Some of the teachers were sitting in the chairs eating and some of them were smoking and one of them was doing them both at the same time.
Miss Kenney said Excuse me everybody. There is something I need to check. Everybody stared at us. The man teacher said Don’t bring any headlice in here thank you Miss Kenney and everybody laughed. Then he said We have plenty of our own thank you and everybody laughed a second time.
Miss Kenney said Trust you Mr Herbert and someone else shouted out Speak for yourself and everybody laughed really loud.
Miss Kenney said We won’t be very long will we Francis?
I said I don’t know.
She said It’s just a test and she took me over to the wireless and said Listen hard and switched it on.
It was a man saying — remains low west of the British Isles with a south to south west air stream covering most areas. A troff of low pressure over central England is expected to move slowly east to the north sea during tomorrow. In north eastern coastal waters of England from the Scottish border to Widbee winds will be south to south west mainly modrate or fresh but strong at times. Light rain at first will give way to bright periods but further showers are expected later.
Miss Kenney was writing stuff down on a piece of paper the whole time and then she switched it off and said I can’t keep up any more. Come on.
She said We’ll leave you in peace now. Ta very much everyone.
Some teachers said Bye-bye and somebody said Be good and the man teacher said And if you can’t be good be careful.
When we got back in the classroom Miss Kenney asked me to stand by her desk and she got her piece of paper and she said What did you hear?
I said The man doing the weather forecast.
Miss Kenney said And — ?
I said Have you got cucumber? You always have cucumber. I can never find any this time of year. And You don’t look in the right places. And I don’t know about cucumber but somebody’s been eating hard boiled eggs in here again and I wish they wouldn’t. And Who’s got a light? And my lighter’s over by the — but Miss Kenney didn’t let me finish. She said THAT’S ENOUGH! It was very loud like when the whole class is being noisy. I knew I had done something wrong but I didn’t know what so I said What?
Miss Kenney said Go outside. Just go out to play Francis. Go now. Just go. I said All right. (She didn’t have to say it so many times but I knew not to tell her.)
So anyway I waited in the safety and comfort of the blind man’s cabin. At least I could do thinking. And listening. I had to listen to know when it was morning. It was all electric light remember? Alec was sleeping so it was probably still night.
I was a bit sad about the blind man. He was one of my three friends. You know what they do with dead people on a boat don’t you? Put them in a sack and throw them in the sea. You probably don’t believe me but it’s true. MyDad told me about it when Great Uncle George died. He was on my list of Don’t Like because of his moustache. I said I’m glad Uncle George is dead and MyDad said Ssh! Don’t say that to Mum.
I said Why not?
MyDad said He’s YourMum’s uncle and she loves him.
(I don’t want keep saying I said MyDad said all the time so I’ll just tell you what we said and not who said it. You can work it out.)
— Why is she going to let them put him in the ground then?
— You can’t keep people when they’re not alive anymore.
— Why not?
— It’s a health risk.
— What does that mean?
— Isn’t it time for Blue Peter?
— I want to know.
— Well.
(There was a whole lot of not talking next while MyDad did thinking.)
— Well. We’re just the same as animals. When animals die their bodies stop working and then they start to decay.
— Like your black tooth.
— Sort of.
— Why?
— Why what?
— Why do they start to decay?
— They need to go back into Nature. They’re no good as bodies anymore.
— So they’re rubbish.
— In a way.
— So why don’t people just let the dustmen take them away?
— Well that wouldn’t be very nice. Not for people you love.
— Or for the dustmen.
— Mmm.
— Putting them in the ground isn’t very nice.
— It’s the right place. For a dead body. So it can go back into Nature. Now go and put the telly on.
— But what if you were on a boat and you died? You couldn’t be put in the ground then. You would decay on the boat.
— No. You’re right (I think he meant Yes) but there is something very special called A Burial At Sea. Your granddad had one of those.
— How can you be buried at sea if there’s no dirt?
— The person’s coffin is put in the water instead.
— The box?
— Yes.
— Doesn’t it float?
— No.
— Why not?
— You know — you are a very clever lad Frankie. I think you can work out the answer yourself.
— They put stones in it.
— Yes.
— And it sinks.
— Yes (MyDad said that even though I wasn’t asking).
— And it never comes up again? (This time I was.)
— No.
— No it never comes up again?
— Yes.
— What if the person doesn’t have a coffin?
— They would put the person’s body in a sack. Now will you do as you’re told and go and put the telly on?
Actually I think MyDad was wrong. This boat is much heavier than a coffin with a person and some stones in it and we are not sinking. We would only sink if there was a hole in the bottom. I expect they make holes in the coffin before they do a burial at sea. I heard a very loud splash on the second night when I was sleeping behind the mattresses. Perhaps they were doing one then. Somebody could easily have died. There are lots of old people a board. Probably somebody a board dies everyday. I am glad I am not old.
It was very quiet. And not at all tippy. Alec had stopped licking. He was busy doing sleeping. I was wide awake. Perhaps I had been doing sleeping for a long time. I don’t know how much because the lights made it all look the same all the time. I could see something horrible stuck on the side of my sock. Alec’s pewk! Eeuw. I took my shoe off carefully and managed to get my sock off without touching the horrible bit. Then I put I my shoe back on. I whispered Breakfast Alec.
I got out to see if the blind man was still dead.
He was.
Are you going to wake up? (I did whispering.) I could see a bit of blood out of his nose.
I can’t hear you. It was true. I couldn’t hear him breathing. It was just like MyMum except the blood. It was making me scared. I really needed to get out fast.
I didn’t want to be on the boat any longer. Everything was a big problem. I changed number one on my new plan. It was not Stay on the boat and go back anymore. It was Get off when we get to New York and find someone to help me ring MyDad. Not the police because they will ask how I paid for my ticket if I’m only a boy. Maybe a nice looking lady or a granny. It was the second time I had to change number one.
Len
One Tree Hill, Patti. Remember? You wouldn’t forget. That Sunday afternoon when you were expecting and we ran down together. I was pulling you. When it happened that night and you lost the baby, you blamed yourself — and I let you. You weren’t the same after it happened. I wanted us to try again but you never did want that. When you found out you were expecting the next time you looked me right in the eye and said Want to go back
to One Tree Hill? I remember that. Staring each other down. I said, Yes I do, only to call your bluff, really, but we went. It was late summer. The bracken on either side had already turned and the dry grass underfoot was slippery. When we got to the top we sat down on one of the smooth rocks. We sat for a long time without saying anything. The view was beautiful that day. All the gold colour and everything. Then you said Len, I’m going to walk down, all right? And you looked me in the eye again like before. I was that happy. I don’t know. It felt like a new chance at something. I said, Right, I’ll go by myself then. See you at the bottom. And I took off. I ran and ran. I could have been flying. I waited for you at the bottom, out of breath. When I saw you walking down you were more beautiful than the view.
If I could see you that way again.
Dear God if you could be here now. Walking up the hill towards us. Holding Frankie’s hand.
I keep saying we’ll find him. Everybody keeps saying it. But still nothing. They were out most of the day yesterday, right into the evening. And everyone was up first thing to meet again at the park at the bottom of Colbourne Road and start all over. So it’s another whole day searching now and not a single clue. Not one. It’s only clues we’re looking for now, I know that. Not Frankie. They keep saying there’s still a chance. They don’t really believe it. Not really. Even Mum has doubts. You know Frankie, she said. If he were alive he’d have contacted someone by now. He’s not daft.
It’s taking its strain on her. You can see it in her face. She’s aged ten years. She blames me. That’s pretty obvious. I’ve always been the one to blame. Never mattered what for. I think she blamed me for Jack, too. But my own son? I’d do anything, anything to get him back. Blaming me for having a job that takes me away? Blaming me for Frankie taking off? Him getting taken? Oh God don’t let it be that. Don’t let it be that. The darkest sight you can ever imagine locked away in the back of your mind forever. And that’s what’s become of him, our Frankie? Please not Frankie. Forever and ever. Locked away in that darkness. Forever and ever, amen. And no turning back. Ever.
Hundreds out now looking for him. They’ve been back to all his favourite places. Got the museum and the library opened up again today, the school. Probably his least favourite, you know that, but they went through it again all the same.
Last night a load of them met in the pub. Bill called in after. He saw my lights still on. He came in and told me all about it. They had it all mapped out hour by hour. Written it all down for me. I told him I’d find them when I was finished at the station today, see what they had to say first, whether there was anything new. On the way down there this morning it was as real as real in my mind — the detective sergeant waiting for me to come in, all smiles. Mr Walters! We have some good news for you! I tell you when I walked through that door — the feeling. No one was waiting to tell me anything. They were dreading seeing me. I could tell.
Every time someone shakes their head or whispers, No, you can’t imagine what it does to you. The worst pain you’ve ever known being dragged out of your throat, your gut, and leaving behind nothing at all. All your hope running out of you as if it’s your blood and you’ve severed an artery. It is your blood. It’s why you live. You don’t know how you’re still alive. You want to be dead too. It’s all you want, just curl up and die, but you can’t give up. You don’t. That’s why some of us are doing the hill again. People are good. They’ll do anything you ask. Well you would, wouldn’t you? A six-year-old.
We’ve been here about two hours now. There’s a line of us making our way from the top of the hill diagonally down the south-west slope. You can see the water from here. The sun’s on it.
All those times we ran him down here holding his hands, his feet pedalling air between us. Again! he always said. Remember that? Again! As soon as we got to the bottom. Again! Four, five, six times we’d do it. End up lying down, the three of us. On the ground. Out of breath. Weak with laughing. The sky.
I know now we aren’t looking for him alive anymore. Not really. No one says as much. It’s all hot air. We’ll do our best. There’s always a chance. Never give up hope. Never. The weather’s good, that’s one thing. He’s a clever lad. He’ll know how to take care of himself. But we have sticks, that’s the thing. We have sticks and we’re beating the new bracken down. We’re looking for him on the ground.
We’ll do the wood next. Before it gets dark.
Chapter 9
MONDAY AM
(You know that’s the morning. Right?)
I was worried about Alec. I had to leave him behind. If I took him with me he would be a great big Give Away. (That’s what you call it when you’re hiding and people can see the bump or a bit of your foot or something.) Everyone would stop and talk to me and then I would have to tell them about the blind man and then they would want to talk to MyMumandDad. So I left him. He didn’t have any breakfast but I filled his water dish in the bathroom and carried it back. I spilled quite a lot but there was still some left for him. I put it a little way in front of where he was lying. He opened one eye but he didn’t even look pleased. I don’t know what they will do with him when they find him.
I went up the stairs and looked out the window. Outside was darker than inside. You didn’t know if it was nearly morning or nearly night. I went out and had a look.
The sea was all flat again but going up and down and everything was still wet and slippery. There was a great big black cloud in the sky and it was flat too, like a ceiling only low down and with a big slit in it. And guess what colour the sky was in the slit? Not blue. It was gold. Like a wedding ring. A squished one. Filled in. And here’s another thing — there was all steam coming down from the black ceiling. But I still didn’t know which one it was — nearly morning or nearly night. Then I got a surprise. I’ll give you one too. I saw snowflakes coming out of the steam really fast. Millions of them. They got bigger and bigger and they made a huge whirry squeaky noise faster and faster and louder and louder. BIRDS! They were birds! Millions and millions of them all flying the same way. When they went past you you couldn’t see the sea or the sky or anything. It was like you were in the blizzard in The Great White North. A blizzard made out of birds. And then they were gone and you could sort of hear them like blowing away. I looked round to see if anyone else had seen it but I was all alone. I don’t expect anyone would believe how many birds I saw if I told them. Sometimes it doesn’t matter even if you tell the truth. People are like Miss Kenney sometimes. And sometimes they are just not interested anyway. You can tell.
I didn’t want to meet the sailor all alone outside again. He certainly would not be pleased to see me so I went back in. And anyway I needed to.
A lady with cleaning things came out of the toilets and said Well good morning! You’re an early bird! I wanted to tell her what I had seen outside but I changed my mind. I just said I know.
The toilets smelled a lot better than yesterday. I expect that’s because the lady had cleaned them. The sinks were all sparkly. I checked to see if I looked dirty. I had sticking up hair. I stuck it down with my fingers. I had a drink of water. Then I had a wash. I couldn’t clean my teeth because the celery was too bendy so I threw it away. Then I stole a whole lot of (clean!) toilet paper to blow my nose. I felt much better. I was just going to leave when I saw my feet. Dimwit! I had one sock on and one sock off! I took the other one off so I didn’t look like a nidiot. It smelled of foot but I put it in my pocket anyway and put my shoe back on without it. It didn’t look so stupid. It looked nearly normal.
When I went out again there were more people who had got up. They were doing walking and chatting and smiling. No one took any notice of me so that was all right. I had to be careful about everything. It was why I hated being on the boat now. It was exhausting.
A whole lot of people were queuing up for breakfast and I can’t do queuing. That’s when people start talking to me. I carried on walking instead. Guess who I m
et? Clue — one of my three friends. Kay! She said Hallo and I said Hallo back.
Her Mum and her Dad said Hallo too and I said Hallo back to them.
Kay said Did you throw up yesterday? I did.
Her Mum said Seven times! We ran out of sick bags.
Kay said Mum!
I said So did I. But only once.
Her dad said Only once? Then you’re quite the sailor. What’s your name again?
Kay said Frankie. I told you.
Her Dad said Of course. Frankie’s the one who likes to play crazy golf. Bye now Frankie.
Kay said Goofy Golf.
I said No I don’t. But they had already gone.
I thought I hope we get to New York before they ask me the question I don’t want anybody to ask. Only one more day.
There were still lots of people having breakfast when I went back the second time. I was even more hungry than before so I decided to do Excuse me. I said Excuse me — Excuse me — Excuse me — Excuse me — all the way to the baked beans and then I filled up my plate. One of the cooks put a negg on before I could say No thank you and then another one said Toast? So I said Yes please. I took it to the little kids table. There was a big boy there too looking after a little baby.
My breakfast was delicious. Except the egg. I left it. When I had nearly finished the big boy said Where are your parents? Are they half dead like mine? I was really scared all of a sudden. It’s sort of true. Half dead. He said parents have no sea legs. Not like us. I’m glad he didn’t make me answer the question. I was eating my toast when he left. He said Want something tasty on that? I said Yes please. He said Here you go hahaha and he gave me the baby’s plate of spit up.
I tried to watch a film in the Cinema. It was loud and blurry like the others and it was cartoons again. I hate cartoons. Nobody can be flat. I closed my eyes. And my ears. I was just listening to the engines. Do you know you can listen through your feet or your bottom or whatever is touching something? It’s true. Sharks listen through their skins because they’re touching the water all over and so do snakes. They can hear you walking on the ground. Do you want to know what I was thinking about while I was listening to the engines? I’ll give you three clues. Not MyMum. Not MyDad. Not the blind man. I’ll give you an extra one — Under the bed.
Here I Am! Page 13
