My breathing came fast in my lungs, but the oxygen felt more liquid than air. I’m scarb. This isn’t a dream. I’m scarb. The truth repeated itself over and over in my mind. I was too afraid of myself to speak, to even move. I’d become my greatest enemy. But inside, I still feel like me.
“Yes, you’re still you, Catherine,” the female scarb said as if she knew my thoughts. Maybe she does, I thought with horror. She had moved directly in front of me. Blue streaks ran through her short black hair, and her purple eyes were slanted by three yellow spikes. I’m like you now. How can this be?
“You are scarb,” she confirmed and stepped closer. She smelled like fresh lemons. She raised her arms, thin bands of cobalt fibers stretching from the skin of her triceps to her ribs. “You have been reborn, Catherine. You can choose a new name for yourself as well. My name is Saki, meaning ‘One Who Laughs Much.’ I can help you choose a name if you like.”
Reborn? It feels more like I’ve been murdered. My life, everything I knew before, is gone. I thought about her suggestion to give myself a new name. I looked back into her quadrisected violet eyes: each lens a slightly darker shade of purple than the first. “I think I’ll stick with ‘Cat,’” I thought back to her.
Saki smiled slyly. “I thought that’s what you would do.”I didn’t like this scarb who thought she knew so much about me already.
Oh, yeah? And did you think I would do this? I swung my barbed fist back and prepared to hit her in the jaw. The barbs were as long as dinner knives. They would make a good weapon. I was fast. Faster than I’d ever been before. But somehow Saki was a fraction of a second faster. She grabbed my arm, twisted it back, and threw me onto the ground. I landed hard on my stomach. She pinned me on my back with the point of her knee.
“Yes, actually I did,” she huffed. “Are we done playing games now? You may be a scarb with The Memory, but I’m a lot stronger and more experienced than you. I can’t help you understand what’s going on until you let me.”
With my face pressed into the ground, all I could do was pant. She held me until my breathing slowed and I returned to a state of somewhat calm. “Would you like me to let you up now?” she asked haughtily.
“Yes,” I finally gave in. She eased off my spine and actually held her hand out to help me up. Tentatively, I took it.
“I’m not going to harm you,” Saki laughed. “You’re one of us now.”
I know, and I can’t stand it. I eyed her skeptically. She was actually pretty nice—considering she was a scarb. “Sorry, I’m just used to one of you trying to kill me every time we meet.”
She twisted one of her neon-blue streaks of hair around a finger. “But you do understand why, now that you’re changed, right?”
I frowned. Is she really asking me if I understand why scarb annihilate humans just because I am one now? I stared blankly back at her. I couldn’t think of a single good reason.
“Do you feel anything? Here?” she said and tapped my chest. I fought back the impulse to smack her arm away.
I tried to understand what she meant. “My heart?” Do I even have a heart anymore? I thought with horror. Or do I have three, now, like some scarb do?
“No,” she answered, her finger still pressed against my sternum. “Do you feel anything? Anything at all?”
“Not really,” I answered.
She pursed her lips. “That’s unusual.” I really had no idea what she was talking about, but I was kind of sick of her questions and mind games. I had some questions of my own.
“Where are the others?” I demanded. “Derrick, Mrs. Weatherstone, my brother, Nathan? I saw them”—I swallowed hard against the horrible memory—“changing, so I can only guess they’re scarb now, too.”
She dropped her finger from my chest. “You will see them at the proper time, but not yet.”
“Why?” I barked.
Her pink lips twisted in a wily grin. “When scarb first undergo the Change, some react more violently than others. We’ve decided it best to keep you separated from each other until you are all stabilized.”
My hands clenched into barbed fists. Nothing would make me feel better than to crush her cute little skull; I’d taken tougher scarb than her before. “What about Ray?” I asked. “Was he here? Did you make him scarb, too?”
“Ray?” She blinked her purple eyes. “I don’t know of any other humans to have made the Change in our colony other than those we selected and captured from the battle.”
That only added to my rage. “You selected us? So you did this to us? You made us scarb?”
Saki sidestepped to the left, as if expecting me to attack at any moment—which I was actually very close to doing. “Not us,” she shook her head and wagged her finger. “Though we did expose you to it, so I guess we are partially responsible.” Is she really being diplomatic?
I narrowed my eye. In doing so, I discovered that the ends of my each of my eyelashes splayed out like dozens of tiny black feathers. “If you didn’t change me, who did?”
Saki headed towards the thick of the bushes. She’s leaving? There was no way I was letting her go without an answer. “Hey!” I tried to yell at her with my voice, but only a garbled hiss came out. Frustrated, I tried again to yell at her with my thoughts. “Answer me!”
She ducked her striped head under a large fan leaf, and when she straightened, she cupped something with her hands. “Come look,” she told me. I stepped toward her. Carefully, she opened her hands. Sitting on her palm was a single red beetle, it’s back solid blood-red and lined with black. I remembered seeing a beetle just like it before, when Nathan and I were getting firewood. It was the one that hadn’t moved after I kicked the log. I felt like being a smart-aleck and asking her why she was showing me a stupid bug. But the longer I looked at that tiny beetle, the more a strange feeling started to overcome me. I felt a growing awe for the insect, and a weird, unexplained desire to … protect it.
Saki’s voice whispered in my mind, “You’re starting to feel it, aren’t you?” I wanted to deny it: wanted to force myself to have nothing to do with her, the little beetle, or any other scarb. But I was feeling it—a gentle warming in my chest, someplace just above my heart. I couldn’t stop it, and part of me didn’t want to. There was a quiet peace there: a sense of purpose and a growing connection to more than just myself. It was a feeling that there was something much larger than just me, larger than this colony, larger than all of the colonies. Something greater and bigger than anything I’d ever comprehended before.
“Yes,” I whispered back to her. “I do feel it, but I still don’t understand it.”What is this connection? What does it mean?
She smiled, flashing the barbs in her mouth. “I’d like to show you more, if you feel ready.”
I was starving to know more. My mind burned to grasp everything about this new life. Including those who had been taken from me. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t deny it: I was scarb now. “I’m ready.”
Chapter Twelve
Yoda Questions
After I told Saki I was ready to learn more about my new life as a scarb, I followed her out of the clearing and into the forest that ran along one end of the dome’s walls. When we got to the web of nets that made up the wall, she pressed her hands against the cords. Long barbs extended from her knuckles, and as they touched the wall the cords trembled and began to part, leaving a gap large enough for us to walk through. So that’s how the scarb were able to get in and out. Am I really getting out of here? I’d only been held prisoner in the dome with the other humans for two days that I was awake for—and nine days before that when I was unconscious somewhere else in the colony—but it felt like much longer. Even though I was now scarb now myself, I was surprised that they would just let me out.
“This way,” Saki said, grinning. She disappeared into the dark exit. I followed, and in less than four steps, we were out of the dome. I blinked in shock. The other side of the wall was nothing like the inside
. Humans had never been inside a scarb colony before, so I never would have been able to imagine what I now saw. Through my double vision, I took in the white tile that lined the floor of the long hallway. The walls were painted in bright greens and blues and had a sort of rounded feeling at the corners. Fluorescent lights buzzed from the ceiling. Several scarb walked down the hall carrying clipboards. One pushed a cart of liquids in glass bottles. Another put the finishing touches on a mural of a beach landscape. The clean crispness of the place reminded me of a hospital or an office building. What a stark contrast to the earthiness of the dome. It was hardly the kind of place I would’ve expected a bunch of underground bugs to live. Before, all I would have imagined would have been earthy tunnels, damp and humid.
Saki stepped into the middle of the hallway and spoke to me as she walked backward. “This is the research wing of our colony. Scientists, like me, work here.”
“Smart scarb? Who would’ve thought?” I thought aloud back to her.
Her ringing laugh filled the hall like a bell. All the other scarb stopped what they were doing to look and smile at her. An exceptionally tall and thin male scarb put his books down on a ledge and came over to us. Instinctively, I took a step back and assumed a fighting stance. He didn’t pay me any attention, though, and kept his focus on Saki.
As I watched, the two antennae protruding from his brown hair twitched back and forth and rubbed themselves together when he appeared to be deep in thought. Then, his yellow irises were on me. He stepped toward me with his long bony legs, reminding me of the grasshoppers that Nathan and I used to catch behind our house. Feeling incredibly self-conscious with his close proximity, I nearly screamed when the antenna on the right side of his head bent down and seemed to sniff me.
When his assessment of me was apparently done, he straightened. “I am One Who Speaks Much,” his bright voice spoke in my head a little too-loudly, making me jump. “But you can call me Jack. Most people do. I was a scientist in the Life-Before, and I am one now.” I flinched as his antennae wrapped around both my shoulders and started feeling along my collar bone. The soft fibers tickled my skin.
“Jack, behave yourself,” Saki’s voice reappeared in my mind with mock-scolding. There was a feeling of endearment between them. “‘Scarb Who Once Was Cat’ is new here.”
I frowned at her. “Scarb Who Once Was Cat”? What’s up with that? “I told you to call me Cat,” I gritted my teeth. “Just Cat. You can leave out the rest.”
She didn’t look so sure. “I thought I’d call you that until you were absolutely sure that’s what you want your name to be. Some change their minds within a few days.”
Jack turned back to Saki, and they appeared to engage in a private conversation. “Hey,” I interrupted loudly. “How are you doing that?”
Saki and Jack turned back to me, both a little startled and Jack a little annoyed. “Do what, dear?” Saki asked.
“Speak to each other without me hearing. ” I demanded.
Jack huffed, like my question was a waste of his time, but Saki was patient. Maybe it was her job to help newbies like me. “Mind-talking is actually really simple,” she explained. “Just like you’ve been doing with me, you direct your thoughts to the person you want to talk to.”
“And learn to shut others out of your thoughts,” Jack added crisply.
“You all can hear my thoughts?” I asked.
“Loud and clear,” Jack replied.
“It takes a little time to learn how to channel your thoughts and to keep others out,” Saki added more softly. “You’ll get used to it, just like the New Sight.”
I clamped my mouth shut, like that might keep the other scarb from hearing my thoughts. Everything about this new life was strange, like a double-flavored candy. Bitter and horrific at times, sweet and astonishing at others. I was already getting used to the New Sight. It was amazing how quickly my mind seemed to adapt to it and process the different layers of vision. The detail and dimension I now saw the world with was really quite beautiful. And then there was the connection I felt, like a ball of energy somewhere in my chest. Without even looking, I could sense the presence of all the scarb in the hall. I even thought I could feel a couple of scarb moving on the other side of the wall. It was weird, but kind of cool.
But I really wasn’t into others being able to read my thoughts.
“You better teach me that thought-blocking stuff fast,” I muttered to Saki, hoping I could block Jack out altogether. But he just stood there, studying me like I was a rare species of bird.
“Is she feeling the connection yet?” he asked Saki as if I wasn’t there.
“Yes, I am,” I answered for myself. “What the heck is it?”
Jack consulted his notebook. “A valid question. Not one that those newly Born typically ask right away.”He looked back at me, squinting. “And you only have two irises, that is…very unusual.”
He was treating me like a high school science project. I gave up on Jack and turned to Saki. “Well, what is the connection?”
She brushed my hair out of my face in an almost motherly gesture. “What do you think it is?”
“Enough with the Yoda questions,” I grumbled.
But she still didn’t give me an answer. “Close your eyes,” she whispered soothingly. “Feel it here.” She tapped my chest, just above my heart.
I did as she said. In the darkness of my eyelids, I tried to concentrate on the connection and nothing else. Again, I was aware of the scarb around me. I could feel their breath, sense the movement of liquid running through their bodies, listen to their thoughts. Then there were scarb on the other side of the wall. I didn’t sense as much detail about them, but I knew they were there. There were more above us, distant and faint but moving, breathing, living. Thousands of them in the colony. And even beyond that, across thousands of miles, tiny dots of scarb presences living in small groups of outcasts or in large bundles of highly-structured colonies. Hundreds of thousands of them. Some felt stronger than others. I took a deep breath and really focused on the web of my consciousness. The connection extended to more than just the colonies here. It went beyond the earth, above the sky, to places far and distant, like the dust of stars. Billions of them. This connection was terrifying and comforting at the same time, like knowing you’re never alone, but at the same time, you can never escape.
Saki’s voice was with me in the darkness. “Yes, you sense them. ” She paused, and I just took in the sensation of feeling all that life. The vastness was alarming, but it was a part of me now. It fit into me just like my fingers fit into my wrist and my legs fit into my hips. “It is the great gift we have been given,” Saki continued. “We are connected throughout all time and space. In this way, we are One.”
I understood what she meant, there was a web that linked all of us, but something about the way she said, “We are ‘One.’” seemed off to me. I opened my eyes again and asked her, “If we are One, why do the colonies fight each other? Why do the queens want to build themselves up over the others?”
There was a sigh to her voice. “It’s what scarb do, what they’ve always done. It’s in our nature to fight with each other, and it will be until one ruler unites us all. That’s the peace we are striving for here at Fiskar.”
“Fiskar?” I repeated.
“It’s the name of our colony,” Jack answered.
“Emerald is our queen,” Saki added excitedly. “Her vision for our colony is truly extraordinary.” She beamed.
“We’ll see,” Jack interjected with more than an ounce of doubt in his voice. “Cat seems to hold on a great deal to the Life That Was.”
While Saki was excited about the idea of me meeting their queen, I was still preoccupied with the connection. “So, I can find any scarb?” I asked, to see if I understood.
“That’s right,” Saki applauded me like I was a school child who was finally catching on. “All you have to do is use your consciousness to find theirs
.”
Without waiting another heartbeat, I closed my eyes. I let the presence of all the scarb around me flood my awareness. The dozen or so closest felt foreign to me, but I continued on, going from one to the next until I found a small pocket of them. The first felt older, battle-hardened and brittle. I knew immediately it was Officer Reynolds. I jumped to the one next to him. She was soft, gentle-spoken and wise. Mrs. Weatherstone, I realized excitedly. Next, was impetuous Gray, logical Travis, and reserved Jorge. I paused as my consciousness went over the strong, independent and bold soul. Derrick. I laughed as his awareness seemed to turn to me as well, like I could almost see his blue eyes on me—if they were still the blue I remembered. But then my attention turned as I became aware of the soul next to him. It was one I knew as well as my own. He was young, bright-minded, and light-hearted. Even with the changes of becoming scarb, I would know him anywhere.
“Nathan!” I shouted. My eyes flashed open, and I was running, my double vision leading me down the hall.
“Cat!” Saki called. She and Jack ran after me.
Without ever having been in the halls of the colony, I knew exactly where to go. I dashed to a narrow hall to the left that split into three directions at the end. Up. I need to go up. I took the middle hallway, which sloped upward, and reached a new level. The hall there was much wider and more spacious. A crystal chandelier glinted overhead, and clear water gurgled from a fountain in the room’s center. The place looked more like a palace than an ant hill. Dozens of scarb walked about the room, but they stopped to watch me as I ran. Many regarded me with sharp eyes and some with jaws open, showing their fibrous mouths.
I didn’t pay any attention to them. I could feel his presence getting stronger. I was close. My feet slid across the marble floor as I turned sharply to the left. I came to a massive wooden door, intricately carved with vines and flowers. I was certain Nathan was just on the other side. I pushed on the handle, and the heavy door swung open. Standing in the bright light of the crystal chandelier was my brother.
SWAB (A Young Adult Dystopian Novel) Page 9
