by Lola St. Vil
“Okay, ask me. Ask me!” I snap.
“Is there any part of you that longs to find out what life is like with Alex?”
“Marcus, don’t…”
“Emmy, is there?”
“I love you, Marcus. I love you so much.”
“Is there anything in you that wonders about what life would be like with a human?”
“Why are you doing this to me?” I shout at him as I walk away.
He doesn’t let up. He follows me and forces me to look into his eyes.
“I know you love me. Baby, I know that, but if you need to see what life is like with someone of your kind, it’s understandable. It’s natural.”
“You’re just saying that because you want to push me away.”
“I could be wrong. Maybe I don’t see what I think I see when you look at Alex. Maybe I’m wrong and the kiss you had with him was just a stupid kiss. If I’m wrong about this, if you don’t long to seek out other humans, then I will get down on my knees and thank Omnis because that means I will finally have the one I love in my arms, forever,” he pleads desperately.
He looks out at me as if I hold his entire life’s happiness within me. He takes my hands and kisses them passionately.
“Emmy, if you don’t say anything then I know I’m wrong; you don’t long for a human,” Marcus says.
He waits for me and I am silent.
“Oh thank Omnis, baby. I’m so happy. I just wanted to make sure because you will never get these years back. But your silence tells me, you are sure. And that’s all I need baby. That’s all I need,” he says as he holds out his hand and waits for me take it.
I don’t reach out and connect with Marcus. I want to, I really want to, but then I flash back to the moment I had with Alex at the Fair. It’s not that I love Alex and want to be with him, it’s that Alex can give me something Marcus can’t; normal. Alex can give me a normal life.
“Emmy, take my hand,” he calls out.
Worry creeps into his eyes and tears fill mine.
“I love you, Marcus,” I reply as my voice trembles.
“But you wonder about a human relationship. You wonder if you’re not missing out?” Marcus asks, already knowing the answer.
I run over to him and bury myself in his chest.
“Please tell me how to get rid of these feelings and I will,” I cry.
“I don’t think these feelings are going to go away,” he replies, filled with pain.
“No, there has to be a way. There has to be a vial or something.”
“Emmy, there isn’t anything we can do about this.”
“No! I love you, damn it. I have wanted you since I first saw you. You’re my life. Marcus, you’re my life.”
“And you’re mine.”
“Then why, why can’t this work? Why can’t we ever make this work?” I sob loudly.
“Every Guardian got a chance to live as much of their lives as they could. You should too.”
“I have to find a way to make this feeling go away. It doesn’t make sense. How can I love you so much and wonder about other guys? Maybe it’s a poison or a virus," I pled.
I take out the book Tony-Tone gave me to see if I can find a cure for what’s taken over me. I frantically leaf through it. Marcus comes over to me and closes the book.
“What you’re feeling is not the effects of a virus or a poison. You, Emerson Hope Baxter, are a human being; it’s normal to feel this way. You deserve to have options.”
“Marcus, no—”
“—Emmy, you’re only seventeen and it’s human to want to connect with other humans. Alex was right; you deserve to know what’s out there.”
“You’re all I’ve ever wanted, Marcus. You’re my everything.”
“That may be, but you kissed Alex because you’re seeking something out; something I can’t give you. I will never be human. I will never eat. I will never have a heartbeat. And I will never fill that void in you. I don’t want to deny you your human life. I couldn’t handle you resenting me one day,” he says.
He sits in the chair near the window and puts his head in his hands. He looks crestfallen and exhausted. I go over to him and kneel between his knees.
“I can fight these feelings. They’ll go away. Just give me some time and I’ll figure out how to make them go away,” I promise.
“No Emmy, they won’t. Not until you go out and have these experiences for yourself.”
“Marcus, you’ve saved my life over and over again. How do I repay you? By walking out on you so I can be with a human? Who does that? I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry baby.”
“Come here,” he says reaching out for me.
He takes me and sits me on his lap.
“I’m a horrible person, Marcus. I’m an awful, awful person.” I reply as I hold on tightly to him.
“No baby, you’re not. You’re an angel. You are. It’s been an honor to love you.”
“This isn’t happening. We can’t end things. We’ve broken up before and we always get back together. We’ll get back together.” I insist.
But even as I say it, I know it’s not true. This time is different. It doesn’t feel like the other times. I tell Marcus that and he replies with a weak and broken voice.
“This time it’s different because we’re both going to let go. I’m not mad at you for the way you feel because I know you can’t help it. And you’re not mad at me because you know letting you go is hardest thing I’ve ever done.”
“You’re really breaking up with me?” I ask him.
“I told you I would hold onto you until you ask to be let go. I know it’s hard to say it out loud baby, but I need to hear it. I need to hear you say you want me to let you go.”
I shake my head “No” and bury myself further into his chest.
“I need to hear it; otherwise I’ll never get the courage to let you go. Please Emmy, tell me to let you go.”
“If I admit I need you to let go, are you going away right now? Will you leave me right now?” I ask, dreading the answer.
“I’ll hold on long after you say it, promise, but I need you to say it.”
“Marcus…let me go.”
Suddenly he bursts into tears. Shocked, I look into his face and blue tears roll from his eyes. Marcus has pulled all the blue from the sky like I did in the past, but he somehow pulled it right into his eyes.
My Angel is crying...
That’s when I realize it really is different this time. This time, we don’t storm off and blame each other. This time, we don’t break up; we pull apart. This time, the separation is mutual.
CHAPTER THIRTY:
LAST DAY ON EARTH
Marcus stayed true to his word. He held me and didn’t let go even though it was over. For two days, we held on silently to each other. We called the team to update them and that was the last time we talked to the outside world. That was the last time we had spoken period.
We just lie in each other’s arms, as the memories swirl around us. Some of them are quick flashes, like a snapshot of him stealing glances at me. Other memories are more elaborate and cause more sorrow.
Like the time I was dying and he took me Daraquin, the city of Paras. It looked like nomatter what the Healers did, I couldn’t be saved. So I made Marcus take me to into theWhite Forest. There, among the striking white weeping willow trees, we sat on the edgeof the cliff and I waited for death.
“Emmy, how do I live in a world you’re not in?”
I know he’s lost in thought about us like I am because his eyes will flash concern and worry. I’m certain he’s flashing back to the time he feared for my life. He doesn’t say a word, but he does pull me in even closer.
In the past two days, I’ve cried more than I thought any human could. I’ve gone over the conversation in my head millions of times. I keep looking for a way to change the ending of this story, but the fact remains, Marcus is right. As much as I love him, and Omnis knows I love him, I do want to know what’s out the
re. I do want to seek out a human connection.
It still baffles me that I could love someone so much and still long for new experiences.
But in the end, I don’t have to understand it in order for it to be true. Marcus is sacrificing his happiness, so I can find whatever it is I’m looking for.
So, what am I looking for? Alex?
Dear Omnis, I can’t even think about Alex right now; or any guy. I am officially on empty. I’m drained and exhausted. I want to stay in the First Guardian’s arms until the world ends, but I can’t do that. We both know that now. And the worst part of all this, is how badly I hurt him without really meaning to.
I made myself promise that after the sun rises, I was going to get up and try to get back to the real world. I’ve learned many things, since going on missions with the team: the most important one is to get up; no matter what is happening, no matter how intense the pain.
You have to get back up.
I allowed myself days to weep, and sink into the deepest darkest part of myself, but now it’s time to get up. That’s also the only way he’ll get up. And as much as all of this hurts, there are also a few happy tears. I love a guy who loves me so much, he puts me first.
Marcus Cane finally put me first.
I look at him; his eyes are closed. He’s Recharging all the while holding me. I try to slip out of his embrace without waking him. The second I stir, he pops his eyes open.
“Hey.” I whisper softly.
“Hey.”
“I should probably take a shower.” I reply looking into his worn eyes.
“Yeah, I should call the team and make sure everything is okay.”
“Good idea.” I say, as I head towards the door.
I turn around at the last moment and face him.
“Are you gonna be here when I’m done in the shower?” I ask.
“No…”
“Yeah, there’s stuff to do and you should go…I guess.”
He nods quietly and starts to get ready to go.
“Marcus?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you...”
“For what?” he asks.
Saving my life, over and over again. Placing your mission in danger, to love me. Holdingmy hand for weeks when my mom died. Showing me how to love and make love. Forbeing gentle, when you could have been harsh…
“For covering me up last night. I was cold,” I lie.
“You’re welcome.”
“I’ll um…I’ll get on a Port and rejoin the team later. Bye.” I mutter quickly, as I flee from the room.
I had to; my eyes were filling up with tears once again. I hurriedly pull my clothes off and jump into the shower. Once the hot water springs to life, I sob underneath it. It’s easier that way. I know when I step out he will be gone. So I stay under the water until it starts to run cold. Finally, I step out, dry off, and slip on the long tee shirt that’s hanging on the back of the door.
I look into the mirror and the purple in my eyes has turned a deep “eggplant” shade. That happens when I’m upset. My ink colored hair is wet and messy. I pull it away from my face. I remember the last time I actually looked at myself in the mirror. I mean really looked at myself. It was the morning I would first meet the Guardians. I was bemoaning my unexciting life. I longed to have enough courage to cut class and hang out with Sara.
I look at my reflection and speak out loud to myself.
“Okay Emmy. You can do this. You can walk out of this bathroom and just start anew. That’s what you and Marcus sacrificed your relationship for. So, open the door and go live your life,” I order myself.
I open the bathroom door and thinking some TV would help, I head to the living room.
That’s when I see Marcus; he’s trapped inside a Holder. Then I hear a voice call out from across the room.
“Hello, Emmy. So nice of you to join us,” she says.
Horrified, I turn expecting to see Bianca. But I was wrong.
“Rahell…”
The Taker looks back at me with hatred and frenzy in her eyes. Her voice is thin with wrath and hysteria. She looks nothing like the tranquil, elegant Para we have all come to know. She summons up a power ball and warns me that if I make any move to free Marcus, she will kill me. She then orders me to walk over to her. I do so carefully.
“Rahell, don’t do this!” Marcus shouts as he bangs against the Holder.
Last time he was able to break out of the Holder, but that was only when he was under the influence of CP. This time as hard as he hits it, there is no getting out.
I walk over to Rahell; an orb appears just above my head the size of orange. She signals to it and it uncoils itself and wraps around me like a snake. It wraps itself around me repeatedly, until, I fall over, hitting my head on the floor. Blood immediately bursts out of my cheek and forehead, where I was previously wounded. Marcus frantically calls out my name. I want to ensure him that I’m all right, but the room starts to grow dark.
“No human, we need you awake for this.” Rahell says, as she kneels down beside me and slaps me repeatedly to wake me up.
She stands above me and takes out a nightstick-like chrome weapon, with spikes on the end of it. She proudly shows it to me.
“I was going to kill you with a power ball, but that doesn’t seem as dramatic a death as the one my sister faced. So I decided to go with this. Do you know what this is?” she asks me.
I have no idea what the spiked weapon is, but Marcus does, because upon seeing it, he goes into complete hysterics.
“NO, I'LL KILL YOU. I SWEAR I WILL!” Marcus vows.
Rahell pays no attention to him and continues to educate me as I bleed on the floor.
“This is an Exton. It’s the only weapon in our world that is forbidden by both good and evil. Do you know why?”
“Rahell, please…” I beg.
Marcus can be heard in the background pounding away at the Holder and threatening to kill Rahell if she so much as touches me. Rahell, now very far from sanity, keeps talking almost as if we never interrupted her.
“The Exton is forbidden by good because the spikes are laced with Sive,” she says.
Alarm springs to my eyes and my body tenses. I flash back to the Sive that infected Marcus and the agony he went through when I had to pull the parasite out of him.
“I can tell by the sudden terror in your face you remember what a Sive is. Good girl. Now a Sive sounds like the perfect weapon for darkness, right? So, why did Lucy ban the Exton, when its tip is laced with Sive? Too many Demons were killing each other with it. Normally, Demons get into fights and harm each other, but they live to fight another day. But with the Exton, there were no more days.”
“You see, the Exton has a concentrated amount of Sive that dwell on the tip. So, death is instant. No long dramatic speeches, No last minute Healer concoction, or human rescue. The Exton ensures a brutal, quick and very permanent death.”
“Rahell, I know you’re upset about Arden’s death and I’m so sorry,” I reply, trying to ignore the throbbing in my skull.
“Yes Emmy, I was upset, but then I realized I didn’t have to be. All I have to do is make sure Marcus understands the consequences of his actions or inactions. ”
“I do understand Rahell, I do, but this is not the way to deal with it. Emmy’s not the one you’re angry with, please let her go.” Marcus pleads.
“No, I can’t do that,” she replies.
“I know what you’re feeling Rahell, I do. I wanted revenge on Bianca and that desire made me cruel, childish and petty. And what’s worse, it didn’t help take any of my pain away. Please, listen to me,” I caution her.
“I’m sorry you are caught up in this Emmy, but this is the way it has to go,” Rahell says politely.
“You’re a Para, Rahell. You can’t do this. You know you can’t,” Marcus protests.
“What I am, Marcus, is an only child thanks to you,” she reminds him.
“Then take me; kill me,” he offers.
“No, don’t listen to him,” I beg from the floor.
“That was my original plan, but death is easy. What’s hard is the absence of love. I can no longer feel my sister’s love. And now, you will no longer feel Emmy’s love,” Rahell vows.
“We broke up!” Marcus shouts.
“It’s true, we did,” I add.
“So, what is that like, the four hundredth time?” she laughs.
“You don’t have to take her life because she’s no longer in my heart, Rahell. Your plan is to hurt someone I love. I don’t love Emmy,” Marcus says desperately.
“You don’t actually believe that, do you?” Rahell asks me.
“It’s true. I’m with Alex,” I lie.
“Wow, poor Alex. Nothing can survive the whirlwind of Marcus and Emmy, but
Marcus and Emmy,” Rahell says.
“We are not together anymore!” Marcus swears.
“Well then, this should hurt a bit,” she says.
I look up from the floor and watch in complete terror, as Rahell raises the Exton high above her head and prepares to bludgeon me to death. I close my eyes and say a prayer.
Thank you, Omnis, for letting my last day on earth be spent in his arms…
Suddenly, the entire room explodes in a sea of flames and debris. I open my eyes and the door has been blown wide open by a massive fireball. The scene plays out slowly before me. Rage’s fireball causes Rahell to drop the Exton and tumble to the ground.
Rahell is quick to react. She summons up a large potent power ball and growls as she heaves it at Rage. He takes cover behind what’s left of the sofa; the ball misses him, by mere inches. Rahell goes closer towards the sofa to ambush Rage, but while she’s shooting at the spot she thinks he is, he’s actually on the opposite side crawling on the floor, headed straight for her.
She sees him and realizes her mistake, but by then it’s too late. Rage summons up a fireball and throws it at her feet. It’s not enough to kill her, but it is enough to send her flying backwards through the air and down onto the ground.
