She looked at me with a shocked expression and replied, “I better not get you angry with me then.”
I laughed and explained that it was all a question of degree. She clearly didn’t understand so I tried to explain it to her more clearly.
I said, “You and I could have an argument and I would not ever be physically violent, not for something as trivial as an argument. I might yell at you, and even that is not really acceptable but I would not physically attack you. In a case such as the one we had with the pirates, it is a different set of circumstances entirely. They go around raping and killing innocent, defenceless people, enslaving some, stealing from others for personal gain, not caring about the damage they inflict or the lives they destroy. It seems that type of behaviour will trigger a violent reaction in me, especially if they are shooting at me or someone I care about, or even just some innocent bystander.”
As I finished, I noticed Kari nodding with a look of understanding on her face. We continued chatting idly as we ate. I was about halfway through my meal when I received a message to report to the Captain immediately. I excused myself, dumped my remaining food for recycling, and started walking to the specified location. I noticed on the way that people seemed to be reacting differently to me than they had previously. I idly wondered what that was about but didn’t really have enough information to make any kind of a reliable judgment so I pretty much ignored it.
When I arrived at the Captains office, two Troopers were standing outside his door. As I approached, one nodded to me as the other leaned across and opened the door for me to enter. It seemed to me they were scrutinising me very closely as I approached. When I walked inside, I saw Olin was there as well as the Captain. Both of them looked towards my hips to see if I was armed. I wasn’t, so the Trooper closed the door behind me as the Captain motioned me to a seat. The Captain and Olin just stared at me for a while as I sat down and tried to make myself comfortable which was very difficult under the scrutiny. By this time, I was starting to feel both puzzled and concerned. I genuinely had no idea what was going on so could only sit quietly, waiting for enlightenment.
Finally, Captain Carlon spoke up, “Olin here tells me you still have the weapons that you were issued for the trip to the planet.”
Surprised by the comment, I replied, “I do?”
Then I remembered dumping them on my bed and continued, “Oh hell, yes I do. When we returned to the ship, I was feeling dirty, and hungry, tired and more than a little confused. Everything was very confused with the refugees and prisoners so I went back to my quarters to clean myself up. The weapons are on my bunk, I think. After I cleaned myself up, I went to the mess for food. I didn’t even look at the bunk. I’d completely forgotten the weapons. I would have noticed them when I went to go to sleep and taken them to the armoury then. I’m sorry, I screwed up.”
Carlon nodded and said, “I need you to be completely honest with me now. Have you ever had any military training?”
This question really surprised me. I replied, “I have never joined the military or even been formally trained in military tactics till I started working with Olin’s team. I have however, always been interested in military history and I am an avid reader. I have also watched quite a few war movies, some of which used retired soldiers as advisers to make sure they got things like small unit tactics right.”
The Captain asked, “Can we trust you? Are you going to try and steal my ship from me?”
I replied, “Captain, whether you trust me or not is something only you can decide. You do need to know however, since I have been on this ship I’ve started to make a number of friends and develop a sense of belonging. I don’t really know why I reacted the way I did on the planet other than, the pirates were shooting at people that I have started to care about. Frankly, I haven’t really had time to process what happened on the planet yet. But I can promise you this much, there is no way I could take this ship off you, even if I wanted to, and I don’t. Quite frankly, I have nothing to gain except a quick death or imprisonment by trying to take your ship from you.”
I paused for a minute before continuing, “Your Troopers alone are more than enough to stop me even if I was stupid enough to try. I’ve already come to the conclusion I will find my way home much more quickly by making myself useful to you and your crew, learning whatever I can as we travel back to our next port.”
The Captain stared at me for several minutes till I started to feel fidgety. “Right”, he said, “you will return to your quarters with the Troopers outside this door and retrieve the weapons. You will then take them directly to the squad bay and hand them over to be locked in the armoury. When the weapons are safely secured, you will wait in the squad bay for Olin. Do you understand?”
“I will do as you order immediately Captain” I replied, “Sir, for what it is worth, I apologise for any additional worry I have caused you, I made a mistake and for that I am truly sorry.”
Captain Carlon nodded, then dismissed me so I rose from the seat and headed to the door. As I exited, I noticed the two waiting Troopers were both armed. I suddenly realised just how much I’d frightened the ships officers. When we reached my quarters I stopped outside the door and turned to the two Troopers.
“Can I make a suggestion?” I said.
One of the two nodded so I continued, “It seems to me people are concerned about my motivation for keeping weapons in my quarters. I can assure you that it was a stupid mistake on my part. The truth of the matter is, I simply forgot I had them. I do not wish to cause any more concern so would one of you enter my quarters and disarm the weapons before handing them to me for return to the armoury. You retain all ammunition, that will increase the level of security, as well as diffuse some of the tension I hope.”
The one who’d nodded agreed this would be a good idea so I told him where I thought I’d left the weapons before opening the door, I then waited where I was while he entered. In the end, he found the weapons exactly where I thought I’d left them. He removed all the ammunition and ordnance from the guns and webbing before he handed me the guns and webbing to carry back to the squad bay. I could immediately see both Troopers were much more relaxed as we headed down the passageway to the squad bay. When we arrived there, they locked the ammunition away while I sat at a table and started to disassemble, inspect and clean the weapons before I returned them to the armoury.
Ani came over to sit opposite me, “You’ve screwed up there Colin, keeping the weapons like that. Even Troopers return their weapons to the armoury when we no longer need them to perform our duties. After your performance on the planet, some people don’t know whether you are a hero or someone who should be feared. And then, when you didn’t bring the weapons back, people’s imaginations simply began to run wild.”
By now my hands were shaking so badly I couldn’t maintain the fine motor control I needed to complete my weapons cleaning task any longer, let alone reassemble the weapons. I sighed before I put the weapons down to look at Ani.
I replied, “I am well aware of what I have done Ani, and how much trouble I‘ve caused. The simple fact is that when we came back on board, everyone else was so busy, dealing with the refugees and prisoners, taking the wounded to medical for treatment, I was at a loose end, not really knowing what I should be doing or where I should be going. I felt so sore, dirty, hungry and tired, I just went back to my quarters to clean myself up. I didn’t even notice what I was doing when I removed the webbing with the weapons still attached. I threw everything onto my bunk then without thinking, undressed and threw my dirty clothes on top. I would have found the equipment after I returned to my quarters for sleep. I would have brought them back to the armoury then, no matter how tired I was. I just forgot I had these weapons. My stomach told me I needed food so that’s where I went. This incident makes me worry about what is going on in my head. I quite simply should not have forgotten something like that. I hope all of you will be able to learn to trust me again.”
I then
started trying to clean the guns again while she watched. By now my hands had stopped shaking so badly so I was able to start my work again. A little later Shasi came over and sat with us as well, watching as I worked.
After watching me fumble with my weapons cleaning for a while, Shasi said, “You did well today Colin. A lot of people here are safe now solely because of your actions today. That includes a lot of the Troopers who were on the planet with us. Your problems will blow over quickly enough, don’t worry too much about it. Just keep your head down and behave for a while, don’t show too much initiative, OK.”
I nodded to her, hoping she was right with her assessment.
I finished my cleaning task just as Olin came into the squad bay. He asked Ani to put the weapons into the locker then asked everyone to give us some privacy. He looked at me for a few minutes while I sat quietly, uncomfortable under his scrutiny. “You know”, he said, “I really don’t know what to make of you Colin. You are a natural leader, Ani and Shasi followed your orders without question when they attacked us down there. The three of you saved us all when you made your way through that building and around the pirate flank. The fact you could do that so quickly and so effectively is what has some people worried. On the one hand, you were gentle and calming towards the surviving colonists, then next thing I know, you are charging headlong into a nest of pirates to defeat them almost single handed.”
I started to say something in reply but he held up his hand before continuing, “Then seeing the way you dealt with the prisoners, made everyone feel like you were in command down there. Do you want my job?”
This time he let me speak. “Olin, I was just reacting down there. I don’t want your job; I have no right to your job just as I have no right to the Captain’s. Honestly, I don’t even think I’m competent to do your job. I don’t think I disobeyed any order you, Ani, or Shasi gave me. I apologize for my behaviour, my intention was never to undermine you or cause trouble, I was just reacting to a developing situation. I only wanted to get us all back here safely as quickly as possible. As for defeating those pirates single handed, Ani and Shasi did most of the work.”
Olin seemed to relax. “I know you’re not really a threat, it’s just your actions were so completely unexpected compared to what you have told us about yourself or for that matter, your behaviour since you’ve been on this ship. None of us quite know what to think about you, or whether you have some other agenda. By the way, the Troopers who took you down to pick up the weapons told me about your suggestion. It was a good one and it certainly relieved a lot of the tension”, he said.
“Thanks” I replied, “I don’t have an agenda, unless just trying to find a way to survive in a society where I don’t know anything, or for that matter, anyone apart from the people I’ve met since coming aboard this ship, and returning home as soon as possible can be construed as one. I promise, everything I’ve told you about myself is one hundred percent true. Quite frankly, I surprised myself down at the colony when I took action. I can’t explain how I did any of it or even why, not really, I just reacted to the developing situation and tried to protect the people around me. Because of my sense of right and wrong I have to do all of that while living under Federation law, which I am currently totally ignorant of.”
Olin looked at me again, nodded, then said, “I have smoothed things over for you with the Captain. He is willing to leave things as they were for the time being. Don’t go doing anything more to give him cause to worry though.”
I replied, “Olin, I can make you a solemn promise right here and now. I will never knowingly do anything to harm this ship, her crew or her passengers unless one of them is putting the rest in danger.”
“Fair enough” he replied as he looked at me, “you look exhausted, you need to go sleep.”
“I know”, I replied, “But before I go I would like to give you something to think about that may help you understand my behaviour.”
“Tell me” he replied.
So I told him, “Please don’t take this as a criticism, it is no more than an observation. At home, the military, particularly the army, puts a lot of effort into having a line of succession built into a military unit. If the commanding officer is killed, isolated from his troops or otherwise unable to exercise command, then there is almost always someone who can step in and keep the troops on track, someone who can make decisions and keep them fighting as a cohesive unit. My observations of your mode of operation, both in the field and by consulting information on the ships database suggests to me that your command structure is highly stratified, much more highly stratified than I have read about at home. It seems to me that if a commander cannot exercise command, your formations would effectively become leaderless. When they become leaderless, they must also become significantly less effective.”
He replied, “I need to think on this, then discuss it with you further. You are right, it is how our officers maintain control over the troops. For now, you need to sleep, you look exhausted. We can debate this later.”
I thanked him before heading to my bunk for sleep. He was right, I was exhausted. As soon as my head hit the pillow I fell into a deep sleep. I hadn’t turned the learning system off when I left for the mission so of course, as soon as I boarded the ship again, it started teaching me where it’d left off when I went down to the planet.
The next morning, I woke feeling reasonably refreshed but with a deep sense of foreboding. I was also very worried about forgetting to return the guns to the armoury the day before. I decided to eat first before going to medical so I could talk to Eri about my forgetfulness. As I entered the mess, I noticed Olin sitting at a table, quietly talking to his sister. I went over to the serving line where I loaded my tray with food. When I turned to find a seat Kari beckoned me over to sit with them. I decided to accept the invitation as I wanted to have a word with Olin about my feelings of foreboding anyway.
Olin rose and excused himself just before I finished eating so I asked if I could see him later. He replied that I had some training to do and he would see me in the squad bay as soon as possible then left.
Kari asked, “What was that about? What is going on?”
I replied, “My actions on the planet yesterday, coupled with a few things I did when I came back on board have made some people nervous.”
“But you saved a lot of lives. How would that make them nervous?”, she asked.
I explained to her how nobody, least of all me, expected me to react the way I did at the settlement when we came under attack. I told her how in this crew’s estimation, I had gone from being a harmless refugee to a potential danger. After I finished my explanation, I told her I needed to go see her brother before excusing myself and rising to leave. She’d heard him tell me to see him as soon as possible so she just nodded as I turned to walk down towards the squad bay. I went directly to the squad bay and as soon as I arrived, Olin guided me into his office. He followed me in then closed the door before sitting behind his desk.
As he settled, I started to lay out my concerns. “I am concerned about yesterday Olin. It almost seemed too easy once Ani, Shasi and I headed up that alley. I think there is more to come.”
Olin studied me for a few minutes before admitting, “I am inclined to agree with you, I have an itch between my shoulder blades. I feel like we are missing something important. Can you identify your concerns in any more detail? I think a good sound argument will be needed before we go to see the Captain.”
“Well, first where was their ship? Why wasn’t it there in orbit when we arrived? Second, if the ship left, why did they leave their ground forces behind? Third, I didn’t see anyone really directing them. They seemed a bit rudderless, the whole thing didn’t seem to fit tactically with the situation. I have already told you I am a bit of a student of military history, my learnings from that study don’t seem to fit in with what I’ve been seeing.” I said.
Olin said to me, “I can see what you mean. We need you to know as much about our sh
ipboard tactics as you can learn. You also need to learn as much about this ship’s layout as you can absorb. I think they are likely to attack us sooner rather than later and we may need everyone who can hold a weapon to defend ourselves. For what it’s worth, I already know you can perform under pressure. I’ve been thinking about your comments on our structure yesterday. I am struggling to see how it can work without creating anarchy and discipline issues but when we have the opportunity, I really would like to talk to you so I can try to understand how to make it work.”
I nodded before replying, “Really, it is about respect and discipline. My observations tell me you already have both those with your team. They already respect you, and by the nature of what they are, they exercise discipline. You hold a rank within the Trooper hierarchy, you need to teach your Troopers respect for your rank. They need to understand they need to respect the rank, and that the rank and the person who hold it are different. You need to train people you trust to take over if something happens to you.”
He looked a little troubled at my comment. At the time, I put it down to worry about what might happen to him if he tried to make these changes. As it turned out, I was wrong, he simply was not understanding how to make it work, not then. I then rose to leave Olin’s office. I turned when I reached the office door to tell Olin I was going to the medical bay for a check-up. I explained to him how I had a number of concerns about the memory lapses I’d been experiencing over the last few days. These included lapses like forgetting to return the weapons I’d been issued when we arrived back on FNS Destiny from our trip to Zafar. Olin nodded as I left his office, quietly closing the door behind me.
I left the squad bay to head directly to Medical. On the way there, I changed the learning parameters in my implant to match Olin’s suggestions. Eri greeted me warmly when I entered and asked me what she could do for me. I explained about the events from the day before, how I seemed to be two people. I also told her about my memory lapses, such as forgetting things I shouldn’t be forgetting. I asked her if the drugs I’d been given could have an impact like that. Eri asked me to climb onto an examination table before she started scanning me. After about an hour of scans and tests she turned to me smiling.
Star Man 1: Star Bourne Page 8
