The trainer helped Chase into the apartment, and I fumbled through the familiar rooms, trying to find where Chase had placed things so I could get him settled.
After the trainer left, I helped Chase into the bed, and as he lay down, I was reminded of what had separated us in the first place. I placed a pillow under his leg to prop it up, then opened the drapes for a little light.
My mind rambled back to a similar encounter. I remembered my mom entertaining Mr. Donaldson. He owned the corner liquor store and was married.
One night, somebody robbed him and beat him up. It wasn't his wife who nursed him back to health either. It was my mama. She loved on that man all night. I watched through the peephole and fell asleep there. The routine of watching her was far more damaging than any R-rated movie could ever have been. Of course I didn't know it then. When Mr. Donaldson left the next morning, he tripped over me. After apologizing and then scolding me for looking, he told me not to tell nobody he was there. He took my frail hand and placed three $100 bills in it. “This ain't yours. Go give that to yo mama and tell her thanks.”
My mom did a lot for me. My soul had to forgive her because she gave so much for me.
“Looks like it stopped raining,” I said, sitting on the edge of the bed, smiling as I came out of my daze.
“Yeah, but it's still drizzling,” he muttered. “Just like my life.” He took a deep breath and grasped my hand. “I know it's only been a few weeks, but I want to catch up. What's been going on with you?”
“Well,” I began with a sigh. “Things have been kind of rough for me too.” My mind filled with images of my mother, and I wished I could call my mom right now and talk to her. How many chances had I missed to do that when she was alive? Now, when I wanted to, she was gone.
Chase squeezed my fingers, interrupting my thoughts. “Please tell me about it.”
“Well, my mother…” I lowered my head, fighting back the tears. “She…She passed away.”
“I'm so sorry,” he said, tightening his grip on my hand.
“She's had cancer for a while, but the day before Thanksgiving, my brother called me. She passed away Thanksgiving night.” With watery eyes, I looked up at him. “I'm surprised that Shay didn't tell you.”
He shook his head.
“I guess she was just honoring my wishes. I didn't…After what happened, I didn't want to bother you.”
“Oh, Zoe, I wish I could have been there for you.” He pulled me close to him, and I found comfort in his strong arms. For the first time in weeks, I felt safe and secure.
As I lay in Chase's arms, we talked, and we talked for hours. I told Chase about the plane that nearly crashed and the dramatic night when Aisha held a gun to my head, though I left out the part about being alone in Devyn's bedroom. I didn't want to be dishonest with Chase, but I didn't want him to take it the wrong way.
He squeezed me tighter as I talked, as if he realized how many times he could have lost me.
We were sitting totally in the dark when I realized how much time had passed. The last thing on earth I wanted to do was leave this man's side. But I knew I didn't dare stay.
“It's getting late,” I said, sitting up. “I'd better get going.”
“I wish you didn't have to.”
Inside, I longed to climb into bed with this man, rub him all night long and make him feel so good he wouldn't ever want to let me go. But I had grown a lot in the past weeks, and although the voice of desire still spoke to me, I was able to control my passion, thanks to the One who gave me strength.
“I wish I didn't have to go too,” I said, then stood. “But I do.” I softly kissed his forehead. “Call me if you need anything.” Then I turned around and went home.
The following Saturday, I gave Shay a wedding shower. It was easy to organize, even though I had only been back in town for a short while. Most of the wives and girlfriends of the team members attended.
“You're amazing, Zoe,” Mrs. Spalding said, sipping a glass of punch. “Wherever did you come up with the idea of having the party in a bridal boutique?”
“Well, when I was helping Shay pick out her dress, she kept talking about how beautiful this store was. And the more she talked about it, the more the idea came to mind. I thought it would be special and unique.”
“How did you convince the store manager to close shop on a Saturday?” Mrs. Simmons asked.
I grinned. “I told him we'd take some publicity shots of the wives and girlfriends of the Storm players trying on dresses, and mention the location in the article.”
The women laughed, and it was a chuckle of admiration.
“You are a publicity genius,” Mrs. Simmons said.
“The caterer and the decorator did an incredible job,” Mrs. Peterson said. “You must have spent a fortune.”
I chuckled. Most of the flowers and the food were donated by suppliers I'd worked with. But I didn't reveal that little tidbit. “I wanted this to be special for Shay.”
The ladies exchanged glances, and I knew they were still wondering how I was paying for the affair.
Before we ate, the saleswomen helped all the women, married and single, try on the wedding gowns. And the boutique filled with laughter that mixed with the oohs and aahs. I watched to make sure that everyone had a great time, till I noticed Fawn sitting alone in a corner.
She and I hadn't talked much since we'd had that discussion about my living with Chase. I still thought that she was judgmental and critical. And I was sure she still considered me headstrong and probably a little trampy. All I wanted to do was avoid her, and so far, that had been easy.
But seeing her sitting alone, looking so dejected when everyone else was having a good time, I knew I couldn't avoid her any longer.
I took a deep breath and walked toward her, even though there was a risk that Fawn could either tell me off or tear me down. Still, I went over and sat beside her.
“Are you okay?”
She surprised me when she replied in a tearful voice: “My marriage is in trouble.”
One of the ladies sauntered over to us. “What do you think, Zoe? Doesn't this dress look fabulous on me?”
“Yeah,” I said. “You should definitely show that to Shay.”
“Great idea,” she squealed, then took off.
“Let's go someplace we can talk,” I suggested to Fawn. I took her hand and led her to the back of the store.
When we were alone, Fawn's tears seemed to come faster.
“What's going on?” I asked.
She dabbed her eyes with a tissue. “First of all, I owe you an apology. I should never have accused you of pushing your boyfriend. That was really between you and Chase, and I'm sorry if I overstepped any boundaries.”
“That's okay,” I said. “You don't have to apologize.”
“But I do. I had no right throwing stones at you. I should have been getting myself right instead. In a way, I was doing the same thing to my man.”
“Well, if you want to talk, I'm here,” I said. “I promise I won't judge you.”
“I've wanted a baby for so long,” she immediately spilled out, sounding as if she had been holding it in for such a long time. “Frankie and I have been married for five years, and I've had to watch so many other women get pregnant. It's been hard when I've wanted to be a mom so badly.”
“There's nothing wrong with that,” I said.
“But Frankie doesn't feel the same way. He's afraid a baby will interfere with his career.”
“Oh,” I said, simply understanding the picture.
“From the beginning, Frank has insisted that I take birth control pills. But a few months ago, I stopped taking them and started taking prenatal vitamins instead.”
“It wasn't a joint decision,” I said, making more of a statement than asking a question.
She shook her head.
“Seems to me you need to talk to your husband about this. I'm sure if you told him how much you want a child, he'd understand.”
“I already tried that.” She sniffed. “We've talked for more hours than I could ever count. Remember, this has been going on for five years.”
“Then maybe you ought to start taking the pills again until Frank's ready.”
Fawn shredded a tissue between her fingers. “That would be an easy solution…if I wasn't pregnant.”
“You're pregnant?” I repeated her words in a whisper.
“Yeah.” She began to sob again. “When Frankie finds out, he's going to be so upset…that I did this to him.”
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I had so many mixed feelings, but I didn't want to give her my opinion. Inside, I prayed and asked God to help me speak His words and not mine.
“A baby should be a blessing, Zoe. But I've made a big mess of everything.”
“Don't talk like that,” I said, even though I kinda had to agree with her. I didn't want to lecture her, the way she had lectured me. I just wanted to be her friend. “Even when we mess up,” I began, “God still gives us grace. Even though you drove yourself into this crisis, I believe you can still make things right.”
“How?”
“I've learned the hard way that the only way peace can happen in a relationship is through total honesty. Fawn, you have to tell your husband the truth. It might be tough, but it's really the best thing.”
I hugged her. “Would you mind if we prayed together?”
It was the first time Fawn smiled. She shook her head.
I prayed with words that I knew came from God. “Father, we come to You first with praise and thanksgiving for being who You are. We ask, Father, that You give Fawn the strength that she needs to talk to her husband about this baby. Father, we know that all life comes from You, so this baby is a good thing in Your eyes. Help Frank and Fawn to see this baby the same way—the way You see the baby. In Jesus' name, Amen.”
She looked up at me. Her eyes were still filled with tears, though she also wore a smile. “Thanks, Zoe. I think I can rejoin the party now.”
As I walked Fawn back to the front of the store, I realized that I needed to take my own advice. “The only way peace can happen in a relationship is through total honesty.”
That's what I told Fawn, and now I had to do the same thing. I needed to tell Chase everything that was going on with me. And I needed to ask him some tough questions about Waverly too.
I glanced at Shay. She was beaming with joy. I knew that was what I wanted for myself someday.
I decided that I would talk to Chase the very first chance I got.
In the newspapers and on the news, the Storm players bragged that they were going to do fine without Chase. But they lost the next two games by more than twenty points. Chase watched the games from the sidelines and acted tough when he talked to me about the results.
“We're still the Storm,” he stated with what I thought was false confidence. “The guys just have to get used to a few new plays.”
I knew the losses were really bothering him.
At work, I spent my time preparing for the Storm's Christmas ball and trying to ignore the whispers I heard in the front office about Chase's case. The team's management, as well as their lawyers, seemed confident and were working diligently on clearing Chase's name. I only prayed that it would all be over soon.
Chase spent his time between home and the gym in the team's building, working on his rehabilitation. I drove him back and forth whenever I could, enjoying our time together.
Every night, I prepared dinner for him, and we spent the time talking and getting to know one another once again. I was focused on building a strong, Christ-centered relationship with Chase. Though I still had deep feelings for him, it felt great that he was finally my brother in Christ. Before I went home each night, we read the Word and prayed together. We reminded each other that God's plan was going to prevail in everything that we were going through. The spiritual relationship we were developing was even more awesome than any romantic one I could have imagined.
Still, there were things that Chase and I needed to discuss. Though I believed in my gut that he was innocent, I hadn't asked Chase about what happened with him and Waverly And I hadn't revealed to him what happened with Devyn.
On a Friday night, I decided it was time to be completely open with Chase. We had been building our relationship on a spiritual foundation for several weeks, and I believed it could stand up to me telling him the facts about what happened with Devyn, and asking him about what happened between him and Waverly.
After I dropped Chase back home from his rehab session, I ran to the Chinese restaurant for take-out dinners. When I returned, he was sitting on the couch with a grim look on his face.
“Are you all right?” I asked. “Is your knee bothering you?”
“Yeah,” he mumbled, and followed me into the kitchen.
I pulled out the food cartons and set the plates, glasses and forks on the table. I watched Chase as I worked, but he didn't look at me. He just stared silently into space.
“What's wrong?” I asked, finally sitting down. I couldn't imagine what could have happened in the twenty minutes that I'd been gone. Then it hit me. “Did something happen with your case?”
He grimaced.
“That's it, isn't it?” I reached out and touched his hand. “Chase, I've never come out and asked you, but I have to know. What went on between you and Waverly? Did you…do something with her?”
He glared at me and I had to sit back. He'd never looked at me that way. Obviously I had asked the wrong question.
“Well, if that's not it, what is it?” I asked, totally at a loss.
Chase continued to stare silently. I felt as if he were looking through me.
“Chase, come on. You're scaring me. Please talk to me.”
I heard a noise from the back, coming from one of the bedrooms. I looked up and almost fell out of my chair. Standing in the doorway was none other than Devyn Jackson.
I sat stunned, not even moving when he sauntered over to me and planted a big, wet kiss on my lips.
“Ugh!” I said, pulling away. “What do you think you're doing?”
“Oh, come on, baby. Why you gotta treat me like that? I been tryin' to get in touch with you for nearly a month.”
I could almost see the steam coming from Chase's ears. In a way, I was pleased that he was jealous, but I didn't want him to believe the bull that Devyn was talking.
“What are you doing here, Devyn?”
He grabbed a fork and the box of orange chicken and poked around in it as if he'd been invited to join us.
“Just had a little time off for the holidays,” he said, talking with his mouth full. “Came to go to your last game on Sunday. Plus, check on my boy here, maybe borrow a couple of dollars and hook back up with you.” He glanced at Chase. “Unfortunately, my brother here wouldn't give me no digits.”
“And why do you think that was?” I asked.
“Oh, see, why you gotta be like that? Last time I saw you, we were about to go all the way, and now you talkin' like we're not together.”
I couldn't believe he said that. I glanced at Chase, and his glare hadn't changed. I had to let him know what was really going on, but I didn't know what to say or do.
So, I did what I always did now when I found myself in a tough spot. I prayed. Lord, please help me here. I know I never should have been with Devyn. I almost lost my life because of it. But please don't let me lose what I'm building with Chase.
From inside, I got the courage to say, “Look, Devyn, when I left you and Aisha, y'all were having your baby. She was crazy, trying to kill us, but you were still there for her. I don't know what's going on between you two, but I'm not the girl for you. And you are definitely not the guy for me!”
“Yeah, well, that's not what your body was sayin' when you were rubbin' up against me a few weeks ago.”
Chase's expression changed. Gone was the glare, replaced by sadness. Devyn's words were hurting him, and I wished to God that I could den
y what was being said. But I knew I had to be honest.
“So sue me; I'm human,” I said, trying to be real. “Sure, I wanted the physical love of a man that night. I had just buried my mother. But once I was in your arms, I knew that I couldn't settle for you. All the time that your arms were around me, I was really needing Chase.” Though I continued to speak to Devyn, I turned to Chase. “I realized the only man I wanted was Chase. I wanted him.”
“What?” Devyn said, sticking the fork into the box of chicken and tossing it back on the table. “You talkin' about this brotha'? The one that's got a white girl suing him 'cause he had to take it from her?”
Chase stood, and I was sure he was ready to punch Devyn in the face. I jumped between them.
“No, guys. Please don't do this.” I pointed at Devyn. “Devyn, I don't know why you came all the way here to start this mess. I thought we left that stuff settled back in Miami. Chase doesn't want me like that, okay? We're just friends.” I looked at Chase, and when he said nothing, my heart dropped. I turned back to Devyn. “I hope that makes you feel better.” I rushed out the door.
Rain poured from the sky as I stood in the parking lot, fighting my feelings of frustration. I pointed my face into the wind, not caring a bit about getting wet.
I finally locked myself inside my car. “I get myself into more messes! Now that I know who I really want to be with, it looks like it's too late. I've done so much damage to Chase, I'm sure I've pushed him away forever. Lord, I need Your help. I'm really sick of the hard times. Even though this isn't a full-blown disaster, it is a lot all at once. I need help in this deluge!”
Chapter 15
For the next few days, during which the team lost its last game, I didn't see or speak to Chase. I waited for him to call me, but when he didn't, I decided to give him his space. I knew there was serious damage this time to our relationship. First I'd asked him if something had happened with Waverly, and then Devyn…I feared that things might never be the same.
But I couldn't focus on that. I'd had a lot to do with only days before the Christmas charity ball for the Seattle Storm. It had turned into a charity event, at $500 a ticket, benefiting the children's home that Chase and I had visited. It was Chase's suggestion to give the home new computers, beds and clothing for the children.
A Lova' Like No Otha' Page 18
