by Box Set
Yesterday, it looked like the world was our oyster; today, we were stuck with the shell.
Chapter 23
Mandy
My heart lodged in my throat as I prepared to exit Beau’s cabin for the last time. Overwhelmed with joyful memories, I walked through the rooms and whispered goodbye to happiness.
My fingers gripped the note I’d written—a few words that couldn’t begin to convey what I was feeling.
Beau,
I’m so sorry.
I’ll always love you.
Mandy
Set on his pillow, I left it in hopes that someday he’d find it, and hate me less.
Tommy tugged at my hand. “Mommy, why are you sad?”
“I’m okay, buddy.” And I would be because Tommy needed me to be. “Shall we go to the shop?”
“When is Beau coming home?”
Talk about an aching heart. Mine was sixty percent destroyed but the forty percent left behind screamed in agony. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I picked up my little man and hugged him. Family was my priority.
“He has some business in California. I’m not sure when he’s coming back.”
“But he has to, Mommy. Beau is going to be my daddy.” Tears caught in the corners of his eyes. He wouldn’t understand why we had to let Beau go. All he understood was that something wonderful had disappeared.
“Ah, sweetie. Beau will always be your friend.” I prayed that was true.
“Doesn’t he love us anymore?” Tommy wiggled from my arms and landed on his feet. “Why is he in Los Angeles when we aren’t there?”
“I asked him to stay and follow his dream, Tommy. Beau’s band has a big opportunity, and he can’t do what he needs to do if he stays with us.”
He swept his sorrow from his eyes and sniffled. “We can go to him.”
“No, buddy, we can’t. Grandma needs us to stay here and help her.” It was time to break the news. “We’re going to stay in Bell Mountain. Grandma is going to take care of you while I run the Sweet Shop.”
His expression was a cross between delight and bewilderment. “We are going to live with Grandma?”
“For a while, but we’ll find our own place soon.”
“Can we stay at the cabin?” Tommy looked around the living room. He’d settled in here like it was his home.
“No. We can’t. Beau’s not too happy with me right now.”
Arms across his chest, he stomped his foot. “I’m not happy with you right now.”
“Stand in line, buddy.” With his backpack in my hand, I led my son into our uncertain future.
“What do you mean you broke up with Beau?” Misty dumped dark chocolate chips into the mixer and set the paddle to low.
“It was for the best. We’re different.”
She furrowed her brow. “Bad in the sack, eh?”
“God no, that was amazing—a rock-star performance.”
“You’re a damn lunatic.” She tested the dough and nodded her head. “This guy loves you, he’s good in bed, and he’s rich. You’re throwing away a damn trifecta. What the hell is wrong with you?” Her agitation showed in way she manhandled the mixing stand. It was industrial strength and weighed hundreds of pounds, but when she pulled the bowl free, she sent the stand wobbling. “This is about your mother, right?”
I chewed on my cheek and her question. “Isn’t it always about my mother?”
“I knew it.” She pulled the cranberry orange muffins from the oven while I dipped candy canes in chocolate. Each one was a reminder of the kisses I’d no longer receive.
“She needs me. Her wrist will never heal, and you can’t run the shop by yourself. After working with those teens, it’s obvious you need experienced help.”
Misty growled like an angry animal. “I refuse to be a part of this. If you want to be a martyr, have at it, but don’t use me as your excuse.” She stomped around the shop, banging trays and throwing utensils. “The employment pool is lacking here, but I could have made do.”
“This isn’t about you.” Agitation vibrated in my chest. “This is about honoring my family. Making sure my mom doesn’t lose everything she holds dear. It’s about leaving a legacy for my son. Remembering my father’s sacrifices. I can’t throw that away.”
“I always liked you, Mandy, but not today. Today, I’m so mad at you I could spit tacks. Family isn’t defined by who’s in your past. It’s who’s in your future that counts too, and now yours is looking as barren as mine.”
I was zero for two today. When I’d dropped Tommy off at Mom’s, he didn’t even say goodbye. He stomped into the house and fell into her arms and cried.
We opened the doors to let in the old duffers. Christmas music floated through the speakers, but I felt anything but joyful.
All day long, I watched the door with expectation. Would Beau show up? Did he catch that next flight like he said he would? Each bell brought the height of anticipation, and the weight of despair. Beau was nowhere to be seen.
Theresa bounced in near closing time. She flashed her phone my way and showed me a picture of Beau at lunch with his agent and his niece. I knew there wasn’t anything going on between them, but it still hurt to see them sitting together with smiles on their faces while I drowned in self-inflicted despair. “Sorry it didn’t work out with you and Beau?”
I wanted to yell at the unfairness of the world, but I’d made the choice. I’d set Beau free so he could get what he’d always dreamed of. In twenty years, when they were inducting him into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, I’d sit back and smile knowing that without my sacrifice, he might not have made it. Beau Tinsel was big lights and bright cities. He was screaming fans, and autographs. He wasn’t Bell Mountain.
“You win some, you lose some.” I bagged the remainder of the goodies we had left and handed them to Theresa. She wasn’t a bad person. She had just never experienced the love of a man like Beau. His smile could brighten my cloudy day. His hug could wrap me in happiness, and his kiss would imprint on my heart forever. I was a better person because of him, because I’d been a recipient of his love. How many women would never have a Beau moment? “Here, take these with you. We all deserve a little sweet in our lives.”
Her over-sprayed hair stayed in place as her head tilted to the side. “I wish it could have been different for you.” Sincerity warmed her otherwise cool voice. Despite her fake nails, artificially plumped lips, and hair dye, something real shined forth from Theresa Platte that I’d never seen before—compassion. “If the fairytale can’t come true for Bell Mountain’s sweethearts, then we’re all screwed.” She gripped the bag, turned in her boots, and walked out the door.
“I’m still mad at you,” Misty called from the back room, “but that was nice.” We were closing early today for the holiday. The shop would be closed until New Year’s. It was the slowest week of the season with everyone sugared out from Christmas. It would give me time to go back to New York and prepare for our move.
“I can get the rest.” I took the tray from her hand and walked her to her door. “My mom has Tommy, and you should be with your family. I hope you get what you want for Christmas.”
She rolled her eyes like a kid. “You already screwed that up. How am I supposed to get Brett Titan without you?” She pulled me in for a hug. “You screwed us up. I had me with Brett, Theresa with Tate Ripley, and I was figuring out the rest. Sheesh.” She pulled off her apron and tossed it on the stainless steel prep table. “Get home to your boy.”
It took thirty minutes to finish cleaning up. When I turned off the lights and music, I received a glimpse into my future. It would be as grim and dark as the shop was at the moment. There would be no more music. No more bright laughter. That was the past.
With the house flooded, and the tree stripped bare, the least I could do was pick up a few extra gifts for Tommy. After leaving Bobo’s Toyshop with a few extras I knew Tommy would love, I drove at a snail’s pace home. This was going to be an interesting Christmas, and I was
n’t in a hurry for it to arrive.
What greeted me when I walked into Mom’s house was a surprise. The carpet and soggy furniture were gone. Garland and lights hung from the two by four walls. Beanbag chairs were strewn about the fresh laid plywood floor. In front of the window sat our naked tree; boxes of ornaments surrounded it.
“What do we have here?”
“Grandma says we have to savage the holiday.”
“It’s salvage honey.” I kneeled in front of Tommy and kissed his nose. “It means to save, and it’s a great idea.” The smell of dark chocolate filled the air. “What’s Grandma making?”
“We’re making brownies. She put in the ingredients and I stirred. You’re right, Mommy, her hand doesn’t work so well. She tried to stir, but the bowl crashed to the floor, and we had to start over again. She said she has to stick to soft stuff like pancakes.”
Even though the choice I’d made was hard, deep inside I knew it was the best decision. Tommy would get to know his grandmother. He’d grow up in a place where everyone would know him and love him. He’d never get that in New York or California. Here, he’d be one of the few, not one of the many.
“Mandy.” Mom walked in carrying a tray of brownies. “I’m so glad you’re home.” She looked around the room and shrugged. “We did a little redecorating today. What do you think?”
With my hands on my hips, I traipsed through the colorful bags—four in all. “Are we expecting company?”
“Grandma Sarah is bringing pizza. She’s going to help us decorate the tree.”
“Nice.” It was the one word I could muster. I loved Beau’s mom like she were my own, but how would it be now that I’d left him?
“Get the music, Tommy.” Mom placed the brownies in the center of the floor. Her once put-together living room resembled a hostel.
Tommy ran out of the kitchen with an iPod. “Where did you get that?”
“Sarah had an extra one she lent me until I can get one for myself. Thank goodness for Tommy, otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to fill it with the music I love.” She pushed a button and good old Bing sang about a white Christmas.
Mom looked toward where the old record players used to sit.
“What did you do with everything?”
“I got rid of it. You were right, Mandy, I was living in the past. I wasted so many of your years holding you there with me. I’m sorry.” She brushed her tears away with her hand brace. “Lots of things are going to change.” She ruffled Tommy’s hair. “Isn’t that right, Tommy?”
“Do you think it was wise to let a six-year-old decorate your living room?”
“Why not, it turns out he has pretty good taste.” She flopped down onto the purple beanbag. Tucked beside it was an old Polaroid camera. “While you two decorate, I’m going to collect new memories.” She snapped the first shot of me with my mouth hanging open.
“Who stole my mother?”
Tommy was already at the tree hanging the ornaments we’d hung a week ago. He attacked it with the kind of passion only a kid could harness.
Before she could answer, Sarah walked in with several boxes of pizza. She looked at me and smiled. “Merry Christmas, Mandy.”
Heavy-hearted, I walked to her and took the boxes from her hands. “Merry Christmas, Sarah.”
She shook her head at me. “Why start with formalities now? You’ve always called me Mom.”
“I know, but that was…”
“Just yesterday. Not much has changed.” She kissed me and pulled me, boxes and all, in for a hug. “It will be okay, Mandy.”
I was grateful for her understanding. Because of me, she wouldn’t have her son home for Christmas.
“Come sit down, Tommy, it’s time for dinner.”
After pizza, we gorged on brownies and decorated the Christmas tree. Mom disappeared into the kitchen and came back with a package of silver tinsel. Tommy loved tinsel, as was proven by his shout of glee. It didn’t take him long to open the box and toss it in the air like last time. The strands fell like icicles over the tree. When he turned around, the back of his head was silver.
“Come here,” I said. “Let me pull those off you. The trouble with tinsel is that it shows up in places you least expect.” I pulled the strands from his dark hair and hung them from the tree.
Sarah and my mother exchanged looks. Those two were always up to something. “What are you up to now?”
They both pasted on shocked expressions. “Nothing. We’re just happy Tommy is going to have a Christmas after all. It wasn’t looking too promising there for a while.”
They were right. Tommy was going to have his first family Christmas. This was how it would be for many years—Mom, Tommy, and me. It wasn’t how I pictured my life, but it wasn’t bad. I could be miserable and all alone. Instead, I was miserable and lonely and that wouldn’t do.
Mom had drowned herself in sadness, and it had made a profound impact on my life and even the life of my son. This was a new beginning, and I’d attack it like an ant on a sugar hill.
“Tommy?” He was mid-bite into his third brownie. Soon, he’d suffer a sugar crash and be fast asleep. “Finish up your brownie. Santa won’t come if you’re awake.”
He shoved the rest in his mouth. Chipmunk-cheeked, he rounded the room and kissed the Grandmas. “I miss Beau,” he mumbled.
“He’s in California, taking care of business. If he could be here, he would be.” Sarah hugged Tommy tight, and my heart fell to my stomach. I missed Beau, too. I always would. He’d be my forever love.
After Tommy was asleep, Sarah, Mom, and I brought out the presents we’d been hiding in closets and under beds. I was so grateful that Mom kept her rule of no presents under the tree until late Christmas Eve. Her rigid rule saved the day.
Exhausted from an emotional day. I entered my room. In the corner, sat Beau’s guitar. My heart thundered at what it used to mean. It no longer announced his visit, but was a stark reminder of his absence.
Chapter 24
Mandy
The day began with a shout of excitement and little feet padding into my room.
“Get up, Mommy, Santa has come.” He tossed me the old bathrobe and tugged at my arm. “Let’s go. Let’s go.”
His joy was contagious. How could I not smile when his grin was taking up his face? “I’m coming.” I pushed my hair from my face and sat on the edge of the bed. One glance at the guitar in the corner sent me on my way. Tommy flew down the stairs while I gripped the bannister and took them one at time. Without my first cup of coffee, nothing moved fast. It was the kick-starter to my day, and without it, I could barely turn over my engine.
Mom came to the rescue with a mug of coffee and a plate of sweet rolls and croissants. “Sarah is on her way. She wants to see Tommy open his gifts.”
“Aww,” Tommy groaned. He already had one in his lap and had torn the paper a bit.
“You can wait a minute. No one is taking your presents away.” I sipped at the elixir of life found in a ceramic mug.
Nestled in near the tree, I looked out the window toward the Tinsel house. Sarah was already halfway here with her arms filled with packages. A slight breeze rustled the branches, causing the sparkly pinecones that contained our wishes to sway from the limbs. Today, my son would face the harsh truth that not all wishes come true. Until then, he’d open his presents and think he was the luckiest boy in town.
“It’s a bit breezy out there.” Sarah shuffled through the door and shivered. She piled her gifts under the tree and hugged us one by one.
Tommy dispersed his handmade gifts with pride. Most of them he brought from New York. He’d decoupaged his picture on a tile and glazed over it to create a coaster for coffee. Under his name, he’d written “Good Morning.” The gift he gave to me was perfect. It was a keychain with the biggest fake diamond ever.
“Oh, my God,” I squealed. “You got me a diamond.” There was nothing as wonderful as the look of a kid who knew he’d done well.
“Do
you like it?”
I hugged him tight. “It’s super duper, buddy. The bestest ever.”
He tore through his gifts like a Nor’easter. He hit hard and fast, leaving a trail of paper behind while he played with his new Legos and action figures.
Mom opened the new Keurig coffee pot I bought for her, and she looked excited.
“Do you mean to tell me that with the push of button I can have a mocha or a tea on demand?”
“Yep.” I tore through the box to show her the sample brews it included like hot chocolate and chai tea.
“It will be sad to say goodbye to the old pot, but out with the old and in with the new, they say.” Proud was an understatement. My mom was moving forward with the velocity of a runaway freight train. If I didn’t watch her carefully, I’d come to find her living in a smart house with every gadget known to man, but if that’s the worst thing that happened, I was on board.
Sarah jumped up. “Oh, I almost forgot.” She pulled two small boxes from her bag and handed one to Tommy and one to me. “These are from Beau.”
Tommy held his to his nose like somehow it would bring him closer to Beau. I did the same but there wasn’t a trace of him anywhere on the red, ribbon-wrapped cardboard.
“You first, Tommy.”
Unlike the other gifts, Tommy didn’t tear through the packaging to get inside. He took his time and untied the bow. When he lifted the cover, his eyes lit up. Inside was a guitar pick and note that said the old guitar was his.
Tears ran down my face. I was excited for my son to receive such a cherished gift, but also sad I’d have to relinquish the last bit of Beau I had. “It’s upstairs in Mommy’s room.” I barely got the last word out before he raced away to find it.
“Open yours.” Sarah put her arm around me and I wondered if what I’d find in the box would require the emotional support she was giving me. Like Tommy, I didn’t rush through the experience. I relished the feeling of the red ribbon sliding between my fingers. I closed my eyes and imagined a different kind of Christmas—one ten years from now where Beau handed out presents to our mothers and our children. That would never be. I hoped that on the occasions he came back to visit, we could be friends.
