
‘Excuse me,’ said Harrison. ‘Have you seen Shelley?’
‘Who?’ asked the bearded man.
‘Shelley,’ said Harrison. ‘She’s an astronomer.’
The other people round the table laughed.
‘We’re all astronomers here, young man,’ said the bearded man.
‘She’s got pink hair,’ tried Harrison. ‘And she makes black holes. Like this one.’ He jiggled the string he was holding and the black hole bobbed in the air.
‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ said the bearded man. ‘You can’t carry a black hole around with you.’
The people round the table laughed again.
‘Yes, you can,’ said Harrison, with a steely look in his eye. And he picked up the bearded man’s lunch and flipped it into his black hole. The group of scientists watched open-mouthed as the plate flew in an arc, spinning over and over, until it struck the black hole, froze and then folded into the darkness.
The bearded man raised his hands, as if Harrison was holding a loaded shotgun.
‘Woah,’ he murmured.
‘See. It’s a black hole,’ said Harrison. ‘Now where’s Shelley?’
