by UD Yasha
I went back to the house and found maa in the living room, once again reading on her Kindle.
‘Maa, can I ask you something?’ I said, knowing I had to choose my words carefully.
Maa smiled at me and put her Kindle away. ‘Of course, beta.’
‘I have never asked you this and I am sorry to bring it up right now. But how was dad in the months leading up to your kidnapping?’
The mention of dad mellowed maa’s smile. I could see the sadness in her eyes. That look further confirmed that I could not give her the hope of him being alive. A part of my brain thought how outrageous it would be if he were to actually be breathing somewhere right now. But we had seen miracles like how maa was still alive after being held captive for sixteen years.
‘He was away a bit more,’ maa said. ‘I remember he didn’t travel much early on. But ever since the start of that year, he was starting to spend time away.’ Maa’s eyes wandered. ‘In fact, I think it was in March and April that he travelled a lot for work.’
‘Do you know where he went?’ I said.
‘I don’t remember all the places. It was usually Mumbai and Nagpur. He also went to Delhi once. I remember that day distinctly. He didn’t have a suit. So, we went out and got one. It was expensive but there was an important meeting in Delhi that he had to attend with all his superiors.’ Maa smiled, thinking about those times.’
Silence.
‘Why do you ask, beta?’ she said.
‘No reason. I feel like I want to know who he was better. It makes me feel closer to him. I wanted to ask you for a long time but I didn’t know how to bring it up.’
‘You don’t have to worry about such stuff with me. Don’t keep anything inside you for the fear of how I’ll react. I am your mother and you and Radha have given me a lot of strength after I was rescued.’
Maa held out her hands and I swooned in to hug her. ‘Is there anything else you want me to tell?’
I smiled back at her. ‘Not right now but I’ll ask you such things every now and then.’
I felt warm and secure laying my head in maa’s lap. She stroked my hair for a few minutes. I had one eye on the clock. It was almost seven and I needed to leave for my appointment with Komal. Maa gave me a kiss on my cheek when I got up. I told her I had some stuff to get for my work and then left.
Komal’s office was near Deccan Gymkhana. I reached just in time for the appointment. I had last seen her a little less than a year back. Her last words to me still resounded in my ears, ‘You have it in yourself to put all your setbacks behind you and be happy.’
Remembering that made me feel proud. To a large extent, I had put the Kunal Shastri episode behind me. Even though I wasn’t back to being a lawyer and detective, two cases had come my way and both were too personal to let them go. I had fought on and come out triumphant in both.
‘You look good,’ Komal said when I entered.
I thanked her and we exchanged pleasantries for thirty seconds. I looked around her office. It hadn’t changed at all. The walls were still cream and the furniture was minimal and brown. There was a large polished desk behind which Komal sat. There was also a couch next to it. We used to sit there when we spoke about stuff that needed a lot of introspection. Komal also hadn’t changed much. Her hair was longer and still streaked burgundy. She wore the same thick glasses and wore the same smile that she always greeted me with.
For a beat, I felt a pang in my heart, knowing what all had gone down in this room. Three years back, I had walked in for the first time along with Radha. But that feeling melted into self-assurance. I didn’t know where it came from but I wasn’t going to question why I was feeling good about myself.
Komal got right into after that. She said, ‘What’s the matter? It sounded urgent on the phone.’
‘It is,’ I said and told her everything that had happened ever since I had got the first phone call six months back.
‘So, you want to know if you can remember what happened in those twenty to thirty minutes?’
‘Yes, and I am afraid I saw dad then.’
‘Isn’t that a good thing?’
‘It is, I guess. But I fear where he has been all these years.’
‘We’ve talked about this before. You know the kind of impact your dad has had on you. Your life flipped one eighty degrees when your parents vanished within three months. Those events have shaped your decisions. Your dad’s disappearance has had a bigger effect on you. I’ll deviate here for a bit. In your nightmares, your dad says that you didn’t come looking for him. But that’s not true. I know what you have done to find him. There wasn’t much for you to investigate until now. And now that you have some leads, you are pursuing them as best as you can. Just coming here and talking to me was a brave choice. I know you would have been worried about your emotional dam being let loose on seeing me and talking about all these things. Having said that, you still came here. You have to be proud of yourself.’ Komal said and paused, letting everything she said sink in.
‘Your dad’s disappearance had a bigger impact on you. That you chose to become a criminal defence lawyer who represents innocent people is a testimony to that. Your entire adult life has been a tip of the hat to him. You couldn’t bear it as a child to see your father being blamed for your mother’s disappearance, and the way it was looked at then, her murder. So, you chose to fight for the people who are accused incorrectly. So, don’t feel guilty as everything you have done since is a result of the love for your dad. Not that it wasn’t there for your mother. But the human mind plays tricks and works in ways that surprise us. You were destined to have a career in law enforcement, whether it be as a lawyer, private detective or police officer. You chose a combination of the first two.’
‘That’s what I am afraid of too,’ I said. ‘I know how much I love and regard dad. But what if he wasn’t the person who I thought he was? What if he wasn’t a good man?’
Komal leaned forward and joined the tips of her fingers and she held her hands in front of her face.
‘Do you really believe that he wasn’t a good man?’
‘I don’t want to but how the hell did his name end up in that register?’
‘I don’t have answers to that. But even if he was a bad cop, does that change who you are? He never mistreated you or anyone else based on what you know about him. He gave you a value system. Which doesn’t change if he was a bad man. I can understand why it may seem like that. But you are who you are today, the good and the bad, because of what he taught you and the events that took place when you were sixteen years old. The events were just a nudge.’
Silence.
‘What are you thinking about?’ Komal said.
‘Why I can’t remember what happened in the morning.’
‘We’ll get to that now. Do you want some water before?’ Komal said and got up to pour a glass for both of us from a glass jug on her table.
I took a few sips and felt more at ease. Komal always knew the right things to say and do.
‘Do you feel better?’ she asked with genuine concern in her voice.
I nodded.
‘Great. We’ll do a small exercise to see if you can remember what happened today morning. It doesn’t always work, but it will be a starting point. Okay?’
‘Before we begin, I also fear that I could have possibly killed the woman. I have no memory of how her blood got on my clothes.’
‘We’ll find out. Okay?’ Komal said. ‘Can you please close your eyes? I know it’s hard but try not to think about anything else. Remember our meditation routine where we try to focus on the breath.’
I followed what Komal said and closed my eyes tentatively, afraid of what I was going to discover. I was also fearful of not knowing anything new. Some time went by. Komal told me to focus on my breath once again and observe my body from the inside, its shape and how it rested on the chair.
Komal said, ‘Now, place yourself in your car and think about how you were driving to Stan Mills. Th
e road, the trees and what was going on in your mind then.’
I pictured the narrow approach road and how my right hand was on the steering wheel and the left one of the gear sticks.
‘You’re doing great. Do you remember what you first saw after stepping out of your car at the factory? Don’t tell me what it was. Just think about it.’
I had first smelt the ash. I didn’t remember what I had seen. It was perhaps the bleak surroundings. It almost felt like life had been sucked out of the place.
‘Now, follow your steps. Think about how you went into the factory through the back door and how your phone rang.’
The moment Komal mentioned my phone, the shrilled mechanical voice of the person calling me played in my mind. I felt a chill, thinking how I had obeyed their instructions. I had been asked to keep my phone torch on. It hit me then that their eyes were on me throughout. What had caused them to cut the call?
It was as if Komal could read my mind because of what she said next. ‘Switch to the point the phone call ended. How did you feel then?’
Afraid, lost and confused. To some extent hopeful that I would get to know something about dad.
‘Think about how you ran downstairs, how your footsteps echoed in the silence.’
They had echoed. I had also heard my heart thud away. It was beating fast again. Funnily, it was like I was in the moment. The smell of ash penetrated my lungs. It seemed to grow stronger. I was running down the steps. I remember using my phone and typing a message. Rathod. I had sent him a text. My heart rocked faster. I had just remembered something. I could know it all. Sweat layered on my skin. I wasn’t sure if I was actually sweaty or if I had felt sweaty in the morning while running down. It didn’t matter because now I was close to the back gate. The moment of truth.
‘Are you at the door yet, Siya?’ Komal said.
I nodded. I was running like there was a fire roaring behind me. The cool air of the early morning hit me. I inhaled sharply.
Komal’s voice came from far away. ‘What do you see, Siya?’
‘I see a man. He’s standing in front of me. But I cannot make out who he is. Right now, he’s in the shadows of the trees in the distance.’ I cannot recognize him.
‘How big is his silhouette?’
‘He’s tall,’ I said, wary of the fact that my father was tall too. Radha and I had got our height from him. ‘I don’t know who he is though.’
‘It’s okay. Just stay in the moment.’
My eyes searched the ground as I thought of the dead woman. She was alive in the boot, so she must be alive right now as well. That’s when I saw her. She was moving on the ground.
‘Help me,’ she said, her voice barely coming through between her heavy heaves.
I ran to her and knelt down.
‘I had called you, Siya. Your father…he…’ the woman said and her eyes closed.
‘What about him?’ I said and started giving her CPR. I could not let her die.
I looked up again in the shadows. Dad, is it you? There was no one there anymore. My eyes explored the endless foliage. The man wasn’t there anymore.
BANG. BANG. There were two gunshots in the distance. I was too disoriented to see anything. I knew I had no defence in the darkness. I jumped on the ground next to the woman, still trying to revive her. She was bleeding profusely. Silence returned. I tried to look around but saw no one. Who had fired the shots? And at whom? The noise seemed to have come from inside the factory.
I needed to save the woman as she could have the answers.
I got on top of her and started pumping her heart. I was at it for a few minutes.
‘Siya!’ Someone called out my name. I turned around and the world around me started spinning. Who called me? Everything around me started fading away. The world became a shade of grey.
I heard a faint voice. ‘Don’t do that.’ I didn’t know who it was. The voice was too low. My world was spinning faster. Before I knew it, the lights behind my eyes went out.
I opened my eyes with a start. Komal was next to me.
‘Are you okay?’ she said.
I looked around. I was not at Stan Mills. But I knew that throughout. I was aware I was in Komal’s office.
‘It all felt so life-like,’ I said.
‘I know,’ Komal said and offered me more water.
‘I was trying to save the woman. I think that’s how her blood got on me. I was giving her CPR to revive her,’ I said.
‘I know,’ Komal said again. ‘You were saying everything out loud.’
My eyebrows went up in surprise. I didn’t know that. ‘That man,’ my voice faded away.
‘We can’t be sure who he was.’
‘He was tall like my dad.’
‘Yes, you said that too. But there are many tall men.’
‘Will I ever remember?’ I said, tearings streaming down my face.
Komal said nothing.
‘I don’t even know why I am crying,’ I said. ‘I am glad I didn’t kill the woman.’
‘You remembered a part of what happened. That’s a victory for you according to me. But you don’t feel like it because you were seeking answers to bigger questions—whether your father is still alive and if you saw him today morning.’
Silence.
‘You should be happy, Siya. The rest of it will come to you. Just give it time.’
‘What if I don’t have time? What if it was my dad and he now needs my help.’
‘You will find a way in either case.’
‘This was a victory, Siya,’ Komal said. ‘You should be proud of yourself. You are a step closer to knowing exactly what all happened.’
I nodded. Komal was right. I had two fears at the start. One of them had been ruled out. I didn’t know how I would have dealt with killing a woman, especially when there seemed no reason to. Despite getting some answers, the session made my suspicion of having seen dad even stronger than before.
After I thanked Komal for the session and paid for it, I sat inside my car with my hands on the wheel. The car engine was still off. I was ruminating about what had happened in the past hour. I used to do that a lot before. Radha used to come with me every week during my first week of seeing Komal. She used to sit outside and read about finance. Even then, she used to only join me when I flicked on the headlamps of our car.
My chain of thoughts was broken by my vibrating phone. It was on the empty seat next to me. Rathod’s name flashed on the screen.
‘Dr. Rastogi tried calling you but couldn’t get through,’ he said. ‘So, he called me. He has found a lot of gunshot residue on the hands of Jane Doe. I told Dr. Sonia about this and she asked me to get a sample of the GSR. Sonia told me she knows of a newly discovered and advanced method that checks if particular GSR has come from a specific gun.’
‘That’s huge, Rathod. It can tie suspects to crime scenes directly,’ I said, forgetting about everything else.
‘I know. I just got the sample and Sonia is checking it as we speak.’
‘Right now, we know that the GSR found in the bullets that killed the Jathars and John Doe has come from the same kind of gun. A local Indian variety. Sonia is conducting more advanced tests to check if it was the same gun. Same is the important part here.’
‘If it is the same, then we can say with reasonable certainty that Jane Doe killed the Jathars and John Doe in the morning. She gets tied to the crime scene. The two events connect.’
‘Sonia said she will take thirty minutes to tell us. As they say, I don’t want to count the chickens before they hatch. But if it’s the same gun, then everything changes.’
‘Okay, great. Come to my house right away. I just met my therapist and I’ve partly remembered what happened in the morning at Stan Mills.’
‘I’m on my way,’ Rathod said and hung up.
Chapter Twenty
Dr. Sonia Joshi prided herself on learning and constantly improving. Just two months back, she had attended a conference on modern techniques
in forensic science in Melbourne. Out of the many concepts and ideas that she had been exposed to, the most exciting was a new gunshot residue examination technique. It took the components of GSR and analysed them to a detail that was never done before. The technique was designed to detect unique elements and isotopes in glass fragments that were found in the GSR that got deposited on the shooter. Simultaneously, the same test was conducted on the gunshot wound and the ammunition. If all the isotopes and elements matched, the shooter could be placed on the crime scene.
The only challenge was knowing if the person on whom GSR was found was just a bystander or the shooter. GSR discharged from firearms could land on objects or people close to it. The quantity of GSR was the highest on the firearm and the shooter, which was a generally accepted norm in the field of forensic science.
Sonia remembered the last line of the presenter on the topic. ‘GSR can now be used as a fingerprint. Its components remain the same before, during and after a firearm is discharged.’
The same researcher had said that tests could also be conducted on the remaining ammunition from a batch if the actual ammunition was not found. It was going to completely revolutionize the field of GSR testing.
Sonia didn’t need the remaining batch. She had the actual bullets. Four of them. Two in John Doe’s chest and one each in the bodies of Niyati and Malhar Jathar. That gave her a big sample size to test the components of GSR in each.
Analysing the isotopes and elements was a challenge without the right equipment. But when Rathod gave her samples of the GSR found on Jane Doe, Sonia called up a researcher called Gandhar Deshpande at the Central Forensic Science (CFS) Laboratory in Pune. He owed her a favour and the lab was one of the six advanced forensics labs in India. It had state of the art equipment that could be used to get an idea about the components of the GSR.
She had called him up and asked if he could help her out. She gave him minimal information and had convinced him to keep it off the record.
