by C. B. Stagg
I was locked in.
I banged, I screamed, I kicked. The crying started to fade, but still I fought. I clawed until my nail beds were dripping blood before I realized I was standing in it. The room was filling with the warm, sticky substance, and the metallic smell made me gag and heave uncontrollably. I banged my head against the wooden door and soon that started to bleed too, adding to the pool already at my feet. The crying morphed into a whimper, the scream of the sirens faded away, and the lights became weaker and weaker before all sights and sounds had disappeared altogether. I sunk down into the pile of sodden fabric, while sobs wracked my body and stole my breath completely.
When I awoke again, the room was dark and quiet… all except for my breath, which was coming in great, choking gasps. I was sitting straight up, covered in sweat and shaking from head to toe, as I tried to pull an adequate amount of oxygen into my lungs. I was completely unaware of my surroundings until I heard Jase’s voice from somewhere in the darkness.
“Becky?” He popped up from the floor by my side, running his hands through his rumpled hair. “Are you okay?”
No, I’m not. Not at all.
I couldn’t catch my breath long enough to form words and that, in turn, terrified me. When I got scared, I started panicking, and the cycle began to repeat itself over and over. It was getting worse, the lack of air. White spots began to float everywhere I looked in the darkened room, and I was afraid I was close to passing out. At least this time I hadn’t screamed. Or had I?
The soft mattress dipped beside me, and I felt Jase wrap me in his arms. He was sitting right next to me and, just as he had earlier in the evening, he cradled my head to his chest. With my ear right over his heart, he gently rocked me back and forth. As I started to relax and fall asleep, Jase lowered my body to the bed. He was letting me go, I just knew it… leaving to return to the bed he’d made for himself on the floor. But I wasn’t ready to lose the security his arms brought to my soul and the peace his presence brought to my heart.
His touch grounded me in this new, protected place I’d been tonight. I wanted more than anything to remain in this reality, rather than travel back into whatever twisted variation of the past my dreams would take me. So I held on to his neck like a lifeline and pulled him down onto the bed beside me. He didn’t protest, only pausing a second before bending to my will. Instead, he arranged the quilt to cover us both before tucking me into the crook of his arm and placing my head back on his chest. Flopping back onto the pillows, he sighed, tightening his hold around me before falling back to sleep. I, on the other hand, did not find sleep so easily. So I spent the time learning the rhythm of his heart as mine fell in sync with his, finally lulling me into a pleasant, dreamless darkness.
Chapter 6
Jase
THE ALARM CLOCK BLARED its satanic siren, just like it always did, and I reached over to hit the snooze button, just like I always did. This morning, however, I was met with resistance and found myself pinned to the bed. I was able to stretch enough to pull the clock’s plug from the wall, but it took a few more beats to fully remember last night’s events.
Becky’s head rested on my chest and her arm and leg pinned me in place. A thin layer of sweat had formed where our skin was touching and I was hot, but I didn’t want to move. I’d never seen her face so relaxed, so beautiful. At this moment, the weight of her circumstance was gone, and she looked like any other sixteen-year-old girl. I had to resist the urge to kiss the sweet face sleeping only a few inches from my own.
I sensed the second Becky awoke and realized where she was and what she was doing. Her body stiffened, and she started to ease herself away slowly, so as not to wake me. I tried to keep still, to let her leave with dignity, but then her leg brushed against my— so she gasped and bounced off my bed like it was a trampoline. At that, I lost it. I laughed until I couldn’t breathe while she stared at me with wide, terrified eyes.
“Hey, that was not what you think it was.” I lifted my arm, which had been under the covers, awkwardly stretched across my stomach. “See? Thanks for the compliment, but it was just my arm.”
And then it was her turn to laugh, or at least giggle… a musical sound hitting me straight in the heart.
Ten minutes later, I was sneaking down the stairs to scope out the situation with my mom, but she was gone, of course. Which in this case was great. “All clear! You can come down!”
Becky made her way slowly to the kitchen, scanning her surroundings on high alert, and took a seat on the bar stool across from me.
“So… Cocoa Puffs? Cinnamon Toast Crunch? What can I get ya, ma’am?”
She giggled again. “What are you, seven? Do you have any grown-up cereal?” She attempted a serious face, but the corner of her mouth turned up in betrayal. “Nah, I’m just kidding. Totally Cocoa Puffs.” She nodded, smiling, but not quite meeting my eyes. “I like to drink the milk after.”
I grabbed the milk from the refrigerator, and Becky sighed. “I haven’t had milk in a really long time.”
I poured the milk over a heaping bowl of the chocolaty, sugar-filled cereal and pushed it toward her with a spoon. Then I poured her a full glass of milk, which she drank in one pull.
“That was so good, thank you.” She set the glass down and sighed again, catching her breath. Unable to resist, I walked to her side of the island and spun her stool around to face me. Then, using one hand to guide her face toward me, I used the other to wipe the milk mustache from her top lip. But I found once it was gone, I didn’t want to quit touching her. These magnetic, tingly feelings toward a girl were new to me.
Sure, lots of guys had girlfriends. And you had to be hiding under a rock not to hear the upperclassmen talking about asses and tits and sex, but that was never me. I played soccer. I went hunting and fishing with Casey’s family or my grandpa. I watched John Hughes films and listened to any music made before 1989. But girls? They didn’t fit into the life I’d carved out for myself, at least not yet. I’d always viewed romantic relationships as roadblocks, especially watching how Casey’s girlfriend had changed him. That kind of distraction had no place in the well-formulated plan I’d made for myself. Until now.
Realizing she was staring at me and that I was staring at her mouth, I quickly glanced away and busied myself with cleaning up any and all evidence two people had eaten breakfast here. My mom was a lawyer, and she was big on analyzing evidence.
“Um, we probably need to get to school.” Becky tapped her watchless arm. I’d forgotten to wash her clothes, but when I told her as much, she just waved me off, saying she could just wear them again like it was a common occurrence.
“No, come upstairs with me. I’ll find you something.” I smiled when she looked up at me. I wanted her to understand it was really no trouble, never wanting her to think of herself as a burden. In reality, I enjoyed having her around. I’d been so lonely with my mom gone all the time and Casey always occupied with the piranha known as Lacey. Becky’s presence was a welcome change for me. I just couldn’t find the right words to tell her that.
Becky reluctantly trudged up the stairs behind me, and after a few passes through my closet, she settled on a pair of athletic pants, rolled at the waist, and a nondescript soccer jersey with a school spirit hoodie. The ensemble may have been big on her, but the style fit her athletic build to a T.
We’d made it through the night undetected, but the hard part of this mission was far from over. The new challenge became how I would explain the quiet girl from school leaving my house with me at the crack of dawn to Casey, Christian, and the rest of the extended neighborhood gang. So I figured, for now, our arrangement needed to remain a secret. We left out the back door and walked the shorter, yet more cumbersome way, avoiding the streets as we made our way through the forest area separating our neighborhood from the back of the high school.
The air was cold, but the sun shone brightly through the trees, something that hadn’t happened for a while and it almost made the day feel lik
e a new beginning. Looking over at Becky, more at ease than I’d seen her in a while, I wondered if she had the same feeling. She needed a new beginning, and all I could do was pray that whatever haunted her was over now that she’d found a friend in me.
We spent the fifteen-minute walk in quiet thought, choosing to concentrate more on avoiding the mud holes instead of talking. I knew we needed to have a discussion about, well, everything… but I needed to process it first. I’d suddenly been thrust into a situation where a girl was dependent on me.
I hadn’t gotten used to that yet.
When the stadium came into view through the trees, I broke the silence. “So, do you want to just meet me here after school?” I looked over for her answer, but she’d stopped a few feet back. She was staring at me with an expression I couldn’t read, so I walked back toward her.
“Hey, are you okay?”
Chapter 7
Becky
WHEN HE GOT CLOSE ENOUGH to touch, I wrapped my arms around Jase’s neck and pulled him into a hug. There weren’t enough words to thank him for his kindness. I wasn’t sure the words even existed that could accurately explain how much our newfound friendship meant for my life. So I was hoping my hug could convey the message for me. He stiffened for a beat, before dropping his backpack and enveloping me in his long arms, pulling my body flush with his. The way I fit against him was perfection, reminding me of last night. My heart beat wildly, not from fear, but something else entirely.
That, I did not expect.
We stood like that, two mismatched kids pressed against each other and holding on for dear life. With Jase, I finally felt like a real person, someone worth seeing and talking to. Once I entered the school walls, I’d go back to being anonymous—the girl with no name—the invisible person in the back of the room. The one who wore almost the same thing each day, and whose stomach sometimes growled and interrupted the silence of class.
But with Jase, I was just Becky… a teenage girl with thoughts and feelings, hopes and dreams, struggles and triumphs. With Jase, I felt whole. I’d never had that feeling, and I had no intention of letting it go.
He eased back slightly to see me, but kept his hands on my shoulders. “What was that for?” he said quietly, looking straight into my eyes. His face was pale and freckled, the opposite of my dark, smooth skin. His hair was curly, but cropped short against his head on the sides. Mine was natural and wild and starting to resemble a clown wig. He was tall and willowy while I was short and curvy. We made the strangest pair, yet after the events of the last twelve hours, he’d given me a direct view into his heart and into the man he was becoming. I’d never felt more accepted than when I was with him. And the way he looked at me? Indescribable.
“I just wanted to,” my gaze fell to the ground, “thank you, I guess. But I don’t… “ I sniffed, but held tight to him, like I feared being swept away and he was my anchor through the storm of emotions ripping through me. “I just don’t want you to see me as a weak person.”
Jase lifted my chin and looked into my eyes. “I don’t know you that well… yet. But I do know you are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for.” He swiped at a few tears as they escaped my eyes. “When I look at you, I don’t see a weak person. I see a girl who’s been forced to be strong for too long.”
Swoon. “I wish I saw that. What you see when you look at me? I wish I felt that way about myself.”
“Then maybe I’ll take it on as a personal challenge.” He leaned in and kissed my forehead, surprising us both.
Breathe, Becky.
“Seriously, though,” I started to turn from him, needing space, yet not really wanting it. “You don’t have to harbor me anymore. I can go to the shelt—”
He shook his head. “No way. I’m already working on a plan. For now, you stay with me. I’ll take care of you.” His words were so final and, while I’d planned to argue and insist I find other arrangements, I found I didn’t want to. I desperately needed to find a way to manage my night terrors.
“But I guess I still don’t understand? Why do you want to help me?”
He thought for a moment. “Well, for one, I’d have done it anyway, but don’t you remember last winter?”
I smiled, and my eyes filled up with tears at the memory. I knew exactly what he was referring to.
Everyone missed a day or two of school now and then, but the third day Jase Pearson’s stool was empty in Biology II, I started to worry. I didn’t know him at all, really, but every day when I walked into the cold, impersonal, and sometimes intimidating bio lab, he always smiled at me. He was my daily reminder there were good people in the world.
That day, I stayed after school to work on a project I’d taken upon myself. The next day, and the one after that—still with no sign of Jase—I kept working on my secret project. On Friday after class, I asked Mrs. Schroeder, our biology teacher, if she’d heard from Jase. Five days was an extreme amount of time to be gone, and the idea of never seeing him again started to eat away at me.
“On Monday morning, his appendix ruptured and he was rushed into emergency surgery. I spoke with his mother yesterday, and she said everything went smoothly. He’s now home and resting. He should be back on Monday, barring any complications.”
“Oh.” Wow, I had not been expecting that. “Okay, thank you.” It appeared I had the weekend to get everything in order.
On Monday morning—true to his mother’s word—Jase was perched on his usual stool in bio lab, though he was pale and his usual toothy smile was more of a grimace. As I walked past him, on the way to my assigned seat in the back, I paused beside him. “How are you feeling?”
He managed to push past his discomfort to gift me with a genuine smile. “I’ve been better, that’s for sure.” His breaths weren’t coming easily. “My appendix ruptured, so there was that, but I think the most painful part of this little school detour is all the work I’ll have to makeup.”
“Oh, about that,” I said, reaching into my backpack for the yellow legal pad which had almost become an extension of me over the last few days. “I have something for you. Maybe it’ll make things a little easier.” I handed it over, and he flipped through the pages. The pad was almost full.
“What?” He looked from the pad, to me, and back to the pad again, flipping through a few random pages. “These are notes.”
“Yes.”
“These are notes from each day I missed.”
I nodded. “Yes.”
“And it looks like… from every class, even?”
I nodded again. “Yeah, I was able to borrow someone’s World Geography notes since we don’t have the same teacher for that one.”
“Are these your notes?”
“No, they’re a copy of my notes, except for the ones I borrowed. They’re for you, so you don’t get too far behind. Midterms are coming.”
“So, hang on. Let me get this straight. You hand wrote five days worth of notes for four different classes, all for me?” He shook his head.
“Yeah, I did.”
“Why?” His eyes were wide as if no one had ever done something kind for him.
“Well,” I swallowed. “Sometimes life gets messy, and I found myself in the position to be a broom.” I walked back to my table and took a seat. When I looked up, Jase was smiling at me and then he mouthed the words thank you. I just shrugged and smiled back.
The wind had picked up and whipped away the leaves around our feet, right along with the tension we’d both been feeling. We started walking again, though more slowly. “Maybe now’s my chance to be your broom, okay?” I smiled at him and nodded, remembering the words I’d said to him all those months ago. He made it all sound so simple, but it couldn’t be.
“What about your mom?” I didn’t know much about his mother, other than she was a shrewd attorney who worked in the city. She’d been a guest speaker at one of our National Honor Society meetings, where she’d discussed the LSAT, law school, and the different job opportunities wi
thin her field of study. Ms. Pearson’s smart business suit, perfectly styled, punctuated her confident, commanding presence. Her red hair matched Jase’s perfectly, and her meticulously manicured nails—painted blood red—probably looked like claws in the courtroom. By the end of her speech, I’d admired her, feared her, and wanted to be her… but I distinctly remember thinking to myself that I never wanted to cross a woman like that. And now, here I was squatting in her house, eating her food, and possibly having impure thoughts about her son.
Perfect.
“You just let me worry about her. I’m the broom, remember?”
We were approaching the tree line and could easily hear the steady drum cadence of the marching band practicing on the football field not fifty yards away, when Jase grabbed my hand and gently turned me to face him. “Here, take this.” He placed a ten-dollar bill in my other hand. “It’s for lunch.” I looked down at it, and up at him again. “What lunch period do you have, anyway?”
“Um, D lunch, same as you.” His eyes lit up, right along with my heart. “I just usually stay in the library and read during lunch.” I looked down, ashamed I didn’t have a group of friends to eat with or much food to eat.
Often times Mrs. Witte, our school librarian, would make her rounds through the tables nestled between the stacks, fussing at students who’d brought food and drinks in, only to hand me a pack of peanut butter crackers and a small water bottle as she passed my table, which was situated near the circulation desk. She’d often have a book or two waiting for me when I got there. Those books provided hours upon hours of escapism in the days and weeks following my mother’s death, and I’m not sure she’d ever know the true impact she had on my life. It was small acts of kindness from people like her, along with Jase, that made school my safe haven.
“Well, not anymore. You’re sitting with me.” He tightened his hold on my hand, and we kept walking. Everywhere he touched me felt sparkly, like I glittered and glowed in the dark. I wanted to think it was because I was just so starved for human contact, but I was pretty sure it was just Jase.
