A child?
Well fuck me dead.
I didn’t know how on earth this would work, what changes we would have to make. But we’d do it... we had to.
“How old is she?” Quinn asked quietly.
“She’s five months old. She was born on the 10th of May,” Samuel replied just as quietly.
She’s just a baby.
My whole body shook. She would never remember her parents; she would never know their love for her.
“What if I can’t take her?” Lawson asked suddenly. “I mean, what happens if I can’t do it?”
“Lawson,” I whispered. “She’s your family.” I hadn’t even considered the possibility of Lawson saying no.
He angled his body towards mine. “I can’t ask you to do this, El. It’s too much... we’re just starting out and this... it’s too much.”
He turned back to Samuel. “What would happen to her?”
“I’m not sure. I guess she would have to be sent to foster care until something else could be arranged. Quinn would be an option.” He nodded towards my stunned-looking best friend.
I almost laughed – almost. Quinn wasn’t the most maternal person in the world. I tugged on Lawson’s arm. “Can we talk?”
He nodded and faced Samuel. “Would you excuse us please?”
“By all means,” Samuel agreed.
He gripped my elbow gently and led me out of the living area and into his office. The door wasn’t even shut before he started pacing.
“Sweet baby Jesus,” he muttered. “What the fuck am I meant to do with this Ells? Huh? What the fuck is going on here? I thought the bastard must have left me a painting or something... not his baby... Jesus Christ.”
I sat down in a seat and prepared myself to wait him out. He would pace back and forth, cursing and swearing until he calmed down.
It took him 10 minutes.
He sank down in the seat next to me. “What the fuck do I do, pretty girl?” His voice was broken. This decision was tearing him up.
“I’ll tell you what’s going to happen, cowboy.” I grasped his hand and entwined our fingers. “We’re going to go back out there, and we’re going to tell him that we’ll do it. We’ll take that little girl.”
Lawson looked like he wanted to argue so I pressed a finger to his lips.
“We’re all she’s got in this world, Lawson. We can’t send her into foster care. We can give her everything she needs. You’ve got so much love, Lawson, she needs some of it.”
5. Lawson
“We’re all she’s got in this world, Lawson...”
El’s words flew through my head.
She wants her.
I’d instantly assumed that El would be too shocked to say yes – that she’d want to say no. I should have known better.
“You would take her?” I asked, the words coming out in a rush.
El nodded slowly, a look of determination on her face. “I don’t think there was ever a choice.”
I grabbed her face in my hands and kissed her – softly at first, then passionately. I told her how much I loved her, how much she meant to me through my kiss.
I panted against her mouth, almost entirely out of breath. “Are you sure, Ells? I would never ask this of you.”
Hell, I wouldn’t have asked this of myself.
“You didn’t,” she replied simply. Her lips were swollen and sexy from our kiss, her cheeks flushed. I’d never seen anything more beautiful in my life.
We walked back into the living room hand in hand – our minds made up. We would honor the final wishes of Stella’s parents and be the family that she needed us to be.
I gave Quinn a nod. She widened her eyes in surprise, tears beginning to stream down her face.
“We’ll do it,” I spoke directly to Samuel.
His whole body relaxed, and he smiled at us in obvious relief. “I can’t tell you how glad I am to hear you say that.”
He began searching through his folder, pulling out sheets of paper. He leaned over and showed one to me.
“This document outlines their wishes for their daughter.” He indicated to the page. “Basically, they would like you to raise her as your own, and they request that you make their existence known to her when she is of an appropriate age to understand. Their entire estate has been left to Stella, with you, Quinn, having the controlling interest until she reaches twenty-one years of age.” He glanced briefly at Quinn.
I nodded. “That’s all fine.”
“There’s just one more thing.” Samuel pointed towards the bottom of the page. “They have stated that they wish for Stella to be formally adopted by the both of you... but only once you are married.”
“We’re due to be married in a few months. Can it wait?”
“It’s possible. It’s also possible for you to request to adopt her yourself, Lawson, and have Ellerslie included later.”
I frowned at the suggestion.
“It’s likely we can find a loop hole and override the condition. The sooner this happens, the easier it will be for everyone.” Samuel added quickly.
“Could we meet her first? Can we worry about that when we get her home?” El asked.
Samuel nodded. “As you wish. Is there any chance of the three of you getting on a plane this week?”
I opened my mouth to speak, but El got in first. “We’ll leave on the next available flight,” she told him.
Samuel beamed at her. “If I may say so, I think they made a fine choice with the two of you.”
They couldn’t have picked a better woman than El. As for me... I wasn’t so sure about that decision.
“Do you have a photo of her?” I was suddenly desperate for some type of connection with this new relative of mine.
Will she look like me?
“I have a photo here of Michael and Cassandra, but not one of Stella, I’m sorry.”
“Can I see it?” El asked him with her hand already outstretched.
“Certainly.” He flicked through his folder. I didn’t need to see the photo of my father; I only needed to pick up a mirror to see what he looked like. It was his young wife I was curious about.
Samuel passed El the photo and I gazed down over her shoulder at it. They were dressed to the nines, my father in a tux, and Cassandra in a stunning blue dress. I studied her face; her likeness to Ellerslie was uncanny. She wasn’t as tall, or as curvy, but they were similar in their hair, their eyes, and the shape of their lips.
I heard El gasp. “You’re just like him.”
I had barely even glanced at Michael. “She reminds me of you.”
Samuel cleared his throat. “It would appear that you and Michael share not only your looks, but also your taste in women.”
El passed Quinn the picture.
“Well that’s just too fucking weird for words.”
I chuckled at my sister’s bluntness. It felt good to laugh again, even Samuel cracked a smile.
El still looked shocked. “Now I know how you’ll look in twenty years,” she whispered.
I squeezed her thigh lightly.
“What do we need to do from here?” I asked him, getting back to business.
“Well, as Ellerslie suggested, you should all come as soon as possible. Stella is being cared for by the sitter she was with at the time of the accident. The service for Michael and Cassandra will be held on Tuesday, so you can attend that if you wish. Then there is just the matter of their belongings, and bringing Stella back here with you.”
I shook my head. “I don’t think we’ll need to attend the service.”
“Lawson,” El scolded me. “Stella needs to be there. I don’t blame you for not wanting to go, but we need to put her first.”
I froze. She was right. Already, she was able to put this baby first.
How would I ever be able to be a good dad to her?
“You’re right.” I stood quickly. “Please excuse me, I just need a minute.” I strode out of the room and headed up the stairs.
/>
“I’m sorry,” I heard El say. “He’s panicking.”
Panicking...
That was a fucking understatement.
“Maybe it’s true that we don’t know what we have until we lose it, but it’s also true that we don’t know what we’re missing until we find it.”
- Author unknown
6. Ellerslie
I found Lawson exactly as I’d expected to – pacing the room and running his hand through his hair.
I stood silently in the doorway and watched him. I knew he was aware of my presence – he always was.
“I’ll fuck it up.” He spoke without looking at me.
He was freaking out. It was fair enough. This was a hell of a lot to take in. We were about to become parents, and without the nine months to prepare for the change. This was going to turn our lives upside down.
“We’ll fuck it up together,” I replied softly.
He stopped pacing and snapped his head around to look at me. “That’s not very reassuring, baby.”
I snorted. “It’s true. Neither of us has any idea of what we’re getting into. But we’ll get through it. We’ll do our best, Lawson. It’s all we can do.”
He stared at me – pain in his eyes. “What if it breaks us?”
There it was; his fear of losing me was holding him back.
“I can’t lose you.” His voice cracked.
I walked towards him. “You won’t.”
“She’s not even ours—”
“She’s ours now,” I interrupted him.
He grabbed me and tugged me against his chest. I felt him breathing in the vanilla scent of my hair, trying to calm himself down. His tense muscles started to loosen.
“We’re strong. We’ll be strong for her too,” I told him. “The only thing that will break us is if you run. I need you to run to me, not away from me.”
He sighed and squeezed me tighter. “No more running.”
No more running.
***
I glanced out the cab window – this city was quite a sight. We’d had to wait until early Monday morning to get a flight out. It had taken a little under six hours, and I hadn’t slept a wink. Lawson hadn’t either. Quinn was the only one who had managed to get any rest, and even then, it was no more than a couple of hours.
We’d left the dogs with Logan, and arranged to have at least this week off work. Quinn hoped to get back into the office when we returned later in the week.
I was so nervous. The thought of seeing Stella was terrifying. I knew Lawson wasn’t doing too well either. He was touching me constantly and kissing me often. I knew he needed me close to keep him sane.
It gave me butterflies in my stomach – knowing that I could be an anchor for him. He was exactly that for me. He was my rock.
“What if she hates me?” Lawson muttered quietly.
I couldn’t help it, I laughed at him. “She’s just a baby, Lawson, she doesn’t know how to hate.”
He huffed out a breath and stayed silent for the remainder of the ride.
The cab pulled up outside a tall apartment building. We’d given the driver the address that Samuel had provided. He was meeting us here and would be introducing us to both Caroline – Stella’s babysitter, and to Stella herself.
My hands were shaking as I stepped out onto the pavement.
Lawson must have sensed my distress – he pulled me into his arms and held me tightly, running his hands through my long blonde hair.
“I love you so much, El.”
“I love you more,” I whispered back the reply that had become habit for us.
I took a deep steadying breath and tipped my head back to look up at the up-market building. This was it... there was no going back from this. As of today, we would be a family.
“You guys ready?” Quinn asked loudly, pulling me from my thoughts.
Lawson shrugged. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”
I gave her a small smile and took Lawson’s hand in mine.
***
“It’s just this door right here,” Samuel told us nervously. We stood outside apartment number one hundred and twenty-five. I wondered idly if Michael and Cassandra had planned to bring their daughter up in this building. I believed children should have space – room to run around and play. That was the way I’d imagined raising my children one day, and I knew Lawson would agree with me.
Samuel knocked, and I heard the sound of feet padding across the floor. The woman who opened the door was older than I’d expected. She was short, her graying hair was pulled back into a loose bun, and she had wrinkles around her eyes.
She smiled warmly at us all. “Come in everyone, I’m Caroline.”
We filed in, each of us introducing ourselves to her.
She stopped at Lawson. “My gosh, you are just the spitting image of your father, Lawson.”
He looked uncomfortable. “So I’ve been told,” He murmured quietly.
She led us into the living area. The apartment was impressive. Expensive furnishings filled the space and large paintings hung on the walls.
“Stella is due to wake any time now, can I get you a drink while we wait?”
We all politely declined.
“Where do you live, Caroline?” I asked her as I peered out the window that overlooked the city below.
“Oh, just down the hall, love. I’ve known Michael and Cassandra for three years.” She turned around to face Lawson and Quinn. “I am terribly sorry for your loss.”
Lawson tensed. “I don’t mean to be rude, but to be completely honest with you, we haven’t lost a thing. Michael hasn’t been a part of our lives since we were very young. You knew him better than we did, so I’m sorry for your loss.”
Caroline nodded. “Yes... he told me about the two of you; how he regretted what he’d done... he wished he could take it back, you know?”
“Too little, too late,” I heard Quinn mumble.
Caroline didn’t hear her. “You know what I think? I think that’s why he’s put this on to you now. I don’t think he could have forgiven himself if he had taken another family member from you.”
Lawson was getting agitated; he had been bouncing his knee up and down as he sat.
I placed a hand firmly on his leg and smiled at Caroline. “Would it be okay if you ran through Stella’s routine with us?” I asked her, taking the focus away from Lawson.
“Certainly, honey.” She sat down on the couch and gestured for me to join her.
I moved to the space next to her, pulled out a pen and paper and wrote down every single little thing the older woman said.
***
Samuel had left us with Caroline a half hour ago, he had an important meeting to get to, but he assured us he was available for us to contact if there was anything at all we needed.
I heard the light cries through the baby monitor at the same time Caroline did. “She’s awake.” She pushed up to her feet and headed off down the hallway.
My heart was beating out of my chest. I was sitting a few meters away from Lawson and my body needed to be near his. I hopped up swiftly and a nervous giggle slipped past my lips as I saw him doing the same thing. We met halfway across the space.
“Here we go,” he said softly, searching my eyes for signs of panic.
I relaxed at his proximity and smiled.
“Oh my god... she’s beautiful,” I heard Quinn squeak.
I spun around, and my eyes locked on the precious little girl in Caroline’s arms.
Her big green eyes flicked back and forth between Quinn and I before finally landing on Lawson.
She’s just like him.
Stella looked so much like Lawson, but at the same time, I could see her mother in her. Her skin tone wasn’t as olive as Lawson’s; it was more of a golden tone, like mine. She had a small amount of light hair on her head, but the most captivating thing about her was easily her eyes. Quinn and Lawson’s big green eyes were repeated exactly into her sweet little face.
Bea
utiful doesn’t even cover it...
I squeezed Lawson’s hand. “Wow,” I breathed.
Stella shrieked and held a hand out toward Lawson.
Caroline walked her over towards us slowly – Stella’s eyes never leaving Lawson’s face.
I turned slightly to watch, riveted to the spot, and knew Quinn was too. Nobody said a word.
Caroline stopped right in front of Lawson and held Stella out. Lawson reached towards her, his hands shaking slightly. Stella shrieked again and thrust her hands out towards him, wanting to be held.
She loves him already.
I could feel the tears streaming down my face at the pure magic of this moment. It dawned on me then that we would be okay; we would be able to overcome anything that this new challenge would throw at us.
“She wants you to hold her,” Caroline told Lawson gently.
“I... I don’t know how,” he stammered.
Caroline ignored his protests and gently passed Stella into his arms. He made an awkward-looking cradle and tucked her against his body.
My heart swelled at the sight of the two of them together. They were so perfect.
I needed to get a ring on that man’s finger. He looked even hotter with a baby than he did with a puppy.
Quinn stepped quietly over to where we stood. Lawson still holding Stella, with me pressed against his side, both of us staring at the wonder in his arms.
“She’s so stunning,” Quinn whispered as she stroked Stella’s small hand.
I nodded in agreement.
“She’s a pretty little thing alright,” Lawson replied quietly, a small smile on his lips.
“My turn,” Quinn demanded – breaking the moment.
Lawson chuckled, but handed her over. He gently slid Stella from his arms into Quinn’s. Stella struggled to keep her eyes on Lawson – even letting out a small wail, but when she finally met Quinn’s gaze, she calmed down, it was as though she recognized the blood ties the three of them shared.
I wiped the sweat from my hands onto my jeans. I didn’t have any connection to Stella.
Would she sense that? What if it’s me she doesn’t like?
“Relax, baby.” Lawson leaned in and murmured in my ear. “She’ll love you as much as I do.”
Love like Yours Series Box Set: Books 1 - 4 Page 40
