“Could you clarify that please?” I sound like a schoolteacher. Fitting since he’s a spoiled boy.
“You’re not a five.” His gaze falls on me, and our eyes meet.
Why does he have to look so sincere? And why are his eyes so damn… beautiful?
“That’s not an apology.” I turn away and lower my gaze.
He sighs. “Do you want me to crawl on my knees?”
I shake my head but face him again. “You don’t get it, do you?”
“What do I not get?” Michael raises one eyebrow and looks his cocky self again.
“Never mind. An explanation would be a waste of time. You wouldn’t understand anyway.” I reach for the crutches, but he’s faster and snatches them away, holding them out of my reach with one hand.
“I want an explanation.” He’s leaning over me now, his big body pressing mine into the cushions. I hate my skin for the way it tingles where his body heat sears into me.
“We don’t always get what we want. Now kindly hand me my crutches.” Why is it so hot in here all of a sudden?
“No.” He sends my crutches flying over the floor.
My eyes shoot from the crutches in the corner back to the asshole right above me. “Are you insane?” I push my hands against his chest and yell at him.
“No.” He plops back in his seat and crosses his arms over his chest again.
I lose it. I turn and pummel my fists against his chest. “You arrogant snot. Give me my crutches, right now.”
“No.” He sits up straighter, unimpressed by my fists pounding his pecs. They’re fucking hard. Painful against my little hands. Does he even feel my hits?
“You pig. You stuck-up twit.” I hit him twice more. He doesn’t flinch but keeps his shoulders squared.
He smirks. “Can’t think of more swearwords? Maybe I can help you out. What about son of a bitch? Or motherfucker? Or dickhead?”
I stop mid-motion. “You’re impossible.” I drop my fists and let my head fall against the couch. I can’t believe I hit him. I loathe violence, but this man drives me fucking crazy.
“Make that impossibly hot and I’ll take it.” He winks. He freaking winks while I clench my fists again. You can’t murder him. Think of Johnny, Ellie.
“Ugh… I really don’t like you.” All tension leaves my body and I inch away from him.
“Why not?”
I look at the ceiling before I lock eyes with him again. “Are you for real?”
“See for yourself.” And then he does the unthinkable. He lowers his arms, bends over, and grabs my neck. I freeze, he can’t really mean to….
I duck my head and dive away at the last possible moment with my heart hammering in my chest. “No.”
He winks with his body still bent in my direction. “Are you sure?”
All I can do is nod while I’m trying to figure out what level of craziness I’m truly dealing with here.
“Why not?”
I sigh. “Is that your favorite question now? As I told you already, I definitely don’t like you. And you don’t like me either. Having sex would be a mistake.”
A muscle in his jaw twitches. Then he swallows. “Is it because of my leg?”
I blink. “Your leg?”
He refuses to meet my eyes, but stares at his stiff knee while the muscles in his jaw perform a freestyle dance. Then he jumps up so fast his cane slides to the right. He sways but catches himself before he falls.
For a second he doesn’t move. Then he turns around and walks away from me. And from my crutches. “Michael, wait. I need my crutches.”
He freezes in place, but still presents me with his back. I hold my breath. What will I do if he leaves me helpless on the couch? What if Johnny needs me during the night?
I swallow my pride. “Please, Michael. Please don’t leave me helpless here. I can’t crawl on the floor.”
I watch, mesmerized when a shiver runs through his whole body and his shoulders drop.
Averting his gaze, he walks back to my crutches and picks them up from the floor, struggling to keep his balance while he bends down.
“I’m sorry.” His voice is no more than a whisper as he places the long sticks right beside me and his face is a mask of desperation and terror.
I grab his arm before he can walk away. “What’s going on?”
Chapter 13
Michael
“Nothing.” I take a closer look at Ellie’s small hand on my arm. No nail polish, just short fingernails. No manicure and no pedicure. I don’t know when I last saw a woman without both. Even my mom treats herself to a new nail color every couple of weeks.
“It doesn’t look like nothing.”
I pull my arm free. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
She sighs. “Do you really believe I didn’t want to kiss you because of your leg?”
I bite the end of my tongue. Gotta give it to the crazy décor lady, she has more balls than most of my former teammates.
“You wouldn’t be the first one.” The moment the words leave my mouth, I want to slap myself.
“Michael—”
“Forget it. I don’t want to talk. Would have been better if I died that day.” I shuffle away from her as fast as possible.
“Michael, wait.” Her voice sounds right behind me. Fuck my life. Now I can’t even outrun a woman on crutches anymore.
“Michael. Wait. You can’t say things like that and leave.”
I pause in the doorway.
“When should you have died? The day you injured your knee?” Her voice rings loud and clear through the room. I flinch.
“What else would I mean.” Doesn’t she read the news or watch it on TV? Even if Dr. Winter thinks it a bad idea, I should have googled myself. Then I would know what the public knowledge about my second accident is.
The crutches slide against the tiles again. “You don’t have to talk to me. Maybe you should… uh… you know, talk to a professional.”
“I have a therapist.” I face her. She’s standing right next to me now.
Ellie blinks twice. “Uh… good, that’s good. So, when’s your next appointment?”
“I don’t have one. My therapist is located in Toronto.”
She frowns. “Should you even be in Boston? I mean if you haven’t finished your… uh… talking to your therapist.”
I shrug. “I came here to find closure.”
Her eyes open wide. “Closure?”
I grab the cane tighter. “My hockey career is over for good. I need to move on.”
Ellie closes the small distance between us, takes both crutches in one hand, and places her hand on my arm. “And instead you got saddled with Johnny and me. No wonder you act like an asshole all the time. We can move out tomorrow. I’ll find—”
“No,” I say the word louder than I mean to.
Her hand drops from my arm and she shakes her head. “I’m sorry, I really don’t understand you. I’m trying, but…”
I shrug. “I don’t understand myself.”
Ellie’s eyes find mine again. Not in our usual staring contest but in a way that makes me believe she truly wants to help me. “What do you need to do to find closure?”
I hold her gaze for another second then drop my head. “I… I’m not ready.”
“For what?” The stubborn undertone in her voice is back and for whatever reason that makes me feel better.
My knuckles turn paper white as I hold on to the cane for dear life. I swallow before I say the next words. “I need to go back to the arena.” Why the hell am I telling her that?
“But you don’t want to?”
I shrug. “I’m not sure.”
She pulls her lower lip between her teeth, then releases it. “Would it help if I came with you?”
My head shoots up. “Why would you do that?”
“Believe it or not. There are people in this world that want to help others without expecting anything in return. Besides, you let Johnny and me stay here for free.”<
br />
I pinch the bridge of my nose. “It was kind of my fault that you broke your leg.”
Ellie bites her lip. “So, do you want me to come with you?”
I nod. I’m not sure why, but somehow Mrs. Stubborn and I are connected whether we want it or not. She’s the reason I freaked out in the first place. I’m not sure what would have become of me if she hadn’t appeared on my doorstep that day. And for whatever reason, I trust her. She was there before my darkest moment so it seems only logical that she should be there when I close the chapter that caused my downfall for good.
I rub my eyes. “What about… uh… Johnny? Can we leave him with Sergei?”
She pulls her lip between her teeth again. “Can’t he come with us?”
I bite my tongue, embracing the pain. “I don’t know….” I swallow twice. “I don’t know how I’m going to react.”
Our eyes meet for a second time. I read understanding in hers.
Ellie lowers her gaze. “Um… is Emilia Ravelli often at the arena? Maybe she could watch Johnny for an hour?”
I nod. I might not be Emilia’s favorite employee anymore, but she won’t let Ellie and her son down. “I’ll call her first thing in the morning.”
She nods. “Okay. Um… are you going to be okay if I leave you alone now?”
“Yeah.”
“Goodnight, Michael.”
I watch as she brushes past me and heads to her bedroom to find sleep. I wish the same was possible for me. But how can I relax if tomorrow I’m supposed to say goodbye to my first love?
“Wher’ ‘re we toing?” Johnny asks as the Uber driver pulls up in front of the Ice Tigers’ headquarters.
I shiver as if I’d already been standing on the ice with only my thin shirt to protect me. This is it. The big moment. I stare at the building I entered countless times and remember the way I left it the last time I was here—an unworthy end to what should have been only the beginning of a stellar career. I shudder and close my eyes.
“Michael?” I jump in my seat as Ellie’s hand lands on my shoulder.
Nodding my head, I reach for the door handle. I can’t bring myself to say I’m ready. How could I ever be? At the same time, I want to get my final goodbye over as quickly as possible.
A clean break, that’s what I would have needed from the very beginning.
I push the door open, set my cane on the floor, and haul myself out of the car.
“Wat’s ‘otey?” The kid pulls at his mother’s leg after they make it out of the car as well. Wow, I didn’t even hear her telling him why we’re here.
“Um… why don’t you ask Emilia that question, Johnny. Remember, she owns the Ice Tigers, and she is going to show you around today,” Ellie says.
He crosses his little arms over his chest. “Why tan’t you tome?”
Ellie bends down to him. The muscles in her arms shiver. “Michael needs my help with something important.”
“Wan’ you to tome.” The kid stomps his foot. What does it say about my state of mind that I’d rather face a temper tantrum from a toddler than go inside the arena?
“Johnny—”
“Hi everyone. You must be Johnny.” My ex-boss walks through the entrance door, accompanied by the Ice Tigers’ mascot.
The kid’s mouth falls open when he sees the white tiger with the big blue eyes, and he nods.
“So, are you ready to visit our training facility today?” Emilia squats down in front of Johnny before she stretches out her hand for him to take. He nods again. Then takes her hand. “Perfect. I just need to talk to your mommy for a second. Tiggro will show you inside. Does that sound good, Johnny?” She points to whoever is stuck in the tiger costume.
Johnny nods again, apparently too stunned to speak and follows the mascot inside.
Once the door falls shut behind them, Emilia turns to Ellie and me. “Hi Ellie. What happened to your leg?”
“Hi Emilia, nice to meet see again. I had a bit of an accident and broke my leg, but it’ll heal.”
Emilia smiles. “That’s good to hear. You let me know if you need any help with Johnny. I haven’t forgotten what wonders you worked on our living room with your suggestions.”
Ellie laughs. “Thank you. I remember the brothel couch. We’re fine.” She then faces me. “Michael was nice enough to offer his help. He wanted to spare me the stairs at my place. That’s why Johnny and I are staying at his place for now.”
Emilia’s eyes widen before she looks at me. “That was very considerate of you, Michael. I’m glad you hired Ellie to redecorate your place.” She places her hand on my arm. “It’s good to see you again. I take it you still know your way around, don’t you?”
I nod, unsure how to reply. I never exactly hired Ellie. Since I don’t know why that seems so important to Emilia, I chose not to say anything.
Ellie clears her throat and snatches me out of my trance. “We should go inside. Thank you for taking care of Johnny while we’re here, Emilia.”
“Don’t let me hold you up. I’ll take care of Johnny, don’t you worry. Maybe we can catch up later.” Emilia walks inside.
“Ready when you are,” Ellie says once the door closes behind the most powerful woman in the league.
“Uh… sure.” The cane feels like it’s glued to the ground when I try to lift it and slide it forward to take a step in the direction of the entrance door. I fight against gravity, lifting it up and putting it down again to take another step forward. And then another one. There’s no turning back.
Time to say goodbye.
Pulled by invisible strings, I make my way into the arena where I spent the better part of my professional hockey career. Where I developed from a rookie with green ears to what was praised by the media as “a defenseman with quick feet, undeniable puck control, and fantastic overview, especially during power plays.”
I envisioned a million times how I would celebrate the best day of my life in the Ice Tigers’ arena. Instead, it’ll forever mark the beginning of my downfall. I shiver. Whenever I close my eyes, I relive the last seconds of my hockey playing days as if my career-ending injury happened only yesterday. And yet it feels like it happened a lifetime ago.
Every little detail of my last minutes on the ice are imprinted in my brain. I remember exactly how I placed my skates on the hard surface when I sprinted toward Dallas’ goal and the way the ice put up resistance under my feet. My thigh muscles tense up and relax the same way when the opponent’s goal appears right in front of my eyes. Until that moment, everything was as it was supposed to be.
I wish I could press pause right there and delete the impact that knocked me off my feet mere seconds later.
The million-dollar question enters my mind. Could I have done something to prevent Towler from knocking me off my feet? He must have been there in the corner of my eye. Yet I didn’t see him. All I could see was the goal right in front of me. My mind was set on turning the game. All that mattered was the win. I wanted to succeed. And I wanted the glory—all for myself.
My nostrils tell me I’ve arrived at my final destination. How could I ever forget the clean, cold smell of the ice?
I lift my eyes and stare at the glittering surface. So pure and yet so dangerous.
My nose tickles as I inhale the crisp air again, and my senses come to full alert the same way they always did when I stepped on my first love.
I shift my gaze to the right and find the tunnel from where I entered this arena before every game and practice. I won’t use it today. I’m not a hockey player anymore after all.
My attention stays on the ice, but I know that Ellie is right behind me. If it weren’t for her, I’d turn on my heels and run outside. Her presence prevents me from doing so.
I inhale deeply and place my hand on a door handle inside the boards. It’s how the ice master enters the ice most of the time.
Cool air hits me when I put my cane on my old lady love. The ice mocks me when the wooden stick slides around. Without skates, sh
e is a treacherous mistress. I thought I’d mastered her, but she spat right into my face when I least expected it. How could she be so cruel after giving me the best memories of my life over the past twenty-five years?
When I was five years old, I lifted my first trophy high above the slippery surface. She made sure many would follow in my junior years.
When I was sixteen years old, scouts were praising the way she and I became one during fast sprints and quick turns.
And when I was nineteen, she made me think I was on my way to win the Cup as she welcomed me in the Ice Tigers’ arena.
But when I was twenty-five it became clear, she’d been leading me on all the time so she could betray me in the ultimate way.
I drop to my knees. What did I do to her? What made her break her unspoken vow to be mine forever?
Pain shoots through my stiff knee when it stretches out right beside me. It is nothing compared to the pain I felt when the doctors told me I’d never be able to dance with her again.
I’ll never glide over freshly prepared ice again. I’ll also never play catch me if you can with the air in the arena.
A sob shakes my body when I fall forward until my forehead melts into my old love. Her betrayal still stings, but I came here to find my peace. The only way to accomplish that is to make up with her. We’re reunited now. But our relationship will never be the same again.
My fingernails dig into her immaculate beauty. For a second I want to hurt her just as she hurt me. Why allow me to fly when she planned to let me drop headfirst all along?
Tears stream out of my eyes. I let them. I didn’t value her enough. I didn’t appreciate enough what she was giving me every day. Her love was pure. But I used her to fulfill my selfish need to shine in the eyes of the public and my so-called friends. Given the chance, I would give her my everything and not waste precious time apart from her.
I sigh as another stream of tears makes their way down my cheeks. It’s too late for us. But our relationship doesn’t deserve this ugly ending. I stretch out my fingers and use my fingertips to smooth out what I destroyed earlier with my fingernails. Not that I did much damage to her. She’s a tough lady and has already moved on to her next lover.
Fighting against Gravity: A Standalone Enemies-to-Lovers Sports Romance (An Ice Tigers Hockey Romance Book 3) Page 12
