by Box Set
Chapter 12
Won’t Mean a Thing
Holly knew something bad had happened between the two men, and Preston was clearly upset and didn’t seem to want to talk about it. She had demons of her own in the past that she never wanted anyone to know about, so she wasn’t going to pressure him with this. But dang, the hate in that man’s eyes scared her. She wondered if Tamra or Clare knew the story. She didn’t want anything to happen to him. She was relieved when they got outside and the angry man wasn’t around.
They picked up the last of the wrapped gifts. “I think we should call it a day. I don’t think I’m in the mood to do any more shopping.”
“I’m sorry you had to see that. He has some issues he can’t seem to get past.” He raked his fingers through his hair. “I suppose you’d like an explanation?”
“It isn’t any of my business. If you want to talk about it, that’s fine. If not, that’s fine as well.”
“It’s pretty damn hard to talk about it, and it’s not my fault. Although, there’s times I blame myself for what happened.” He closed her door, ran around to the driver’s side, and climbed into the cab, glancing over at her with a haunted look in his eyes.
“It’s up to you, Preston,” she said softly.
“If I tell you, you’ve got to promise not to say anything to Ma or Clare. Can you promise me that?”
Reaching over, she took his hand in hers and gave it a squeeze. “Of course I can.”
He started the truck and turned on the heater. “Guess we’ll take the long way home.” He sighed as he put the truck in reverse, backed up, and pointed it to the north. “About two years ago, I met a girl in town. Her family had moved here just a few months prior. She was blonde, pretty, and a bit on the loose side. She took an interest in me, and we started seeing each other on the sly. She didn’t want anyone to know because she said she wasn’t supposed to be dating. Looking back on it now, I think she didn’t want anyone to know she had an interest in me.” He smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes.
“We met up, and every chance I could get away, I took it. I thought I was falling for her, but a few months into our relationship, she suddenly ended it. Told me she didn’t want to see me again. I never saw her after that, and I was pretty hurt by it. Her brother saw me in town one day and told me to stay the hell away from his sister. I told him I wasn’t with her. He called me a liar and said someone had seen her with Carson. Of course I denied it. Hell by that time, it was six or seven months after we’d called it quits. I sure as hell knew it wasn’t my brother either.”
“He’s carrying a grudge against you for seeing his sister over two years ago? Was she underage or something?”
“No! I would never go out with someone that young. She was only a year younger than me. It has since come out that they had to leave their old home because of some scandal she caused there. But that’s not what he blames me for.” He slammed his fist into the steering wheel.
Holly jumped. “Go on,” she said softly, reaching over to touch his shoulder. Her heart was breaking at the pain on his face and in his voice.
“My dad had been working a lot of hours in the last year, coming home late and sometimes going to work on the weekends. He was a lawyer who worked with a larger law firm based out of Denver. He did local work for them with the ranchers and such. No one thought anything about it since Pa was always busy. He informed us he was taking some time to go hunting by himself and recharge. He went to our cabin in the mountains. There was a bad blizzard, and when it cleared, we expected him home. When he didn’t come, Ma sent Cameron and me to the cabin to check on him. We found him and his mistress there. They were dead. It was her, Terry’s sister. The Carson they saw her with was my pa.”
Holly saw a tear run down his cheek before he quickly swiped it away.
“It came out they’d been having an affair since before she broke it off with me. She wasn’t right in the head. She wrote a note saying that he’d been planning on divorcing my mom and marrying her. Their little tryst at the cabin was supposed to be for a couple of days, but when the storm hit, it lasted longer. I don’t know if he was trying to let her down or what really happened. It’s speculation on my part. From the looks of what Cameron and I found, she must have killed him, and then taken her own life. The bastard was cheating on Ma. It damn near broke her.”
“How can her brother blame you? That’s ludicrous. You didn’t cause that to happen.”
“Because if Pa hadn’t seen me with her that day at the lake, he wouldn’t have known who she even was. Chances are, he wouldn’t have been snared into her trap like I almost was. I blame myself for that.”
“Did you know he saw you with her?” She touched his face lightly.
“She told me he did.”
“And you could believe her?”
He glanced at her. “What?”
“Preston, she was a troubled soul. Her family moved because of something she did in her past. How could you just believe her when she told you that?”
“Does your mother know it was a murder-suicide?” The pain in her heart for this lovely family was increasing.
“She does. It’s not like you can keep something like that quiet. It was a big scandal last year and our Christmas sucked. Right after that, Cameron took a job in Boston and left me to deal with everything back here. So I carry the weight of the entire thing on my shoulders and try to keep Ma and Clare happy at the same time.”
Holly’s heart was breaking for this beautiful man. She knew all too well what the sins of the parents could do to their children. “Preston, is there somewhere we can stop for a few minutes?”
He grimaced. “Yeah, there’s a pull off about half a mile up the roadway.”
“I just need to stop for a minute to digest everything you told me.” She’d seen the pain and how his body trembled; she knew he’d never shared this information with anyone else before. She needed to hold him, let him look into her eyes, and see that she believed he was innocent in all of it. She couldn’t do that while he was driving.
He pulled over and shut off the truck as she undid her seatbelt and slid over to his side of the truck. She got up on her knees, facing him, and took his face in her hands. “Look at me.” She gently tugged him until he turned, his eyes still down. “Preston, look at me.”
He finally looked up, and it almost killed her to see the pain in his eyes.
“You did nothing to cause this horrible tragedy. Your father and that woman did this on their own. Fate put them together, not you.”
“He was horrible enough to have cheated on Ma.” His voice came out choked and hoarse.
“Yes, I know he did. Sometimes people lose their way. We have no truth from him. We only have words written by a woman who murdered him, and then took her own life. If he were leaving your mother to marry her, why would she murder him? What would be the need? Think about it.”
He sat there staring at her as sadness clouded his features.
“Really, think Preston.” She held his gaze with hers.
Recognition dawned on his face as tears finally released from his eyes and great sobs shook his body. She unhooked his seatbelt as he fell into her arms, letting the sorrow, horror, pain, and guilt flow from his body. Holly wondered if his mother knew of the guilt her son carried every day since her husband’s murder.
“One step at a time, cowboy. Let go of it all.” She held him tight until he could cry no longer.
“Oh fuck,” he said weakly as he pulled away from her. “I’m sorry you had to see that. I didn’t know it was going to happen. I never cried when he died. A man doesn’t do that.” His face flushed a deeper red.
“Bull, Preston. A man is allowed to show emotion. He was your father and he was taken from your family. He may not have been perfect, but who of us are? Don’t be sorry that you talked to me or that you showed me emotion. I’m honored you trust me enough to tell me the truth about what happened.”
“You don’t look at me as wea
k now?”
“No, I don’t.” She leaned in, kissed the sides of his mouth, and then kissed him softly on his lips. “I think you’re a brave man who stayed to make sure your family was safe and taken care of. A man who faced what happened head on and still held his head up high. Don’t ever consider yourself weak.”
Preston pulled her close, kissing her deeply. “Thank you, darlin’, for everything. I’m going to find a way for us to have more alone time before you leave. I promise you.”
She placed her forehead against his. “I’m going to hold you to that promise, cowboy.” She slid over and buckled her seatbelt as he started the truck.
Her heart ached for him, his mother, and his sister—to live with such a horrible experience and still try to make the holidays mean something special. Holly felt like shit with her little problems. She came here because she felt sorry for herself. She always thought of it as her special holiday where everything had to be perfect, something she’d never had as a child.
Then she meets this lovely family, and this special man who grew up with Christmas as a special holiday, only to have it almost destroyed by the man they loved and trusted the most. What a terrible burden for Preston to carry around, blaming himself for his father’s murder. To take on the task of keeping everything together for the family while his older brother ran away. It put things in perspective for her. She was going to do everything in her power to help it be as special as she could.
Preston felt the weight of what he’d carried the last year lift off his shoulders. He’d silently carried the guilt of his father’s murder this entire time as it chipped away at his soul. He’d hated going into town and being met with whispers and stares. Hell, most of the townsfolk didn’t think of the fact that his dad had been murdered, focusing only on the fact that he had cheated on his wife.
Being able to speak his truths with Holly was such a relief. It also made him realize that he needed to sit down and speak to Terry without the defensive anger he carried all the time. Terry was grieving the death of his sister, and carrying the burden that she had murdered a man before taking her own life. What a terrible thing for the man to carry around all the time. Preston had to find a way to reach out to him. For all he knew, Terry was carrying guilt of his own because he couldn’t protect his sister or Preston’s father from her illness.
He glanced over at Holly, who was sitting quietly beside him, staring out the window at the scenery flowing by. He felt warmth and peace wash over him knowing someone knew, someone cared, someone wasn’t judging. Hell, she’d even helped him to see that he shouldn’t believe the letter that was written. His heart felt lighter. It didn’t change the fact that his Pa was murdered, or the fact that he had cheated on his wife, but Preston wasn’t the one to blame for it.
He pulled the truck by the side door so they could unload the gifts she’d picked up. He ran around to the passenger side to help her down from the cab, pulling her into a hug. “Thanks again, darlin’.”
“You’re welcome, cowboy,” she whispered, holding him close for a few seconds. “We better get these things inside.”
“Yeah, Ma will be out here looking for us in a few minutes if we don’t head in.” He released her, instantly wanting to pull her back into his embrace. “Once we get these inside, I have to feed the horses. Do you want to help?”
“Sure. Unless your mom needs help with something.” The corner of her mouth quirked up. “Thank you for taking me into town today.”
“I’m glad we went. It was fun showing you around, but I think you bought way too much stuff.”
“No, I didn’t.”
Preston laughed as he pulled package after package out of the truck bed, loading her up before he started loading himself up. He laughed harder as her eyes grew wide, looking at all the packages she had purchased.
“Okay, I guess I did buy a few more things than I thought. But it’s Christmas, so I’m allowed to do what I want.” She walked a little ahead of him, wiggling her hips.
“Whatever you say, little lady.” He shook his head and laughed as they made their way to the porch door. He stood looking at the handles and their loaded down arms, wondering how they were going to open it. He didn’t want to set anything down for fear that doing so could cause him to drop some of the packages.
Suddenly, the back door flew open and Clare bounded across the porch to open the door for them. “Wow! Who bought out the stores?” She giggled. “I hope some of that is for me.”
“Clare Rachelle, you mind your manners. Take some of those packages from Holly and help them into the house.” His ma’s eyes were twinkling. “Looks like someone did buy out a store or two. You guys hungry?”
“No ma’am, Preston took me to Lawson’s honky-tonk for a Buffalo burger. I’m so stuffed I don’t know if I’ll be hungry by tomorrow.”
“Those things are huge. I can’t finish one. Clare and I split the fries and burger. They are so good.”
“It was very good. I could only eat half of a half.” She giggled.
Preston watched the exchange between Ma and her; she was happy when she talked to Holly. Not pretending to be happy but really happy. Holly seemed to have that effect on this family. It was as if she had brought Christmas back to them. Damn, that’s just wishful thinking. He sounded like a kid wishing for things that weren’t really going to happen.
Holly insisted on the packages going to her room, saying presents should go under the tree Christmas Eve and not before. He set the packages on her bed as she directed. Clare had put hers down and ran off to take the phone call she had missed. “Ma used to do that, too.” He tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear. “She’d wait until we went to bed. Hell, she still does it.”
“I think it makes Christmas more magical to do it that way. Seeing everything all at once instead of the pile growing slowly as you pick up the gifts.” Her nose crinkled as her mouth turned up in a wide grin. “You think I’m silly, don’t you?”
“Nope. I think you’re damn near the most perfect person I’ve ever known,” he whispered.
She blushed, placing her hand on his chest. “I’m not special nor am I perfect. I’m just me, a flawed, slightly overweight, middle-aged woman trying to regain something in her life.” Tears spilled from her eyes running down her cheeks. “Until I met you and your family, I never realized how much of myself I’d lost over the years. Dan was my first boyfriend. We got married when I was sixteen because I was pregnant. I had Sam and then nine months later I had Suzy. I loved being a mom and a wife, but I didn’t realize until now that I didn’t love Dan in the way I should have.”
“What do you mean?” He stepped back, sensing she needed a little space while she told him this bit about herself.
“I was fifteen when he asked me out. He was on the football team, all the girls in school wanted to go out with him, but he picked me. Of course, he was older and he wanted things. He said if I loved him, I’d let him have sex with me.” She glanced up at him. “I was so naïve, and I wanted him to like me, so I gave in and got pregnant. Our parents insisted we get married, so we did. I made the best of everything. But it wasn’t enough for me. Somewhere along the way, I lost me.”
She sat down on the bed. “I feel like an asshole after what you’ve told me today, but I feel I needed to say this.”
“Go on, I’m right here.”
“I started designing clothes a couple of years ago, it made me happy. But it upset Dan and the kids because it took time away from what they needed. I felt guilty wanting something for myself. It took a lot for me to choose this vacation over sitting at home, waiting around in case one of them needed something. My best friend, April, encouraged it. She said it was about time I did something for me.” She glanced up at him, tears still running down her face. “Your family has shown me more compassion than my own family ever has. You’re so lucky to have grown up with the love you have, Preston.”
He moved to sit by her side. “I know I am. I’m sorry you didn’t get you
r dreams. I’m really sorry. You’re a beautiful woman who deserves to be loved and happy.”
She glanced up at him. “I know that now.” She reached up and touched his face. “You have made me feel things I’ve never felt before. You make me feel beautiful and sexy. Oh God, the things you make me feel when you make love to me. I never knew it could be like that. Thank you for giving me that gift, Preston. I’ll never forget,” she whispered.
“It’s not over, Holly. Not by a long shot. We have a couple more weeks for me to cherish and love you. We’ll make the best out of every moment. I promise.” Fuck, he didn’t want two weeks, he wanted more. Things were so screwed up. He took a couple of deep breaths. “If you want me to back off I will. I want you to be comfortable.”
Her eyes were wide as she grasped his hand. “I don’t want that. I’ve never felt like this before, and I want to experience as much as I can before I have to leave.”
“Then that is what we’ll do, darlin’. We’ll love each other as much as we can for the time we have. It’s all anyone can do, right?”
Instead of answering him, she pulled him down into a kiss. He leaned down and let her take control. It was sweet, full of promise, and full of hope. He’d take what she gave him knowing when she walked away; it would break him.
Chapter 13
I’m Offering This
Holly had to tell Preston how she felt since he’d opened up to her. She knew her burden was nothing compared to what he had gone through, but she felt she had to open up to him as well. She’d never told anyone before how she felt, not even April, fearing what they would think of her for living a lie for so many years. The damn lie hadn’t stopped with Dan’s death. Nope, she had gone on living as his widow and the mother of his two children, being afraid to do anything for herself. Hell, she’d even secretly had some of her clothes put in a boutique about an hour away from her home, just to see if her line would take off.
