by Heidi McVay
Her eyes had widened for a moment as he released her wrist and bared his teeth for a moment. Tatiana drew in a deep breath and then released a shuddering sigh. “I’m sorry. I’m just so angry.”
“So am I!” He shot back. “I told you to be nice to Scarlett, to my parents. I know your family is fucked up, but mine’s not, and I won’t have you screwing with that. Now I’m taking you back to the hotel and then I’m going to see Scarlett. I will fix whatever you fucked up, and tomorrow we’re getting married. I’m not going to run interference for you and my family at any point, and it will be the happiest day of our lives. Got it?”
Those blue eyes that had once captivated him so deeply now flicked to him nervously. She licked her lips and nodded as she drew in a breath, pushing the words out quietly. “Got it.”
Silence had fallen over the vehicle for the rest of the thankfully short ride to the hotel. She hadn’t even told him good night when she’d slipped out of the vehicle and slammed the door behind her.
Zarek had felt a momentary flare of guilt when he’d pulled back into traffic and headed straight for his mother’s house and the opening in the hedge. He didn’t even bother to knock as he pulled open the screen door and reached for the knob, demanding impatiently as he stepped inside.
“What the hell happened?”
Scarlett was seated at the dining room table she used mostly as a makeshift desk, fingers flying across her laptop keyboard, glasses perched on her nose. She stopped as the question registered and lifted her eyes to him. Slowly, she reached out and closed the laptop lid with a soft click.
“Wow. I didn’t think she’d actually do it. Gotta admit the bitch has balls.”
Disbelief rippled down Zarek’s spine as he heard those words. “What did you just say?”
She calmly reached for the coffee cup beside her. She must not have been working long because the mug was still steaming. She’d changed from the tasteful dress she’d looked so good in to a pair of plaid cotton sleep pants and a gray tank top. It was her hair loose around her face in dark waves that made Zarek’s belly tighten. He loved her hair. She hadn’t cut it in the entire time that he’d known her, except for the occasional trim. He remembered it as wild curls, but as it got longer, the weight of it mitigated that, leaving only soft waves that now fell over her shoulders. Even through the disbelief of hearing her call his fiancé a bitch, the arousal that he had trained himself to ignore flared to life.
Zarek watched as Scarlett stared at him, unflinching. She’d never been afraid of him, not once, because of his size. It was one of a million things he loved about her. “She said she would make sure that you ‘dropped me in two seconds flat’.” She lifted one hand, making air quotes. “Is that why you’re here? To drop me? Or just to yell at me?”
His hackles were instantly up. He stepped forward, shoving his hands into his pockets. “She told me you said some very unkind things. I told her that it was impossible. I told her that you would never attack unprovoked. She told me to ask you myself, so here I am. Asking. What the hell happened in that bathroom tonight, Scar?”
She scrubbed a hand over her face, suddenly looking very tired. “She accused me of being in love with you. Said it was impossible to just be friends. Despite that, we’ve managed it for damn near twenty years without that being an issue. Then she told me that you wouldn’t be interested in me anyway because I can’t give you lots of little Zareks.”
His stomach clenched at those words. He didn’t want to believe that of Tatiana anymore than he wanted to believe it of Scarlett. “Shit. Scar. I’m sorry.”
“Oh, no. It’s fine.” By the brittle tone in her voice, Zarek knew it was anything but fine. “Because she was right about one thing. She will make it impossible for you and I to have anything resembling a real friendship and you… you’re gonna fucking let it happen.” Scarlett rose from her seat, moving toward the counter and emptying the mostly untouched coffee down the sink. Zarek watched as she reached for the cabinet over the sink where she’d kept the liquor from the day she moved in. “See, I know you want everyone to be happy and pretend like everything is fine. But she told me tonight that I can either fade quietly from your life or she’ll make it happen. Threatened to abort your kid if I didn’t.” She continued, her frustration clear in her voice as she braced her hands on the countertop and hopped up on it to reach for the bottle of Jack Daniels. She placed it down with a resounding thunk on the countertop, turning to take a seat next to the sink.
Zarek couldn’t answer that. He knew it was true, on a gut level. Tatiana had made that same threat to him twice just that day alone. He swallowed hard, watching as Scarlett lifted the bottle, smiling at him angrily as she gestured to him with it. “There it is. Right there. That’s the expression I knew I’d see on your face. God, don’t you ever get tired of that kind of shit? Is that really someone you want to commit to spending your entire life with, Z?”
No. He didn’t. But some things were bigger than him. He stepped closer, closing the distance between them as he watched her uncap the bottle of Jack and take a long drink. He didn’t speak as he gently took the bottle from her and lifted it to his own lips, following her lead. She was staring at him, her beautiful face reflecting a pain that echoed deep within his own chest. The whiskey burned going down, and when he lowered the bottle, passing it back to her, he finally broke his silence, speaking quietly. “It’s my kid, Scar.”
He saw the instant flash of pain across her face, the sheen of tears as she lifted the bottle and threw back another healthy gulp. When she lowered it again, she nodded. “That’s bullshit. You’re fucking pro-choice, Z. You’re the one that’s always telling me a woman’s value isn’t in if she can have kids or not. Or was that bullshit, too?”
He reached for the bottle again. This conversation was harder than he’d expected. It was one they’d managed to avoid having for years now. Zarek took another, longer drink, closing his eyes as the Jack settled in his belly. When she tried to take the bottle from him, he shook his head, eyes still closed, and pulled it away. He yielded it only after another few large gulps.
The last time they’d drank like this, chugging straight from the bottle, had been when his grandmother died a year before. They’d finished off the bottle and then fallen asleep on Scarlett’s tiny double bed. That had been the first and only time that he’d woken up next to her, the only time he’d woken up with the woman he really loved in his arms.
As he watched her grip the bottle by the neck and drink as if she were trying to obliterate the night’s events, obliterate herself, or maybe obliterate him, Zarek’s resolve broke.
He reached out to frame her face with his hands, his voice low and rough. “Scar, put it down.” Delicate fingers tightened on the neck of the liquor bottle, and she shook her head. Zarek lowered his voice ever so slightly. “Scar. Put it down.” This time, she obeyed, slowly lowering it to the counter. “Good.” He trained his eyes on her, his voice gentling.
“Look at me, sweetheart.”
This time, her green eyes, eyes the color of Spanish moss, flicked to his face. The sight of unshed tears, those full lips set into a thin, grim line of unspoken hurt, made his heart ache. Doing the right thing fucking sucked. He wanted to deny the truth in her words, wanted to deny that she was right and that he was weak enough to accept what she insisted was being forced on them. But as he studied her face, Zarek knew the sickening truth. She was right. He was already caving. It was his kid, his growing family, and he knew what was tearing her apart. He was choosing between her and the idea of that tiny life that was growing inside the wrong woman. He swallowed hard and leaned forward, resting his forehead against hers. There was so much he wanted to say, so much he needed to tell her, but in the end, none of it would do any good. His own eyes burned unexpectedly as he exhaled the words softly, barely recognizing his own voice. “I’m so sorry, Scar. I don’t have a choice.”
Her hands rose to mirror his own posture, coming to rest on his face. Zar
ek’s heart broke for what he wanted and what he’d waited too long to have. The decision had been made for him the second he had seen the ultrasound image at the doctor’s office. Tatiana was the wrong woman, but it wasn’t the fault of that tiny bean-shaped thing on the screen. If there was anything his mother had taught him growing up, it was that doing the right thing sometimes came with a high cost. He wanted to deny that Scarlett would be the price he paid, but to cling to her would only hurt both of them more.
He lifted his head, brushing his lips over her forehead, and released her. Zarek repeated the words quietly, knowing they were paltry and useless at that moment. “I’m so very sorry.” Those words made a mockery of the pain that lanced through him, that he saw reflected in her own face. The sight of the anger and the hurt that burned in those green depths as she stared at him, accusing him of something completely true, was the last thing he wanted to see, the last thing he did see, as he turned and quietly left the apartment.
Chapter Three
Two Years Later
Scarlett smacked at the alarm clock as it buzzed, annoyingly loud. After the third try, she finally managed to silence it, groaning out her protest as she opened her eyes and stared up at the ceiling of the loft where her bed was tucked. For a moment, she was hard-pressed to remember why she’d set the alarm for such an obscene hour, then remembered the Zoom meeting at eight am with her current client.
Another buzzing interrupted her valiant struggle to pull herself from the warmth of her bed. She contemplated sending her phone hurtling over the railing of the loft, just so the sound of the vibrating phone would stop. Instead, she sighed heavily and reached for the phone, not bothering to even glance at the name on the caller ID as she tapped to answer the call. “Hello?”
“Oh, my God. Have you seen the news yet?” The familiar voice held an astonished edge that instantly had Scarlett wide awake.
She blinked stupidly for a moment, then pulled the phone from her ear to confirm the identity of the caller. “Sylvia? It’s six o’clock in the morning.”
“Not here.” Sylvia McCall retorted as she forged onward. “Go turn on the news. It’s on all the channels.”
“What is?” Scarlett sighed heavily and rose to her feet, heading for the narrow, steep spiral staircase that led down into the main room of the tiny cabin that had been her home for nearly two years. “Sylvia, what’s happening?”
Sylvia’s voice lowered to a pleased hiss. “She’s dead!” Never had Scarlett heard the usually gentle woman so eager to announce someone’s death.
Scarlett ignored the TV and headed straight for the sink, turning on the tap and filling the electric kettle. “Sylvia, I’ve been up for about thirty seconds. You’re gonna have to be more specific. Who’s dead, and why are we happy about it?”
The older woman practically crowed in victory as she spoke the words. “Tatiana Landais! She’s dead.”
Scarlett froze, kettle still hovering beneath the tap. As it began to overflow, she jumped a little and turned off the water. “What? No way.” She dumped most of the water down the drain and set the kettle on its base, turning it on.
As she reached for the French press, Sylvia emphasized the words. “Yes! She was paragliding somewhere near the coast, smacked into a tree and died instantly.” Once more, Sylvia sounded entirely too pleased with this turn of events.
The disbelief was coupled with an odd sense of relief. It wouldn’t make any difference, of course, no more than it had when Zarek had filed for divorce almost a year before. The audio of a conversation between Tatiana and her mother had been leaked on the internet on their first anniversary. Zarek had responded with a highly publicized divorce filing. So far, no one seemed to know where the audio came from, but it had been the final nail in the coffin of Zarek’s marriage.
Although he hadn’t spoken to her since the night before his wedding, Sylvia had felt the need to give her a blow-by-blow of Zarek’s married life. From the constant arguing to the birth of the baby girl that Zarek had fallen in love with from the first moment he’d laid eyes on her, Scarlett was privy to all of it. Despite repeated protests that she didn’t want to know, shouldn’t know, the details of his private life anymore, Sylvia had simply scoffed and insisted that they would eventually get over their ‘little tiff’. Two years wasn’t a tiff. It was exactly what Tatiana had threatened to do, and ultimately, succeeded in accomplishing.
“Are you absolutely sure?” Scarlett pulled the phone from her ear and put it on speaker, leaning against the counter as she waited for the kettle to boil.
“Yes! Oh, what a relief this has to be for Zarek!” And there it was. Sylvia’s purpose in calling. Scarlett knew better than to interrupt as the older woman continued. “Thank God she died before the final settlement hearing. That woman has put him through hell.” Scarlett reached to pluck the kettle from its base as it reached a boil, pouring it over the grounds in the French press. “He’s going to be so relieved. Evie is his, and there’s nothing to stop him from moving on now.”
Scarlett sighed heavily and placed the lid of the coffee maker into place.
“Sylvia, you shouldn’t be telling me this. It’s none of my business. Zarek and I aren’t friends anymore.”
“Oh, not that bullshit again. Look, Scarlett, sweetheart. Whatever happened between the two of you, it’s time you made up. You’ve been friends for a lifetime. I don’t understand why you can’t just- shit, hold on.” Sylvia’s voice paused for a moment and then came back on, distracted. “Darlin’, I need to take this. It’s him. I’ll call you back later.”
“No. Don’t call back. This is none of my business.” Scarlett bit back another sigh and not for the first time, wished that when she’d moved to Colorado, she’d been able to leave her friendship with Sylvia McCall behind. The older woman had no concept of the idea, though.
She’d called the first day that Scarlett had arrived at the minuscule cabin she’d bought sight unseen, high on a sparsely populated mountain outside of Denver, just to make sure she’d arrived safely. Then the next day to remind her that chimneys needed to be cleaned at least once a year. And then again the next day to ask for her mailing address. Sylvia called her more than her own mother did, and often, Scarlett suspected that she was simply biding her time. It was as though the other woman believed that to deny the death of a friendship between Scarlett and Zarek meant that the awful truth would just one day vanish.
Scarlett stared at the egg timer, listening to the quietly reassuring ticking as it counted down the seconds to precious coffee. By the time it dinged, she had her sugar in the mug, along with the half and half she always used.
She had just finished stirring the elixir of wakefulness when the phone vibrated once more. She stared at the sacred liquid in her coffee mug for a moment and then reached for the phone, putting it on speakerphone as she lifted her coffee mug and turned to pad barefoot toward the dining table that was covered in crap. “Sylvia, I told you. It’s none of my business.”
There was a moment of silence on the other end. Scarlett sighed heavily and placed the mug down as she slipped into the chair, where she spent the majority of her day. She’d upset the woman without meaning to. She softened her voice a little and tried again. “Look, Syl, I’m sorry. It just doesn’t change anything. Zarek won’t want me to know his personal business. I need you to under-”
“Scar?” The voice was quiet, hesitant, and though it had been more than two years since she’d heard it, instantly, her heart knew the sound of that soft rumble.
She fell silent instantly, eyes flicking to the screen. The number was unfamiliar, and her jaw tightened. On the other end of the line, he spoke again. “Scar? You there?”
Heart hammering in her chest, Scarlett reached out with shaking fingers and hung up the call. What the actual fuck? He hadn’t contacted her in two years, not even when his divorce had freed him to do exactly that. It had been Zarek’s choice to leave her in the dark, to pretend that he’d not chosen someone else,
someone he’d barely known for months, over the twenty years of friendship. It had taken her months to be functional again. Pretending to be fine had been the hardest thing Scarlett had ever done in her life, and here he was, calling her out of the fucking blue?
The phone rang an encore, and she stared at it, the same number. He was calling again. Scarlett reached out, fingers hovering over the screen before she closed her eyes and tapped to answer. Almost instantly, his voice came through the speaker, as strong and deep as ever. “Don’t hang up.” Bossy as ever, too. Scarlett hesitated. She was tempted to do exactly that. She was fine. She really was. His voice could not have the power to weaken her as it once did. And yet when he spoke again, he said the single phrase that he only ever used on the rarest of occasions.
“Please, Scar.”
She drew in a deep breath and exhaled heavily as she leaned forward to brace her elbows on the table and lifted the mug. She remained silent as she waited for him to continue, taking a sip of the scalding brew. Long seconds passed before she heard him sigh. “You aren’t going to make this easy for me, are you?”
“Nope.” Scarlett popped the last letter and slurped her coffee loudly. If she didn’t hold it together, she was going to crack.
Another long silence came, one that seemed to stretch on. Through the line, she finally heard him speak again. “I guess I deserve that.”
Scarlett resolutely reached out to tap the mouse to wake her laptop and studiously nursed her coffee as she remained still silent. Finally, he spoke again, his voice faintly exasperated. “Scar, can we please not do this, not right now?” There was something in his tone that gave her pause as if his voice were about to break. “I need your help, okay? I need you.”
She pressed her lips together, the pain in his voice still managing to cut straight through her, as it always had. Scarlett was tempted to stay quiet, to let him muddle through it, then to hang up on him again. Her jaw tightened as she folded her arms and lowered her head. “What do you want?”
