“No, actually we haven’t talked about anything. I want to talk. I want us to have one normal date. Please?” he asked.
“Colton, I’m sorry—”
He cut me off. “I need to get some things off my chest. I know you said it was over and I understand, but please, I need to say this.”
I took a deep breath. “Okay, I’m listening, but I’m making no promises.”
He reached across the table, dodging the water glass. The look on his face told me he was about to say was something big. I steeled my nerves against whatever it was. I was half-expecting him to tell me there was another man out to kill me.
“Jenna, I don’t know how or when, but at some point in all this, I fell madly in love with you.”
I couldn’t breathe. My chest felt as if it was being squeezed. “What?” I croaked.
He smiled, his blue eyes twinkling. “It’s true. I couldn’t figure it out. I didn’t understand how it was happening. Somehow you hit me with a ton of bricks.”
I gasped, finally able to take a breath. “Colton, I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything. I fell in love with you that first day when you popped the top on that cold beer.”
I laughed. That had not been my finest moment. My mother would have been horrified.
“I love you for the way you take care of Abby and how much she cares about you. She doesn’t warm up to just anyone. You know that, which is why the daycare thing fell apart. She is my little good human compass. If she likes you, I know you’re good people. And she really, really likes you.”
I could feel tears filling my eyes, and my vision was blurring.
“I love the way you aren’t afraid to stand up for what you think is right. You stood up to those jerks. You stood up to the really big jerks,” he whispered.
“Colton,” I started.
He shook his head. “Wait. I love you because you make me want to be better. I want to be the guy that goes to work during the day and comes home to his family at night. Everything in my world was upside down and inside out until I met you. It’s like you righted it. You grounded me.”
“Are you done yet?” I asked.
He flinched as if I had slapped him. “I’m sorry. I had to say it. I know you deserve much better than me. But, if I didn’t say it, I would live with the regret of not taking the chance and telling you. I’m sorry to lay all this at your feet, and I’m not trying to make things harder for you.”
Taking a deep breath, I spoke. “Colton. It isn’t one-sided.”
“What?” he asked, taking a drink of water.
“Me too.”
“You too what?” he asked, in such a pitiful tone my heart ached for him.
“I fell in love with you too,” I whispered.
“You did?”
I giggled. “I don’t have an eloquent, flowery speech prepared to give you, but yes, I did. I suppose I could say it’s the way you are with Abby. That was the first thing that sparked my interest. Then, there’s the way you rescued me. That was the sweetest thing ever.”
He chuckled. “I don’t know if that’s quite how I would put it.”
“It was. In that moment I realized you were the kind of man who would do anything for those you cared about. You’re a standup guy.”
He was grinning. “You know we fight more often than we talk.”
I nodded. “We fight or do something else,” I said, with a wink.
“Can we promise each other right now that we’ll talk more often? You can’t run away from me every time I make you mad. And I guarantee I will make you mad fairly often I’m an idiot and I can be a bit of a Neanderthal.”
I shrugged a shoulder. “I will certainly try. I’m hot-tempered and I can be a bit stubborn. I do walk away when I’m mad.”
He shook his head. “Not anymore. You can yell and scream at me as long as you tell me what’s on your mind.”
I nodded. “I commit to trying, but I can’t guarantee I won’t slam a door in your face from time to time.”
“As long as you don’t go jumping out the windows, I’m cool with that.”
“And never in front of Abby,” I added.
“Absolutely.”
The hostess came back and asked if we were ready to order.
“You know, I think we’re going to skip dinner,” Colton said, that familiar look in his eye.
I nodded. “I’m suddenly not hungry.”
The hostess smiled. I could tell she knew exactly what had us losing our appetites. “Well, you two have a good night.”
Colton stood up, grabbed my hand and rushed me out of the restaurant. We were both anxious to get home and not talk.
He was driving along when need overtook us both.
“Here,” I said, pointing to a cornfield.
“Really?” he asked, a look of fear on his face.
“Come on, live a little.”
He took the dirt road that led into the cornfield, our bodies bouncing as he moved down the road. He stopped and threw the SUV into park.
“Here?” he asked. I looked in the backseat.
“There,” I answered.
He grinned. “You are a naughty girl.”
I raised my eyebrows and turned my back to him, lifting my hair and silently asking him to pull the zipper on my dress. It was a little cramped as we moved into the backseat, but we made it work.
Once we had scratched the initial itch, we quickly dressed and headed home. I did my best to straighten my hair and wipe the smudged makeup from under my eyes. The second I walked in my house with Colton close behind me, Rose smiled.
“I ordered an extra pizza. I figured you two would be hungry,” she said with a wink.
“Thanks,” I muttered, feeling my cheeks grow red.
“No problem. I better get out of here. I feel like all the heat in the room is going to cause me to spontaneously combust.”
“Thank you,” Colton said, wrapping his arms around her.
“No problem, big guy. Treat her right or I’m calling Kevin,” she joked.
“I could really go for some pizza,” I said, suddenly feeling ravenous.
“Me too. Abby, ready to go home,” Colton asked.
We boxed up the pizza and headed over to his house for the night. It felt very right to be in his house, with Abby playing and us sitting on the couch cuddling. It was the start of something good.
39
Colton
I woke up in slow stages of consciousness. Last night had felt like a dream. The entire day had felt like a dream. The first stage of consciousness was feeling her weight against me. Then it was her breath washing over me. Then, it was the realization that she was in my bed. I opened my eyes, blinking against the morning sun streaming through the window, and looked down at the mop of blonde hair covering my chest.
Running my fingers up and down the arm thrown over my waist, I inhaled the scent of her. I wanted to wake up like this every day.
She moaned softly. Moving her hand to the hair covering her face and brushing it to the side, her head came up to look at me. “Is Abby up? Should I go?” she whispered.
“No.”
“Are you sure? I know you weren’t ready for her to see us like this.”
I shook my head, leaning down to kiss her. “That was before.”
“Before?”
“Things are different. We’re together. I think Abby is ready to see us together.”
She sighed. “Okay, but if you’re not ready, I don’t want to push you.”
“I’m ready.”
“Should we at least get out of bed?”
“It’s fine. We’re dressed.”
She giggled softly, the sound vibrating against my chest. “You have shorts on.”
“That’s fully dressed in my situation. I spent most of Abby’s life in shorts and nothing else. She’s used to it.”
“Did she watch your fights?” she asked.
“No! Definitely not, but she did
go to the gym and watch me train. I didn’t want to hide that part of my life from her.”
“I don’t think I could have watched you fight. I really hate fighting in general. I hate seeing people get hurt.”
“I know, and I don’t expect you to.”
As if speaking of her had conjured her up, Abby came bursting through the door. “Daddy! Jenna!”
She jumped on the bed and crawled between us. Jenna moved away from me, making room for Abby. Abby settled between us, her little feet twitching as she looked from me then Jenna, a huge grin on her face. As I stared down at the face of my little girl and then at Jenna who was practically beaming, the feeling of being complete was overwhelming. I wasn’t expecting it to be such a powerful emotion that it jarred me to my very core.
I was home. For the first time in a very long time, I felt like I was right where I was supposed to be. I had been running and hiding from the pain for too long. The hole that had been left in my heart by Cara’s untimely death was slowly healing. I knew it would always be there, but it wouldn’t always hurt so much.
“Are you hungry?” I asked Abby, rolling to my side and propping my head up on my elbow.
She vigorously nodded her head.
“Do you want cereal?”
Jenna scrunched up her nose. “Cereal? I think we should have pancakes.”
“Yep. I want pancakes! With chocolate chips.”
I burst into laughter. “I blame you for that one.”
“I have chocolate chips at my house,” Jenna volunteered.
“I actually have some here. She insisted we buy them, so I could make chocolate chip pancakes.”
Jenna started laughing. “Sorry.”
“Come on, Abby. Let’s go get started on the pancake mix. You can add in the chocolate chips.”
We left Jenna alone to get dressed. I fished out my surprise for her from the desk in the spare room and set it on the table. When Jenna emerged from the bedroom, I handed her a cup of coffee, then kissed her.
“Have a seat,” I told her.
“No, I can help. It was my bright idea.”
I shook my head. “Nope. Me and Abby are doing this for you.”
She sat down, and I pushed the envelope toward her. “What’s this?” she asked.
“It’s an application packet for an online college.”
“Are you going to school?” she asked, looking up at me.
I laughed. “No. That ship has sailed for me. I was lucky to have made it through the first round. It’s for you.”
“For me?” she asked, a puzzled expression on her face.
“Yes, you. I want you to go back to school. I’ll pay for it. I want you to get that degree and fulfill your dream of being a profiler.”
She sighed. “I can’t let you to pay for my schooling.”
“Jenna, I can. I want to. You’ve done so much for me. I want to do this for you.”
“No, you can’t. You have a daughter to support. School is expensive.”
I cleared my throat. “I can support her just fine, trust me. I’m not short on funds.”
“I don’t know if I’m ready to go back,” she said on a long sigh.
“Yes, you are. I know you haven’t really been happy. I mean you’ve been happy, but this would give you that piece of something you’ve been missing. You yourself told me you wanted to finish your degree. You’re so close. Trust me, I’ve felt that before. I know what it’s like to feel like you’re missing something. You stopped chasing your dreams to take care of your mom. Let me take care of you for a while. You said your mom has a man in her life and is moving on. It’s time you did as well.”
“That’s sweet, it really is. I’ll think about it. But my mom has already offered to pay, or I can take out a student loan. I really can’t let you pay for my education. That would feel weird.
I took a deep breath, knowing she was independent. It was one of the many things I liked about her. “Okay, fine, but think about it.”
With Jenna’s help, we made her now infamous chocolate chip pancakes. It was sugar overload. Abby was bouncing off the walls while Jenna and I cleaned up the kitchen.
“I think a day at the park is just what we need,” Jenna suggested.
I nodded. “I agree. Abby told me there was one nearby.”
She smiled. “It’s our neighborhood’s best kept secret. Nobody ever really goes there. I’m sure we’ll have it all to ourselves.”
I nodded. “Sounds good to me. Let’s let this wild, sugar-hyped kid run for a bit.”
“It’s within walking distance so that should help work out her wiggles.”
We all held hands as we walked, with Jenna in the middle. Abby was bouncing and talking a mile a minute about every topic that popped into her head. I loved how patient Jenna was with her, and the way she actually engaged in conversation with her. It was sweet and endearing.
“This is nice,” I mumbled, commenting on the scenery.
I had only ever driven to the house and left without ever really looking around the area. It was so quiet. Only one car passed us on our way to the park. That would never happen in Boston.
She giggled. “We’re not there yet. You might want to hold your opinion until you see our super-secret park. It’s a little neglected.”
I chuckled. “Not the park, but I’m sure it will be fine. Usually when I go to the park with Abby, I get a lot of unwelcome stares. Mamas are protective of their babies and when they see a guy like me, hanging out at a park with a little girl, they get suspicious. Very suspicious. I’ve actually had the cops question me on more than one occasion.”
“I’m sorry,” she mumbled.
“It’s okay. It’s the tats and the fact that I always had very short hair. I know I looked weird. They were just looking out for their kids.”
“People can be so judgmental. I dare anyone to say anything when I’m around,” she said.
I kissed her, thanking her for her staunch defense of me. We sat down on the only bench in the quiet, little park with yellowing grass while Abby took off to play. She was climbing the large wooden toy and going down the slide over and over. I loved watching her be so normal. I remembered the doctors warning me she may never walk or talk again. Abby had beat the odds. She was my little fighter.
“Has Kevin heard any more about Frank and his men?” she asked.
“Not a word. I guess he owed a lot of people money. They think he cut and run.”
“I saw the news in the paper, about the warehouse,” she muttered, glossing over the details.
“And?”
“No suspects and no leads.”
“Good.”
She nodded. “It’s really over.”
“I’m going to offer to buy out Landon,” I blurted out.
“Buy out Landon? The guy that owns the gym?”
I nodded. “Yes. I asked once before, but he told me he wasn’t interested. I’m going to ask again.”
“Is that something you’re in a position to do?” she asked.
I laughed. “Yes. I didn’t fight just to get my brains rattled. I fought for the fat purses. I made a little extra money on the side by doing appearances. I’m in a position to buy him out. Me and Kevin that is.”
“Kevin!”
“We own a small shop in Boston, but I think we can open up here.”
“The metal work?” she asked.
“Yes. I haven’t had much time to do any sketching or welding, but I hope to soon. Kevin liked it here and wants to move.”
She was smiling. “I’m sure that will make Rose very happy.”
As we sat on the bench, watching Abby run back and forth, I leaned over and kissed her.
Abby came running over. “Are you guys boyfriend and girlfriend now?” she asked, staring at us with serious concern.
I laughed. “I think so.”
Abby looked at Jenna. “Are you my new mommy?”
The question was like a powerful punch to the gut.
Jenn
a smiled, reached out and ran a hand over Abby’s hair. “No, but I can be there for you and do the things a mom does.”
“Like painting my nails?” Abby asked.
Jenna nodded. “Yep.”
“And you’ll take me shopping?”
“Absolutely, I would love to.”
My heart was swelling as I watched the two interact. Things were going to work out just fine. I could feel it.
“Hey, now that you’ve worked off those pancakes, we should go get one of those chocolate croissants,” I said.
Abby jumped up and down, clapping her hands together. “Yummy!”
Jenna groaned. “You are going to kill me with the chocolate.”
“Aren’t you the one who said you can’t have too much chocolate?”
“I was wrong.”
We took our time walking back to the house to get the SUV. By the time we got back home after another chocolate infusion, we collapsed on the couch together. Abby had gone off into her room to play, giving us a few minutes alone.
“Today was a good day,” I whispered in her ear.
“I think we’re going to have plenty more good days.”
I kissed her earlobe, snuggling my face into her neck. “I can’t believe how lucky I am to have you in my life.”
“I’m feeling very lucky myself. And, I’m going to do it.”
“Do what?”
“I’m going to do the online school.”
I smiled. “Good. I’ll support you in any way I can.”
“Thank you. I appreciate it and the nudge to do it. I’ve been putting it off for too long. I think I can register for the fall semester. I left in good standing, so it should be easy enough to get my transcripts and pick up where I left off.”
I hugged her close. As much as I was happy for her, I was a little worried about what it meant for our future. She had said it earlier; Beatrice wasn’t exactly a hotbed of crime. The likelihood of getting a job as a profiler in Beatrice was pretty slim. I’d worry about it later. Right now, I was going to cherish every moment I had with her. I could always follow her if need be.
Epilogue
Jenna
One year later
Cold Heart Page 24
